Chapter 40 #2
‘I know in some ways it would be fabulous to go back, but overall I’d rather stay up here.’ Andy takes a swig of his pint and sits back contentedly.
The Boss looks chuffed.
‘Well, that’s fantastic that you like it so much up here.’
But wait a minute. Did I hear that right?
‘Hang on, Andy. What do you mean? You’d rather stay here than go back home?’
‘I would.’
‘But why?’ I ask.
‘I’ve been here for ages. This is home now. You know I was never good with big changes. I’ve got used to this place. I wouldn’t want another change. And besides, there’s Maia. I definitely wouldn’t want to have to say goodbye to her.’
I guess he’s got a point. Heaven’s been good to him. Why would he want to leave?
I turn to The Boss. ‘Could you let Luke go back with me?’
But when I look at Luke, he’s shaking his head.
‘No, I couldn’t go back either. I am so chuffed for you, James, that you’re going to get to go back to Amy. But going back isn’t for me.’
‘Really?’ I’m astounded.
‘Really,’ Luke says firmly.
The Boss is looking relieved. I know I shouldn’t have put him on the spot like that, it’s just I really wanted the others to be able to have this amazing chance too.
It won’t be quite the same going back without Andy and Luke.
It’s been so brilliant the three of us being back together, like old times, and I thought for a moment I was going to get to hang on to that.
I guess they’re not kidding when they say you can’t have it all.
The Boss stands up. Andy and Luke immediately get to their feet too, as do I.
‘Right, well, I’m going to love you and leave you.
Places to go, people to see, and all that.
Good to see you, Luke and Andrew.’ He shakes their hands.
‘Fine biblical names you’ve all got. You know, if James had been staying, we could have formed some kind of boy band – God and the Three Disciples?
He’s pretty good on the guitar, isn’t he?
’ he indicates me.‘Not as good as that other army one, of course, the one with all the hits.’
‘He means James Blunt,’ I chip in, by way of explanation.
‘Huh?’ Luke looks at me, confused.
‘But if you need a new band member, you could always try that Beethoven guy,’ The Boss adds.
‘Beethoven? Don’t think we’re quite in his league – or genre!’ says Andy.
‘Oh, he’s doing all sorts these days. Had him bending my ear for ages to get hold of some music app for him – Shedband?
Or something like that? Personally I thought it didn’t really sound like it was up his street, thought maybe Bowie had been winding him up – bit of a joker that one – but Beethoven was adamant, said he thinks he should move with the times.
And talking of moving, I really must be off. Cheers guys.’ And away he goes.
So that was yesterday, and today is the big day – the day I’m going back to life. It’s surprisingly hard to be leaving this place. I’ve met some great people up here, and of course it means saying goodbye to some people who mean so much to me. Luke’s here now to see me off.
‘So why did you say you didn’t want to go back?’ I ask. ‘I reckon I could have convinced The Boss if you hadn’t said no.’
‘Reasons. Good reasons,’ he replies evasively.
‘Ah, come on Luke. How long have we known each other? You’re going to need to give me a bit more than that.’
‘Well, okay, the thing is, there’s something you don’t know,’ he says quietly.
‘Before I came up here, we’d been trying for a baby for over two years.
It wasn’t like Becky was getting pregnant and miscarrying even.
Just two years of nothing, not even getting as far as conceiving.
We were just starting the process of getting tests when I came up here.
So, we never got to find out whether it was a problem with me, or her, or just the combination of the two of us. ’
‘Oh man, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’
‘No, no one did. Becky didn’t want anyone to know. You know what she’s like. Always the life and soul, always brightening up everyone’s day. That’s what she does – makes people happy. She didn’t want to bring people down with our problems.’
‘I can imagine,’ I say.
‘So now, here she is with the perfect life: great husband, gorgeous little girl. I couldn’t take that little girl away from her.
If I went back and she knew nothing about what had gone on, okay she’d have got me back in her life.
But she’d have lost the future of having Lucy.
And there’s a very real possibility that Becky and I might never be able to have children together, that I might never be able to give her the child she so desperately wanted.
And if I knew it was me who’d denied her that, me who’d taken away her chance of motherhood.
Well, I couldn’t live with myself doing that to her.
She’s a fabulous mum. She’s got so much love to give.
So, no, even if I did have the chance, there’s no way I could go back. ’
I look at Luke. Yet again I find myself in awe of his total selflessness.
He is such a good guy. Very selfishly, I’m gutted.
For a moment there I had pictured us all going back to Earth.
We’d have had some great times again. But I get it.
I get that he wants Becky to be happy. Because that’s the kind of caring guy he is.
‘I am going to miss you, man.’
‘Likewise.’ He pulls me close for a bro hug.
‘So, what are you going to do with yourself up here?’
He shrugs. ‘Oh, you know. I’ll find something. There’s the cycling club. And Andy’s desperate to introduce me to Maia’s cousin – so you never know. She’s really cool – or so he tells me. And besides, The Boss needs someone to play chess with.’
‘Ah yes, good point.’
Talk of the devil. Well, obviously not The Devil, but anyway, here’s the man himself.
‘Morning boys!’
‘Hey, Boss. How’s it going?’
‘Grand, grand.’
But he doesn’t have his usual chipper air about him. He’s almost subdued.
Luke makes his excuses. It’s clear The Boss wants a private word with me before I leave.
‘Did Mike ask for your hPhone back?’
‘Yeah, I’ve checked out.’
‘Okay. Well, look, don’t tell anyone else down there about this, but I want you to take this one with you.’ He hands me a brand new hPhone, still in its snazzy box, sixtieth generation.
‘This is only for you to use, no one else. Well, maybe Amy, but that’s it. Got it?’
‘Wow! Yes, of course. Thanks. That’s amazing.’ I’m chuffed he trusts me enough to let me have one of his supersmart phones to take with me.
‘It’ll be the easiest way to keep in touch.
And you can keep in touch with your pals up here too, and your gran,’ he adds.
Just don’t go giving out my number to anyone down there, okay?
Especially that Neale Donald something-or-other bloke.
I don’t want him on the blower. I don’t know who he thinks he’s been having conversations with, but it’s definitely not me. ’
I put the phone safely in my pocket.
‘You know, I’m going to miss you, James.’ He’s sounding a bit emotional now, and it’s making me get that way too. ‘I’ve put a chess app on there so we can play remotely,’ he adds. ‘Will you have time – maybe once a week?’
Okay, so I know I said I’d never play chess with him again, but he has gone above and beyond to put things right. And I do enjoy a game of chess.
‘Sure, I’ll have time. But I thought you were planning to play chess with Luke.’
‘Yeah, yeah. I’ll do that too. He’s a great bloke, top company. But, you know, if I’m completely honest, from what I’ve seen, he’s nowhere near as good as you at chess. But don’t go telling him I said that.’
I can’t help grinning at that. Luke and I have had a long-running debate about which of us is better at chess. And now here I have it, on good authority – the highest, you might say – that I’m a better player than him. But, of course, I won’t tell him that.
The Boss fixes me with a slightly stern look.
‘Now I know what you’re like, so there’s no point in me telling you to stay off the bikes completely.
But for my sake – and for the sake of that lovely girlfriend of yours – keep off the roads for now.
And I’ll see what I can do about getting a few more cycle paths sorted out down there. ’
‘I’ll do my best.’ This is so unreal. I actually feel completely choked up. And The Boss looks like he’s feeling the same way.
He gives me a playful punch on the arm, and steps back.
‘Oh, come here,’ he says, giving me a big hug and a couple of slaps on the back. We look at each other. It’s like neither of us knows what to say. Which is weird – we’ve never been short of things to talk about before. He clears his throat. ‘You’re a good man, James.’
‘You’re not so bad yourself, you know, as deities go.’
He laughs. ‘Right. Well, time you were on your way.’
I nod. Strange how suddenly it’s not quite so easy going back to life after all.
‘And don’t come back too soon. I’m expecting it to be at least fifty years before I have you darkening my door again.’
I laugh and turn around to wave but he’s already heading off in the other direction. Is that a sniff I hear as he goes?