Chapter 4
Chapter
Four
The castle was surrounded by fifty acres of woods, and while it had been crumbling, an enchanter had been hired to make it look, well, enchanting.
I rode up the long drive in a black car, sitting between Mini and Mitt in the backseat and admiring the bucolic scenery.
After fifteen more assassination attempts since the epic duet, Mitt was starting to get irritated.
“The location is secret,” Mini said, wrinkling her green button nose. “But it won’t be for long. I can’t believe you got Hugh and Banus. It’s like your wish is the world’s command. I wish I were a vampire princess.” She batted her false lashes at Mitt.
He grunted and continued looking out the window. “I’m not a bodyguard,” he said for the fifty millionth time. He’d personally stopped thirteen of the fifteen attempts, so I was starting to think he did protest too much.
“I’m so glad that the Lion couldn’t make it,” I said happily.
He’d been replaced by another angel, a very pretty blonde Cupid who was flirty on his video, but not terrifying.
He’d just be eye candy for the show, nothing serious, but I’d definitely get viewers just for his angelic smirk.
And Monterose had actually made time in his busy schedule to come on the show.
I was excited about him, of course, because he was amazing, but at the same time, it was unsettling to have some of your safely impossible fantasies become reality.
How could I actually date and marry a fairy who’d never seen anything infernal?
Not that I was actually marrying anyone.
Banus Jones was a political figure who owned the world of finance, and looked like sin incarnate.
Would I ever agree to date someone that serious in real life?
Probably not. He reminded me too much of the Scholar.
So serious. If he actually liked me, how could I resist?
And I didn’t want to actually get married at the end of this.
Unless I fell ridiculously in love with someone, like Mini seemed to be in love with Mitt.
But was she really in love? Goblins sometimes wanted what they couldn’t have until they got it.
The Devil would be there, and his video had been mostly about the importance of representing the Infernal’s civilized side, so I didn’t worry about him actually sweeping me off my feet.
Hughenot Raferty was a bodybuilder werewolf who sold body-sculpting elixirs on his site.
He also sang and did comedy sketches to keep his viewers engaged.
I liked werewolves well enough, but werewolves and vampires were traditionally competitive predators.
Not enemies, but very rarely romantically involved.
Part of both of us would be eyeing the pretty sparkly people with an eye to consume.
Bloodlust wasn’t my biggest motivator, but it did hit me hard from time to time if I didn’t keep up on iron by drinking enough blood bags.
Shockingly enough, the last contestant was an elf influencer named Zander Spinnera.
He did sword forms and magic demonstration on his site, mostly defense as well as plant growing.
He was so pretty, and he smiled, unlike Glade who hadn’t smiled in the fifty years I’d known him.
Almost fifty years. My birthday was next month. Maybe SunRae would make me a cake!
So, that was the lineup: a werewolf, a devil, an incubus on the infernal side, and an angel, a fairy, and an elf on the heavenly.
All vying for my hand. Me, a pastel princess and real life daughter of the psychotic Vampire King and a psychotic human.
What kind of psychos would agree to that kind of offer?
The devil was ‘representing’ whatever diabolical scheme he actually had.
The angel was probably here to gauge the threat the born daughter of the Vampire King represented to the world.
The fairy was here for the exposure, same with the werewolf and possibly the elf.
That left Banus Jones, the incubus-politician-businessman.
He was exactly the kind of person the Vampire King would puppet.
And why was I doing this? First of all, and most importantly, it would keep me safe while building my platform.
Secondly, my collection of princess dresses was now in the dozens, each one prettier than the last. I’d get sponsors so my life could be fairy princess-pretty after this spectacle was over.
And then I could have a charming cottage hidden in some anonymous woods with fifteen layers of protection spells to keep me from any more irritating assassination attempts.
And maybe SunRae would come and visit me. We could have tea parties with all of our pets in the sunshine. And I’d plant flowers.
“Mitt, what’s your favorite kind of flower?”
He glanced at me. “Squash flowers are edible and likely the most versatile, although hibiscus flowers make a really great herbal infusion.”
“You only like flowers you can eat? But the garden in the café has all sorts of plants.”
He shrugged and continued staring out the window gloomily. “Something can eat everything I grow. And fresh is always best.”
“Particularly meat!” Mini said then whistled as we pulled up in front of the castle drawbridge. “Speaking of fresh meat, are they all there? I don’t see any angel wings, just sparkly green ones.”
I peered out past her and saw six figures standing in front of the drawbridge, an actual moat surrounding the large stone fortress. It looked more for withstanding attacks than having a romantic getaway, even if the enchanter had done his best, making sparkles and butterflies everywhere.
Mini was right about the distinct lack of angel wings.
Had they swapped the angel out with a vampire at the last minute?
Had my father decided to take matters into his own hands?
There was no sign of my guardian or Herald, just six men in tidy suits, and then around the edges, the camera crew in gray that blended with the stone.
I held my breath for a second while my heart beat faster. This was it! My chance to build a following and to experience life out in the warm sunshine. I glanced at Mitt who was searching the shadows with a frown between his brows. My ‘not a bodyguard’ was doing his job perfectly. And I’d do mine.
I straightened up, fluffed my swiss dot skirt and then slid out of the car after Mitt.
I smiled brightly at the line of men, and then realized who the first one was.
He was tall, imposing, with dark shiny hair that may have been greased, but was probably some toxic poison that oozed from his pores.
His dark eyes were liquid, emotional, and then he smiled and showed those bright, white, jagged teeth.
Pearly White, the siren who would host this debacle.
At least the angel wasn’t there. I forced myself to walk towards the man who was as dangerous as they came.
He took my hand and swung me around so I faced the camera.
The siren’s voice was a silky dream of death. “And here we are at the castle where the Vampire Princess will meet her true love. Kristin, is it? Such a human name for a vampire princess.”
I smiled brightly at the camera. “Katriana actually, but for awhile I went by Kristin because I wanted to feel more human. And you’re Pearly White. Such white, sharp, terrifying teeth.”
He widened his smile as he faced the camera and said in a low, mesmerizing voice. “Pity I’m not on the roster of potential candidates. I’m not sure who could resist such a charming beauty. Go ahead, Princess Katriana,” he said, once more smiling at me and gesturing to the next man in line.
The werewolf wore a suit, but no shirt. His pectorals were waxed, bare in a way that most werewolves would mock.
He flashed a sharp smile at me and gave me a thorough perusal, making me feel ridiculous in my corseted Swiss dot dress, with pink satin waist tie.
Also the ringlets. Should probably have gone for sleek vampire instead of pastel princess, but I was building my brand.
“You look good enough to eat,” he rumbled, holding out his hand for me to shake.
I bared my teeth—no fangs—in a smile and then put my hand delicately over his and gave him a very graceful curtsy while butterflies fluttered around and magical sparkles sparkled. “Mr. Raferty, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
He puffed up his chest and nodded. “I know. It’s always a pleasure for females to meet me.”
I stared at him until he laughed, like he’d been joking about his enormous ego. I laughed along, but feebly. Okay then. He was going to be lots of fun to hang around. Um.
Pearly White led me to the next candidate, Zander Spinnera. The tall, silver-haired elf gave me a serene smile, but didn’t try to touch me.
“Princess Katriana. It’s a pleasure to meet you in the flesh. I look forward to furthering our acquaintance.” He bowed, I curtsied, and then we were moving on. He didn’t leave much of an impression, not even of arrogance, so that was interesting. Um.
The next candidate was the Devil of Wonderland, who gave me a shark-like smile that showed seemingly human teeth beneath his soft lips while his dark eyes glowed .
“I’m so honored to be included in the list of your possible suitors.
I’ve long believed that romance is the height and pinnacle of sophistication.
That’s why I recently installed the world’s most luxurious honeymoon suites in every one of my casinos.
I have one on each continent and the finest cities as well.
Have you ever been to Wonderland, Princess Katriana?
” His gleaming eyes twinkled with avarice and desirability.
Happily, I didn’t have any kind of personal response to him.
Now I knew what representing meant to him. Product placement. His casinos as product. I batted my lashes at him and then let myself get distracted by the lovely blue butterfly fluttering around eye-level.