21. A Soldier’s Life #2
I let her believe that her physical strength was the point I doubted, though the truth was, she already showed a natural affinity for both the dragons, and flight. A fearlessness that would have been impressive in a man.
‘I won’t let my mate learn that you just had that thought,’ Kham sent with a wry twist in the bond.
I cleared my throat. “I’m not sure you understand what’s involved in being a Flameborne,” I told her.
“It’s not flying on your dragon to have adventures.
It means you’ll be trained until you attain the pin of Furyknight.
And then be primed for war.” And possibly thrown into conflict before you’ve even backed your dragon, I thought, but didn’t say.
“If Koa can do it, I’ll learn. I’ll be a soldier, or whatever is needed. I’m not much of a fighter, but I am a willing sneak. And I’ll do whatever it takes to succeed in this life. It’s the life I want!”
Something about those words echoed in my chest, but I shook the unsettling feeling off.
“A Furyknight’s life is one of discipline and modesty,” I warned her. “There is boredom, and hard work, and very real danger.”
Grace turned in her seat, twisting at the waist so she could actually meet my eyes and fix me with a determined look. “I’m not saying it’ll be easy. But I’m telling you the truth. I want this. Deeply.”
“Why?” I asked. I wanted to cast doubt, but the fact was, I believed her. And now I was fascinated to know what drove her to such determination.
“Because I’d rather die frightened and in a firefight, or sore and tired, falling from the sky, than in some old, drafty estate manor where I’ve been locked away to do nothing but breed and host dinners,” she snapped.
I hated that her tone made my stomach ill. A tremor of agitation hummed up my spine.
“Stop looking at me like that! I can do this.”
“I didn’t say you couldn’t,” I muttered, turning away because I couldn’t bear to see the pleading in her eyes. Because I recognized it. I knew that drive to be close to the dragons. That hope when your dragon first Chose you and would remove you from your former life.
“Yet, you’re doubting me!”
“I doubt your understanding of what you’re agreeing to,” I said through my teeth. “Not your desire to do it. We all want to do it when we meet the dragons. The question is whether we’re strong enough. For their sakes, as well as our own. This isn’t a game. We don’t play at war—”
“The only one playing games here is you!” she hissed, tears making the corners of her eyes shine. “I do everything you tell me to, and you still look at me like I’m a joke!”
“You’re flying away from your kingdom, your family, and your home, and smiling with delight,” I snapped. “Forgive me if I have concerns for your understanding of loyalty.”
“I would never smile about leaving my family—I smiled with delight because flying is so… so…” She gave a little growl. “Just because I don’t talk about my regrets with you, doesn’t mean they don’t exist!”
“You make very pretty words, Grace. But the fact remains, if you’re serious about becoming a Furyknight, it will take time for you to prove that you should be trusted. If you can’t handle my questions, you won’t make it through training.”
“I didn’t say I couldn’t—”
“You say far too much, far too often.” The words snapped from my tongue without thought and I wished I could shovel them back the moment they were out, because I felt her flinch.
She turned to face forward again, her spine a little too straight. I couldn’t see her face from this angle, but the weight in my chest pressed down when her shoulders hitched.
I wanted to groan. Would she cry every time she was disappointed? Every time she failed, or wasn’t coddled?
If so, she would be devastated by the Furyknights. Even the ones that liked her. Our men were honorable, but merciless in both their teasing, and their expectations of each other.
If she couldn’t even have her abilities questioned without tears—
‘Have you considered that she duels with the drive of her dragon’s desire, the loss of everything she has ever known, and the chill of your rejected bond? Perhaps a hint of compassion is in order?’ Kham sent tightly.
I sighed. “My words were thoughtless. I apologize,” I muttered.
Her shoulders hunched, but she didn’t turn around, or accept my apology.
I pressed my lips thin. “Grace, if you truly want to train for Furyknight, I’m your commanding officer until we reach the Keep.
You are considered a Flameborne—a Chosen One, but one who has not yet proven her mettle.
You can’t even mount alone, yet. In our ranks, that means you take orders from every Furyknight, and most of the Flameborne as well.
Your role, when we reach Vosgaarde, is to remain quiet, and learn. ”
She opened her mouth and turned her head, and I braced for the sharp side of her tongue. But then she paused.
We flew silently for a beat, before she closed her mouth, then nodded. “I’ll do my best,” she said.
I was impressed with the discipline she showed in not biting back at me, but unsettled by the tension in her.
Kham rumbled, and Koa shook her head, both the dragons also disturbed.
I frowned. But she didn’t speak again. And eventually, when I began drilling her on the protocols for harnessing, and names of the tack we used with the dragons, she focused on the task, and learned, and listened. Yet, her words were clipped, and she never met my eyes.
It was all very awkward. But I was grateful, because it kept me distracted enough that my body didn’t betray me.
So, why couldn’t I shake that sinking sense of unease?
~ GRACE ~
I hated myself for the tears that threatened.
While he talked, I blinked and blinked and blinked, cursing myself for the hurt that he found my presence so irritating.
I shouldn’t have been surprised.
I had always had that effect on men.