Chapter 46
The ship docks in Palamós for our final excursion.
It feels strange knowing that tomorrow I’ll be on a plane home, headed for smoggy London.
Back to the grind. It’s almost depressing but I still have one more day to cram in as much fun as possible.
Another email arrived from Alex this morning.
Despite my drunken blunder, I like chatting to him.
It’s like having my own cheering section.
To: Sophie Smalls
RE: Hello!
Hi,
Ziplining sounds fun. I would care more about this if it wasn’t for the GROUP SEX CRUISE SHIP STORY.
Who the hell are these people? A contained floating vessel seems like an odd place to facilitate a 3some/4some/entire floor-some.
What if it’s horrible and you need to see these people at breakfast every day?
That’s so strange to me. In London you can at least cut and run, safe in the knowledge that you can easily go into hiding or just move.
This cruise sounds hilarious and terrifying.
Hope you’re good anyway and that it hasn’t added to the trauma. You’re going to make me pay for your therapy, aren’t you?
Alex
I laugh as I get dressed to go downstairs. Hilarious and terrifying is accurate.
I grab a quick breakfast with Ellis before we disembark for the beach. I’m looking forward to a lazy day and a final futile attempt to get a suntan. He’s already been to Palamós, so I’ve left him in charge of the itinerary instead of going with something organised by the ship.
‘I just want to be clear that I have no problem with you taking the lead today,’ I say, taking an extra croissant and fruit pot for the beach. ‘You know the best places, it makes sense.’
I notice Ellis also stocking up for the beach. Three apples, a muffin and a yoghurt pot. ‘I get the feeling there’s a but coming,’ he replies, smiling.
‘But I’m begging you, no mountain climbing or deep-sea diving into a smack of jellyfish. I hear that pisses them off.’
‘God, no jellyfish,’ he assures me. ‘They’re spiteful. But you’ve got your swimsuit, right?’ he asks. ‘And beach shoes? The beach here can be pebbly in parts.’
‘Check and check,’ I reply, pointing to the foam-soled shoes on my feet. My swimming costume is under my sundress but I’m not flashing that for verification. ‘But I’m confused. I seem to remember someone saying that lying around on a beach is boring . . .’
‘Just because we’re at the beach doesn’t mean we’re going to be lying around.’
It’s a pleasant walk from the port to the beach. Not too busy, but lively enough to get into the holiday spirit. Between the smell of the sea air and the morning sun kissing the back of my neck, I feel the most relaxed I’ve felt since coming on this cruise.
‘So how was your date?’ he asks casually, as we stroll towards the marina. ‘All go well?’
‘You were right about the older woman stuff,’ I reply. ‘He absolutely wanted me.’
‘Told you.’
‘Only problem was, so did his friends.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘What do you think I mean?’
He snorts. ‘You’re kidding?’
‘Nope,’ I reply, grinning. ‘He wore a full-on pineapple shirt. I didn’t even pay attention at first. It was hilarious. I feel bad for laughing but it was so unexpected.’
‘But did you—’
‘Not a chance. One of the guys looked like Chevy Chase.’
When we arrive, I see the booking centre and an abundance of boats.
Everything from trawlers to yachts and speed boats.
I start to get excited. A boat ride would be a fantastic way to end to the cruise.
Something calm. Something with a breeze.
No more tired legs, no more brain power required.
Maybe some wine. Ooh, I wonder if they’ll provide lunch. The sea air always makes me peckish.
As I admire the view Ellis disappears inside the booking centre, leaving me safe in the knowledge that painful fish stings aren’t on the agenda. As fun as it’s been to visit Spain and Italy, sightseeing is more exhausting that I’d anticipated. A few minutes later, Ellis returns.
‘You need to sign this. It’s just a contract to say you won’t sue them if you fall off the boat or something.’
I take the form. Waiver and Release. The rest is in Spanish.
I hear people screeching as they zip around on jet skis with dogs barking at them from the beach. I scribble my signature.
‘Good to go?’ he asks, handing the forms to a member of staff and saying something in Spanish.
‘I didn’t know you spoke Spanish,’ I say.
‘You never asked. Come on, we’re just down here.’
I can’t say I’m not a little disappointed.
It’s a red speed boat with two people already on board.
I’m not sure what I was expecting but it wasn’t this.
I’m no high-maintenance princess but I thought it might be something a little more refined.
Like that white boat in the distance with the sail and the tanned man standing on deck in his shorts.
Still, the seats are comfortable, and we have elaborate life jackets in case anyone gets violently launched out of the boat.
There was a video on YouTube where an entire group of attractive people in swimsuits are propelled into the sea.
Not funny for them, but hilarious to watch.
I would very much like not to end up on YouTube.
‘I’m Kelly. This is my husband, Steven.’
‘I’m Ellis. This is Sophie.’
‘We’re on our honeymoon,’ she informs us, giving Steven’s hand a little squeeze. ‘Can’t wait for this!’
We move away from the shore, slowly at first, before zipping at lightning speed through the sea. I grip on to the side, giggling. With the sun beating down, the wind in my hair feels amazing. I can understand why people do this.
After a few minutes, a crew member beckons Kelly and Steven.
‘?Vosotroslisto?’ he asks.
Steven and Kelly respond with an equally enthusiastic, ‘We’re ready!’
Ready for what? I wonder as they head towards the back. It doesn’t take long for me to find out. A massive parachute opens at the back of the boat. I watch them, side by side, being strapped into safety equipment.
‘Damn, they’re brave!’ I say, as Steven pulls a GoPro mount over his head. ‘They’ll have some good honeymoon footage, I guess.’
‘Yeah,’ Ellis agrees. ‘Think we could borrow it? They could email the video to me.’
My head whips around to look at Ellis. ‘Why would we borrow . . . um, what’s happening?’
‘Parasailing!’ he replies. ‘It’s such a rush. You’ll love it.’
My eyes widen. ‘What the fuck? I did not agree to this!’
‘This is true but technically you didn’t not not agree to it.’
I furrow my brow. ‘What kind of argument is that? That doesn’t even make sense! How can I agree or disagree with something I wasn’t aware of?’
‘Again, this is true.’
‘And?’
‘Yep, I have nothing . . . but here we are.’
I’d push him off the boat if I didn’t think he’d enjoy it. ‘Well, you have fun. I will not be participating in whatever the hell this is. Remember those jellyfish I talked about? I would rather take my chances with them.’
I turn to watch Steven and Kelly as they’re enraptured three hundred feet above the boat.
‘Nope,’ I confirm as they get higher and higher. ‘No way. Noo. Enjoy your paragliding.’
‘Parasailing.’
‘Whatever. I could barely zipline for ten seconds! I told you I’m not good with heights! Why on earth would I suspend myself over the ocean? It looks horrendous and not at all enjoyable!’
I can hear Kelly and Steven ‘woo-hooing’ with joy from six million feet above. They are not helping my case.
‘If you don’t want to do it, no problem,’ Ellis says softly. ‘It’s just that you’re all about saying yes these days. So I thought I’d present you with the opportunity.’
‘I’m supposed to say yes to situations that might improve my chances of meeting someone, not improve my chances of becoming fish food.’
For eight minutes, I stare up in horror at the two figures soaring above me, my heart leaping from my stomach to my throat.
‘It doesn’t even look safe,’ I exclaim. ‘And there are seagulls up there? They’re vicious. They eat people, you know.’
‘No, they don’t, and it’s very safe,’ Ellis replies. ‘I’ve done it four times.’
‘Well, maybe not the seagulls,’ I admit, ‘but I do know that people have died doing this.’
‘And people have died crossing the street,’ he replies. ‘Are you going to stop crossing the street?’
‘Yes.’
He laughs. ‘Come on! Face your fears! You’ve done ziplining, this will be a walk in the park.’
‘I’d rather walk in the park.’
‘You only live once, right?’
‘This is exactly my point!’ I remind him, just as Kelly and Steven start to descend, legs swinging and dangling as they approach. I’ll admit that part doesn’t look so bad. Plus, they appear to have survived, which is always a bonus.
They’re almost back on the boat when Ellis leans in. ‘I’ll be right beside you,’ he says. ‘You know, if you change your mind and say yes . . .’
‘Stop using that against me,’ I reply. ‘I swear, I am so done with this. When I get home, the word “no” will be making a rapid comeback.’
Kelly and Steven unclip, fresh-faced and laughing.
Laughing! How they’re not crying and thanking God is a mystery to me.
Part of me is annoyed that Ellis put me in this position and another part is slowly beginning to wonder if now that I’m in this position, and probably never will be again, should I just go for it?
‘That was incredible,’ Steven proclaims, shaking himself off. ‘Just incredible. You both going up together or individually?’
Ellis looks hopefully at me, and I take a deep breath. ‘Together,’ I say. ‘Fuck it.’
Just like the zipline, I’m strapped in, only it’s far more complex.
Turns out these life jackets are elaborate for a reason.
I’m harnessed into the swing seat, the parasail and the boat, thankful that it’s not the anchor.
Ellis seems completely unfazed by any of this.
As we sit on the platform the boat starts to speed up and I feel the pull of the parasail.
I barely have time to curse before we start rising into the air.
‘Oh God, oh God,’ I yell, as we soar higher and higher until the boat is almost a speck on the water.
I want to keep shouting but I find myself feeling less horrified than I thought I’d be.
Yes, I’m hanging over the sea by a rope but it’s slow.
It’s smooth. It’s peaceful. It’s also far less noisy than I thought it would be.
It’s a light noise rather than the wind tunnel roar I expected.
‘Not so bad, huh?’ Ellis asks.
‘Shut up.’
‘I’m just saying that sometimes the anticipation is scarier.’
‘That’s beside the point,’ I reply. ‘You tricked me.’
‘I did,’ he admits, ‘but only to get you on the boat. You chose to come up and I’m glad you did. Where else would you experience a view like this? The sea, the beach the—’
‘Are those sharks?’ I exclaim. ‘If these ropes snap, we’re going to bellyflop right into their mouths.’
‘Hmm, no. I think they’re dolphins. They usually swim in groups. Sharks are loners.’
It makes sense. I don’t remember Jaws having friends. I watch in delight as they glide through the water. Magnificent.
‘We should have borrowed that GoPro,’ I say to Ellis. ‘Describing this won’t do it justice.’
As we begin to descend, I’m almost sad. Ellis was right. I would have said no. I would never have agreed to even step foot on the boat had I known what was planned. I would have missed this whole experience.
We’re dropped off and the next set of passengers get on board. ‘I can’t believe I did that,’ I say.
‘Kind of amazing, huh?’ Ellis replies. ‘You’re fearless, Sophie Smalls.’
‘I do not approve of your tactics,’ I tell him. ‘But thank you.’
I hug him. I’m not sure why but it feels like the right thing to do. Thankfully he hugs me back. Would have been embarrassing otherwise.
We pull away and stroll back towards the ship.
‘You should have dinner at our table tonight,’ I tell him. ‘Last night and all. They’re a good crowd.’
‘Sure,’ he replies. ‘That could be cool. What time?’
‘Six thirty. Main dining room.’
‘OK, but do me a favour. Don’t mention my job. Too many questions about what I do, where I’ve been and why I’m not doing it right now. I’d rather just forget it for one night.’
‘No worries,’ I reply. ‘If they ask, just tell them you do something so tedious they won’t follow it up with questions.’
‘Good idea. See you at six thirty.’