Chapter 33
Stars dotted the night sky, and I glared at them like I could bring one down and annihilate this world. Hours later, my fury hadn’t cooled. Which was why I found myself in the apple orchard, underneath the same tree that had started the mess of my life.
Because punishing myself for every single one of my sins was necessary—if there even was atonement for me. A traitorous voice whispered in the back of my mind that maybe Sylaira was justified in her actions. I strangled it into submission before it could take root.
How many times had she told me that she’d rather die than See again?
And yet I’d lied to her with every breath after the ball.
“Fuck!” I cursed, grabbing a fallen fruit and hurling it toward the lake. It landed with a plunk, ripples fracturing the still water.
But what she’d done was so much worse than me switching out her virelthorn.
We were working against each other when we should have been working together. I’d thought we were in agreement, that the monarchs had to die. That we had to find a path to peace.
Clearly, our methods were polar opposites.
She wanted the Angels to fall to achieve it. I wanted us all to fucking live.
And I wanted to give her the world. I wanted her to look at me like she loved me instead of loathed me.
Yet with the way her sorrow battered our bond, denying her feelings for me was impossible. For once, she left her side wide open, allowing me to drown in her emotion. I tried to build a barrier, to shut her out.
But I couldn’t.
Because I was weak. Because even when she offered me droplets of her, I still craved the whole downpour.
The scent of wet earth and summer rain filled my nostrils.
I closed my eyes, falling into the memory of chasing her through that forest upon waking and finding her gone.
Freeze echoed in my ears, the Command I’d used to prevent her escape.
How I’d finally looked in her eyes and been struck by the other half of my soul.
I crawled forward until my knees dug into the dirt. Because if the Goddess had even the slightest love left for me, I needed her to listen.
“Radiant Mother, creator of all life, hear my prayer. Cleanse this world with Your holy light. I thought I walked in Your truth, illuminated by Your divine will. But now I am lost in the dark.”
I hooked my thumbs and brought them to my forehead. “Sanctify me with Your grace. Burn away all falsehood. Leave only Your holy order behind.”
A long moment passed as I sought the words for my plea and the strength to say them.
“Goddess, I’ve sinned against my duty. Lies have ruled my life.
You blessed us with a holy bond. Or maybe it was a curse because I consumed Demon blood.
But Sylaira was innocent, not even a flicker of a thought when that happened to me.
So why did You punish her with a monster for a mate? ”
My eyes stung, and I squeezed them shut, forcing my supplication back to what I needed rather than a vessel for my rage.
“Radiant Mother, please, fucking please, give me a sign that You want Sylaira and me to be together. That You want us to live. That You want us to take the crown for ourselves and save Your children.”
A breeze rustled the leaves overhead. I peeled myself apart and looked up at the expanse of white-dotted darkness.
Purple lightning forked the cloudless sky. Instead of thunder following, a sob wrenched down my connection to Sylaira. A grief so aching it robbed me of air. I pressed my hands over the well of my magic, where my bond thrummed.
Where the other half of my soul rested.
I sat back, blinded by her storm. I weathered it, sank into it, embraced it.
Hoofbeats shook the ground beneath me. I gritted my teeth. Fucking Maelsar. No one else would know to find me here. He should have left me alone.
“There you are,” he grumbled, sliding from his horse.
“Go away,” I snapped, staring at the water so he wouldn’t see the torment on my face.
The bastard settled beside me instead, producing a small box and plopping it into my lap. “What’s this?”
“Open it and see,” he said, lifting a gray brow.
I rolled my eyes but did so anyway. The heavenly scent of sweetened apples caressed my nose. Mayyal’s pie, still warm, and with a fork waiting for me to dig in. “You’re an asshole.”
“Figured you’d be less broody after eating something,” Maelsar grinned.
“Not hungry,” I mumbled, but my traitorous stomach let out a growl.
“Just fucking eat it or I’ll be forced to hold you down and shove it in your mouth,” Maelsar threatened.
“You couldn’t,” I replied.
White leaked from his palms and coiled around me. “One of us still has magic.”
“Again, you’re an asshole.” I picked up the fork and stabbed the pie, bringing a dripping bite to my mouth. And fuck me, was it good. One piece wasn’t nearly enough, and I found myself scraping the bottom in search of crumbs.
“Now you’re going to tell me what the fuck happened today, and we’re going to fix whatever you did this time.”
“It wasn’t me,” I snapped, tossing the box away.
“I find that hard to believe.”
I raked a hand through my hair. “I know I’ve fucked up before. But this time, it was Sylaira who lied.”
“About what?”
“Her prophecy.” I clenched my teeth so hard the muscles in my neck corded. “She didn’t See the Angels winning.”
“What?” he spluttered, eyes going wide. “But I was there when she told–” He cut himself off, chin dropping to his chest. “Oh shit.”
“Why would she speak true to Iaoth and Stadiel? I should have realized that she wasn’t trying to save any of us by admitting to her vision. But I was so caught up with my lack of magic, I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“None of us were,” Maelsar reassured me. “We all thought we were going to die. Or that Iaoth and Stadiel would change their minds and ride after us. We were focused on trying to get away.”
“And this is why emotions are a weakness. My father was right about that all along.” I pinched my brow between my fingers.
“He wasn’t right about anything, Vaeron.”
I met my best friend’s gaze. “If you mean the Demon blood…”
“I do.”
How wrong he was. If he only knew how close I’d come to unleashing it on my own mate. Shame rose from the depths of my being and opened its maw, preparing to swallow me whole.
“We’ll figure out how to control it,” Maelsar said. “Using it on the battlefield against them? They’ll be stunned.”
“No.” Frustration ate at my shoulders. I rolled them, trying to shake off the dark magic that still had its claws in me. When that didn’t work—because my wound was still open and refused to close—I sighed. “I almost killed Sylaira in my fury. There’s no discretion with the power.”
Maelsar went utterly still. “Does she know that?”
I met his gaze, the aquamarine shining with worry in the pale moonlight. “No.” Shame washed through me. Yet another secret hidden from my mate. “Why aren’t you running now, Maelsar? I could easily snip off the flow of blood in your body.”
He raked his tongue over his teeth, eyes narrowed on me. “But you won’t. Not to me. Definitely not to her.”
“How do you know?” I challenged, rising to my feet. My nails bit into my palms as I stalked forward and punched the nearest tree.
He said nothing.
I whirled, chest rising and falling in time with the furious beat of my heart. “How do you know I’m not a fucking monster?”
Maelsar got to his feet, leaning against the tree where the Demon had attacked me.
“Because as much as you hate showing emotion, you love and love hard. Sylaira. Me. Goddess, even Lyriasthe simply because of how she treats your mate.” He stomped forward, shoving a finger in the center of my chest. “Which is why I’m not leaving here until you decide that you’re going to forgive Sylaira. ”
Little did he know. Because truly, we were both lost in the tempest of fates that we never wanted. We only needed to find our way to the eye—together. If he’d waited five more minutes, I would have gotten to my feet and found my horse to ride back and tell her that.
“I already have.”
Maelsar crossed his arms, head tilting ever so slightly to the side. “So what are you going to do about it then?”
I shook my head and strode out of the trees, toward our waiting horses. My best friend jogged to catch up, a silent witness to the chaos that consumed me.
I grabbed my stallion’s reins, head tilting toward the clear, starry sky. No more lightning forked through them. But I knew the earlier strike had been the sign I’d requested from Her.
Maybe there was atonement for me. Maybe the color of the bolt was acknowledgement that the Demon blood coursing through my veins wasn’t a sin greater than the unholy trinity.
But She’d shown my mate the end of the Angels.
Why? What had we done?
“Before we reached Thalvireth, I asked her to trust me, and again after the ball as I withheld information. I have to tell her everything. And that I trust her, even though she hasn’t asked for it.
That I forgive her, even if she won’t apologize for her deception.
We’re even now. But someone has to break for us to move forward.
And I would rather bear that sacrifice than witness one more day of her suffering.
” I dug my foot into the stirrup and swung my leg over my horse’s back, settling into the saddle.
Maelsar mounted too, holding my gaze. “Aye. It’s time for the hurt to stop.”
Fuck, how I wanted that. Wanted Sylaira to lie peacefully in my arms. Wanted her to tell me she loved me again.
Yes, she’d deceived me. Yes, she’d placed us on a path that could get us all killed.
But if I could give her what she wanted, convince her to surrender the last pieces of her hatred, then maybe, just maybe, none of us would die.
Maelsar and Lyriasthe could be together without any fallout from House Caerelith. Sylaira and I could steer the realm in a better direction. The Elessarum wouldn’t have to live in fear of me any longer.
Radical honesty would save us. And I needed to know every detail of every vision she’d had since leaving Sivy. The four of us would align on our plans. Because united, with loyal soldiers at our backs, we could rise up against Iaoth and Stadiel and win.
I’d have peace for Sylaira at last.
Determination flooded my veins as I turned back toward the estate. “Let’s go. I have a very stubborn mate to commit treason with.”