Chapter 29
Amy: Single Ladies
There’s something quite magical about waking up on a boat.
Before you’ve even opened your eyes you can sense there’s something different.
Even though we’re securely moored and on the still water of a canal, there’s nevertheless some kind of sensation of the slightest movement.
It’s very soothing and, for a moment, I feel like I could lie here forever.
And then I go through my usual morning grief catch up.
You see, what I’ve realised is that grief operates in a slightly different time zone from the rest of life.
It’s barely perceptible. You probably wouldn’t even know it.
Except for the mornings, when you first wake up.
That’s when you notice the lag. So, every morning when I wake up, there are a few seconds of normal, of thinking the pre-death life is still happening, thinking that James is still alive.
And then the grief zone catches up, hitting me with the reality check.
And my stomach turns and the familiar pain kicks in, and the tears prick my eyes.
I don’t know how long this will continue.
Perhaps it will be like this every day for the rest of my life.
Or perhaps it will fade over time. I must ask some of the others in the FFC how it is for them.
But for me, for now, this time lag feature seems to be here to stay.
It’s a cruel extra that comes for free – as if grief wasn’t bad enough already.
I’ve just checked my iPhone and it’s only a quarter past seven – not exactly the long lazy lie-in I’d envisaged.
But I know there’s no way I’m going to get back to sleep now reality has caught up with me.
So, I can lie here and cry silently, or I can get up and go outside and maybe the fresh air will help lift the sadness.
I’m going to go with the positive option, and creep out of the cabin quietly, so I don’t wake Elle.
I’ll feel a bit better once I’ve had a cup of tea, and something to eat.
When I get up on deck, Sarah, Janice, and Olive are already sitting in the sun with a pot of tea and the Sunday papers.
‘Morning Amy,’ calls Sarah. ‘Come and have some tea. There are spare mugs here.’
I join them and am just helping myself when a sleepy Elle appears, yawning and stretching.
‘Tea, Elle?’ I offer.
‘Oh, yes please!’ And she pulls up another chair. ‘Oh, this is the life.’ She smiles contentedly, leaning back to soak up the sun.
‘So, no young beau sneaking out of your cabin in the early hours, eh Elle?’ enquires Olive.
Elle laughs. ‘No, I managed to resist the temptation.’
‘I could have sworn I saw a young man follow you into your cabin as we were getting back. In fact, we were expecting to find Amy on one of the spare berths this morning.’
Clearly not much slips past Olive.
‘Ah, well, I guess you must have gone in your cabin straightaway, because otherwise you’d have seen him getting kicked out of our cabin.’
‘Not Mr Right then?’ asks Janice.
‘Uh uh.’ Elle shakes her head vigorously. ‘Cute, but definitely not Mr Right.’
‘Not even good for a quick shag, dear?’ Olive asks, with a twinkle in her eye.
‘Olive!’ Elle looks a bit shocked, and like she feels she ought to look indignant, and then she bursts out laughing and the rest of us crack up too.
‘I realise that’s not what I’m after. My quick shag days are definitely over.’
‘Speak of the devil,’ Sarah says in a low voice, nodding her head towards the steps from below deck, where Steve has just emerged, yawning.
‘Morning, Steve!’ calls Olive. Steve looks up at the group of us.
‘Morning,’ Steve replies, looking a bit embarrassed.
Oops! He was clearly hoping to sneak off the boat discreetly.
What on earth was he doing sleeping on our boat?
Perhaps he just collapsed in a heap somewhere after Elle kicked him out.
He’d had quite a few to drink. Then Liz emerges behind him, in sleek silk pyjamas, a big smile on her face.
Ahh! So that’s what he’s been doing on our boat.
‘Morning all!’ Liz calls gaily to us.
‘I’d best be off,’ says Steve quietly to her.
‘Call me,’ Liz instructs.
He grins, then jumps down onto the towpath, and heads off towards the men’s boat.
‘He won’t, of course,’ she says as she joins us. ‘Still, nothing wrong with a bit of no-strings sex,’ she adds cheerfully. She looks over at Elle. ‘You don’t mind, do you? Sorry, I should have checked you were okay with it.’
‘Absolutely not! I mean, I really don’t mind at all. I honestly didn’t have any claim on him. I’m glad you had, err, a good time.’
‘Well, it just seemed a shame to let his enthusiasm go to waste.’
‘Enthusiasm?’ says Sarah. ‘Now there’s a euphemism I’ve not heard before. I must remember that one. “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just full of enthusiasm?”’
We’re all falling about laughing now.
‘So, ladies, what shall we do today?’ Liz asks.
I’ve just remembered I’m starving.
‘Let’s decide over breakfast. Yoghurt or eggs – or both? You must have built up quite an appetite, Liz.’
Liz just gives an enigmatic smile.
We all head over to the steps down to the galley kitchen. I’m just about to make my way down when I hear someone call my name. I look round and there’s Ravi on the towpath, waving to me, a small card in his hand.
‘Amy!’ he calls again.
‘Morning, Ravi,’ I reply, ‘why don’t you come aboard?’
He steps onto the boat, managing to look slightly more at ease with being afloat than yesterday.
‘Are you okay?’ I ask.
‘Yes, fine, thanks. I just came to give you this.’ He hands me a stylish business card. ‘Just in case you’re still free by New Year’s Eve, and you fancy meeting up.’ He smiles. ‘I do really like you, Amy, and I’d love to get to know you properly.’
I don’t know what to say, but I must look hesitant because he adds, ‘No pressure. Just see how things go, and—’
Liz wolf-whistles in our direction. She gives us a cheeky smile.
‘Maybe be seeing you,’ Ravi adds, climbing back off our boat. He gives me a wave.
‘Maybe.’ I wave back. ‘Bye, Ravi.’