Chapter 15
15
Asher
Sienna was quiet. I knew she was deep in her head, but I wasn’t sure how to pull her out. I’d been there before myself, but women were such different creatures, so telling her to man-up and rub dirt on it wouldn’t cut it.
I picked up her hand and did what felt natural by putting a kiss on it before folding it up with mine. That seemed to help, but she was still side eyeing me at every stoplight.
“Talk to me. Tell me about him.”
Sienna took a deep breath; I felt her fingers loosen up around mine. Her M.O. was to retreat. Any military personnel who’d spent any time facing their nightmares knew that silence didn’t fix shit. If the rest of today day went as I’d hoped, that might change. At least she’d have a better foundation to overcome it. I squeezed her hand, bringing her attention back to me.
“Talking about it just reminds me of something I’d rather forget,” she said with a small smile.
I slowed my truck to the next red light, recalling how she’d retreated on me just seeing her scar. “But not talking about it never heals it. Trust me on that. It just turns into a blockade which keeps you from moving forward.”
Her attention finally turned my way. “I lived a year of my life in terror, Ash. It’s not a place I want to revisit.” Her head shook. “Talking about it puts me right back into that moment and I don’t know how to get out of it.”
I hated seeing that terror still edging her eyes. “I get it. My last deployment, a sniper put a bullet through my friend’s head. I carried his body for a half mile while he slowly bled out. So, I get it. I get how the dark sucks you right back in.”
Her hand tensed in mine as she zeroed in on my admission. “How did you get past it?”
My truth sucked just as much as hers. “I just said it out loud, to you . Addressing it takes its power away.”
Sienna had been trying; I could see that. She was a fully functional adult, working. Doing things that gave her some joy. But her bravery had a huge wall in it. She just needed a leg up to help get her over it.
“Telling people my ex shot me when I tried to leave isn’t always well received,” she whispered out.
“That’s on him, not you.”
“I know, but it was also my choices that got me into that bad spot,” she admitted.
“And my choices had me sitting in a shit pile of sand with a riffle in my hand. But instead of letting that shit control me, I focus on the things that give me a different purpose. We never escape shit, babe, but the choices we make about how to deal with it is what defines us.”
She rubbed her neck; something she did often when she was feeling nervous.
“When I was a kid, I was angry all the time. I didn’t know what to do with that anger, so enlisting felt like a good way to harness it.” I stared out the windshield, watching traffic flow in front of me. “It had worked at first, but after a while, after each deployment, I felt angry again but for a whole different set of reasons. So I made a choice. I could keep feeding it or I could cut away from it and try a new path.”
Sienna let out a quick laugh. “I tried finding my new path. That’s how I ended up here. New place, new start. And then one random Saturday I tried to help out a good friend who’d been there for me when I’d needed her the most, only to almost get blown up all over again.”
My lungs felt heavy; the reason she’d been rocking back and forth made sense. Shell shock.
“I know that sucked, babe. I’m not going to downplay it, but the way I see it, the path you’re on has two choices.” I glanced over at her and held up a finger. “One, you can stay on course, let fear control you and keep you from all that your life can be, or two, you can say ‘fuck that shit’ and nurture the warrior inside you that survived it all and is still standing.”
That got her thinking. I hoped she’d choose the high road.
“I’m not sure I’ve met my inner warrior yet. I’d summoned her the day I tried to leave, but that version of her had been beaten pretty badly, Ash. You need to know that.”
My hands squeezed the steering wheel, imagining finding this fucker and choking the life out of him. Sienna’s past was darker than I’d first thought. “He’s in jail, right?”
Her hands twisted in her lap. “Yeah, but unfortunately not for long enough.”
Pieces of her kept falling into place. The hyper vigilance. The aversions… “I take it he had a drinking problem.”
Her hand scratched her neck again. That was all the confirmation I needed.
“Some asshole who drank too much and didn’t appreciate what he had is not on you, Sienna. That’s on him. Only a weak man does that shit. That too is all on him, not you.”
“My shoulder gives me problems to this day.” She rubbed over her wound. “It’s been four years. I want you to know that.”
I felt as if there was more to her story—a lot more. But at least this was a start. My own darkness was tucked deep inside me, safely in its box, making me doubt if taking her with me today was a smart idea. This might be the very last time I’d see her. But it was too late. I pulled into the parking lot.
“The Firing Line,” she said, questioning me. “What is this place?”
I left her question hang until I got us parked and then shut my truck off. Most women my age or younger tended to have opinions on this. Most had a strong aversion. But that didn’t stop them from asking for help when the dregs of society committed crimes or worse. If Sienna was going to be in my life, she needed to be full in. Nothing less would do.
“I’m an instructor here. I have a class to teach at ten. It runs for two hours, maybe a bit more.” I ducked a bit, nodding at the sign on the building. “This is how I deal.”
“Instructor?” She glanced out the window. “Is this like fireman’s school?”
She was so fucking adorable. “No, babe. Not fireman’s school. A friend of mine who was special ops opened this place a few years ago. I need you to know that nothing in here is going to hurt you.”
“You’re kinda making me nervous, Ash. What’s happening here?”
I took her hand in mine, urging her to face me. She needed gentle but sometimes direct was the best path. “Way I see it, right now, you have a choice. You can let assholes take cheap shots at you or you can learn to shoot back.”
That made her squirm a little. “You brought me here to teach me to use a gun?”
I hated seeing her uncomfortable and hearing the tremble in her voice, but she needed this. “I brought you here because I want to see where this”—I motioned between us—"can go. I teach here several times a month and work at the station. At the end of the day, you don’t like this part of me, then we know we’re not going in the same direction. It’ll suck, but this is me, just like that wound in your shoulder is you.”
Sienna pondered on that, looking torn while splitting her view between me and the building.
“Tell you what, you can just hang out. Observe. If you’re not ready or not interested, you voice that, okay? Zero pressure here.”
“Okay,” she said, but failing to be convincing.
“You trust me?”
She gave me a little nod. “I trust you.”
“Good. Let’s go have some fun.” I slid out of my truck and grabbed my gear.
Time to embrace the fire.
Sienna followed me through the lobby, gazing up at the high ceiling and windows that let a ton of light in.
“Wow. I wish I would have brought my camera,” she said as she stopped to take it all in. I stopped with her, appreciating the view of her seeing my world, glad that she hadn’t demanded I take her home five minutes ago.
It had been touch-and-go there for a few seconds, mostly revolving around her apprehension to be around things that might hurt her. It was a dumb move on my part not to tell her where I was taking her, but after seeing the divot below her collarbone, I didn’t want her to come up with excuses. She had nothing to worry about.
The Firing Line was a cool facility, the lobby designed in a fusion of Montana mountain lodge and industrial practicality, leaning heavily on the lodge side. Garrett had outdone himself when he built this place. Every need for weapons training had been thought out thoroughly.
In front of us was the long, oak check-in desk. Garrett’s brother, Gage, and their sister Grace’s kid, Gunner, were behind the counter, helping a customer. “My friend, Garrett, and his brother, Gage”—I pointed at the man—"own this place.”
Off to the left, behind reinforced glass doors, was “The Armory”—the name written on the glass in fancy scrolled letters. “Best weapons store in Nashville.” I pointed. “We’re going this way.” I adjusted the duffle bag on my shoulder and took her hand, leading her to the other side of the lobby to a security door. I swiped my badge, gaining access to the hallway that led to the store offices.
“This place is huge,” Sienna said as we passed a few dark offices.
“It’s Sunday, so most of the crew are off, but down here is my office.” I turned on the light and set my shit down on the floor.
I grabbed some mail off the desk while Sienna zeroed in on the pictures hanging on the wall. She tilted her head. “Is this you?”
I knew which one she was focused on. “That’s me with one of the fifty cal on the open range. Guy next to me with the range finder is Garrett.”
“You know you’re speaking a foreign language to me, Ash.”
I tossed some of the junk mail into the bin, trying not to be distracted by how fantastic her ass looked in those jeans. Her black shirt hugged every delicious curve too. The entire package made my dick ache. “Fifty cal”—I put my finger on the picture—“big gun with big bullets. And this thing is what we use to see the target since it’s so far away.”
“Is there going to be a quiz at the end of this day?” Sienna gave me that cute smirk of hers. “I just want to know in case I need to take notes.”
The urge to shut my door and fuck her on my desk blazed through me. I pulled her hips into mine. “Depends. You want to take the test, or just skip to the extra credit portion? Pretty sure you can become the teacher’s pet real fast.”
I loved how easy she’d folded into my arms. “I don’t think you have time for extra credit right now,” she said on my mouth.
I caught the clock on the wall. “You’re right. I’m gonna need a lot more than ten minutes.” I gave her a squeeze and sucked her lip for good measure. “Walking into a room filled with other guys with a bulge in my pants won’t go over well.”
Her laugh rumbled right through me. Seeing her smile after waking her up with my bullshit, and then having her fall into a pile of trauma of her own after that… It was a relief.
I let her go and grabbed my gear. I needed to swap out shirts before I stepped into the training area. She took a seat in the spare chair, glancing around to see what might keep her entertained while avoiding watching me change.
I put my belt on and opened my lock box. I didn’t like keeping my pistol in my truck, but we had a weapons policy at the fire station. Sienna’s eyes went wide.
“Don’t go there,” I warned as I slipped the magazine out and cleared the chamber. I knew she was spiraling just being this close to me. “He ever teach you to shoot?”
Panic was flaring all over her. “No.”
“That changes today.” I set everything down and took her hands, pulling her up from the chair. I put her hand on my chest, right over my heart, and held it there. “You will never fear me because I won’t let you. Understood?” And then I took her right hand and put my unloaded weapon in it.
Sienna started to shake. “No. Take this away.”
I held her hand steady. “In this place, we treat every weapon as lethal. We train and teach firearm safety and respect.” I caught her eyes. “What you will see today is how we train to protect people, not hurt them. You will overcome it because you are stronger than your fear.”
“I can’t do this,” she panted out.
“Yes, you can. You think I would ever hurt you?”
Her doubt was instant. It stung, but it registered. Everyone was a threat.
“Think I would ever fuck with a woman who I knew could kill me?” I let go of her hand and took a step back.
Her eyes flicked from the gun in her hand back to mine. Yeah, that landed in her head.
“Feel it. Feel the power you control now. Some asshole tries to hurt you, you hurt them back.”
I waited for her to process that. I’d gone through the same back in the day, when men I would never know personally just wanted me dead, fighting a war where soldiers on both sides were just pawns and casualties.
She held my weapon back out to me. “Here. Take it.”
She’d need time. Either that or she’d scrape me off for good after this. I’d deal with that later.
“I guess I’ll see you when you’re done.” Her voice was soft and deflated, as if she was done with it all.
“Oh, no, babe.” I gave her a soft kiss, needing her to reconnect. “You’re coming with me.” I holstered my weapon and took her by the hand. We headed down the hallway, through another security door into the hallway leading to the lecture room, and then up a set of steps.
I opened the door at the top, ushering her inside. “This is the Observation Deck.” I took her over to the glass windows that spanned the entire interior wall. “The rooms down there are for live training. Up here, we can observe formations, breach protocols, and set up different scenarios for real life conditions.” I wrapped my knuckles on the glass. “Bulletproof.”
“I didn’t know you did all of this,” she said while scanning the different rooms below. “It’s like a maze down there.” The O-deck was long but narrow, enough to get a good view of the closed quarters training rooms. She touched one of the chairs. “Is this where I’m supposed to stay now?”
“No. Not right now. But down there is where I’ll be if you want to watch.”
“You’ll be down there?” She pointed.
I crossed my arms. “Yes.” She seemed okay with that, so I led her back out of the room and down the steps to the area where the public could access the facilities.
“Over here is one of two lecture rooms for closed quarters training. This is where I’ll be to start.” Inside, Garrett and the Nashville P.D. SWAT Team leader Mike Kimber were having a discussion over some paperwork on the table. They both looked up as we came in, both men tilting heads to look past me.
Sienna was a gorgeous woman. Perfect body. Great ass. Long legs. And black hair which wrapped the entire package with an air of deviousness and mystery. But she wasn’t fucking pretentious about it like some other women were.
Either she was just naturally humble or that asshole who’d shot her had twisted her up and fucked with her head, filling her mind with all sorts of bullshit. Weak-ass pussies often did that. Words were sometimes worse than fists. Bruises you could heal from. Shit twisted up in your head took longer. My bet was Sienna was a mix of both.
I led her to the front of the room to introduce her. “Sienna, this is Garrett Landford and Mike Kimber. This is my girlfriend, Sienna.”
Garrett noted that with a little nod while holding out his hand and greeting Sienna with a smile that was way bigger than necessary. I got his thoughts with just one look—most of it asking how I’d landed such a gorgeous woman. In all the years he’d known me, this was a first.
“Sienna is going to observe today.” That got me another eyebrow lift from the man. Garrett was my age and even more of a serial dater than I was. Me bringing a woman here, let alone bring her to a training day, was completely out of character. I gave him a nod back. Just wait ‘til that shit happens to you, brother.
That’s when it sunk in fully, and I was completely okay with it.