Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lying on Zara’s bed with her in my arms feels like a dream.
I’ve been going out of my mind missing her for six weeks, worrying about how she was doing.
I wanted to call her. I wanted to be able to talk to her about her day, hear all the things she was doing.
The centre didn’t allow calls in, only calls out, and Zara had limited herself to contacting her parents and her sister once a week.
I had to hear about her from her sister. I wasn’t going to give up on her, though. I didn’t understand why she didn’t call me. At first, I was angry. My mum told me to give her space to heal on her own, that it would be better for her in the long run. So I did.
Now that she’s back—actually here, right in my arms—it’s as if I’m breathing properly for the first time in six weeks.
“How did you know I was back?” Zara asks.
“Would you buy it if I told you I was psychic?”
She lifts her head from my chest, and her eyes meet mine. “No.” She laughs. “How, Ares?”
My fingers pick up the little butterfly charm hanging around her neck. “I’m really glad you kept this on.”
“Are you avoiding the question? What did you do? Have someone hack into my therapy records?”
“No. I would never invade your privacy like that,” I tell her.
“I have a tracker in the butterfly. It also monitors your heart rate. It’s connected to an app I have on my phone and it sends me alerts if your heart slows or speeds up too much.
You got anxious today, and I checked to see where you were and it told me you were home. ”
Zara blinks at me but doesn’t say a word. She just stares. Then a huge smile spreads across her face. “You must really like me to go to that kind of effort.”
“I really fucking like you.”
“I really like you too,” she says. “I was nervous about seeing you again. I didn’t know if you’d still want to see me. That’s why I was anxious today.” Zara puts her head back down on my chest.
My fingers stroke through the strands of her hair. “You don’t have a pink bow,” I say.
“I had to stop wearing them at the centre. They reminded me of you and it just made me miss you more every time I saw it.”
“How exactly does a pink bow remind you of me?” I ask her.
“The first time I wore one, you noticed it. You said: Nice bow. I think we were twelve, but I liked that you noticed so I wore one every day since then in the hopes you might notice me again.”
I chuckle. “You never needed a pink bow in your hair for me to notice you, P. You’re kinda hard not to notice. When you walk into a room, you’re the only thing I see.”
“Well, I never knew that back when I had the biggest crush on you,” she says.
“If I’d thought for a second you’d give someone like me the time of day, I would have kissed you a really long time ago,” I admit.
“Someone like you? What do you mean someone like you?”
“We don’t need to pretend you’re not way above my paygrade, Zara McKinley. I know you’re too good for me. I know you’ll never need anything from me, but I still want to give you the world.”
“You give me something money can’t buy, Ares,” she says.
“What’s that?”
“Love.”
“I do fucking love you,” I tell her.
Zara rolls over until she’s fully on top of me. My hands land on her hips, holding her still. I have no doubt she can feel how hard my cock is. I watch as she looks down and then back up at me.
“Is there a reason we haven’t had sex yet?” she asks.
My eyes widen. “Yeah, I’m waiting for you to be ready for that. I’m not going to push you into doing something you don’t want to do.”
Zara tilts her head to the side. “You do know I’m not a virgin, right? I’ve been ready for a long time, Ares. I just thought you didn’t want to.”
My mind is stuck on the “not a virgin” part. Because, no, I did not fucking know she wasn’t a virgin. I blink and remind myself that I don’t own her body. No matter how much I want to. But I’ve also never known Zara to have a steady boyfriend.
“Who?” I press her.
“What?”
“Who did you have sex with, Zara?”
“You want, like, a list?”
“There’s more than one?”
She shrugs. “There could be.”
“Zara McKinley, I’m not kidding. I want the list,” I tell her.
“Fine, then I want a list from you.”
“I have no problem giving you a list. I don’t need to keep secrets from you, P.”
“I’m not giving you a list, Ares. He doesn’t deserve a target on his back from a De Bellis just because he popped my cherry before you could.”
“Actually, that’s a pretty damn good reason to be a target,” I grunt as I roll over, settling my body on top of hers. “But I’m not jealous.”
“Really? Because I am jealous of every girl who got to touch you before me.” Her fingers start unbuttoning my shirt. I already took off my tie and blazer. I was in English class when I saw that she was home. I got up and walked out. The teacher didn’t even blink an eye at me.
I know the moment she sees it, the colourful little addition on my right pec.
“Wait… What is this?” Zara rips the shirt open wider, staring at my chest. Her eyes go from the picture up to my eyes and then back to the picture.
“I got it the week you went away,” I explain. “I wanted to have something that was you on me at all times.”
“This is… Ares, this is permanent,” she says.
“Yeah, that was kinda the plan, P. Just like us. We’re permanent.”
“I… I don’t even know what to say. It’s so pretty.” Her fingers trace over the pink butterfly that takes up a good part of my upper chest.
“Not even half as pretty as you are,” I tell her.
Zara leans down, and her mouth fuses with mine. “Just so there’s no confusion, I want to.”
“You want to what?” I ask her.
“Have sex. With you,” she clarifies.
“Fuck, P. You can’t tell me that while we’re in your parents’ house,” I groan. My dick, however, weeps at the idea. I’d love nothing more than to strip her bare and sink into her. But not here. Not where her father or mother could hear her.
No, when I finally get to make Zara scream my name, I want her to be able to scream as loud as she can, without worrying about who might hear us. I’m honestly surprised her father hasn’t come in to make sure I haven’t done anything inappropriate to his daughter yet.
“It’s a big house, and they really don’t come up to this side much,” Zara says.
“Things are changing, Zara.” Her mother’s voice is like a fucking splash of cold water on my cock. I roll over and sit up on the bed.
“Sorry, Mrs McKinley.” I’m not sure what I’m apologising for exactly. Also, I’m not sorry in the slightest.
“I’m pretty sure you’re not sorry at all, Ares,” Mrs McKinley says, as if reading my mind. “Zara, we’re having dinner in thirty. You’re welcome to stay if you like, Ares.”
“Uh… thanks.” I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been welcomed anywhere near Zara, and now I’m invited to dinner? “I just have to find my phone and text my mum to tell her I won’t be home.” I get up and head to the door. It’s an excuse to leave her bedroom and give her some privacy with her mum.
My phone is sitting on the coffee table in Zara’s living room. I fall onto the sofa, open my messages, and send my dad a text.
Me:
Having dinner at the McKinleys’.
Dad:
You’re having dinner or you are the dinner?
Me:
Funny.
Dad:
How is Zara?
Me:
She seems good, really good.
Dad:
Good.
I switch my phone off and lean my head against the back of the sofa, closing my eyes briefly. When I open them again, I find Zara’s mum watching me.
“She’s in the shower. How is she doing? Be honest with me, Ares. I know she tells you more than she’ll tell me.”
“Honestly? I actually think she’s good. She seems… happier, lighter, and she’s smiling a hell of a lot more than she used to.”
“I’m vouching for you, against my husband, Ares. Don’t disappoint me. And don’t break her heart. Because if you do, I really think I will lose her and I can’t lose my daughter. Despite what you might think, we love her and nothing matters more than her happiness to me and her father.”
“I won’t break her heart,” I tell Mrs McKinley. I have every intention of making sure Zara’s heart continues to beat until she’s old and grey. I won’t be the reason she loses herself.