Chapter 23 Finn
FINN
The Whelan house feels quiet. I’m not sure what it is. I linger in the entryway, frowning down the silent hallways.
Years ago, this place was a madhouse. Even as big as it is, my brothers and I managed to fill it with constant chaos.
There were clan members coming and going, my father’s business littering the various front rooms, while we ran rampant through the upstairs and the living spaces.
Mom was always cooking. There was laughter and more than a few fights.
It was alive.
Some of that’s coming back. The wives are having babies and children breathe fresh air into the place.
But I doubt it’ll ever be the same. Declan just doesn’t run the clan the way Dad used to.
He’s much more controlling, much more reserved and serious, while our father was more of a friendly politician.
I almost mourn it. Those were good days. Except for the summer when my parents sent me away and I became what I am today.
Declan and Seamus are waiting for me in the office.
This used to be my father’s, overflowing with old treasures and mementos from a long life, but now it’s Declan’s space.
He’s always been an obsessive tight-ass and this place reflects that perfectly.
There’s not a single book out of place and all the photographs are neatly arranged by year.
Drop a pin on the floor and he’d notice.
“We were just talking about that new mixed-use project going up downtown. You know, the cursed one?” Seamus grins as I sit in the chair next to him.
“How’s it cursed?”
“Well, a fucking generator exploded and killed a guy, so, you know.” His grin gets even bigger. “By the way, how many dead brothers-in-law are you at now?”
“Leave it alone, Seamus,” Declan says, only half paying attention. He’s flipping through a spreadsheet and frowning at the numbers.
“I’m just saying, I’m happy we’re blood related. Otherwise I’m not sure I’d survive the day.” Seamus pretends to hang himself and cackles with delight.
I grin right back. Most of the time, I don’t have to pretend around him.
Seamus gets me better than the others do.
He still thinks I’m some overeager idiot quick with a joke and happy to take on whatever job the family throws at me, and that’s fine, but at least he knows there’s a fire down beneath all that.
And besides, he’s funny. I like that about him. Cormac and Declan are too damn serious.
“You do realize I have two more to go?” I waggle my eyebrows and mime shooting someone.
“Someone should warn them.”
“Don’t ruin my fun.”
Declan sighs, rubbing his face. “Can we please stop joking around?”
I give him an innocent look. “Who’s joking?”
Seamus laughs again, but as it dies down and we start talking business, there’s a sharpness to the way he studies me. I wonder if his jokes aren’t covering for something more.
But we discuss the building for a while.
The family’s got serious resources mixed up in construction.
Not just in the unions through the Flanagans, but also through our development firm.
The Whelan clan is going as legit as it can, though so far real above-board investments are nearly as lucrative as the nasty shit Seamus gets into.
“I’m going to ask you to run point for me, Finn.” Declan slides papers across the desk toward me. They’re more spreadsheets. I recognize some of the names and dates as payments to the different contractors. “Redmond was organizing things before, but now—”
Seamus throws his hands in the air. “Kaboom. No more Redmond.”
“Thanks for that.” Declan ignores him. “You’ll keep the project organized and act as the liaison between us and the Flanagans.”
“Can’t you talk to Eamon directly?”
“I’m delegating to you.”
“I thought Redmond’s job was bullshit.”
“It was, but you’re different. I’m handing over real control and responsibility to you, Finn. This isn’t some small-time operation. The clan’s going to rely on the income from this building for years. Don’t fuck it up.”
I glance at the papers and my heart quickens. “You know this isn’t my specialty.”
“And what exactly is your specialty?” Seamus asks wickedly.
“Killing brothers.” I stare at him flatly. “Sorry, brothers-in-law.”
He laughs again. Declan looks like he’s out of patience.
“You can handle this, Finn. There’s a reason I’m choosing you and not somebody else. I need to find a role for you, something important, and I think this is going to be your specialty.”
“Project manager? No thanks.”
“I’m not asking.” He nods at the papers. “Take it. Make it happen. This building stays on fucking track. I don’t care how many people get killed during construction.”
I want to turn him down, but a thought occurs. If I’m the official clan representative, that means I’ll have a lot of reasons to be around the Flanagans. Under normal circumstances, I’d rather cut my own fucking throat.
But given my current situation…
“By the time I’m done with it, that building’s going to be a bloodbath.” I pick up the stack of files and tuck them under my arm.
“That’s the spirit!” Seamus says happily.
If either of them really suspects I’ve been behind Redmond’s and Shane’s murders, they don’t say anything.
Instead, we keep talking business for a while, until Declan has a meeting and kicks us out.
Seamus says his goodbye, eager to get back to his family, and I’m left alone to linger in the quiet house.
I should head home. Caroline’s waiting for me. But I drift to the back of the house and find Mother in the back garden crouched over some plants.
She looks thin. When did her hair get gray? The woman in my memory is a colossus. She was the brains behind the clan, but now she gardens, spends time with the grandkids, and goes out to dinner with friends. She’s a shadow of her former self.
And I still adore her.
“I didn’t know you were here.” She smiles at me and stands. Her gloves are caked in dark soil. Her hair’s wispy under a big, floppy sun hat. “How’s married life treating you?”
I kiss my mother’s cheek. She smells like dirt. “Going about as good as it can, considering the circumstances.”
“Your wife’s well?”
“Caroline’s fine, don’t worry.”
She nods slightly. Her smile wavers. “Unlike her brothers.”
“Shame, what happened to them.” I glance away. She’s always been the most perceptive of anyone in the family. “I’m really broken up about it.”
“I doubt that.” She puts a hand on my arm. “Walk with me?”
The garden’s not huge, but there’s a path through several beds. We stroll slowly. Her hip bothers her most days, but she’s good at hiding it. I keep the pace at a crawl to accommodate her.
Mom talks about my brothers, about Cormac and Bianca and their kids, about Seamus and Alina and their kid, and even goes so far as to wonder when I’ll start reproducing.
“We just got married, Mom. I doubt Caroline wants to start pumping out Whelan babies.”
“Maybe she doesn’t, but what about you?” She squints at me, smiling slightly. “How would you feel about having Flanagan kids?”
I hesitate, not sure how to answer that. “They’ll have my name.”
“But some of their genes. Half, actually, give or take. I think that’s how it works, but I’m not a biologist.”
“What’s your point?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Just talking out loud. You’re married to that girl now, which means it doesn’t matter how you feel about her family. She’s your future.”
I don’t look at her. I can’t, not right now. She’ll see through me in a second. She’ll know that Caroline and I made a deal and there’s no tomorrow for whatever we are.
Except that thought bothers me. It nags at the back of my mind. Why not? Why does it have to be that way? It’s the deal we struck, but now that I’ve been living with her, it’s like she’s slowly worming her way into my life.
And I find I don’t want to let her go when all this is over.
I think back to that night. Back to when Caroline rushed out of her hiding spot and bashed her brother in the face with a hammer.
I should’ve been elated to see Redmond murdered that way, by his own sister, right in the middle of beating his own mother.
Nobody deserved a more brutal death more than him.
Except all I could think was: oh, fuck, she’s in danger, I have to save her.
Why did I care so much? What did it matter to me? Caroline’s a Flanagan… I’m supposed to despise her.
But I don’t.
“You have that lost-in-thought look again,” Mom says gently.
I grin at her, shoving my mask back into place. “I don’t do deep, you know that.”
“Of all my boys, you’re the best liar. I know better than to believe a word you say.”
“I’d be insulted if that weren’t true.”
“I just…” She stops walking. Her grip on my arm tightens. “I’m scared for what you’re doing, Finn.”
I look at her, my smile taking on a desperate edge. “What do you mean? It’s only marriage. Don’t half of those fail anyway?”
“Not that. I know it’s you. Don’t try to lie to me again.” Her grip is hard as iron now. Gone is the frail old woman. In her place is Siobhan Whelan, the queen of the Whelan clan, and I wonder if her old-lady routine isn’t a mask just like the one I wear.
My heart quickens. A dozen thoughts rush through my head. But even though she knows I’m good at spouting bullshit, I absolutely hate lying to her face. It’s one thing to hide it, but another to consciously choose to feed her stories.
“You can’t be sure of that,” I say softly. “Nobody can. That’s the whole point.”
“It’s you and it always was you. I know why you’re doing it, Finn, and I don’t even blame you, but please—” She pulls me tighter, staring into my face. “You’re going to get caught. You have to stop.”
“I can’t.”
She shakes her head. “You’ll ruin that girl. You know it, right? She’s involved. There’s no doubt in my mind. No way you two can be married and she wouldn’t know something’s happening. Tell me you’re not directly dragging her into this nightmare.”
Shame washes over me. I glance down at the ground. “She knows what she’s doing. Her reasons are even better than mine.”
“Oh, Finn.” Mom sounds so disappointed. I hate that so much, but she doesn’t understand.
If anything, she should be rooting me on.
I’m fixing the mistakes she made all those years ago.
Mom’s the only one who really understood the extent of what they did to me, but she swept it under the rug, just like Dad.
I should hate her for it, but I don’t. In some ways, I understand it all, even if it makes me sick.
“You don’t get to judge.” My tone is ice now. “Not this, and you know damn well why.”
“I know, and that’s why I haven’t told your brother yet, but he’s going to find out. They’re all going to find out. Do you think he can protect you when the truth comes out?”
“I don’t need his protection.”
“I’m sorry, Finn, but you will, and Declan won’t care. You know how he is.”
“Stickler for rules.” I smile fondly. “It’s his worst trait.”
“They’ll kill you, and if Caroline is involved too, they’ll bury her next to you. Please, Finn, I’m begging you. Stop before it’s too late.”
The earnestness in her voice gets to me.
I can see Caroline rushing Redmond with that hammer all over again, taking that stupid, reckless risk, almost destroying everything.
I see her beating him, vicious and crazy, and I feel her in my lap, shuddering with ecstasy and wondering if she’s broken and evil.
If we keep going, what will happen to her?
I don’t care if I end up dead. I never really believed I’d survive killing her entire family. I’m arrogant, but not stupid.
So why get her involved? Why keep dragging her along? I didn’t care at first—she’s a Flanagan, after all—but I feel it now.
I don’t want her to get hurt.
So why not listen to my mother? The smartest, savviest woman I know?
We can stop. Redmond and Shane are dead. Mal and Dermot lost their brothers and that old fuck Eamon lost his sons, and they will have to live with their grief. That could be enough.
Why not stop and spare Caroline the misery that’s got to be coming?
“I’m sorry, Mom.” I pat her hand lightly and let her go. I step back, putting space between us. “I’ll be careful. I don’t want Caroline to get hurt.”
“What about you?”
“That ship sailed years back. You didn’t want me getting hurt? You should’ve kept me away from those fucking monsters.” I walk away, staring grimly straight ahead. “Too late for that.”