Chapter 54
Sarge
Toss the lighter and let the bitch burn.
Hannah is in bad shape. If every man in this house weren’t already dead, I’d kill them all over again. She doesn’t appear to have any broken bones or deep cuts needing stitches, but she’s still battered. Her beautiful face swollen and bruised in yellow and purple hues.
It’s hard for me to even look at her. Not because I don’t find her beautiful, regardless, but because the guilt rips me open from the inside out.
She didn’t deserve this, yet she stands here next to me, thanking me for getting her out.
I don’t deserve a thank you. I deserve her spitting in my face, sprinting away, and never looking back.
If I were a better man, I might let her do that. But I’m not.
For what it’s worth, I will spend forever trying to be worthy of this amazing woman. I owe her so much that my debt may never be fully repaid. But I will go to my grave trying.
When we exit the front door of the mansion, we are met by most of the men who helped get her out.
My crew stands whole, with only a few scratches and graze wounds from bullets.
We got lucky. The SUVs are here now, and the doc is already working.
The women we found in the house are all getting the immediate care they need.
Small, non-urgent matters can be addressed later.
They need clothes, shoes, toiletries, and so much more. The club will provide all of it.
Grimace approaches Hannah and me, holding out his hand.
Dropping a lighter into my palm, he asks, “Care to do the honors?”
I take the lighter but have no intention of using it myself. I didn’t have to live through the darkness in this place; she did. While I don’t know the full extent of the hell she endured, I have a good idea. If anyone deserves to turn this house to ashes, it’s her.
Hannah looks down at my hand, glances at Bear, and then back to me. Without saying a word, she picks up the lighter.
“Gas trail leads to here,” Grimace says, pointing to the bottom of the front steps. “Toss the lighter there and let this bitch burn.”
Hannah looks behind us, receiving silent nods of support from the men. No one is dumb enough to rush her. This is her moment, and she can take as long as she needs.
Her eyes land directly on mine, and I give her a small smile. Her strength amazes me. Just when I thought she couldn’t get any more beautiful, I’m proven wrong.
She pulls both lips between her teeth and closes her eyes. They are still locked on mine when she opens them again.
“Thank you,” she says, before opening the lighter and hurling it into the puddle of fuel.
We watch as a line of flames races into the house. It catches fire quickly, the orange glow through the windows revealing how fast it’s spreading. Turning, I see Hannah’s chest rise and fall. Silent sobs steal her breath.
I place my arm around her shoulders, and she leans her full weight into me. Not wanting to chance her falling, I lift her into my arms. Her face nuzzles into the side of my neck as tears streak down her cheeks and onto the collar of my shirt.
I hold her securely while she finally lets it all go. Whispering into her ear, “I’m here, baby. You’re safe now, we’re going home.” I remind her over and over.
I gently set her in the back seat of the SUV and load my gear into the back of the vehicle. By the time I climb in next to her, her breathing has become more erratic. The moment I close the door, I can tell she’s near hyperventilating.
“Baby, look at me.”
She puts her hands on the seat in front of us and pushes against it, her breathing still short and rapid.
“Hey. It’s okay. Hannah, look at me.” I place my hand on her shoulder, and she jumps.
She isn’t in this car with me. Her mind is somewhere else.
“Butterfly, it’s me.” Her eyes finally meet mine, but she continues to push on the seat like it is closing in on her.
I stand, leaning forward to reach the controls and adjust the front seat until it’s all the way forward. She leans her head down, still breathing fast but a little more deeply now that she has the space.
“That’s it, Butterfly. Breathe.” I rub her back, and she doesn’t try to pull away from my touch this time.
I don’t know how much is too much, so I don’t overdo it. I would understand if she didn’t want to be touched at all by anyone, including me, after what they did to her. I feel extremely lucky just to be able to rub her back.
Her breathing has calmed enough that my nerves settle a bit, right up until she reaches for my knife and pulls it from my belt. Expecting her to hold it to my throat, I’m stunned when she instead presses the blade against the skin of her inner arm.
“Get it out of me!” she yells. “I want it the fuck out of me!”
Grabbing the wrist holding the knife, I kick my door open and yell for backup.
“Want what out, Hannah? What is it?” I ask, just as Ace throws her door open from the other side.
Together, we struggle to get the knife away from her while she fights us with everything she has left.
“Hannah! I can’t help you if I don’t know what you need.” Frustrated and terrified for her, I look at her left arm. Other than a small, round scab, I don’t see anything where she was trying to use the blade.
“Hey, man. Got the doc here,” Giz says, appearing at my door.
“Hannah, we have the club doctor here. Can you tell him what you need?”
When she looks at the doctor, the fear and panic on her face are undeniable. She tries to scramble backward, but Ace is still behind her, blocking the exit.
“It’s okay, honey. This is the same guy who helped when the Scorpions put that shit in your drink,” Ace tells her, his voice low and calm.
“He wouldn’t be here if we didn’t trust him,” I add. “Look at me, Butterfly.” I wait until her eyes are on mine. “No one here wants to hurt you, but if they did try, I would put a bullet in their brain,” I promise her.
She breathes heavy, taking in our familiar faces and the doctor before she finally speaks.
“They put some kind of... birth control in me—I want it out.” She says it between sobs, her voice still laced with anger.
The doctor sighs. “Can everyone clear out, please, so I can talk with her in private?”
Gizmo and Ace leave quickly, and I look to Hannah. “Do you want me to go? I can stay close in case you need me.”
She shakes her head before speaking. “No. Please. Stay.”
I nod and place my hand on her knee. I’m both relieved and honored that she wants me here. I didn’t want to leave, but I was willing to if that was what she needed.
“Okay, Hannah,” the doctor says. “We haven’t had a chance to meet properly. I’m Doctor Spritz.” He holds a hand out.
She takes it for a weak handshake. “Hi. I’m Hannah. But I guess you already know that,” she says shyly.
“I do, but it’s nice to meet you officially. Now, you say they inserted birth control into your arm, yes?”
She nods.
“Okay, and you want it out, as I understand.”
She nods again.
“I’m happy to do that, but I have a few questions first.” He glances at me before continuing. “Is there any chance you could have gotten pregnant if that wasn’t there?” He points at whatever is inside her bicep.
Her head drops as realization hits her. “Yes.”
When she brings her head back up, she won’t look at me. I give her knee a light squeeze, rubbing back and forth a few times.
It’s all I can think of to let her know I don’t feel any different about her. It kills me to see her carrying shame for what those monsters did.
She’s wearing their sins on her own shoulders as though they’re hers to carry. Rage fills my chest, but I force it down. This isn’t about me.
“In that case, my recommendation would be to leave it in for a week, at minimum, to reduce the chance of a pregnancy. I would also like to do some preventative care and a few tests, if that’s okay with you?”
“Fine,” she says, so quiet it breaks my heart.
“Okay.” The doc replies to her. “We don’t have to do any of that today, though. Get some rest, and I’ll make a house call tomorrow.” He looks between both of us. “Sound alright?”
She nods her head at the same time I tell him, “Yeah.”
Her hands slip between her thighs as she crosses her feet and shrinks back into the seat of the vehicle.
These people took a beautiful soul and bruised it.
Instead of hating them, she is somehow hating herself.
I want to hug her, kiss her, tell her how amazing she is—but I won’t push her.
For now, I’ll remain a constant source of love and support until she lets me in.
Because, as much as it scares me, I do love her. Hell, I have for longer than I’d like to admit. I’m not about to tell her, though, not now.
Not only does it make me sound crazy, but I’m fairly certain it would send her running.
I’ve been lying to myself, calling it the excitement of being interested in someone again or just enjoying the novelty of someone new. But after going without her, there’s no denying it. I love Hannah with everything I am.
Her fierceness, her sass, her skepticism. All of it. She brings color to my bland world and light to my darkness. She keeps me on my toes, no doubt, and she makes me work for every bit of trust I gain. She is kind and giving while remaining cautious, calculated, and reserved when she needs to be.
Every side I’ve seen of this woman leaves me wanting more. Craving more. I may be crazy, but I want her in my life every single day she’ll let me be there. Hell, even on the days she doesn’t want me around, because I know her pushing me away is only a defense she’s built to keep from getting hurt.
I hate that I’ve already caused so much hurt in her life. Unintentional as it may be, it still happened because of me, and I will do anything to right the wrongs I’ve caused.
Without knowing the full extent of all that happened to her while she was captive, I can only surmise she likely has more inner than outer healing to do. And wild horses couldn’t tear me away while she battles the demons in her mind, I will be there with her through it all.
Glancing out the window, I see the house is now fully engulfed in flames.
“Butterfly, you ready to go home?”
It takes her a moment to answer me. When she does, she doesn’t meet my eyes, and her voice is small. “When you say that word—home—what do you mean?”
Reaching over, I take her hand gently in mine. “I will take you wherever you want to go, baby, but I was referring to your home.” I give her hand a slight squeeze. It isn’t much, but I need her to feel how much I care.
Her sad eyes finally find mine. “I just... I don’t want to be alone.”
“You won’t be. Not ever again.” I promise.
She huffs out a breath. “You can’t be with me all the time. You have the pawn shop, the club. I will have to go back to work sooner or later. We can’t always be together.”
“Bullshit, we can’t. I went from putting the military first to putting the club first. Now, it’s time I put myself first, and I want to be with you.”
She rolls her eyes at me.
“No, no. Don’t you roll your eyes. I mean it, Butterfly. I want to be where you are.” I scoot closer to her, but not enough to crowd her. “We’re making changes to how the club handles business, so I’m not as needed anymore.”
Her brows pull down. “You’re changing the way your club is run so that you can babysit me?”
Sighing, I can’t help but smile. “Not to babysit you, no. The club has relied on me too heavily for too long. It’s time I take a step back and allow a proper chain of command to function.” I let out a soft chuckle. “If anything, I’m ending the babysitting I’ve been doing for the club.”
Biting her bottom lip, she looks like she wants to say something, but she hesitates.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Could we go to your place?”
“Of course we can.”
Opening the car door, I call out to Ace, who is the only one left here with us. “Hey, man. We’re ready.”
Turning back to Hannah, I catch her eye and say to them both, “Let’s go home.”