Chapter 26 #2
His eyes close immediately. His face turns into my touch like his body remembers safety even if mine no longer understands it. "I am here," I tell him.
His hand covers mine. "No," he whispers. "You're not."
Professor Thorne watches us with horror settling slowly across his face. "This isn't grief," he says.
My mother turns toward him. "What?"
His gaze stays on me. "The sovereign heart did not erase emotion. It severed access to it, as you can see her body remembers the emotions but can't process them and now with Valerius she is using a manipulation technique to make him think that she's herself because he doubted her,
but behind her eyes you see it is dead, she has one mission and will do whatever it takes to complete it."
"What mission?" My mother asks.
"I do not know yet but I will find out." Thorne says, staring at me with narrowed eyes.
"Can it be reversed?" Professor Vale asks.
"Possibly." Thornes says uncertain.
Valerius opens his eyes. "Possibly isn't an answer."
"It is the only one I have." Thorne tries to stand.
Pain twists his face, and Professor Vale forces him back into the chair. He doesn't argue. That tells me how badly he's hurt.
"We need to examine her mark," he says.
I push the blankets aside. Valerius turns back instantly. "What are you doing?"
"Helping." I answer.
"You should rest." Valerius hand settles the bottom of my back.
"There is no tactical value in rest." I answer him,
The room goes still. Valerius looks like I struck him again. I swing my legs over the side of the bed. My nightdress has been changed. Clean white fabric instead of yesterday's blood-soaked uniform. Bandages wrap my upper arm and ribs. The floor is cold under my feet.
Valerius reaches for my waist when I stand, afraid I will fall. I don't. My body feels weak but my mind doesn't. I pull the neckline of the nightdress slightly aside, revealing the mark over my heart.
Everyone stares.
Yesterday, it was a white-gold star inside a ring of shadow. Now the flame is colourless. A shape made from the absence of light, surrounded by a thin black ring. It doesn't glow. It drinks the morning around it.
My mother whispers, "Oh, gods."
Valerius touches the matching mark beneath his torn shirt. His still burns gold and black. Mine has gone cold.
Thorne pushes himself upright despite Professor Vale's protest. He steps toward me, his face losing what little colour remained. "The sovereign heart is closed."
I look at him. "It's functioning."
"No." He stares at the mark. "It is containing."
"Containing what?" I ask.
"You." Thorne face shows sadness.
The answer interests me. Valerius moves beside me. His shoulder touches mine. I know the contact once calmed me. Now it only gives me information, his fear enters the bond so intensely that my Starfire mark pulses. The black ring around it expands. Every flame in the room goes out.
My mother gasps.
Valerius's Shadowflame appears instantly, black fire rimmed red illuminating his face. The sovereign mark on my chest answers. Valerius's flame bends toward me then it turns white. He jerks his hand back, the fire returns to black.
Professor Thorne whispers, "It's feeding on emotional energy."
"Mine?" Valerius asks.
"All of ours." Thorne says. My mother steps back. The flames in the hearth reignite, but they're lower now.
I look at the mark. "So I can use emotion without experiencing it."
Thorne's eyes meet mine. "Yes."
"That's useful." I smile.
Valerius turns toward me. "Don't say that."
"Why?" I turn to him.
"Because it isn't useful. It's wrong." He says with hurt in his eyes.
I look at him. "So?"
Something in his face shatters. My mother begins to cry again. Professor Vale looks away. Thorne doesn't. He studies me as if forcing himself to witness every detail. "If she stays like this," he says slowly, "she will not become the queen the Ancient Masters feared."
Valerius's hand curls into a fist. "What will she become?"
Thorne looks at him. "The queen they created."
Silence. The words move through the room. My mother sinks onto the edge of the bed. "No."
Professor Thorne's voice is grim. "A Starborne without compassion. Without hesitation. Without emotional limits on the sovereign heart."
"I still know right from wrong," I say.
Every gaze returns to me. Do I? I know laws. I know consequences. I know loyalty and betrayal. Right and wrong are often names people give to outcomes they prefer.
Valerius watches my face. The bond trembles. "What are you thinking?"
"That Voss is alive." I say. The room chills.
My mother stands. "She is contained."
"Where?" I ask.
"Valentina," Valerius warns.
I look at him. "Where is she?"
Professor Thorne answers. "The north holding chambers. Under academy guard."
"Alive." I say.
"Yes." THorne nods.
"Why?" I ask.
My mother stares. "Because we need answers."
"We know enough." I remind her.
"We do not," Thorne says. "We need to know what she promised Seren. How she opened the gate. Whether the Ancient Masters have other agents inside Arcana."
"Then question her." I narrow my eyes.
"We intend to." Thorne says.
"And afterward?" I ask.
No one answers. Valerius looks at me. My mother's face pales. The silence is informative. I turn toward the wardrobe.
Valerius catches my wrist. "Where are you going?"
"To question her." I say.
"No." His answer is immediate.
I look down at his hand. He releases me slowly. Not because I demand it, because even now, he won't hold me without permission. "You can't stop me," I say.
"I know." His voice is low with pain. "But I can ask you not to go."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because you want vengeance, not answers." Valerius holds his gaze to mine.
"So? Aren't you the one that wanted vengeance like 12 hours ago?" I ask.
His eyes burn. "This isn't you."
"I'm Valentina Starling." I say.
He sighs. "You know what I mean."
"I remember what you mean." I say.
He flinches. The bond floods with grief again. My mark pulses. A thread of pale light travels beneath my skin, cold and clean. Valerius sees it. He steps closer. "You're using me."
"How? I'm standing over here." I say.
"Your magic is feeding on what I feel." He takes a step back.
"I'm not controlling it." I say.
"Would you stop it if you could?" He asks, fear passing through his eyes.
I consider the question. "No."
He recoils as if I struck him. My mother whispers my name.
I turn away from them and look through the wardrobe.
A black uniform hangs inside. Clean. Repaired.
My blank branch cloak lies beside it, though it is no longer blank.
Someone has embroidered the accepted academy crest over the chest. I remove the cloak.
"Valentina," Thorne says. I look over my shoulder. He braces one hand against the chair, breathing through pain. "You cannot confront Voss like this."
"Why?" I ask.
"Because she will provoke you." Thornes says.
"She can't." The answer quiets everyone.
Voss can't hurt me now. Seren can't hurt me. My father's body can't hurt me. Valerius's grief can't hurt me. Nothing can reach the place where pain used to live. I understand why the sovereign heart chose this. It's safer. Efficient. Powerful.
I step behind the privacy screen to dress. Valerius doesn't look away from the screen. I can feel his gaze through the bond. He is searching constantly for a crack. A flicker. Anything familiar. I button my uniform and fasten the cloak.
When I emerge, my mother stands near the door. Blocking it. "No." Her voice trembles, but she doesn't move.
I look at her. "Don't make me move you." The sentence leaves me calmly.
My mother goes white. Valerius appears between us. His Shadowflame ignites. Not aimed at me but his body becomes a barrier, his face furious. "You will not threaten her."
I tilt my head. "She's in my way."
"She is your mother." Valerius voice is serious.
"I know." I narrow my eyes.
"And you love her." He continues.
"I remember." I nod.
He closes his eyes. The word wounds him every time. Good information, I should use it less if I need his cooperation.
"I won't harm her," I say.
My mother looks at me with tears running silently down her face. Valerius holds his stare. His flame becomes bigger and turns towards her. "Would you care if I did?"
I consider lying, the old Valentina might have lied to protect her. The person standing here sees no benefit. "No."
My mother breaks. Her hand flies to her mouth as a sob escapes. Valerius turns on Thorne. "Fix this."
The professor looks devastated. "I don't know how."
Shadowflame fills the ceiling. "Learn." The windows rattle. The door wards flare and beneath everything, my sovereign heart draws from his anguish. Cold Starfire spreads through my veins, stronger with every second.
I flex my fingers. Power gathers without heat. Without rage. Without fear. Perfectly controlled. Professor Thorne sees it. His face changes. "Valerius, calm down."
"I will not calm down." Valerius shouts.
"You are feeding her." Thorne yells back. That stops him. The Shadowflame vanishes. The grief in the bond remains, but he begins walling it away, layer by layer.
A mental barrier like the one Thorne tried to teach us. Valerius hates walls between us but now he builds one to protect me from what I have become. Interesting. The cold power beneath my skin weakens. I look at him. "How dare you! You learned."
His face twists. "For you." That phrase should matter.
A knock sounds against the door. Everyone turns.
Three measured strikes. Professor Vale crosses the room and opens it a fraction.
Luc stands in the corridor. His pale face is more bloodless than usual.
A black Veil cloak hangs from his shoulders, and ash stains one side of his jaw.
He looks past everyone, directly at me, then at my mark.
His eyes widen slightly. "Something is wrong."
Valerius laughs without humour. "You think?"
Luc ignores him. "Not only with her." He steps into the room and closes the door. "The dead are refusing burial."
My mother stiffens. "What?"