Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
J ames
I was in a mood today. Not only was I stressed out over the idea of Dante, Chuck, and Hodge lurking together in the shadows, but I also had to deal with Cecilia’s close proximity.
It was getting almost painful, being so close to her and not being able to have her the way that I wanted her. I’d never push her into something she didn’t want, but it was the fact that I could see how much she clearly wanted whatever this was between us, and she kept denying herself and me the pleasure of it.
She was scared. I get that, but she has to know I’d let the world fall to ash before I let anything ever hurt her.
The only conclusion I can reach at this point is that she’s worried about what her brother will do or that she doesn’t think I’m worth the trouble. Only one of those is manageable, but the latter…there’s nothing I could do about that.
I arrived home in the afternoon after wrapping some work up in the city so I could stay in Boston for the time being. I wanted to stay as close to home as possible now that more and more boundaries were being crossed between my and Cecilia’s lifestyles. I walk into my house and am met with an uncomfortable silence. I saw Tobias’s car in the driveway, so I assumed he had Cecilia back home after their outing, but I didn’t see them anywhere. I head toward my home office but stop when I hear a crunching noise as I pass the kitchen. I move backward, spotting Tobias leaning on the counter, eating a small bag of chips.
He smiles wide at me as he spots me. “Honey, you’re home.”
I slowly walk into the kitchen. “Hadn’t you just eaten with your sister?”
“Yeah, but I had the munchies and was bored, so…”
“Bored? Where is Cecilia?”
“She’s on the back patio with Lance.”
I can physically feel the veins pop on my forehead. “Lance, as in there’s another man in my house, and he’s outside with Cecilia?”
Tobias nods. “He wouldn’t leave me alone about where Cecilia was. The guy was really fucking annoying, so we sort of fibbed and told him that she was staying here while I painted her apartment. He wanted to come check on her, though, anyway.”
“So, you just let him?” I snap.
He sets the chips down and stands up straighter. “Look, I made a judgment call. It would have looked suspicious if I hadn’t let him see her. He’s her best friend. If I told him no, he would have come snooping around.”
“If he came snooping around, he’d have a bullet in his chest the minute he set foot on my property.”
Tobias blinks twice at me. “Another good reason I let him come. He’s harmless, James. What’s the problem?”
I run a hand through my hair in frustration. “I just don’t like the guy.”
Tobias’s brows furrow as he looks more intently at me. “When have you met him?”
I look at him again, feeling suddenly on the spot. “I’ve…heard things.”
“Like what?”
I actually growl in frustration. “It’s nothing. Never mind.”
Tobias’s eyes crinkle together. “You seem high-strung today. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, I just have a lot of work to catch up on.”
“I’ll grab Lance and head out then. Let me know if you need me to take on some of the workload,” he says, heading toward the patio.
“Let me grab him,” I suggest. “Can you make sure security is updated on the new protocols now that your sister is staying here? It’ll check a box off my list.”
“Got it,” Tobias answers. “Tell Lance I’ll meet him at the car.”
“Sure thing,” I chime before turning in the direction of the patio, my expression dropping into one of contempt as I stride toward it.
I momentarily stop at the glass double doors that lead outside to watch them. They were sitting on the furniture facing each other, seemingly just talking. Her hair was still in her braid from earlier, but I noticed some stray pieces breaking free, creating the messier look on her that I loved.
He leans closer to her, and my hand is already on the door handle. He reaches his hands out and takes hers in his, and I don’t know what they're saying, but I barge through the door and walk out onto the patio, interrupting them.
“Visitations are over,” I snap.
Cecilia looks over her shoulder at me, her mouth forming an angry frown. “What is this a prison?”
Lance looks from me to her again. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay at my place? I don’t understand why you didn’t ask in the first place.”
She pulls her hands from his, and I nearly sigh in relief. “Because it would be awkward after everything.” I take a step forward, interested in that little tidbit. After everything, what? What the hell happened between them? She stands up now, and he follows suit. “I’ll be fine here. It’s only for a week or two.”
Lance nods, although he looks disappointed, and then his glare fixes on me. “If you don’t mind, some privacy would be nice.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” I respond, holding the door open for him. “Get out of my house.”
“James!” Cecilia shouts.
“My patience is wearing thin here,” I say, waiting for him to leave.
“You know, I don’t like how aggressive you are around Lia. I’m uncomfortable leaving her here with you,” he remarks, walking up to me.
I sigh in boredom. “I don’t like you at all, and to be honest, you can think I’m aggressive all you want, but it’s my home she chose to stay at, isn’t it?”
“Seriously, James,” Cecilia groans tiredly, touching two fingers to her forehead.
He turns around and faces her again. “Come home with me. Please. Don’t stay here with this guy.”
What feels like acid churns in my stomach, and it takes everything in me not to snatch him up by his throat. Cecilia’s painful eyes bounce from him, then to me, and back to him. “I…I can’t. I’m sorry, but I need to stay here.”
“You’re kidding? You’d rather stay here with him over me?” he snaps.
“Lance, please…” she pleads. “Don’t make it like this. You always make things into something it’s not.”
“Yeah…” he says lowly. “I’m starting to realize this was never anything at all.” And on that note, he turns around and leaves, marching right past me. I keep my eyes on Cecilia as she watches him go, noting the way she doesn’t call or chase after him. There is acceptance in her gaze, although she is clearly upset.
“Well, that was dramatic,” I say, shutting the door and leaving her and me on the patio.
She turns her fiery gaze on me now. “You’re such an asshole. You know that? I can’t believe you made him think I chose to stay here.”
“Would you have stayed at his place if you actually had a choice?” I ask her. She blinks and tears her gaze from me, looking defeated. “That’s what I thought.”
“You’re still an ass.”
“I can be an even bigger one, babe. Don’t push me.” She looks up at me again, her nose scrunching up as it does when she’s annoyed.
“What’s got your panties in a twist?”
“Maybe the fact that I have to transfer all my work here and uproot my life because you forced your way into mine when you weren’t wanted,” I snap.
“That was your prerogative, not mine. I didn’t want this either,” she fires back.
“Says the na?ve little girl who got involved trying to play savior.”
“To be fair, Hodge approached me. Not the other way around. What did you expect me to do?”
“To trust your brother,” I yell, making her jump. “To fucking trust me a little too.”
“Trust you?” she shouts back. “How could I ever trust you? You’ve done nothing but make me a puppet while you pull the strings, deceiving me when I was trying to help my brother.”
“But look what’s happened, Cecilia. Your brother is in your life again. He’s finally been transparent with you, as have I. You have gotten everything you wanted in the end, and you fucking made me fall for you in the process.” She takes a step back, her eyes wider than ever as she breathes hard, staring back at me. “I am not a weak man, Cecilia, but you have had me on my damned knees since I met you, and after everything…you still can’t find a little good in me. You still can’t trust me.”
She shakes her head frantically. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You just said I wasn’t wanted.”
I move closer to her, pleased she doesn’t retreat as I do. “Fine. I take it back. I want you here, but it doesn’t matter because you’re too scared to give in to what you want so badly, even when I’m begging, and this is me begging, Cecilia.”
She swallows hard and fixes me with another scowl, another attempt at bravery. “You don’t beg, James Kingston. You’re cold and cruel. This isn’t who you are.”
I reach my hand out, grabbing hold of her dress and yanking her to me so that she’s plastered to my chest. Her hands land on my biceps as I wrap an arm around her waist and speak softly. “I’m not claiming not to be, babe. I want you to fear me. Fear me. Want me. Give in to me, Cecilia, and I will do anything you say. I will be yours. Wholly.”
I bunch more of her dress into my hand, exposing her thighs to me again. They were plump and smooth, and I needed to touch them because I didn’t get a chance to earlier. I drop my other hand from her waist, letting it slide down her side and to the hem of her dress so that my palm was slowly smoothing over the skin on her thigh. She gasps at the contact, and I keep my eyes on hers, watching them turn hazy with want.
“What are you doing?” she rushes out, nearly breathless.
“Tell me what happened between you and Lance,” I demand, needing to know.
“Nothing,” she hisses when I squeeze her tighter in my hand. “I…I told him I didn’t feel the same way he does about me.”
“He wants you?” She nodded, confirming what I already knew, but it still pissed me off. I take ahold of her jaw, forcing her to meet my stare. “He can’t fucking have you,” I growl. I slide my hand completely under her dress until I find the spot between her legs that I’ve been dying to feel. She gasps as my fingers trail over her underwear, where her clit lies beneath, and I caress her there, making her squirm in my hold.
“Please,” she pants already.
“Please, what?” I ask lowly.
“Please,” she cries out again. “Please, just do something. I can’t take it anymore.”
“Are you saying yes?” I ask her, just to be sure.
Her arms fly around my neck, and she pulls me down, her mouth taking mine in a savage kiss that had my head spinning. She presses her chest harder against mine, her fingers digging into the back of my neck as she kisses me with everything she has. “Yes. Yes. Please,” she finally groans onto my lips.
I stumble on my feet, walking backward until my legs meet the edge of the patio furniture, and I fall onto it, bringing her down with me. She climbs onto my lap, straddling me and taking my mouth with hers again. It was pure ecstasy. She was heaven. Tasting her and feeling her on top of me and all around me. I never not wanted to be like this with her.
“Unbutton your shirt,” she demands, tearing her mouth from mine. I do as she says because I was always eager to please her. I unbutton my shirt, and she tears at the sides, ripping it open just as I undo the last button, exposing my chest to her. “You’re gorgeous,” she says in wonderment, eyes scanning my body.
I laugh, making her bounce on me, which only makes my cock grow harder. “You look pretty seducing yourself right now.” Her dress was hiked up around her waist, and one of her sleeves was hanging off her shoulder. Her lips were swollen and red from kissing.
She smiles and leans forward, kissing me again, and I wrap my arms around her, needing to feel her as close to me as possible. I trail one of my hands down her lower back and then cup her ass as she begins rocking in my lap. Her pussy rubbed over my cock, and I wanted nothing more than to strip us of our clothes so I could feel the real thing, but it was too soon, and I wasn’t going to take her for the first time outside on my patio furniture in the cold. But I could give her a little taste.
“Lift your dress for me, baby.”
Her cheeks turn an addictive shade of pink, but she smiles sweetly back at me, her fists closing around the hem of her dress and lifting it. Her obedience at this moment is nothing short of amazing, and I think it’s at this moment, right now, her cheeks rosy and her hair falling out of her braid over her shoulder, that I think I may love her. How could I not? She was the sweetest, most savage thing I’d ever witnessed.
“Like this?” she asks, grinning at me, holding her dress up. I looked down at her black underwear, which looked completely made up of lace. Perfect for easy tearing. I curl my fingers into them, shred them right down the middle, and watch entranced as they fall around her, exposing her bare pussy to me.
“Fucking perfect,” I murmur. I pull the shreds of her underwear away, loving the fact I got zero complaints from her for ripping them. She wanted it so badly that she couldn't care less. “Do you know how long I’ve craved you like this, Cecilia?” I tell her. “Wet and perfect, sitting in my lap.”
“Please just touch me already,” she moans, starting her rocking again.
I chuckle and meet her gaze, bringing my thumb to her mouth. “Get it wet.”
She leans in, taking my thumb past her lips and running her tongue up the length of it like it was a lollipop. I hiss in pleasure, not expecting just this to even feel good, but I imagined anything she does with her tongue on my skin was going to feel good. She swirls her tongue around my thumb, and I’m painfully hard as I watch her. She meets my gaze and releases it from her mouth with a pop.
“Good girl,” I tell her before I slide my hand over the bottom of her stomach, just above her pussy, so that my thumb glides over her clit. She bucks in my lap, moaning at the contact. I make lazy circles over her, watching every inch of her body, noting the way each part of her reacts to the pleasure I’m giving her.
Her mouth falls open, breathless moans escaping her as her eyes shut in pleasure. Her head falls back as she begins rubbing herself against my hand. One of her hands slides further up her body, pulling her dress with it so that her stomach is exposed to me. She cups one of her breasts in her hands, pawing at it as she takes her pleasure from me.
“That’s so good,” she pants, grinding into me.
“You look fucking beautiful. I want to see how you look when I make you come.”
“I want that too,” she pleads. Fuck me, she was immaculate.
I change the position of my hand, keeping my thumb stroking her as I insert my middle finger inside her. I nearly come myself when I feel her tight pussy suck my finger inside her and squeeze around it. She begins whimpering as I start to slide in and out, finding the spot inside her that starts to make her legs shake in my lap.
“Just like that, huh, baby?” I groan, taking her to the very edge. “You like it so much. It’s driving you insane, isn’t it? That I’m the one giving it to you.”
“Shut up,” she groans, making me grin. “I’m so close.”
“Do it. You’ve been wanting to for so long, little owl. Come for me.” Her head falls back as a savage moan rips from her throat. Her pussy flutters and squeezes my finger. My gaze roams over her body, watching every inch of her as she unravels on me. It was like art. Her body flushed different shades of pink. The skin of her legs risen in goosebumps. Her dark hair fanning over her breasts like midnight on her pale moon skin. She was a damn masterpiece.
I wait for her to catch her breath as she comes down. I was still so hard, but I knew it was something I was going to be taking care of myself. I still couldn’t bring myself to take my own pleasure from her yet. I needed things between us to be more solidified.
Her hands rest against my chest, and she finally looks at me. Her pupils are dilated wide, leaving a thin, vibrant blue ring around them. “How are you?” I ask as she watches me in silence.
“I don’t know,” she says gently. “I feel good…obviously, but…I also feel confused.”
I sit up a little straighter, carefully keeping my arms around her so she doesn’t leave. “How so?”
“I just…I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what it can mean.”
“You’re thinking too hard about it. Can’t we just… be and go from there?”
She laughs incredulously. “I don’t know how to do that, James. I mean…we were just arguing, and then we ended up like this. In what world do two people like us be together?”
She gently pushes my hands down her waist and stands off my lap, righting her dress. Anxiety churns in my stomach as I follow. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying,” she bites out in frustration. “I keep making these mistakes with you, and we can’t keep doing them. It’s going to lead us nowhere and hurt us more in the end.”
“Why does this lead to nowhere?”
“James…you know why. We’ve both said this before. We’re too different.”
“Okay, just wait a minute. We?—”
“Stop,” she snaps, cutting me off. “Just stop. I…I need to be alone. I can’t do this with you right now.” She turns and runs through the doors before I get another word in. I follow behind her, but she races up the stairs. I stop when I hear her door slam shut from the bottom of them.
This back-and-forth with her was getting tiresome. She clearly chose not to see me as anyone other than a monster. After what we had just done, I didn’t think there were any more ways I could convince her that I could be different for her.
If she wanted me to be the bad guy, then fine. I’ll keep being the bad guy.