23. Paxton
“Mom said she talked to you,” I told Hana as I walked into the kitchen the next morning. Well, technically, it was the middle of the night, but I wasn’t surprised to find Hana awake. My mother had been inebriated on the phone, the first time I’d heard her that way, and the story she’d told me was even more unsettling than the slur in her words.
Sleep wouldn’t come for Hana either, if she felt anything like I did; I was keyed up on anger, disgust, and worry that swirled through me like a toxic stew, and I didn’t like it. What on Earth had my father done? I set my keys on the counter before I pulled out my wallet and phone. I plugged the phone into the charger, completing my little routine.
Hana stood in the opposite corner of the kitchen, wearing an oversized sweater she’d pulled down over her hands. She looked small and dejected. “She did. I’m shocked.”
“Me, too. I mean, my father and your mom didn’t even seem to like each oth?—”
She raised her hand, and the cuff of her sweater fell back. I was taken by the daintiness of her long fingers. She could have been a cellist or pianist—her hands seemed made for creating music. But Hana loved sump pumps and spark plugs more than strings and chords. I’d seen her work her hands deep into an engine where she’d managed to fiddle with a tiny screwdriver to make my dad’s old Chevelle sing.
“None of us had even considered the possibility,” Hana said. “Not your mother, definitely not me. I just… I can’t believe my mother would do something so awful to your family.” Her chin wobbled, and she blinked rapidly.
“Oh, Hana. This is such a mess.” I sighed as I stepped nearer. I wasn’t sure she was ready for my touch after this latest news, so I paused, willing her to come to me. She didn’t, and the hurt cut deep.
She looked down at her feet. “Maybe this is for the best.” She lifted her head and met my eyes, hers full of longing and sadness. I hated that look, and I never again wanted to be the cause of it.
“How’s that?” I asked.
“Well, I just realized tonight that I can’t resist you any longer.” She offered a tremulous smile. “You’re one of Houston’s hottest bachelors, as I’m sure you know. But if you’re also my?—”
“Stop it, Hana. I care about you, and nothing changes that. This can’t be true.” Unable to resist any longer, I crossed to her and cupped her cheek. She nuzzled into my palm. “Just…let me be there for you,” I begged, my voice cracking as emotion slammed into me again.
There was no way—none—that what I felt for Hana wasn’t right. Beautiful. Perfect. Which meant there was no fucking way we were related. No way.
But I understood her comments; I’d considered them myself on the plane ride home.
“I don’t want you to feel responsible for me. I’m a grown woman. I have a degree from a great school, and a really excellent career with NASA.” Her lips twisted. “And if I’m terribly unlucky, I’ve expanded my family to include you.”
“I want to be your family, Hana. I always have, but not like this.”
“No.” She scrubbed her palms across her face. “Not like this. Maybe this explains why there was such a gulf between Mother and me.”
“And if it does?” I asked.
“I’m just so…sad.” She leaned toward me a little, and I took it as a cue to wrap her in my arms. Holding Hana was right. “And angry. I’m really angry, Pax, that our parents made us something dirty.” She shuddered as she shoved her nose into my sternum.
“Me, too. I should have realized…”
“What?” Hana asked.
I loved that she could still read me. Knowing that she still understood me lessened some of the ache in my chest.
“That my father was a selfish, weak asshole who only looked out for himself. His wanting to break us up, leaning hard on me—it all makes sense. It was to cover his cheating, his lies, so he didn’t have to live with the consequences of his actions.”
Hana rested her cheek against my chest. “Yeah, you’re right.”
We held each other, and my heart ached at the thought of never being able to do this again. We teetered on the edge of something horrific, something that would utterly destroy our understanding of self and our connection. But it couldn’t be true. I swallowed the panic that clawed at my chest and up my throat. Just because Mei Sato said something didn’t make it true. We needed a genetic test, and we’d get one as soon as the facility opened in the morning. I knew this because both Coach Whittaker and Gunnar Evaldson had promised me after I’d finished the conversation with my mother and poured everything out to them on the plane. Those men never broke their promises.
Unlike my father.
My lips twisted. Just mine. Not Hana’s.
“I don’t get why my mother moved us in down the street from you,” Hana said, lifting her head so she could meet my eyes. “She had to have known about your mom, your family.”
I hesitated. “I think she did. And I think that’s why she did it.”
Hana pressed her cheek against my chest. “Your mother told you about my mom’s meal-ticket comment?”
“She did.” My stomach lurched again. I didn’t like the direction that comment pointed. “Which is why I demanded that my father fly out here. Much as I don’t want to see him, we need to get this situation resolved, and he’s the only one who can answer my questions.”
Hana tipped her head back to look at me. “Do you think…”
“Right now, I don’t know what to think,” I said.
“Yeah, me either. But I feel kind of…” She trailed off.
“Weird? Possibly dirty? Because that’s how I’m feeling.”
Hana’s tongue peeped out from between her teeth, and I couldn’t help my reaction—my desire for her. But what if Hana and I… No. I wasn’t going there. I wouldn’t believe it. Couldn’t.
I cleared my throat. “The guys all know. They’re coming over in the morning.”
She nodded. “I know. We have a group text.”
I smiled, warmed by how accepting my friends’ wives had been to Hana. We stayed connected and silent, soaking in the comfort the other offered. “How are you doing?” I asked finally.
“I’m confused and tired, Pax. I’m just…” Her chin trembled, and she bit her lip.
“I’ve got you, Hana. I’ll be here for you.” I rubbed her back and rested my cheek against her hair. She felt fantastic in my arms. So right. There was no possible way she was anything other than the love of my life. My dad would not take that from me. But my muscles tensed as the possibilities leaped and sped through my mind. “No matter what happens, you’re such an important part of my life.”
“Yeah, because we’re family, right? I mean, no matter how we splice it…” Her face crumpled, and her eyes filled with tears. “We’re family.”
“You’re more than family, Hana. My father’s family, and he sucks.”
She released a watery chuckle, but it was half-hearted. I understood. At least she stayed in my arms. I needed this—needed her. My heart ached at the possibility that we couldn’t be us.
Damn my father to hell.
“If I am our parents’ child, that would make any child of ours too closely related. Maybe that’s why I miscarried. I mean, that makes sense…”
As much as I’d wanted to talk to her about the baby, this wasn’t the context for it. We needed to deal with that loss, but not now. Not intermixed with the shock of this news. “Hana,” I said, my voice rising as she gave words to my gravest fear. “It’s not true. Stop it.”
Hana slipped from my arms and moved across the kitchen. Heat flowed through me. I was possibly angrier than I’d ever been.
“It’s possible. Probable, even, based on when they were having an affair.”
“Don’t go searching for trouble,” I said.
Her jaw was set, and her eyes blazed as she glared at me. She was beautiful. I loved her fire, though I didn’t love her anger and hurt and frustration pointed toward me.
“I’m sorry,” I said, but my hands still fisted at my sides. Like a fool, I blurted, “I can’t believe you could ever consider us as anything other than what we were—what we should be—a couple!”
“I can’t believe you listened to your lying father instead of talking to me!” she yelled.
And it hit me, then, the full weight of every single one of my father’s machinations. At his urging, I’d broken Hana’s heart and disrespected our love for random hookups. Just like my piece of shit, lying, scumbag of a father. I shuddered as that reality crashed over me. Could this night get any worse?
“I’m not in a good headspace,” Hana muttered. She turned on her heel, stumbling as her left leg gave out. But she righted herself quickly and fled.
I stood there, my heart ripped to shreds as Hana’s words reverberated through my mind. I dropped my forearms to the counter and let my head follow. I closed my eyes and groaned.
“Well, that was tense in what has turned out to be a really tense twenty-four hours,” my mother said as she walked in from the hallway. She studied me for a long moment. “How are you holding up?”
I blew out a breath and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m really angry. At Dad, of course. At you for going along with him and his lies. At myself. Even at Hana for believing we could be…” Nope. I still can’t say the words. I would not believe them.
But I understood why she’d snapped at me. We were at a breaking point. Our relationship wouldn’t be the same, not that it had been sturdy enough to withstand such a seismic explosion anyway. When I’d chosen to reach out again, I never could have fathomed the possibility of Hana being my half-sister…
I should have left her alone. We were all in so much agony because I’d wanted another shot with her. I shuddered and stifled yet another gag, as I’d done periodically since my mother had called me earlier. Hours later, I was beyond exhausted. My body ached from the pounding it had taken during the game, but it was my mind that refused to calm.
There was no possible way… Yet my dad had been sure enough about his relationship to Hana to force us apart.
“I’m sorry, Pax,” my mother said.
“This is a nightmare,” I rasped.
“It’s…not good,” my mother said. “I’m fairly sure Hana isn’t… Never mind. We need facts.” She cleared her throat and straightened. “Paloma said that was something either her husband or the team owner could facilitate.”
“Yeah, Gunnar and Millie—that’s Stolly’s wife—are on the hospital board. They don’t like to pull strings, but they’ve already done so for us. We’re headed to the lab as soon as it opens tomorrow.”
“You should probably tell Hana that,” Mom said.
“I know,” Hana said, coming around the corner of the staircase. Her nose was red, her voice clogged with tears. She lifted her phone. “Group text.”
“When does Dad get in?” I asked.
Mom shrugged. “I’m not currently speaking to him, but I told your brothers to march him onto that plane, no matter how much of a fight he put up.”
“Great.” I scrubbed my palms across the back of my neck, wishing I could ease the tension there. “They’re coming, too?”
“We’re a family in crisis,” Mom said. “We need to be together.”
“About as much as I want a root canal,” I muttered.
The three of us stood in the faint light, uncomfortable yet tethered together in this strange web of deceit.
“You really had no clue he was having an affair?” I blurted into the deepening and uncomfortable silence.
Mom shook her head, her lips tucked in tight. She seemed more aged than ever. “I thought we were happy.”
I stood frozen in place as my mother broke down in tears. Hana went to her and wrapped her in her arms. “It’s not her fault, Paxton,” she said in that soft, sweet voice. “It’s his.” She pursed her lips. “And my mother’s, of course.”
I swallowed my irritation and jerked a nod. She was right, but that didn’t mean I sought criticism. Now I wasn’t sure I’d ever get the chance to fully show her that, through everything, my heart had remained true in its love for her.
* * *
At eight a.m.on the dot, Hana and I sat side by side in the waiting room of the genetic testing facility, holding hands. Luka and Millie Stol, Gunnar Evaldson, Silas and Paloma Whittaker, Cormac and Keelie, Maxim and Ida Jane, and Cruz milled about.
My mother had chosen not to come with us, which was probably for the best. I was still really angry, and I worried what my reaction to more information would be. I refused to believe the universe could be that cruel. Hana and I had overcome our families’ bid to rip us apart, a life-altering car accident, Jeremy’s attempts to disrupt her life, and the years apart that made our connection difficult now.
No, we weren’t going to find out we were related, too. I just couldn’t process the possibility.
“What’s with these older men and not being faithful?” Ida Jane said as she slammed back into the seat next to Hana.
“Terrible role models,” Cruz muttered.
“Hey!” Coach said. “I resent that.”
“Well, you’re not an old guy,” Hana said.
Coach smiled at her. “I really like you.”
“It’s people Gunnar’s age and up that we have to worry about.” Cormac snickered.
“I’m fifty-one,” Gunnar said, narrowing his artic eyes and sizzling Cormac with a glare. “And I don’t fuck around.”
Now that I thought about it, I’d never seen his name connected to a woman’s. Maybe he liked dudes—he had been very committed to having the team include all types of partnerships. Well, if he liked men, good for him. I was all for loving the one you wanted, and for me that was Hana.
I went back to my loop about the universe.
“Did we miss the reveal?” Naomi asked as she sprinted into the room.
“Are you banging your sister?” Adam asked, appearing behind her with his son, Felix, strapped to his chest.
Naomi stopped and spun around, arms akimbo. “He is not. That’s a terrible question, and I’m very angry with you, Adam Kramer, for suggesting such a thing.”
Adam hung his head. “I didn’t mean it like that…”
Everyone laughed, and the tension burst, oozing from the room. It left a vacuum behind that was worse.
“Mr. Naese? Ms. Sato? We have your results,” Dr. Fortescue said, appearing in the doorway with a sheet of paper.
“Well?” Ida Jane demanded.
“The suspense is horrible.” Gunnar groaned.
“I need to know, but I can’t bear it if the outcome isn’t a happy ending,” Millie said. Her eyes welled with tears.
Cormac shook out his hands, and Coach cracked his neck.
“Did you want to come back so we can discuss the situation?” Dr. Fortescue asked.
“Don’t you dare leave us hanging,” Cruz growled.
I glanced over at Hana. She squeezed our twined fingers. “Here. Now. In front of our family,” she said.
I smiled at her.
“Right. Well, you’re not related,” Dr. Fortescue said.
The cheer that went up pounded through my mind. Baby Felix woke with a start and began to cry. Adam patted his little butt even as he grinned at me. “Awesome!” he crowed.
“But I thought you might want to know that you are both related to Aiki Sato,” Dr. Fortescue said. “Ms. Sato and Aiki Sato share maternal DNA while Mr. Naese and Aiki Sato share DNA with their?—”
“Paternal parent,” I said, grinning. “Serves my father right, getting a convicted felon for a son instead of a brilliant, beautiful daughter.”
Hana bit her lip. “I should be mad at you for saying that about my brother?—”
“Our brother apparently,” I said, grimacing. I didn’t want to be related to Aiki. He’d always been a dick. “You know, I can see it.” I pursed my lips. “They’re both assholes. Neither one of them takes responsibility for their actions.”
“Stop!” Hana said, but her lips trembled as she suppressed her laugh.
“What?” I couldn’t stop smiling. “I’m just pointing out?—”
“That you get to keep banging the love of your life—hey!” Adam huffed when Naomi poked him in his ribs. “He was and will.”
“Such a romantic.” Naomi rolled her eyes.
“Well, this definitely calls for a celebration,” Cormac said. “We have cake. Meet us at Naese’s place for the party.”
“What were you going to do if they were related?” Stolly asked.
“Eat cake and break out the Jack Daniels,” Keelie said.
“Aren’t we going to do that now?” Cruz asked.
“Yeah, but happily,” Cormac said.
“Makes sense,” Coach said. He glanced over at Paloma. “We’re in, minus the Jack Daniels. We have to pick up Trix from school later today.”
“I have some work back at the office to complete,” Gunnar said as he rose. He buttoned his suit jacket before offering me his hand. “Congratulations on the brother, and on not being related to this lovely woman.”
“Thanks.” I shook his hand.
“We’ll swing by the store and grab some mocktail fixings,” Naomi said.
“And collect Ashley,” Adam said. “He can play driver in case we celebrate too hard.”
Naomi shook her head. “That means you plan on getting sauced.”
“Ashley can handle us a bit tipsy. He can handle pretty much anything—he’s a manny,” Adam said with supreme confidence in his son’s caregiver. “Plus, it’s not every day one of your BFFs finds out he’s not related to the woman of his dreams.”
“Oooh,” the ladies sighed, clearly pleased with Adam’s answer.
“Let’s celebrate!” Stol cried.
The laboratory’s staff seemed relieved as our group tromped out of the facility. Cormac shot me a glance, and I gave him a nod. Oh yes, my big plans were still in play. Now for the reason I’d intended: to seduce Hana into marrying me.
No way was I waiting any longer to link her to me—as my wife, the exact place she should have been for the last three years.