Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
“Itold you I did not want you to see him!” Violet exclaimed at Rose. “I told you specifically!”
“And I heard you,” Rose said, unconcerned by her sister’s tirade. “But I did it anyway.”
Violet looked with bewilderment at Rose. “Why? What possible reason did you have?”
“I wished to see how he was handling your departure,” Rose said with a shrug. “And before you say that you do not care, please do me the courtesy of not lying to my face. I know that you wish for details, so the sooner that you admit as much, the sooner I can give them to you.”
Violet had woken that morning in as foul a mood as she could ever remember.
It was different to how she used to feel on the days when everything seemed to be stacked against her.
When their father had passed on, when the bills started to arrive, and when Violet became desperate to find a way to keep her and Rose’s heads above water…
it had been hard, it had been stressful, but it was a far cry from the feelings that found her on that first morning.
In those days, she was angry, depressed, but also determined. As hard as things had been, she had always put on a brave face because she needed to believe that she would find a way through.
Today, however, it just wasn’t the same.
She woke to a feeling in her stomach as if her insides were being torn apart. She was not tired, but she had no energy in her body. It was all she could do to drag herself from bed, and even that took hours because she had nowhere to be, nothing to do, and no purpose.
Did I make a mistake? Ought I to return and apologize? Should I just admit I was wrong?
She worried about Lucy, and that was expected. Oh, how she hated to think about the little girl and what she surely felt to find Violet missing. That was hard to bear, and Violet writhed with agony as emotions flooded her that were crippling.
Worse still, she could not stop thinking about Rhys.
Despite everything, Violet did not hate Rhys.
What was more, she knew that he did not hate her.
His rejection of her was done for personal reasons.
That misguided belief that he had no choice, and it was for the best. And as stubborn as he was, she was certain that, when he woke to find her gone, it would break him. Even if he would never admit it.
So, when she learned that Rose was nowhere to be found, it took little deducing to figure out the reason.
And then when Rose returned shortly before mid-morning, Violet swept from the house to confront her. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to accuse and shout and berate. But in the end, what she really wanted was answers.
“I…” The fight left Violet as Rose looked stubbornly at her. “How is he?” she asked weakly.
Rose’s smile was slight but satisfied. “He is as stubborn as you might imagine. He was determined to make it known that he was not upset that you left, as if saying the words would make it true.”
“Really?” Violet felt a pang in her chest.
“He was lying, Violet,” Rose sighed. “Anyone with eyes and ears could see that. I told him to his face that you do not hate him—”
“What?”
“Well, do you?” Rose demanded with a raised eyebrow. “Ought I to have lied to him as well?”
“ —” Violet wanted to say that she did not care about Rhys, at least not in the way that Rose implied, but the words died on her tongue. “Hate is a strong word, Rose. Of course I do not hate him.”
“Nor do you resent him,” Rose continued. “I made it clear to him that what you did was not personal, but that it was done for Lucy’s sake. What was more, I might have suggested in a way that such things could be fixed if he wanted them to be.”
Violet winced. “I did not ask you to do that.”
“But I did it anyway.”
It was too much effort to feign anger at Rose. While Violet wanted Rhys to come to such decisions on his own accord, if he needed a push, would that be so bad?
To have simply expelled all thoughts of Rhys and the feelings that Violet had for the man would have been for the best, but things were not that simple. As said, Violet did not want to leave, and did she think that returning would make a difference, then she would do it.
But for that to be the case, Rhys must want it.
“And?” she pressed, doing her best to sound as if she did not care either way. “What did he say?”
Rose sighed and her shoulders dropped. “He insisted that his only concern was for Lucy. If you do return, it would not be for him, but for her.”
It was the answer that Violet expected, but that did not stop it from hurting.
“And how is Lucy?” Violet asked, needing to pivot from speaking about Rhys. “You saw her?”
“I did.” Rose brightened, and her eyes shone with love.
“And…”
“What do you think? She is upset—too young to understand what is going on; she thinks that it is her fault.”
Violet’s heart broke. This was always going to be hard, but to know that Lucy was hurting… maybe I was wrong? Am I being selfish?
“Did you tell her why?”
“Of course I did,” Rose said. “Or I told her what I could. In truth, I hardly understand it myself. But I made her see that this was not her fault, and I promised her that you would visit soon.” Rose raised an eyebrow at Violet. “You will visit her soon, won’t you?”
“I…” Violet winced. “Soon, yes. But not right away.”
“Violet…”
“It has to be this way,” Violet said, but without as much assurance as she would have liked.
“If I visit too soon, it will only confuse things. Rhys and Lucy need to be given a chance to get to know one another without me there. That is the entire point of this. Only then might they stand a chance of developing a true bond.”
“But why must it be that way? Why can it not be all three of you?”
“It has to be this way.” Violet looked away, overtaken by shame. “It is hard now, but this is for the best. I know it is.”
Violet had felt awful when she woke up that morning; questions and doubt flooding her because she struggled to come to terms with what she had done, and if it was right. And now that she had spoken to Rose, she felt much the same. If anything, she felt even more unsure.
“Have you eaten yet?” she asked Rose, wanting to change the topic. “Of course you have not. Come on…” She took Rose by the hand and led her inside.
As had been part of the agreement when she married Rhys, he had paid off the loans for her family’s home, meaning that when she and Rose arrived last night, it sat there waiting for them. Empty, alien feeling, but it was the same building.
It should not have felt that way.
For so many years, Violet had worked to keep possession of their home, and always she would picture how she might feel when that day finally came. It would be vindication, pride, and relief at knowing that her and her sister’s lives were finally their own.
But the house felt wrong now. It felt unearned. Walking through its empty rooms and halls, Violet felt like a stranger and as if she did not belong. She did not know why that was, only that coming home brought with it a sense that she had missed something.
“As you were out all morning, I took the liberty of going shopping,” Violet explained as she led Rose into the kitchen. “But as we have no staff, I ask for patience.”
Rose laughed as she sat down at the kitchen table. “It is much like old times, is it not?”
Violet winced because such a comment could not have been further from the truth. “It is,” she lied.
As Violet got to work making their breakfast, little was said. But always, she felt Rose’s eyes on the back of her head, the judgment that her sister was feeling. Not anger, of course. Nor was it frustration. It was more that Rose did not understand, and she hated what it was doing to her sister.
“I do have a question,” Rose asked after some time. “Although you are not going to be happy about it.”
Violet stood over the countertop as she whipped a bowl of eggs, and she was sure not to look at Rose. “Ask away.”
“When I was at your old home earlier, I got the distinct impression that it is going to take some time for His Grace and Lucy to find comfort with one another. Lucy, obviously, is upset and will not make things easy. While His Grace…” She sighed.
“It might be nice to assume that he will try his hardest, but he is just as likely to do the opposite.”
Violet focused on whipping the eggs; she did so with a little too much force, taking her anger out on the yolks. “I thought you said that you had a question?”
Rose exhaled sharply from her nose. “Why not tell Rhys the truth? Concerning Lucy and who she is?”
Violet stopped her mixing. She stared into the whipped yolks for some time, her thoughts feeling even more chaotic than the mess left in that bowl.
“Violet?”
“I want to, Rose,” she sighed. “I truly do but…” She then looked up so that Rose might see the pleading look on her face. “And I will. I plan on it. But not yet.”
“And the reason?”
“When I first met Rhys, he spoke of raising a child as if it was a business deal. He used words like protection and security, seeming to believe that having a large home and endless wealth was all that one needed to show someone love and affection. I do not even think he considered love and affection as part of the deal.” She chuckled at the memory and shook her head.
“I truly believe that he wants what is best for Lucy. I would not have done this if I thought otherwise. But until he understands what that means, I think it is best if the truth is kept from him.”
“That makes no sense.”
“It makes perfect sense,” Violet said, her voice cracking with pain.
“If I tell him the truth about Lucy, he will see it as his duty to care for her. He will see her as an obligation, as if looking after her will absolve the sins of his sister. It will be a formality, not done out of love or because…” Her voice cracked again.
“Or because he wants to do the right thing. I believe that if I tell him the truth, it will only hurt their chances of growing close.”
“And if you are wrong?” Rose pressed. “What if it makes no difference and Rhys abandons Lucy? Then what?”
“Then I was wrong about him,” Violet said. “Then he is not the man who I know that he can be.”
“That feels like an awfully big risk to take.”
To Rose, it might have sounded that way. And it certainly looked as if Violet was gambling with Lucy’s future, as well as Rhys’. But Violet had to believe that she was right about him.
Rhys has the potential to love freely, to care openly, and to do the right thing not because he thought that he should, but because he wanted to do it. He needed to learn to love and protect Lucy because he was her father, and because she needed him, not because it might make up for past mistakes.
He can be that man. I know that he can…
“I will tell him when he is ready,” Violet said as she started to whip the eggs again. “And please, Rose, trust me on this. Lucy is who I care about more than anything, and if you care for her too, you will keep silent.”
“You know I will,” Rose said. “I just pray you know what you are doing.”
“I do too.”