Chapter 55
Hannah
Two Weeks Later
Driving back to the clubhouse was one big blur I didn’t stay awake for.
Safely wrapped in Gavin’s arms, I slept like the dead.
When I woke up hours later, I was in his soft memory foam bed.
I had been so out of it that when I first looked around, I didn’t recognize the room.
Panic immediately began to set in with the terrifying fear that maybe his saving me was all a glorious dream, and I was actually back in that horrible mansion.
But then Gavin strolled out of the bathroom, his warm smile said everything I needed to know. I was really free from that prison, and I had him to thank for it.
Gavin waited a couple of days before overwhelming me with details about what happened while I was gone. When I heard that Scarlett was the mastermind behind everything, it initially sent me into a blind rage.
No one should have to endure what I did. But once I was able to calm down and think, I almost felt bad for her. I know firsthand what it feels like not to be enough for someone else.
If she had felt strongly about Gavin, and he was always overlooking her, that could be really hard. However, I have never sacrificed someone else to make a point or to be noticed.
He told me the less I know, the better, but I know she is alive.
My whole body had relaxed the moment those words left his lips.
I half expected him to say something vague like “she’s gone,” and I would have to fill in the blanks on my own.
While it’s not up to me to decide if she lives or dies, I would have made the same choice the club did.
As for the Scorpions, no one has seen or heard anything from them. The Saints half expected immediate retaliation, but instead it’s been quiet. I can’t help but think it’s only the calm before the storm, but Gavin and I don’t talk about it.
Ellie came to visit me the first day I was back at the clubhouse, and Sarge had left us alone to talk, assuring me he was just in the other room if I needed him.
She and I hugged, cried, and talked for a long time.
I told her everything, sparing no detail, which is something I still have yet to do with anyone else.
It felt so good to get it all out. It was immensely relieving knowing that what happened to me wasn’t some locked-up secret eating me alive anymore.
After staying at the clubhouse for two days, I finally felt like I could come home. I’m not sure why I chose his place over mine initially, but it had just felt right at the time. In the end, I’m glad I did. My mind was in a better place when I finally stepped through the front door of my own home.
Gavin has so far kept his word and hasn’t left my side. He gets up first in the morning, makes my coffee just the way I like it, and holds me close at night when nightmares haunt my sleep.
His presence has been the first constant I’ve ever known—the first person to persevere with me through something difficult without leaving or blaming me.
Living with Gavin has given me a front-row seat to the intimate details of his life. His hygiene routine, his level of home cleanliness, his food preferences, his lack of cooking skills, and the fact that he’s a morning person.
I’ve also been banned from loading the dishwasher because I do it “wrong,” whatever that means. I’m not going to argue with a man who wants to take on household chores.
When we first came home, it was rough for a few days.
More physically than anything. But Gavin helped me with everything from cooking and cleaning to hooking my bra and tying my shoes when it hurt too much to twist my wrists.
He helped clean and bandage my wounds and ice my bruises.
He made sure I was fed even when I didn’t want to eat and reminded me to drink enough water.
Life with Gavin has quickly settled into a simple, comfortable rhythm that scares me because it feels so natural.
It’s like he’s always been there. I can hardly remember what life was like without him.
That’s what makes what I have to say to him so difficult.
While it’s inevitable, I know it’ll go down like a glass of razors.
Right now, we’re indulging in one of our simple comforts.
Sitting on the couch together, watching another episode of Stranger Things.
After discovering that neither of us had ever seen it, we decided to dive in last week.
Given that we’re both consistently home, we’ve already managed to blow through an entire season.
Gavin won’t even leave me to get groceries; he insists we have them delivered so he can stay with me. I act annoyed, but secretly I’m thankful for his over-protectiveness. I still don’t feel comfortable enough to be left alone and I haven’t wanted to go out with the way my face looks.
Silence no longer brings peace or boredom; instead, it brings feelings of terror, anxiety and dread.
The quiet makes me believe something awful will break through it to hurt me.
Gavin must sense this because we either have the TV on or music playing during the day.
To sleep, I started using a noisy box fan to eliminate the silence at night.
While a fan may be an odd thing to utilize as we head into winter, I don’t miss how Gavin always makes sure it’s on before climbing into bed with me.
Turning to him, I pause the show. “Hey. I want to talk to you about something.”
He rotates next to me so he can look me straight in the eyes. “Alright, what’s that?”
“Well, my bruises are mostly gone. The ones that aren’t are yellow and easy to cover.” He stares at me like he has no idea where this is going. “I think it’s time I go back to work.”
I can already see the disapproval on his face. He thinks I’m a porcelain doll that will break at any moment.
“I don’t have some huge savings to live off of, Gavin. I have to make money.”
“So let me take care of you.” He says it as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“What? Take care of me, how? I sit here while you pay my bills? No. Absolutely not. I can’t do that.”
I will not sit around and have a man pay for everything while I have no money to fall back on if things go bad. Making my own money is the only way I can guarantee my own security.
He shrugs his shoulders. “Okay, then work for me. I need a manager at the pawn shop now that I’ve taken a step back from the club business. Wolf used to handle the back end of things, but now he’s taken over handling our shipments.”
“Do you even know how much I make at Velvet?” I ask, knowing damn well he doesn’t.
“No, but whatever it is, I can match it.”
I raise an eyebrow at his blind promise.
He sighs. “Look, not only would it be a relief knowing I have someone I trust managing the shop, but I also wouldn’t hate knowing my woman isn’t taking her clothes off for other men.”
The sentence feels like a stab in the gut. I think about what was forcibly done to me by other men. What I did with them. While it wasn’t my choice, it still happened. Gavin notices how my body goes rigid and places a gentle hand on my shoulder, bringing me back to this moment.
“Look, if you love what you do, I’m not going to stop you.
Will I like it? No. Will I be there every damn night you work, making sure customers respect you?
Fuck yes. But I’m not going to stop you if it’s what you want to do.
” He lowers his hand to mine. “But, if there’s a chance you’re willing to work for me, I would be very happy to have you. ”
His words engulf the ice around my heart with the intensity of a blowtorch.
The moment he’s done speaking, I realize I never wanted to go back to Velvet.
What I want, what I need, is to feel in control.
No one in my life would have approved of me working at a strip club.
Choosing to do so wasn’t just an act of rebellion; it was a power play.
Velvet was a big step in creating a life that was unapologetically mine. Of regaining my individuality after trying so hard to be what everyone else wanted me to be, but always falling short.
Then Disel happened. He stole the freedom and safety I’d worked so hard to regain, leaving me starving for a sense of self all over again. Needing to regain my self-worth, my control, and my dignity.
And while my mother, my ex’s and Disel all used me to feed their own agendas, I now have this sweet scruffy faced man in front of me who only wants me to be happy. Even if what makes me happy wouldn’t be his first choice. He’s still there, aggressively in my corner.
I haven’t missed the reserved way he’s touched me ever since I got back from the mansion. Initially, I thought it was because he was disgusted by me. Now, I’m leaning toward the idea that he isn't sure how to touch me. What’s too much and what isn’t. He’s guessing at the boundaries as much as I am.
“Okay, I’ll work for you on one condition,” I tell him.
“What’s that?”
“I get to listen to music while I work. Any music I want.” That’s one thing I will miss from the club—aside from my coworkers. It’s like a party every night. Plus, the sound will be like my own personal comfort blanket.
“Oh, you drive a hard bargain, Miss Walker, but I think I can agree to that.” He raises my hand to his lips and leaves a light kiss in his usual spot, over my ring finger.
It’s the first time his lips have touched my skin since I got back, and it sends warmth all through my body.
The doctor already checked me out, and other than some superficial tears to my labia, there was no lasting damage. Amazingly enough, none of those men managed to give me an STI. I was able to have the implant removed a couple of days ago, which was way more painful than having it put in.
Thanks to the synthetic hormones in that implant, my period isn’t on the same schedule as it was before.
At first, the news didn’t bother me because I thought there was no way in hell I was having sex anytime soon.
But sitting here with Gavin, listening to him be so supportive of me and what I want, I’m feeling differently.
Now, I’m trying to remember if there are any condoms in my house. But I know that’s just the hormones talking; I’m not sure if I’m mentally ready for all of that. Plus, I think he deserves to know what happened when I was gone before I jump back into bed with him.
“When I was in that room, the men—”
“Hey, you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to. I still love you, no matter what.”
I freeze. His eyes go wide when he realizes what he just said.
“You... what?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.
He closes his eyes. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
Ouch. I wince, taking that emotional blow.
“No, no. Not like that. I just, what I mean is, I’ve been waiting for the right time to say it—not that I don’t mean it.” He runs his thumb lightly over my cheek. “Because I do, Hannah. I love you. So very much. You’re the strongest and most beautiful person I know, and you amaze me every day.”
I smile at him, emotions taking over. “I love you, too.”
Thankfully, I do feel the same way, or this could have been really awkward.
Leaning in towards him, I press my lips lightly to his, and my body melts into the feeling. It’s like coming home to a place I didn’t know I missed until I finally arrived. Or like feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin in the cold of winter.
While the outside of me is mostly healed, the inside is still a work in progress. The mental and emotional pieces are still finding their way back into place.
But this kiss makes me feel like real healing is possible. It makes me feel like I can overcome what those men did to me because, right now, in this moment, I feel safer and more loved than I have in my entire life.
It’s going to be a long process to undo what was done, but I know it’ll be worth the work.
And somehow, I know that Gavin will be there with me through it all.
He’ll be navigating every bump in the road and every detour right by my side.
For the first time in forever, I won’t have to be my own strength.
I finally have someone to stay by my side while we glue all my pieces back in place—together.