Chapter 24
Alina
“You’re doing it again.” Kira leans against the display at my elbow, gesturing at the pile of sweaters on the folding board in front of me. “You’re stressing about something.”
“I’m so bad at hiding it.”
“Seriously, you’re walking around with a big glowing sign on your chest.”
“I need to take acting lessons or something.”
“Please don’t. It’s endearing. You wouldn’t be you without some casual stress cleaning.”
I sigh and push the sweaters aside. But that makes their stack get all wonky, and I have to spend a few seconds fixing it. Kira watches, shaking her head.
“Would you be shocked if I said it involves Seamus?”
“Not in the least. Come on, tell me about it.”
She leads me up front. It’s ten minutes before we close the shop for lunch, and no guests are around. “I don’t even know where to begin if I’m honest. He’s been distant lately. Some stuff happened a few days ago—”
“Some stuff?” Kira interrupts. “That’s pretty vague.”
“I know, I’m sorry, but we have to leave it there.”
“Family stuff.” She sighs and gives me a knowing look. “I get it.”
“Right, so family stuff happens, and now he’s being weird and distant. Whenever I try to bring it up, he acts like it’s not a big deal. But he’s been sleeping in the guest room and staying out all night.”
“You think he’s up to something?”
“What?” I pull back and frown. “You mean, cheating on me?”
“I don’t know. You’re the one who said he’s staying out all night.”
My stomach sours at the thought. “No, honestly, I don’t think that’s it.” I wish I could explain the Molchanie stuff, but Kira’s only dimly aware of Bratva stuff. It’s safer if I don’t tell her more. “It’s more like something happened and now he’s just… done with me.”
She frowns, thinking hard. “That’s not terrible though, is it?”
I stare at her, throat tightening. I don’t know why that makes me want to cry. I swallow against it. “We were just starting to find a rhythm. We were making a routine… falling into a habit…”
“You were starting to like him.”
“Maybe?”
“You’re talking about him like he’s a schedule. Which means you were falling deeply in love.”
“I don’t really like that characterization.”
“But when all this started, you didn’t want any of that, remember? You would’ve been happy to have a distant husband.”
“I know you’re right, but things changed. He’s been sleeping in the guest room for three nights.”
Kira’s smile is sad. She leans in and hugs me. “You miss your hubby.”
“He’d straight up vomit if he heard you call him that.”
“And yet here we are. Lucky he’s not around.” She sits back, lips pressed flat, and shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know what you can do. If you really want to fix things, you probably have to figure out what happened first.”
“He won’t talk.”
“Make him then.”
“Have you met Seamus? The big, scary mafia guy?”
“I didn’t say torture him. I mean, not physically anyway.”
“I’m not sure my womanly wiles will do much.”
“Get creative. Just saying, if you’re unhappy, you can’t go on like this forever. Find a way to fix it.
I’m thinking about Kira’s advice as I walk to a nearby deli for lunch. Normally, she and I eat together, but I need some time to think.
She’s right, but it’s not that simple. If I want to fix things with Seamus, I need to understand what went down at that meeting. Clearly, something bad happened because he began acting weird after he talked with Molchanie, and he still won’t tell me what they said to each other.
Only it’s not that simple. And maybe it’s better this way.
During the day, when I haven’t seen him for a few hours, I can pretend he doesn’t matter. Like I don’t really care where he sleeps. He’s just some guy I married. He’s a name on a piece of paper. We don’t have a real relationship, and we never have to.
But at night, when he comes home and I see him in my apartment, all that unravels. I want him in my bed so bad it’s like a hole in my guts. I can’t go more than a few minutes without thinking about him. I’m cold at night because he’s not there to make me warm.
I don’t even know when this happened.
Sometime in the odd moments between kissing him the first time and losing him that night he went to the meeting.
It happened so gradually I didn’t even notice until it was gone.
I’m so busy thinking about Seamus that I nearly don’t notice when his brother almost hits me with a car.
I walk out into traffic, distracted, not realizing the light has changed, which is basically the most dangerous thing you can do in New York.
An SUV slams on its brakes, coming to a screeching stop inches from my legs.
I’m mortified and stunned, especially when I realize it’s Finn staring at me over the wheel, grinning sheepishly.
We meet each other’s gaze across the intersection. I don’t move to get out of his way even though people are staring. A car nearby honks.
Slowly, I approach the passenger side door and yank it open.
“Why are you trying to run me over, Finn?”
He shrinks back nervously. “That was an accident, I swear. You threw yourself in front of me. I thought you were trying to get hit.”
“You’re avoiding the question. What are you doing here?”
He glances in the rearview. A car’s laying on its horn. “Get in and we’ll talk, okay?”
“I guess you can’t run me over if I’m in your car.” I climb into the passenger seat and slam the door.
He pulls forward, driving around the block. “Would it help if I said Seamus doesn’t know I’m here?”
“I’m not sure,” I admit. A part of me likes that Seamus is still worried about my safety. The way he’s been acting lately, it’s easy to forget he even gives a damn. “Are things really that bad?”
“Honestly, I don’t know.” He keeps driving, not looking at me, circling around the block over and over. “The security team he’s got assigned to you is probably enough. I was just stopping by to check in, that’s all.”
“And conveniently nearly slammed me with your car.”
“Again, I’m pretty sure that was your fault. Who runs out into traffic in New York? You’re lucky it was me driving. Otherwise, you’d be roadkill.”
“I hate that you have a point.” I lean back in the seat, crossing my arms over my chest. “Have you talked to him lately?”
“Yeah, we talk.”
“Has he said anything? You know about—” I don’t finish that sentence. I feel stupid enough asking like I’m some high school girl worried her crush isn’t thinking about her.
Finn’s quiet. He stares straight ahead. I hate that reaction and wish someone would be straightforward with me for once. But slowly, he lets out a breath and shakes his head.
“Things are complicated,” he says at last.
“Thanks, that’s super helpful, like I hadn’t noticed already.” But the way he says it makes something tug at the back of my head. “You know why he pulled away, don’t you?”
He glances at me. “You’re a clever one. I gotta be careful around you.”
“There is a reason then. Something happened with Molchanie and he won’t tell me.”
“If he’s not saying, then he’s got his reasons.”
“You know though.”
“I have a few good guesses.”
“Would you tell me? I’m sick of wandering around in the dark. Clearly, it’s got something to do with me. I have a right to know if some crazy assassin is trying to murder me.”
He tilts his head, considering. “I can say that Molchanie is most likely not trying to kill you, but anything past that is between you and my brother.”
“You’re a lot of help.” I tap my knuckles against the car door, feeling frustrated and pent-up. “Might as well just drop me off at the deli on the corner. I was on my way to lunch before you tried to ram me.”
He pulls over but doesn’t unlock the door. “Do me a favor. Don’t give up on Seamus just yet, okay?”
I sit with that a second. “I haven’t really been given a good reason to stick around.”
“He’s doing his best. That’s all I can say. Things aren’t simple for him right now, but he’s trying.”
“Would you just tell me what’s going on?”
“I really can’t. Ask him though. I think he should tell you, but it’s not my call.”
Anger simmers in my chest. I finally unlock the door myself and push it open. “Here’s the thing. Whatever’s going on with Seamus, that’s my problem too, and I really hate it when people treat me like I’m some little kid who can’t be trusted.”
“I know the feeling,” he mutters, looking annoyed. “Talk to your husband. This is what I get for trying to do a good deed.”
“Good deed? Vehicular manslaughter is a good deed?”
“I was checking up on you!”
“Sure looked like checking up when you nearly squashed me!”
“I don’t know what the hell my brother sees in you!”
I slam the door in Finn’s face. He pulls out abruptly and drives off, leaving me alone on the sidewalk, fuming.
Typical mafia asshole. He thinks because I’m a woman, my brain’s smaller and I can’t handle too much thinking. Probably worried I’ll hear about his big scary problems, get all emotional, and start bleeding all over the place.
I want to curse and break something, but what Finn said before storming off clicks into place.
I don’t know what the hell my brother sees in you.
That’s a curious thing to say.
Considering Seamus has been acting like I don’t exist.
But it means I was right. Before my husband abruptly pulled away, we had something going. A real relationship was starting to form, but whatever went down during his meeting killed all that.
I hate that it gives me hope. I hate that I want to fix this stupid broken marriage.
Mostly I hate that I have to force my grumpy husband to start talking before we can’t salvage whatever is left between us.