25. Selena
Selena
It’s been a week since I received the news that I’m having twins, and it’s still as much of a shock now as it was then.
Fuck, how do I even tell them? I don’t even know which one is the father.
I’ve researched everything I could on DNA and twins.
How to determine paternity between brothers.
It’s consumed me. Not to mention, one of my new stepbrothers has stopped by every morning, all with a bear claw and a decaf coffee.
I didn’t answer the door every time, staying true to my resolve of checking out the peephole before opening. The times I don’t answer, they leave the coffee and pastry at my door. But those men have a knack for catching me when I’m distracted, so I’ve answered more times than not.
Each professed an apology, reminding me I only heard part of the conversation. They only said what they had because of the new knowledge of our parents being married. Something they didn’t want to ruin for their father. Zeke, the first one I met, was the one who finally had me caving.
“Selena, it was torture for me. Seeing you there, right in front of me, knowing that I couldn’t be with you broke me.
I fell for you that night. When we woke I was fully expecting to get your number, take you out on a real date, and build a relationship.
But you were gone. No note, nothing. I thought I had lost you.
When we came back here, I went to that fucking bar every chance I could in hopes you’d be there.
But you weren’t. All I wanted was for my dad to be back from his honeymoon so I could find out where you lived. ”
The pained look in his eyes as he spoke.
Each word was full of warmth and longing, and I knew he genuinely meant them.
I get they didn’t want to ruin their father’s happiness, but it still doesn’t help my situation.
It doesn’t lessen the pain of what they said.
I feel so selfish. My best friend in the whole world is pretending to be my boyfriend and father to my children.
Not to mention, I’m keeping the babies a secret from their actual father or possibly fathers.
What do I do when the babies get older? Do I tell them the truth? What will they think of me?
Am I making matters worse by being dishonest? At this point, I don’t know if it’s just the morning sickness that makes me feel like I’m dying or if it’s the guilt eating away at me.
I can’t eat or drink. Everything I take into my body makes a violent exit. I’ve contemplated moving my bedroom to the bathroom, since I seem to be in there more. But the thought of sleeping in there makes my stomach churn.
My next appointment is in two weeks. I’ll officially be twelve weeks. Three months of two little life forms growing inside me. I’m praying that once I pass the first trimester that the morning sickness will vanish because if this continues, I think I’m going to die.
My phone vibrates on the couch, and I lift the blanket to search for it. I made it here after I woke up this morning. I attempted to work on some of my accounts but gave up about thirty minutes ago.
Picking it up, I see it’s a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hey Selena. It’s Eli. I was checking to see if maybe you’d like to have dinner with us tonight.
Unknown: It could be our first step towards a fresh start.
I let out a sigh. Why can’t they be like any other blended family and not care if they see you or not?
It’s like they don’t give up. How are they texting me from so many different numbers?
I’ve blocked each attempt, but they still find a way to message me.
At this point, I feel like giving up and just unblocking the numbers they messaged me from originally.
I saved them. Each of them with their name.
I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment.
Ugh. I hate my life. I decide to respond back, not to the unknown message, but to his number after unblocking it.
Me: Thank you for the offer, but I’m going to decline.
See, I wasn’t rude. I replied. The check mark turns green and bubbles dance up and down on the screen.
Fuck! Why do I have a feeling he’s not going to let it go at that?
Eli: Fucking yeah! Thank you Babe, for unblocking me. Def going to rub this in my brothers’ faces.
Eli: Now. Come on, Selena. It’s only going to be weird if we make it weird. We’re going to see each other for a long time, or as long as our parents are married.
Me: It’s not that, Eli. I’ve been fighting a stomach bug and I just don’t feel like going anywhere.
Not the complete truth, but hopefully it’ll get him to ease up on the idea of dinner.
Eli: Do you need some medicine? Soup?
Me: No.
There’s only one other way I can think of to get him to back off, and I just hope he doesn’t try to take me up on it later.
Me: Can I get a raincheck?
Eli: Of course.
I don’t respond, just reach out and place the phone on the coffee table. My phone vibrates again. I’m fully expecting it to be another message from Eli or one of my new, I hate even saying it, brothers. Especially if he’s already gloated to them that I’ve unblocked him.
A smile breaks out when I see it’s Sam.
Sam: Morning, Baby Mama. How are you and the babies?
Sam: Are you feeling better?
Me: Death would be a welcome sight at this moment.
Me: The doctor said the morning sickness should end by the beginning of the second trimester. So just a few more weeks and this should be over.
Me: Hopefully sooner.
Sam: Jose and I can cancel our vacation and I can come get you and bring you here so we can take care of you.
Me: The hell you will, Sam. You and Jose have had this vacation planned for months. You are going. I’ll be okay. You’re only going to be gone for a couple of weeks. Nothing’s going to happen in that time other than I’m going to get fatter.
Sam: Not fatter. You’re pregnant, Selly. You’re growing life. Two lives to be exact.
Me: It’s semantics. By the end of this pregnancy, I’m sure I’ll look like a beached whale.
The bubbles bounce up and down, making their own little musical beat. I already know what’s about to pop up on my screen.
Sam: I’m going to talk to Jose and we’ll reschedule, or we can see if they have another room open and book it for you and take you with us.
Me: No and no.
Me: You and Jose are going without me. I want you to have an amazing time and spoil that wonderfully amazing man of yours. Also, do not message and check up on me.
Sam: I need to know you’re okay. Make sure Chicken Nugget and Jalapeno Popper are behaving.
Me: I will message you good morning and goodnight. That is all. And there is no way I want to go with you so you can listen to me throw up. Not romantic at all. Now go and have fun.
Sam: Fine.
Sam: But you better message. I need to know you’re okay, especially with how bad your morning sickness has been.
Me: I love you, Sam.
Sam: I love you too, Selly.
I’d turn my phone off if I didn’t have clients contacting me on it. Instead, I put it on the coffee table and pull the blanket up snug to my chin. My head flops back on the pillow before my eyes close and I let sleep take over.
I’ll worry about work when I wake up.
I just finished inputting all the information for my recent client and sent them their updated accounting records, along with how much their last quarterly taxes were.
I’m officially done for the day, and I’m exhausted.
I haven’t been able to keep anything down today, and I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this.
How anyone said being pregnant was the most wonderful time of their life I’ll never know.
It’s been agony for me. At this point, these two babies are the only ones I’m ever going to have. Sorry, future husband.
I’ve barely sat down from my last bathroom venture when the doorbell rings.
Groaning, I get up and head for the door. “I swear to God, Sam, I told you—” I shout angrily as I open it.
It’s not Sam and Jose, though.
Instead, standing there before me is not one but all three of my new brothers. My eyes widen in surprise, but I immediately flash a nervous smile.
“Hey,” Eli says with an awkward grin.
“What are you doing here?” I can already feel another wave of nausea, and I’m trying my fucking hardest to keep it at bay. Lifting my hand I cover my mouth as I wait for their answer.
“Well, I know you said you weren’t feeling good, so we thought we’d bring you some dinner,” Eli replies, a hopeful look in his eyes that matches his brothers’.
“You didn’t ha—” I gag. Fuck! I can’t hold it any longer. Turning quickly, I run down the hallway, not even caring that I’m about to purge the non-existent contents of my stomach in front of them.
“Selena, are you okay?” one of them calls out.
“I’m fine… don’t come… in… here,” I say through bouts of vomiting with labored breaths.
“We’re going to wait out here if you need us!” one of them shouts back, but I don’t fucking care. I feel like death has come to take me.
Their voices echo down the hallway, but I can’t hear what they’re saying.
Once there’s nothing left, I stand slowly and flush the toilet before washing my hands. I splash cold water on my face and then use my hand as a cup to drink some. All I can taste is bile.
I grip the sink counter and take a deep breath in, then slowly blow it out. I need to go out there and face them. My gut is telling me they’re not going to leave until I do.
“Thank you for coming over, but I really don’t feel like company!” I shout as I leave the bathroom. They’re all in the living room. Eli is standing with his back to me, looking at the photos on the wall, while Zeke and Jay are sitting closely on the couch.
“Is this your dad?” Eli turns to face me.
“Yeah. It was the last picture taken of us.” It’s one of me and my dad on the swing on our porch. My favorite picture of us. It’s before his health totally declined.
“You can see the love the two of you had for each other in the picture,” Eli tells me, his voice cracking. I wonder if he’s thinking of his own memories with his mother.
“Thank you, Eli. But really, the three of you can go. I’m just going to lie down and try to get some rest.” I shift anxiously back and forth on my feet, wrapping my arms around myself.
For the love of God, please just leave. I don’t have the physical nor mental capacity to deal with the three of them being here.
All I can think about is that soon I’m going to have to announce my pregnancy to Mom and they’ll find out. What am I going to do when they start counting in their heads and begin to ask questions?
I just need to remember it’s for the best they don’t know.
It’ll piss Mom off and cause conflict for the guys and their father, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
I still firmly believe that Abel needs to have his head checked for being with her.
He seems nice, even though he didn’t once speak up about the way she talks down to me.
That’s the only negative mark against him.
“Like Eli said, we brought you some food. Some soup and sandwiches.” Jay rubs his hands down the length of his muscular thighs. But all I can see are visions of him and me in the hallway at the hotel.
“I’m really not up to eating.” I sway a little and Zeke jumps up, wrapping his arm around me, and guides me over to the couch.
“When was the last time you were able to eat anything?” one of them asks. I’m so on edge right now, their voices all sound the same.
“Uh, I’m not sure.” I don’t have the strength to come up with an answer. Eating and keeping down food hasn't happened for a while, and I feel like I’m getting weaker by the day.
“You need to eat, Selena. I’m going to warm you up some soup, and get you some Ginger Ale. But we’re not leaving you here alone. Where is Sam? He should be here taking care of you,” Zeke asks.
“He’s on vacation.” It’s not until the words leave my mouth that I realize what I just slipped up and said.
“What?!” comes out in unison. Varying levels of anger laced in the one word.
“He should be here with you, not on a fucking vacation.” Eli comes over and sits down on the coffee table in front of me.
“I told him to go. It’s fine. People get sick, it's not the end of the world.”
“So you’re trying to tell me that if it were him that was sick, you wouldn’t be there taking care of him? It’s bullshit, Selena. You have two options. You’re packing a bag and coming to our house or one of us is staying here with you. What’s it going to be?”
Fuck! How am I going to get out of this? I don’t want either of those options.