Chapter 17
After stalking the forest until the worst of my rage had tempered, I returned to the hollowed-out tree. Ilae clicked at me from his perch near the entrance, where he’d stood watch to ensure the Seer wouldn’t try to run again. Not like she could with her injury and the potion I’d given her.
I ducked beneath the canvas, finding Sylaira resting on the bedroll. In sleep, she looked devastatingly peaceful. Silver brows unpinched, pink lips slightly parted. No cutting remarks flinging in my direction.
I sighed and slid into place beside the entry.
Even if the edge of my anger had dulled, the grief gnawing at my heart had not. Each strike of my dark boot against the soaked earth had been a stark reminder of the monster I’d proven to be.
Sylaira’s words haunted me. Followed by my sister’s.
At the thought of the Korona, worry knotted in my gut. She would not react well to this. For once in my life, I didn’t know what to do simply because I didn’t know what she would do. Or, even worse, what she would want me to do.
Knowing Iaoth, it could be any number of cruel things. Especially if Stadiel weighed his opinion on the matter. Neither would let me escape my political obligations—that fact was unquestionable.
Inhaling, I opened up the barrier to our bond, tentatively venturing down it to check on my mate.
A breath-stealing agony flared at her knee, forcing me to grit my own teeth.
I wasn’t sure what exactly happened to it—whether she shattered a bone or tore a ligament—but movement wasn’t ideal in either case. It needed to be bound.
Touching her while she was unconscious was another layer of trespass. I’d already violated her enough with each successive Command I’d forced onto her.
FREEZE.
OPEN.
SWALLOW.
The words reverberated in my head, clashing against my skull like violent accusations.
Breaking minds was what I had been forged to do.
Yet the bond—an ancient, ravenous beast—begged me to hold her. To soothe her. To claim her.
Every time it opened its teeth and whispered in my ear, disgust embedded in my bones. No male like me deserved such a blessing from our deity.
But was it really a gift when the other half of my soul loathed me with the ferocity of a hurricane?
My head and my heart were at war with one another, more violent than any report I’d read from Zahal Ishim on his campaign against the Demons.
I didn’t want to hurt her more. I didn’t want her to hate me for manipulating her body while she slept.
Only one of those wants could come to pass. And sometimes, we had to do what was best rather than what was right for other people. Besides, she already hated me. What was one more rotten thread in the grand tapestry of our lives?
The thought stung more than I cared to admit.
My hand trembled as I unbuckled the leather straps on my bag.
Digging inside, I managed to pull together enough cloth to bind her knee so it wouldn’t move.
She groaned when I settled her back against the bedroll.
A stab of pain caught my attention, and I brushed my fingers down the side of her torso.
That same surge occurred. Her ribs must have been broken too.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t much I could do for that. She needed a real healer. I didn’t even have enough potions to take the edge off her agony for more than a few days. And if she remained asleep like this, moving would be slow-going.
“We’re only three days from the next town big enough to house a healer if we fly,” I grumbled, rubbing the back of my neck to relieve the headache knotting at the base of my skull.
I wasn’t sure who I was speaking to, only that I needed to say something to get out of my own fucking head.
“We can shave time off our journey that way too. Don’t have to stick to the carved paths.
I can carry her beneath me with my magic and strength. ”
The glacial color of my irises meant I had a tremendous well to pull from. But I didn’t like draining myself completely, not when I might need my power for other things.
The woods were thick and only grew thicker the closer we ventured toward Sivy. Which was why there were officially maintained roads throughout. Without constant intervention, the trees would reclaim their territory.
“If we leave now, while she’s asleep, she’ll be more comfortable.” Maybe if I spoke the words aloud, the Goddess would hear me. And maybe this time, she’d grant me this one fucking reprieve rather than cursing me further.
With a twist of my hands, I snaked white around my mate.
My mate.
The word lodged a blade beneath my ribs.
I gathered up the last of our things and slung the combined pack over my shoulders. Stepping beneath Sylaira, I caught her in my arms. She whimpered, and again, the weight of my actions pressed into my shoulders.
We emerged into the wet forest, and Ilae swooped from overhead, a glow amid the mist.
“Follow us,” I told him, calling on my wings. White feathers sprouted on my back, and I flapped them a few times, gently taking us airborne. We sailed toward the canopy, seeking the sky.
I hoped the shift out of dull gray wouldn’t wake her. The last thing I needed was for her to make this flight even more miserable than it would already be.
Once we broke through the last of the leaves and heavy clouds, we emerged to a brilliant afternoon sun.
The light glittered off the lingering droplets from the downpour.
In the distance, the peaks of the Skala Mountains loomed, fierce and judgmental.
I put them at my back as I sailed northwest, toward the main road that led from the lake country to the capital of the Angel Realm.
Toward a place that could heal my mate, to take care of her, because I could not.
Nor could I control my emotions. Rein in this unraveling. Force myself not to feel.
My father had been right all along.
I was a fucking failure. A weapon, forged from impure metal.
And no matter how hard I tried, I’d never protect what was mine.
Only break it brutally.