Chapter 24 Caroline
CAROLINE
“She got lucky.” The nurse helps Mom from the bed. She’s a young woman, maybe only a few years older than me. I wonder what it feels like doing a job where you matter. “Her injuries could’ve been much worse, right, Mrs. Flanagan?”
“That’s right, Holly.” Mom pats the nurse’s hand lightly and accepts her cane. “Bones and bruises fade. But I don’t feel like I’m lucky.”
“No, I guess not. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put it that way.” The nurse helps Mom to the door, but eventually lets her go. “Take it easy. You have your discharge and care instructions. Make sure you follow them.”
“I will, hon. Thanks for everything.”
Mom leans on me as we leave the hospital. There’s a car waiting for us out front. “Dad should be here,” I say absently.
“Your father’s got more important things to do.”
“More important than his injured wife getting out of the hospital?”
“He’s broken up about what happened to Redmond. That generator never should’ve blown like that. I think your father’s going to tear the manufacturer to pieces. I know the site manager’s already been fired.”
I stare at her, trying to figure out how much of this she believes. “Do you think he knows what really happened?”
“I doubt anyone does,” she says with a sad shrug. We limp together slowly through the lobby. “I mean, a faulty fuel line? Honestly? Catastrophic failures like that should never happen.”
I pause with her before we exit through the front automatic doors. She looks at me quizzically, smiling her little half-smile, like she’s trying to put on a brave face. That’s my mother, always putting on a face.
“Do you remember the explosion?” I ask her, trying to do it as gently as I can. “Do you remember how hard it kicked?”
She flinches. I see it even though she quickly covers herself by rubbing her eyes. “It’s a blur now. Poor Redmond. Do you think he tried to save me in the end? Maybe that’s why he got it so much worse.”
“Do you really think Redmond would try to save you, Mom?”
“Darling, he’s my youngest son.”
“Was your youngest.”
She ignores that. “He’s not perfect. None of my children are perfect, just like nobody’s a saint, but he did his best. He loves his family.”
“Is that why he was hitting you?”
Another flinch and this time she glares at me coldly. “Why would you say something like that?”
“Mom—”
“The explosion knocked me over. The explosion broke my hip. That’s enough from you, Caroline.”
“Just admit you remember. That’s all I want. You don’t have to say anything else, but just admit—”
“Redmond was a good boy.” She cuts me off and her smile’s gone now. Her eyes are sharp and hard. “He didn’t know how to express himself. Sometimes he went too far, just like sometimes you go too far. I love all my children, despite their mistakes.”
“Right, okay, but—”
“I keep my mouth shut. That’s what I’ve always done. It’s how I’ve survived all these years. I miss Shane and Redmond so much it makes my insides twist. That’s all I’ll say, and you should stop torturing an old woman.”
I stare at her, heart pattering. This is the closest she’s ever come to admitting it. If I push, maybe she’ll finally say it, maybe she’ll talk to me about all the abuse we’ve been through. I never realized they were hurting her too, but of course they were. That’s why she is how she is.
She’s a victim, like me.
We have so much to say to each other, but it’s like there’s a glass wall keeping us apart. I can see through it, and she can too, but no matter how loud I yell, she just can’t hear me.
I let out a long breath and hug her. She hugs me back tightly. In the end, I decide to let it go. What will it change, forcing her to talk? It won’t bring back Red or Shane—thank God for that—and it won’t erase years of pain and hate and fear. It’ll only hurt her.
Besides, I made Finn swear he’ll leave her alone, even though she’s a dangling loose end.
It’s better for her health if she keeps on denying everything.
My husband’s a lot of things, but forgiving isn’t one of them.
We leave the hospital. The driver takes us back to my father’s house.
Mom has trouble with the steps, but we manage.
I get her settled in the living room, go through her care plan with her for the tenth time, and make sure she’s got her medications already filled.
I’d like to bring Dad into this, but that asshole’s nowhere to be seen.
“You sure you’re going to be okay?” I look around and idly fluff a pillow. I want to do more, but there’s not much else. “I can go find Dad for you?”
“Please, don’t bother him.” She touches my hand lightly. “I’m fine, Caroline. Go back home. How is that husband of yours, by the way?”
“He’s okay. I haven’t seen much of him recently.”
She tilts her head to the side, considering me intently.
I wonder briefly if she realizes that Finn and I were there specifically to kill Redmond, or if she thinks it was some bizarre coincidence that I was waiting in the night with a hammer, only to freak out when he was beating her.
She probably figured it out, but I can’t ever be sure. Again, better not to ask.
“Listen to him.” Her voice is cool all of a sudden. Her fingers dig into my wrist. “Whatever you’re up to, just be careful.”
“It’s fine, Mom. You don’t have to worry.”
She releases me and smiles vaguely. “Actually, you can do one more thing for me. Can you show me how to work this stupid remote? We got a new TV a few weeks ago and I just can’t make it work the way I used to.”
“Sure, Mom. I’ll set you up.”