Chapter 41
41
Caleb couldn’t help but say yes to Eddie. He always had been persuasive and he liked him a lot – it was just he could only manage him in small doses. A night away from Solace, relaxing with a beer somewhere other than Spirit or Serenity, was appealing. His only worry was how Belle felt about it.
He caught her eye and she shrugged an okay, a hint of a smile on her lips. They’d sat apart the whole time they’d been here and yet Eddie had sensed something – enough to question the sleeping arrangements.
Diego’s warning about the risk of shutting out Belle and hurting her had come true on the drive over and he was furious with himself for not handling the situation better. At least here Eddie’s upbeat personality had won her over and La Retirada had obviously charmed her. Serene in white, she looked far more relaxed than when they’d arrived flustered and pissed off with each other. The evening sun slanting through the leaves made her hair shine golden, her lightly tanned skin glow and her freckles more pronounced.
God, was she beautiful.
Caleb was glad of Eddie’s boisterous company. With the sun going down, he showed them to their rooms in the finca before lighting the barbecue on the poolside terrace. What had taken him by surprise was Eddie being at La Retirada on his own when he was usually never short of company. He’d been married and divorced three times and had four grown-up kids. He had a lifestyle most people craved and his other hotel in San Antonio was vastly different, as glitzy and glamorous as La Retirada was traditional and sophisticated. Caleb couldn’t help but think that despite the multitude of women who hung out with him in San Antonio, the friends who visited, the guests he entertained and befriended and the party lifestyle he had, he was incredibly lonely, and this was accentuated by him being at La Retirada on his own. It shone a light on Caleb’s own lifestyle, although his loneliness had been through death rather than divorce.
When they’d talked earlier, Eddie had said he was moving in a different direction with the retreat, focusing on health and wellbeing, a place where groups of friends could congregate to escape the hectic pace of life. Eddie was incredibly successful and had supported Caleb’s own dreams over the years but his worry about partnering on the restaurant had been how different their tastes were. Then he’d set eyes on La Retirada with its sympathetic restoration, and restraint when it came to the colour and décor. Eddie meeting them alone instead of Eddie plus an entourage had been refreshing and made Caleb realise how much he must want the partnership.
He was still damn good company though, with many stories to tell that beggared belief and left Belle wide-eyed and occasionally blushing, as they feasted on homemade beef burgers and chargrilled aubergine. Having lived on Ibiza for decades, Eddie had seen and done it all. He entertained them with his effortless storytelling and charm, and the tension that had wound between Caleb and Belle on the journey over slowly unravelled over the course of the evening with wine and beer, good food and company.
It was Eddie who uncharacteristically instigated the end of the night with a gruff laugh. ‘I need to take my blood pressure meds. Oh the joys of getting old, so you kids enjoy yourselves while you’re still bloody young. If you need me, I’ll be in the room across the other side of the courtyard. The house is yours so treat it like your own.’
Eddie’s wink was just for Caleb, because Eddie had known him since well before he’d met Paloma and had been as much a mentor in women and partying as he’d been in business and building a life on the island.
Caleb’s heart dropped when moments after Eddie had hugged them both good night, Belle stood up.
‘Sleep sounds like a good idea.’ The look she cast him was neutral although her tone was tinged with sadness, or perhaps he was projecting his own sorrow, imagining that was how she was feeling. He felt helpless about how to make things right between them.
They said goodnight without a hug or a kiss and the distance between them couldn’t have been more apparent. Caleb remained out on the terrace for a little while longer, his loneliness acute in the stillness of the Ibizan countryside with only the sound of cicadas for company, the night time heat away from the coast as heavy as his thoughts. Eventually he headed to bed alone.
Belle woke with a start, her heart pounding, her palms sweaty, her legs tangled in the bedsheet. Fragments of a nightmare remained, distorted like an image in a broken mirror. She lay still, trying to regulate her breathing. The silence was somehow unnerving, no voices or traffic, not even the distant sound of the sea like at Spirit. Caleb’s room was just on the other side of the living room, but the distance between them seemed to be widening.
Too many thoughts clashed. The night was oppressive, her skin slicked with sweat, her heart still racing. She threw off the sheet and paced from the room, needing to shake away the tormenting images. The stone tiles in the living room were wonderfully cool and there was enough moonlight slipping through the window to make out a shadowy figure…
‘Holy shit!’ Belle pressed her hand to her chest.
‘It’s only me.’ Caleb stopped short. ‘I thought I heard you scream.’
‘I had a nightmare. Sorry if I woke you.’
In the silvery light she could make out a dark outline of ridged chest muscles and strong thighs.
‘I wanted to check you were okay.’
‘Yes, I don’t fully remember it once I’m wake,’ she said, her heart now racing for a completely different reason. ‘It’s just the feeling it leaves me with. Panicked.’ Not that she was feeling like that any longer; coming face to face with Caleb in the middle of the night in just his pants had dispersed the nightmare like smoke on a breeze.
There was also zero chance of mistaking how she felt right now for anything other than desire and she was wholeheartedly regretting what she’d said to him on the drive over. Even if he had feelings for her, she imagined they would be torturous and confusing. It was no wonder he’d tried to distance himself. Instead of getting angry with him, she should have been tolerant and understanding and as forgiving as a friend. Right now, hot desire coursed through her, but this time she was going to be patient. If he wanted something more, he needed to make the first move.
Caleb knew he was lost. In the dim light he was able to make out Belle’s golden hair loose around her shoulders, her slender curves encased in just knickers and a thin white vest top that showed off absolutely everything. Despite the lust he felt, he had an overwhelming desire to scoop her into his arms, take her to his bed and just hold her, to soothe her to sleep and fend off those nightmares.
It was the pool all over again, except he wasn’t going to run away this time. Ignoring her and pretending he didn’t have feelings would only hurt them both. The truth was, the more time he spent with her the surer in his heart he was of what he wanted. Just because he was scared to open up to someone again, emotionally, mentally and physically, didn’t mean he shouldn’t.
‘Would it help if you weren’t alone?’
She looked at him wide-eyed as if trying to make sense of his meaning, the distance between them out of kilter with his suggestion.
‘We can just sleep.’ He reached out his hand and held his breath as she studied him, her face a myriad of emotions. It felt as if an infinite amount of time passed before she closed the distance between them and took hold of it.
In a daze, he led her to his bedroom and pulled back the sheet. She paused before lying down with her hand tucked beneath a pillow, the curve of her hip silhouetted and her blonde hair pooling around her shoulders. Perhaps she understood that he needed her company as much as she needed his.
He slid onto the bed next to her, tentatively scooching closer so he could slide his arm around her waist. She smelt of honey and felt warm and wonderful.
There was no way Caleb could spoon her and there be zero attraction. He tried to subtly shift his groin away from the curve of her bottom, determined to get through the night without acting on his desire because his intention had purely been to help erase Belle’s worries and fall asleep together.
The rise and fall of her chest synced with his, yet her breathing was short and sharp. Was she nervous? Unable to relax? Aroused? That thought was ridiculously appealing. His mind was spiralling from falling asleep together to what it would be like to press his lips against the curve of her neck, to really kiss her, or to explore her body the way he’d been fantasising… He reminded himself again that he’d invited her to bed for comfort and to sleep. That was all.
Caleb was just about winning the battle in his head when Belle took his hand and placed it on her breast. His breath stilled and his heart pounded.
‘It’s okay,’ she whispered.
His hand cupped her perfectly, her nipple through the thin material hard. He buried his face in her hair and while his hand stroked, Belle responded by pushing back against him. She’d given him permission to touch and he couldn’t stop, not now. And that soft moan when he dipped his hand beneath her top and felt the smooth warmth of her bare skin set his insides on fire.
She rolled over to face him and his heart flipped, the same as it had earlier beneath the fig tree when he’d noticed just how beautiful she was. There was vulnerability, but no uncertainty as he traced his fingers through her hair and down the side of her face to her lips. He kissed her deeply and passionately. They held each other and time became meaningless as they were lost in kisses. He revelled in the feel of her fingers gripping his shoulders, pulling him closer, as if she too couldn’t get enough.
It was like a switch had flicked, with neither of them able to hold back any longer. In the night-time shadows, Belle’s skin was pale, the curves and dips of her body deliciously enticing as he stripped away what little she was wearing, while her eager fingers made light work of his pants. Her lips were soft on his, the feathery caress of her fingers echoing his own as they touched and explored each other.
As he flipped her onto her back and manoeuvred between her legs, she caught his face in her hands and looked at him intently. ‘This can be just sex if that’s all you want.’
He circled his fingers up the inside of her smooth thigh and felt her back arch as he stopped short of where he knew she wanted him to be. ‘This is about more than just sex. It’s about me wanting to be with you in all senses of the word.’
Because at that moment she was everything: flesh and blood and all the good things in life. She was real and here and he was happy.
‘But sex is a good place to start,’ Belle whispered as he kissed her again deeply and sensually, his tongue toying with hers while his fingers travelled the short distance from where they’d been hovering to the place where she could no longer think straight.
Caleb laughed as he dipped his head, his hot breath teasing across her collarbone to her breasts.
The rational part of her brain that had been firing off all sorts of worries left the building as her body took over and a burning heat rushed everywhere as they finally got to enjoy each other in the best possible way.
Afterwards they lay together in the dark with Caleb’s arms around her. Belle snuggled back, the warmth of him against her bare skin delicious in the cool of the air-conditioned bedroom. She slid her hands over his arms and pulled him even closer. She’d never felt this way with anyone, so comfortable yet turned on, so satisfied yet craving more, craving him. They’d taken a chance and had been open and honest with each other and that meant everything, because he made her heart sing.
And then a juddering thought steamrolled in.
‘This wasn’t the first time since…’ Belle shuffled round and looked at him aghast. ‘Was it?’
Caleb shook his head and brushed a kiss on her cheek. ‘No. I’ve had sex a few times, but that was all it was. No emotional connection, only guilt.’
‘Do you feel guilty now?’ Belle asked tentatively.
Caleb shifted down so they were facing each other on the feather-soft pillows as he held her gaze. ‘No, not guilty, just loved.’