CHAPTER 16
HELEN
The drudgery that is paperwork has been my companion all day. Well, if you don’t count the people who come through for whatever their county clerk needs are. And there are always needs. Normally, the mindless work is fine, but for some reason today it’s like I can’t sit still.
For some reason, really?
Okay, fine.
I can’t sit still because of Rhodes. Memories of him and all the sweet things he’s managed to pack into the time we’ve spent together are on a permanent loop in my head.
He bought a damn espresso machine for his home along with the syrup he knows I like. He only heard my coffee order once at Uncommon Grounds. Not only did he remember it, but then he took the information and ran with it.
You gotta love a man who takes initiative.
Yes, love.
I’m not entirely sure how he managed it, but somewhere between him showing up randomly in my life and him saving me from myself at the Old Mill, I fell in love with the man.
My body sings as a reminder of the way he can play my body in a way no one else has. That has to be a sign of something good, right? It’s just more proof of the man’s willingness to go out of his way for me. From cooking, to giving me more pleasure than I’ve ever experienced before.
Rhodes Wilder is the epitome of ‘if he wanted to, he would’ and I am here for it. Fuck, I’m more than here for it, I’m pretty sure I’m living for it now.
The only thing I’m really afraid of is losing myself in this whole thing. It would be so easy. To forget about everything else that matters in my life and simply drown myself in everything that is Rhodes, and all the promises he’s made with his touch, his eyes, and his words.
Even today when I went to lunch, I had my head on a swivel. I was looking around everywhere, more than half-way expecting him to pop out of nowhere to surprise me. The fact that I was looking forward to it so much was both thrilling and terrifying.
I don’t want to lose myself in whatever we could be. I also don’t want to hold myself back from something that could be amazing.
Admittedly, I know why I’m hesitant and it’s shaped like Thad in my memories.
In that relationship I definitely lost myself.
The worst part was how Thad seemed to encourage it.
At the time I couldn’t see how I was isolating myself from the people and things that mattered the most to me.
I would make excuses to Jessi about why I couldn’t hang out.
There were other friendships I ignored, ones which never recovered, but losing sight of how my sister needed me still makes me feel guilty if I think about it for too long.
Rhodes is nothing like Thad. But if I commit to this thing with Rhodes, it’s going to take me out of Dogwood Ridge.
Jessi might have told me to finally do something for me, to follow my heart, but I refuse to abandon her completely. Not like I did when I was with Thad.
Rhodes isn’t that type of man.
I blow out a breath because I know he isn’t. Still, maybe slowing things down with us would be a good idea. I’m sure there’s already enough gossip moving around town about me and I certainly don’t want to add to it.
I’ve even caught a few whispers around the office. It’s making me antsy because I’ve spent my entire life doing everything possible not to have things whispered about me in town. Yes, the entire reason I avoided it was because of Dad.
The last person I want to talk to about my love life is my father. But if the whispers are already happening it’s just a matter of time.
When the door opens, I glance up and then do a fucking noticeable double take. Because none other than the man on my mind walks through the door.
Rhodes Wilder.
He’s here.
In the county clerk’s office. In my office.
Sure, there might only be four other people working today, but all of them are watching the happenings very closely. I can feel their scrutiny.
But I don’t see any of it.
Because I can’t look away from Rhodes and the smile on his face as he walks toward me. I’m up and heading toward him. When I get out from behind the employee area, he’s already there waiting for me with excitement written on his face.
Like he couldn’t wait to see me.
I fucking melt for him.
He quickly kisses my forehead, and I glance around to find everyone still watching us. I swear someone would pop some popcorn if they thought they wouldn’t miss anything.
“Is everything okay?” My eyes move over him like I’m expecting to find some sort of wounds, which is ridiculous, but I still do it. I whisper-yell, “Why are you here?”
“I needed to see you,” he matches my volume.
When he looks around for the first time, his eyes widen slightly. It’s like he didn’t realize we had an audience. I know why when he looks back at me; I was the only thing he saw.
Butterflies take flight at the realization. It feels good. But it shouldn’t, considering this is only going to make the rumors grow.
“I’m taking a break,” I loudly, and awkwardly, announce to the room before gripping Rhodes’s arm and tugging him out of the building.
The moment we’re outside I breathe a sigh of relief and Rhodes chuckles next to me. I scrunch up my face into something like a grimace as I look up at him.
“Sorry?”
“I do feel a little like your dirty little secret,” the teasing in his tone tells me he’s not offended.
Still, I feel bad and shift from one foot to the other. “I don’t ever want you to feel that way,” the words feel like a confession.
Before I even know what is happening, Rhodes arms are around me and he’s dipping me slightly. I grip his shoulders, my fingers digging into his muscular frame, as my eyes go wide and I let out a yelp of surprise.
I don’t even have time to process the new angle of my life before his mouth descends on mine. The kiss he gives me isn’t carnal, but it is fucking thorough. And right on the steps of where I work. Where my dad works.
When Rhodes pulls back slowly and I take in the way his grey eyes twinkle, I forget to be scandalized. The smile is slow to grow on my face, but once it does it’s so wide that it hurts my cheeks.
He rights me, I let out a squeak, and he chuckles. I lead him to the main square in town, and we find a bench not far from the playground. It’s peaceful today and I realize we’re alone pretty quickly.
It’s tempting to kiss him again, to take advantage of not having eyes on us, but I’m not na?ve enough to believe no one is paying attention.
“You came all this way just to see me?” My question comes out tinged with awe, but it can’t be helped. Not when I’m amazed at the thought of it.
The reality of it? Dangerous as hell.
Rhodes looks at me for a moment which feels like it lasts a lifetime before he speaks. “Of course. I wanted to see you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. The pile of paperwork on my desk was somehow multiplying, but I couldn’t see any of it. Just you.”
His words feel like a balm. They soothe wounds I thought were healed a long time ago, but I’m starting to realize I was just fooling myself. Or maybe I healed just enough to keep it all together. To survive.
But that’s not really healing, is it? That’s just a scab. I’d rather have the scar than the wound.
“I wasn’t expecting you, Rhodes Wilder,” I whisper.
His eyes soften, affection and something more which I desperately want to cling to shine back at me. The rough chuckle rumbling from his chest makes me shiver.
“I wasn’t expecting you either, Helen Cowell.” He winks and my heart stutters in my chest. “But I’m not stupid enough to let you go. I’m claiming you; you’re mine.”
I lean my head on his shoulder and take a deep breath, letting his sincerity wash over me.
His.
I’d really like to be his.
I’m also fully prepared that Dad will have something to say about it once it gets back to him. It’s only a matter of time before it does.
When Rhodes slides his arm around my shoulders and tucks me even deeper against his side, I let myself get lost in the cozy feel of it.
After only a few minutes, not nearly long enough, I grumble, “I need to get back.”
When I peek up at him, he’s pouting. Pouting! The Sheriff of Loudon County is pouting.
It’s adorable as hell.
“I know,” he sullenly acquiesces.
“And you do too,” I point out as I prop my chin on his chest and look up at him. “Get through your paperwork. Protect your county. Go be the man who wears your badge with pride.”
When he kisses my forehead, my eyes slide closed. He takes a deep breath, and I do the same, committing his smokey, cedar scent to memory.
“Fine,” he whines.
As I pull away from him, his grip tightens just a little before he lets me go. We’re both disappointed as we part, but the quick, soft kiss he gives me lingers.
Walking back into work, I keep my head held high and ignore the whispers. It’s not like I’m running around with some degenerate. He’s the damn Sheriff.
Let them talk.
Surprisingly, it’s easier to get work done after seeing him. Right as we’re getting ready to close up, Kelly slips into the office, her eyes focused on me and I sit up straighter.
Kelly is a nice woman. She’s been my dad’s secretary for years and has always treated Jessi and I with kindness. There was more than once when she would help with girl related things when I asked her, but there was always a professional wall between us which I understood and appreciated.
“If you have a moment,” Kelly’s voice is apologetic, “Mayor Cowell would like a word with you.”
Dread coils in my stomach and I already know. I know he’s going to make a stink, totally ignoring how I’m a 30-year-old adult and he hasn’t had a say in my day-to-day life for a very long time.
For good reason.
And even when I was a child, he didn’t have much to say. Granted, I didn’t give him any reason to worry. Or get involved.
It was easier for everyone that way.
“Of course, Kelly,” my bright voice lets the woman who is wringing her hands off the hook.