Chapter 16
16
Sienna
Asher hadn’t been kidding when he’d told me he taught a class. By ten o’clock, the room had filled to capacity with all sorts of intimidating men in solid black uniforms, all giving me odd looks, making me feel like I was in the wrong place all over again.
They all set their safety gear and black helmets on the floor, making that intimidation factor skyrocket.
After Asher had shown me where the complementary coffee was, he’d placed me in the far corner in the back row to hear his speech. I’d grabbed the small tablet and pen which was set out at each seat, pretending to write down notes—not because I needed to—because it made me look like I belonged there too.
Once he’d started speaking, he commanded the room. Every pair of eyes was on him as he introduced himself, Garrett, and the purpose of today’s session. That’s when I’d discovered who all these people were. As if my life wasn’t fucked up enough, I’d been sitting amongst twenty-two men and three equally intimidating looking women who were all various members of law enforcement.
I’d been afraid to move just in case I might break some sort of law I didn’t even know about. Could they see the marks Diesel had put on me?
I tried not to be mad at Asher for bringing me here. He didn’t know anything about me. Only thing he knew was that I’d been in a bad relationship with a guy who drank too much and was crazy enough to shoot me.
I should have felt as safe as humanly possible, sitting in the midst of so many cops donning their bulletproof vests. Then why was I such a nervous wreck? Asher had held up a gun and then a rifle in the air, talking about how all exercises today would be non-lethal, using their special guns that didn’t fire live ammunition. He’d held my gaze for just a beat as he’d shared that with everyone, telling me specifically that this was all an exercise in pretending.
Instead of paying full attention to descriptions of approach and whatever else he was describing, I was busy doodling around the B and F I’d written in tiny letters. He’d called me his girlfriend. Out loud. Declared it to the public, well, only two other people, but still. It wasn’t like what I’d been used to dating boys back in high school, where I didn’t know if we were friends, if I was a special friend, or the next school slut to be shamed by all.
Like Asher, Diesel had just declared us together—well, Diesel had called me his “old lady” to which everyone just understood what that had meant. Sadly, it was another lesson I learned the hard way.
But Asher just tossed that title out there like it was no longer up for discussion. He’d said earlier that if we did “this” then that meant it was just us and no one else. I had liked hearing that. Diesel had once made that declaration that I was his, but the same didn’t apply to himself. He cheated on me like it was some sort of sport.
I was just grateful that his extra activities didn’t give me some sort of disease.
As soon as Asher’s speech had concluded, everyone was excused to take a ten-minute break. That’s when the man sitting next to me tried to chat me up. He was nice looking, I guess. Told me his name was Todd. His friend Mark was just as friendly, asking me what unit I was from. But they were equally as scary in their tactical garb.
“I’m not. I’m just auditing the class,” I’d said—something I remembered from the one year I’d spent in college, learning debits and credits and other equally useful concepts. Maybe going back to college might be an option—especially with a large police escort. I just hoped none of them inquired about the illegal things the Double Daggers were doing.
Instead of rescuing me, Asher had stood in place at the front of the class, watching. One of them had asked me if I wanted to go get more coffee, urging me to follow the group as they all mingled out of the room. But I chose to watch Asher instead, waiting to see if he’d make good on his claim.
His head had tilted, analyzing the situation, letting me figure out what choice I was going to make. There was no choice. I’d stood and excused myself from the unwanted attention, finding my way to him.
Asher had just smiled wide at me and, as I made my way to the front of the room, gave me a gentle kiss in front of everyone.
Which led me to now, standing here alone in the narrow Observation Room, watching him in action below. Each room had been set up with fake mannequins in them. Some were lifelike and others were like cardboard figures on sticks. Bad guys versus the cavalry.
There was a precision to their approach and movements and, as I watched them from above, it became clearer how Asher must approach the world. We were a lot alike in many respects, always aware that something around the corner might try to kill us.
He was an excellent trainer, explaining the “why” to what he was trying to teach them. After surviving in an environment where I’d been trained to just do things without question, Asher made you want to think.
As much as this all made me feel uncomfortable, taking me back to memories I wanted to forget, part of me wished I had my camera. The action shots alone would be amazing. Capturing the colors and intensity. It was something I’d never thought of before—photographing that exhilaration of the moments that made your heart pound wildly in your chest.
Asher made my blood sing, watching him instruct each group with how they were to watch each other’s backs, leaving no room for error. I understood why he needed this. Hell, at this moment, I needed it. I’d spent the last five years of my life trying to escape a prison I couldn’t see. It had choked me, leaving me a quivering mess. Forcing me to search for garbage and spare change just to survive another day.
All this time I’d chosen to be the mannequin in the room rather than the warrior sneaking around the dark corner, posing to strike. I had been mad at Asher earlier for bringing me here. For forcing this all upon me without giving me a choice. I couldn’t tell him that at the time because my voice had been beaten out of me years ago. But inside I was fighting that rage, irritated at him for tossing me into the ocean and expecting me just to keep swimming.
I followed them from room to room, stopping when they stopped. Moving when they moved. This training area had seven rooms to it, maybe ten by ten spaces, each one with a door and a window, with doors on the interiors and along the long hallway.
It was a bit dark, but that was because the unknown was just as dark. I think the women in the class did a little better than the men. At least the one knew to drop to her knee and take a low position while her partner stayed high. I’m sure when they went home at night, their husbands didn’t dare raise a hand to them.
Time had flown by, and just as soon as it all had started, the lights were back on and people were headed back to the lecture room. Asher raised a finger up at me—the universal signal to wait a second. That was fine. I didn’t want to go back downstairs and mingle with law enforcement.
I wandered down the Observation Deck to take another look at the last room below. It had been set up as a child’s bedroom, complete with a crib, low furniture, and toys. Just imagining the kind of trouble needed to be fought with weapons coming upon a child’s bedroom turned my stomach. And right next to it, the parent’s bedroom. A fake body was there in the corner, the same place I used to cower when Diesel had been on a tear.
“Hey, babe.”
My eyes caught on Asher, strolling my way in all his badass attire. Black cargos. Black shirt with “Instructor” printed on it above the logo. All he needed was one of those rocket launcher things strapped to his back to complete the picture.
I pushed off from where I’d been leaning on the glass. “Hey yourself, Rambo.”
Asher smiled. “That nickname’s taken, babe. Gonna have to come up with something else.” He stood in front of me, giving me space. His eyes cut to the wall of glass, at what I’d just watched him do, before landing back on me. “So, still want to have dinner with me later?”
He was concerned. I could read that just in his stance and the tenseness in his shoulders. “Depends. Do I have to wrestle an alligator for my dinner, or do I have to breach the window? Because I’m not sure I have the energy.”
His smile was wicked. “I was thinking more on the lines of that bacon cheeseburger place you love. But if you want to wrestle me for it first, we can work something out.”
I glanced back at the window and down at the two guys now moving things around below. “I’m surprised you still have the energy to talk. That was… impressive.”
Asher gave me a nod, still trying to read me. Truth was, I was still processing it all, but he cut that short. He took my hand, giving me a second to make my decision, before tugging me to follow him.
He gave me a quick tour of the rest of the building, which was the indoor shooting range, but instead of lingering there, he took me to another steel door, swiped his card to gain entry, and ushered me into a darker hallway.
Florescent lights flickered on around us, illuminating a long, narrow room painted black. Asher grabbed two things that looked like neon green headphones off of the wall, handing one to me.
“Ear protection,” he said.
My nerves were jumping, making my body tremble. I didn’t need to be a marksman to know what we were about to do. He pulled a paper target off the stack on the table by the door, connecting it to the overhead track.
I wanted out of my own skin. “Ash, I’m not ready for this.”
The target soared down the track, stopping only a few feet away. He slid his gun out of the holster at his side and fiddled with it, knocking all the bullets out of the holder thing until it was empty.
He held it up for me to see and then put it in my hands. “This is called a magazine. It’s empty.” He showed me his gun again, sending more terror though my veins. “This is a forty-five auto.”
Like a good teacher, he reviewed all parts of it, showing me how to slide it open to check the barrel to assure it was empty. Making me do all the things he had first demonstrated. How to put the magazine in. How to eject it back out. How to set the safety button. How to load one bullet. How to chamber it.
Asher moved me to the half wall and put our hearing protection on. He stood behind me, making our bodies as one as he adjusted my body, my form, my aim.
His hand slid over my stomach, bracing me into his hips. I would have been turned on by his touch if I wasn’t so terrified.
“Aim at him, babe,” he whispered along my neck. “No one in this world has the power to make you afraid. You are powerful. You decide your fate, not anyone else. Not me. Only you.”
All these years of being afraid, of living with some invisible target on my back, made my bones ache. It wasn’t difficult to picture the coward who once tried to kill me in the dirt driveway within the black outline on the paper. How his fist had punctuated his rage before that. How he’d taken every ounce of my courage and ground it beneath his black boot.
Asher’s comforting voice wrapped around me. His hands held me firm. “It will recoil, so brace. Do not let go. Line up your sites. That’s it.”
He was my anchor in the vast, dark ocean.
“When you’re ready, put your finger on the trigger and pull. That’s it, babe. Feel it.”
The sound of the bullet cracking out of the gun jolted my nerves again, as did the power of the weapon discharging in my hand. I almost dropped it but Asher was there to keep me steady.
He safely took the gun out of my twitching hands and set it down on the counter. I pulled the earmuffs off. Asher did the same.
“How did that feel?” he asked straightforward.
“Terrifying.” I took a few deep breaths. “Exhilarating.”
His smile went wide. “Let’s see how you did.”
The target flew through the air back to us. “Looks like you got even.”
My shot had been way off. I had been aiming for the head, but instead, one hole pierced the shoulder. He took it off the clips and grabbed a new target.
Seven shots later, I managed to get truly even.
Asher was in a fantastic mood. He’d had a great day being twenty shades of badass. He’d been basking in pride for how well I’d done on the private range. I felt different. Changed. And yet still oddly the same.
He’d forced me at literal gunpoint out of my comfort zone, easily replacing a loaded weapon in my hand to one of the best bacon cheeseburgers in all of Nashville.
“We still need to get you a new cell phone,” he said while dusting off the last of my French fries. That made my nerves jump for a completely different reason.
The man sitting across from me was falling for a lie. I knew I needed to tell him, I needed to fully come clean, but every time I thought of just blurting out my real name, all thoughts after that just led to disaster. He may have vanquished one of my demons, but too many of them still remained.
A new cell phone couldn’t happen the way most people got one. I needed to remain mostly untraceable.
I finished the last bite of my meal, holding back my truth from bubbling up with the last of my drink. “I think I’d rather do that tomorrow after work, if that’s okay. It’s been a long day.”
Truth was, I needed time. I needed to avoid adding more angry men to my world. Once again, he took the bill from our server, treating me to one more debt I’d be called to pay at some point—a debt that was going to break the last of my heart.
I could feel Asher’s anxiety, even though he was doing his best to mask it. He was processing all he’d learned about me today in his own way, keeping everything light and fun. Careful. Most guys didn’t give a single fuck how their actions affected those around them. Asher was doing the male version of tiptoeing around it.
The sun was starting to get low in the sky by the time we were in his truck to take me home. He had the day off tomorrow. I had to work. But neither of us seemed ready to say good night.
The way he was looking at me while giving me those good night kisses had turned my walls into dust. Picturing him in all the ways those hands could touch me was adding to the ache growing in my belly.
His tongue tangled with mine, coaxing, teasing. It didn’t matter that I was mad at him earlier. It also didn’t matter that he tore most of my world apart today, giving me back a power I hadn’t felt for over a decade.
I wanted to disappear in his attention. Feel that tongue glide over the parts of me that ached the most. He took away my ability to think. To worry. Turning me into a twisted ball of extreme arousal. The greedy girl inside me wanted more.
“Want to come in for a bit?” I breathed out between him kissing my jaw. Sanity had long left the building.
I lost the warmth of his mouth to him gazing right into my eyes, checking on my offer. We both knew what that meant. What would happen if he came inside my apartment. It would mean something. It would take this to a new level. It could also be the best way to say one final goodbye. Feed my greedy mind and body with one last memory of him.
He pressed his fingertips into the back of my neck, holding me firmly. “You sure?”
No. I was far from sure, but I was also nearly at the point of having an orgasm in the passenger seat of his truck, and that was not where I wished to feel that amazing sensation. I pulled his hand slowly over my mouth, ready to lick that hand and shove it between my legs.
I felt drunk, trying to open my door. Asher was equally as wasted on me, holding me with one hand while slinging his bag over his shoulder with the other.
Inside, he dropped his bag while I tossed my purse and keys on the table. I was back in his arms within the next breath; his tongue back in my mouth, urging my body into another state of frenzy.
“I need a shower,” he said while sucking on my neck. His tongue slid back into my mouth. “Need you to wash me.”
Asher let me go and tugged on his shirt, peeling it up over his head. He kept me in his sites while unbuttoning his pants and toeing off his boots.
He cupped my face, hungry for more, kissing me again. He tugged my shirt up and off, sliding those big hands over my ribs, teasing over my breast. He tossed my shirt onto the floor, taking a moment to appreciate me in my bra. He slipped the strap off of my scarred shoulder, placing a long, lingering kiss on my skin. A silent message that he wanted to heal all of my wounds.
He followed me into my bathroom. I turned the tub shower on, hoping hot water would soon come. Asher stood behind me and slid his hand over my stomach, right into my underwear. Those fingers would undo me. He feasted on my neck, one hand palming a breast while the other made me crazy. I was so wet for him, and he took full advantage, finger fucking me while pushing an orgasm right out of me.
I felt my body explode, flooding every inch of my skin, grateful he was holding me up. After he’d wrung the last of my orgasm from my bones, he turned me around; my hand finding the elastic band around his waist. His ribs and abs were defined by years of dedication. And that chest, those words of “dream, believe, achieve” tattooed on him like a homing beacon to where my lips and hands were needed.
I tried to let the sound of water drown out the poison I’d been infected with. Those negative comments about my body and how I’d been lacking. The scars from more than just a bullet.
Asher wasn’t seeing all of that. His breath shuddered out of him as I took his hard length in my hand.
“Fuck,” he cursed low as I gave him the same attention he’d given me. He pulled my hand off and guided me into the shower. Sharing the small space had made things cool a bit, but just being this intimate with someone had made me feel vulnerable. I opted to distract him from seeing me crumble by soaping him thoroughly.
Watching him in action today… seeing him be so terrifyingly lethal… and yet gliding his fingers and tongue with the utmost care over my breast… I felt myself falling for every touch. Every kiss. The way he drank from my skin before toweling me off.
He tossed his towel over my couch and made expert work of searching his wallet and tearing a foil pack open, rolling it down his length. “I want you here,” he said. “I want to see you take me.”
He helped me straddle over his lap, ending this day the way it had begun. This time there was no shock. No anger or questions. His wet fingers toyed with me until I was pleading for more.
His eyes never left mine as he guided me down on him. Those hands gripped me so carefully as he filled me. I winced through the pain of having him inside me. My fingers bit into the back of the couch, holding me steady. It had been so long… so very long since I’d been with someone.
“That’s it.” Asher groaned a curse as I rolled my hips. “Take what you need, baby.”
I couldn’t get enough. Each thrust, each time his thumb added pressure, flicking faster and faster…
My mind had no room to think or worry. Just feel.
His lips wrapped my nipple, sucking hard as he guided my hips, taking what he needed from me too.
Take me away from my nightmares, Ash.
We both had demons to vanquish. Would this man be my beginning or a new ending? Time would tell sooner than later.