Chapter 8
James: Reach Out I’ll Be There
It’s late autumn, but it’s still warm as I make my way to our local. Luke and Andy are sitting outside, beers already on the table, and they burst out laughing as they spot me opening the gate into the pub garden. Andy tries to put on a straight face.
‘So, how’s the chanting going?’ asks Luke innocently.
‘Is that incense I can smell?’ says Andy, almost choking with laughter.
‘Bastards!’ I reply.
‘Did you really give it a go?’
I give them a look.
‘He did!’ Andy yells triumphantly.
Now they’re really cracking up. And eventually I can’t help laughing too. I’m not mad (much) – it’s just what we do, wind each other up. But it’s never malicious. I know when it comes to it, these guys have got my back.
‘Well, I did it for Amy. So now you owe me a drink.’
‘Fair enough. The usual?’ asks Andy, getting up from his seat.
I nod. Andy heads off inside the old Cotswold stone building.
‘Luckily I only tortured myself with your suggestions for one night. Then Gran’s friend told me about the app.’
‘But you can’t get it yet,’ says Luke. ‘You’ve got to have been here—’
‘A year, yeah, I know. But I’m going to see if The Boss will let me have the app early. It’s only a few weeks too soon.’
I must have sounded a bit desperate then because the grin fades off Luke’s face, and he now looks serious. He knows how much Amy means to me.
‘You’ll be lucky,’ he says. ‘They’re pretty strict about things like that. You know we wouldn’t have messed you around if we thought we’d really be delaying you contacting Amy.’
‘I know that. But it’s got to be worth a try. Thought I’d hang out in that park where I bumped into The Boss before, see if I can track him down.’
‘Or you could just make an appointment to see him,’ replies Luke.
‘Yeah, right!’ I roll my eyes. I’m not falling for any more of his trolling.
‘No, really. I mean, most people have questions they need to ask from time to time.’
‘You seriously think I’m going to believe you just book an appointment? To see God?’
‘To be fair, you did believe the incense,’ he replies, trying to suppress a laugh.
‘Yeah, exactly.’
‘No, seriously, James. The appointment thing is real.’ He does sound earnest now.
‘And he actually sees people himself?’ I ask, still not sure whether to believe this. ‘He doesn’t have, like, an office of angels doing all of that for him?’
‘There’s definitely a team of assistants somewhere – couldn’t tell you whether they’re real angels.
I think they deal with the basic enquiries.
But something a bit out of the ordinary is going to get referred to The Boss.
And I’m guessing this will classify as out of the ordinary.
I’ve never heard of anyone getting the app early.
Anyway, I know what you’re like, you’re bound to want to hear it from the highest authority – you always did! Lucky for you Simon was so patient.’
That makes me laugh. Luke knows me too well. And yes, I guess I did push my luck with our boss, Simon, on occasion. But he was a top bloke. The best boss you could wish for. Smart, cool-headed, compassionate and always fair.
‘Do you know much about the God Boss? Anything I should know that’ll help me to convince him?’
‘Hmm. Not sure. I don’t actually know him myself, but I could ask around.’ He looks up at Andy who has just returned from the bar with a round of drinks. ‘Cheers, Andy.’
‘Have you met The Boss?’ I ask Andy.
‘Me? Nah. Never really needed to. Everything’s pretty hunky dory for me up here.’ Andy stretches, looks around and smiles contentedly. ‘Amazing girlfriend, great house, get to hang out with you guys. Now if only I could get my hands on a bike, this place would be pretty much perfect.’
I laugh at that. ‘I know what you mean there. What is it about The Boss and bikes?’
‘No idea. Pet hate? Secret phobia? Most people have one. Maybe The Boss is more human than people think,’ replies Luke.
‘Yeah, maybe,’ I say. ‘But that would be completely irrational. Is God allowed to be irrational?’
‘I guess, if he wants to’, says Andy. ‘I mean, who’s going to stop him?’
Andy’s got a point. I’m probably going to have to move on from that for now – that’s a battle for another day. Right now the app is what matters.
‘So have you used this app much to contact people back at home, Andy?’
‘Some. Not much. My mum mainly. She was so cut up to begin with, after I came up here. As was my dad at times.’
My mum would completely freak out if I tried to contact her.
She’s not one for believing in anything she can’t see with her own eyes.
So I’ve got a good excuse not to go there, thank goodness.
Definitely don’t want to start getting into some kind of dialogue with my mum.
I’d probably end up giving her a piece of my mind about her not being more sympathetic towards Amy.
My mum’s a total stiff-upper-lip type, and she expects that from everyone else.
Her dad was in the army too, and I think she got that from him.
He’s in his eighties and he’s amazing in many ways, but he’s still a real stickler for keeping emotions under wraps.
I like to think I’m a bit more balanced – got my lovely dad to thank for that.
I really miss him. See what I mean? This filter definitely isn’t functioning at full capacity.
‘Time for another, mate?’ Luke asks, holding up my empty pint glass.
‘Nah, I’m good thanks. Things to do. You’re definitely not winding me up about booking an appointment?’
‘No, that’s for real. Ask your gran.’
‘I might just do that, before I go making a fool of myself, again.’
So now I’m heading back to my house – not dissimilar to the one we had back at home.
I know, I’m meant to call this home now, but sometimes I still feel like Earth is home, even though I know I can’t go back.
And this house is just mine, not as homely as the old one.
None of Amy’s stuff. I used to tease her about the number of books she’d buy, and her ever-increasing collection of houseplants, and the huge number of photo albums.
‘The photos are all in the cloud, you don’t need to print them out,’ I used to say.
‘But I don’t like them being just in the cloud. I like flicking through the pages, I like knowing I have them here for real,’ she’d reply, looking over at me with her infectious smile, and who could argue with that?
And right now I’d give anything to have her books and her plants and her photo albums cluttering up the house again.
But back to business. My task for tonight is to work out how on earth I sweet-talk The Boss into letting me have this app. Apparently, I can make an appointment on my phone. Not surprising really – it is pretty high tech, this place. I just hope I don’t have to wait too long. I need to sort this.
I love Amy like I’ve never loved anyone before.
Meeting her was the best thing that ever happened to me.
When I first saw her working in the pub where I used to hang out with some of the army crowd, I could hardly take my eyes off her.
And it wasn’t just her golden blonde hair, or the freckles on her nose, or the smile that made her whole face light up, it was so much more than that.
It was like some serious magnetism between us.
And getting to know her and how sweet and funny and totally sincere she is just made me fall for her so hard and fast. And the way she was so open and trusting, it made me feel so protective towards her, like I wanted to shield her from all the bad in the world, from anything that would make her unhappy.
But in the end I did the reverse, because I was the one who made her unhappy.
It feels unfair to say I miss her. Of course I miss her, I miss her all the time, but faulty as this filter may be, I know what I’m feeling must be nothing compared with how she’s feeling.
But at least I can try to help her now. And maybe if I can just get her to stop worrying about me, she’ll be able to put the pieces of her life back together and find happiness again.