Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
My dad made an appointment with a cardiologist for me. He was worried I was going to have the same broken heart syndrome my mum has. I don’t. My heart is fine. A little fractured after finding Zara the way I did, but it’s beating.
I can still see her lifeless body in my arms as I carried her into the hospital. I haven’t left her room since I was finally allowed in. It doesn’t matter that her father is giving me the death glare every time he looks my way. I can handle it. I don’t care what he thinks of me.
Also, I think God himself could want to date one of Dominic’s daughters and even that wouldn’t be good enough.
“Okay, we have two options, sweetheart. There’s an in-patient treatment centre.
It’s state-of-the art, really nice. You could stay there for a month to start with and then go from there.
Or we can have a round-the-clock therapist come to the house.
” Zara’s mum looks from her to me. I can see what she wants.
She wants me to back up their decision to lock Zara away and get her help.
The thought doesn’t sit well with me. I’d rather just keep helping her the way I have been. Although that didn’t fucking work out too well. I know she needs to get help. I want her to get help. I just don’t want to have to be separated from her while she gets that help.
“I can’t. I’m not leaving. Please, don’t make me leave Ares,” Zara pleads with her mum.
Fuck.
“Zara, maybe we should try the treatment centre. It’s only a month. It’s not that long, and if it helps, it will be worth it,” I tell her.
“I don’t want to leave you for an entire month,” she says.
“I know. I don’t love the idea either, but we have to try.”
“What if I pick the at-home option? I can still see you?” she suggests.
“You could, but is that really the best? Is being at home the best place for you to get help?” I ask her.
She shakes her head. I can see how much she doesn’t want to do this. I can also see how much she needs to do this.
“Zara, sweetheart, we need to get you the best help we can. This centre is the best place in Melbourne,” her mum urges.
I look over to Dominic. He’s not saying a damn thing, but his jaw is tight. “At-home treatment is a good option too,” he finally adds. “I’d prefer her to be under our roof, where we can keep an eye on her. If she doesn’t want to go away, I’m not making her.”
“She also didn’t want to live past last night,” I bite out.
“Zara, we have to do this. You tried to fucking kill yourself. This is beyond just having thoughts of harming yourself. You actually followed through with the thoughts. What happens if you go home and you’re alone and you try again?
I don’t know if that’s a risk I want to take just because it’s what you think you want. ”
I know I’m being harsh. But if this is the only way to get through to her, then fuck it. I’ll be the asshole. I get up from where I was sitting on the edge of her bed and start pacing the length of the room.
“I’m scared,” Zara whispers, and her words pierce my fucking heart like a blade.
Sitting back down, I pick up her hand and join it with mine.
I take a breath and count to ten in my head, because I don’t think yelling at her is the answer.
I want to tell her that I’m fucking scared.
I was scared when I found her lifeless body.
I was scared when I had to hold her in my arms all the way to the hospital.
I’m scared now that I’m going to be the reason she refuses the help she needs.
She thinks she needs to be near me, with me.
She’s wrong. She can do this alone, and I think maybe she needs to.
“You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, Zara. It’s okay to be scared.
We all are. Everything in life worth doing is scary.
But the thought of you not getting help and trying to take yourself away from me again, that’s fucking terrifying.
Please. We need to do this. It’s only a month.
I’ll be right here waiting for you when you come home. ”
“Promise?” she asks me.
“Promise.”
Zara looks at her mum. “Okay. I’ll do it,” she says.
“Zara, you need to want to do this for yourself. If you don’t, it won’t work,” her mum replies. “I don’t want you agreeing to go to a facility just because Ares told you he thinks it’s a good idea.”
“I want to get better,” Zara insists. “I don’t want to be like this anymore.”
“Okay. I’ll make the arrangements. Your sister wants to come in,” Mrs McKinley says.
I stand from the bed, but Zara reaches out and snatches my hand. “Don’t go,” she pleads.
I nod and sit back down.
Mr McKinley follows his wife out of the room, leaving us alone. Zara looks to me as soon as they’re gone. “I want you to know it’s okay if you don’t wait for me. I get it. It’s a lot to take on and I don’t have any expectations.”
“What the fuck, Zara?” I spit out. “Start having some expectations then. I’m going to wait as long as it takes.”
“We’re young, Ares. You’re free to do whatever you want. I don’t want to hold you back from anything.”
“Zara, listen to me. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care how far away you go or how long you’re gone. I will be right here when you get back.”
She blinks at me. “You really like me, huh?”
“I really fucking like you,” I tell her.
“Good, because I really fucking like you too.” She smiles.
“Why the hell was I the last to be let in here?” Kyla storms into the room, pushing her way in front of me to get to her sister. She leans down and hugs Zara. “Za-Za, you fucking scared me. Don’t do that to me again.”
“I’m sorry,” Zara says.
“Now, tell me, who do I need to get my husband to kill?”
“What?”
“Did someone do something to you? Hurt you? Touch you inappropriately? What happened to you to make you want to take your own life?”
“Nothing happened to me. I promise,” Zara says. “I’m just… not normal.”
“You’re fucking normal, Zara,” I grunt.
Kyla turns and looks at me as if she’s only just noticed I’m in the room. And then, she’s standing and flinging her arms around me. “Thank you, thank you, thank you for finding her. Thank you for knowing something was wrong.”
“You don’t need to thank me,” I say.
Straightening, Kyla turns her attention back to her sister. “Mum says you’re going to go and stay at a treatment facility. I’m going to pack you a bag. Anything you really want or need to take with you?”
“I’m going there now?” Zara’s eyes widen.
“I think so.” Kyla looks to me as if I have the answers.
“Zara, what do you want to take with you? Your journal? Pink bows?” I smirk at that last one.
“I want pink bows, lots of them,” Zara tells Kyla. Then she looks to me. “I want you to get my journal. Don’t let anyone else read it, please.”
I nod, but I don’t want to move from this spot. If they’re really taking her now, then I’m not going to see her for at least a month. I need every last minute I can get. Going to fetch her journal isn’t something I want to be doing.
“Okay. I’ll go pack you as many pink bows as I can find,” Kyla says. “You want to come with me? The staff isn’t just going to let you into her room.”
I glance at Zara. “I can go later,” I tell Kyla.
“I’ll be okay. They’re not going to take me anywhere before you get back, Ares. I need the bag that Kyla’s been tasked with packing,” Zara says.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you.”
“I’m sure. I really don’t want anyone other than you reading that journal,” she says.
“Okay. I’ll be quick.” I stand, lean down, and press my lips to hers. Then I lower my mouth to her ear. “I love you, P,” I whisper the words so only she can hear them.
“I love you,” Zara whispers back.