Chapter 23
23
Asher
Sienna was quiet.
Too quiet.
The entire drive back to her place was just silence. It sat heavy between us. I didn’t understand why. She gave me a partial smile or a glance here and there, but mostly she just curled into the passenger door, drifting her knuckle over the glass while watching the road pass by.
We’d had a great Sunday. Well, at least I thought it went well. Sure, naked pancakes time didn’t go quite how I’d planned, but still it was great. Seeing her playing with Roman yesterday and how she was so patient and sweet with Haley and Coop while taking their pictures… All I could think about was how great it would be to just make love to her whenever I wanted to without having to keep putting fucking condoms on.
But that meant there could be repercussions to that, mostly because the number of times I would want to end my days or start them being inside her would ultimately lead to one of my seeds getting planted.
For the first time, that thought didn’t scare the shit out of me.
Sienna would make a great mom. She’d make a great wife, if and when we got to that. And the more time I spent with her, the more I was flowing that way.
No, I couldn’t regret starting those conversations. They needed to happen. I glanced back over at her, still curled into the door. Was she so quiet because she was thinking on all that too? Probably. Women took that shit too deep to where they’d overthink it, and I didn’t want her to stop being herself while trying to become someone she thought I wanted.
That scenario had already played out a few years ago when I was house shopping and making my place permanent here in Nashville. I’d just started seeing Rachel after chatting her up at the gym. She had us planning a future on the third date.
That thought made me laugh. Here I was, doing the same.
I glanced back over at Sienna, feeling like I needed to hold her for some reason. She was nothing like Rachel. Matter of fact, she was far from wanting to move her shit into my place. She’d packed up her small overnight bag shortly after eating breakfast.
We were getting closer to her place, and I couldn’t get a read on her. We both had to work in the morning, but I had to be up an hour before her to make it to the station by seven. Still, I wanted to spend the rest of the night with her, even if that meant I was crashing in her bed for the night.
I pulled my truck up to the curb in front of Candace’s house, put it in park, and turned the engine off. I hoped I remembered to pack a clean fire shirt to wear. I know I’d left one or two here the other?—
“Ash, we need to talk.”
Fuck . I did not like the tone of that. Here we go . She was sitting there like a statue, perfectly still, staring out my windshield at nothing but how she was going to fuck up my night with shit.
I settled back in my seat. “About?”
“I need to tell you something, and I’m not sure how to go about it.” She glanced over at me with nothing but a whole lot of worry painted on her face.
I did not like the shit my mind was flashing over as possible answers to that. “What?”
“I’m not from California.”
“Okay.” That was a bit unexpected but whatever.
She was fidgeting now, fingers busy twisting into her seatbelt.
“I haven’t been completely honest with you, and I need to be. I just want you to know I did not intend it to go this way. I was shocked and confused, and then there never seemed to be a good time to tell you.” Those sad, blue eyes landed on me.
This was starting to piss me off. Whatever the fuck was happening here was not good. “Sienna, get to the point.”
“That’s the point.” She took a deep breath. “My name is Syla. Sienna is my middle name.”
“Okay.” This was giving me a headache.
“Syla Sienna Tatum. My name is Syla Tatum.”
I didn’t get it. Why lie about your name? “I’m not following here.”
“I’m from Prescott, just like you. I grew up in the tan house next door to the Hayes family.”
I wasn’t tracking her at first, and then the hot rush came blasting through my nerves like fire eating at my skin. Good thing I was fucking sitting down. “Jesus fucking Christ.” I glanced back over at her, looking closer while searching memories I’d long forgotten. She used to be blonde. And that tiny strawberry birthmark… I knew it looked familiar. She was just a kid. I squeezed the steering wheel, while my gut churned.
“You’re just telling me this shit now? Sienna? Syla. Whoever the fuck you are.” Jesus.
“I didn’t know how to tell you, Ash.”
“Oh, I don’t know. How about telling me who the fuck you were when I first met you? Did you think of that?”
“When? While you were standing in front of my desk asking me out to your picnic?”
“That would have been a good time, Sienna, Syla, instead of lying to me. Fuck.”
“I didn’t mean to lie to you Ash, but what was I supposed to say? Hi. Remember me? The kid that used to live next door that just so happened to almost die in an explosion in the middle of the mall parking lot? You were asking me out on a date. And I honestly didn’t know who you were until you told me your full name. And at that point I tried to avoid you, but I couldn’t. The feelings I had for you back then all came rushing back, and I didn’t know what to do.”
My head felt about ready to explode.
“If I would have told you who I was, would you have even looked at me twice?”
That felt like a low blow. “I would have liked to know the fucking truth.”
“The truth?” She scoffed. “I left Arizona in the middle of the night with a backpack of clothes and a bullet hole through my body, wondering if my ex or his sick biker friends were going to come after me to finish the job. That’s the truth.”
“So, what was your plan here, Syla ? Just keep playing me, waiting for me to fall in love with you so you can just drop this on me?”
“I fell in love with you too, Ash. A long, long time ago. And then somehow in the midst of my crazy life, fate dropped you into some random mall parking lot while the world was once again exploding all around me. I didn’t know who you were, but that pull that I’ve always felt in my heart came back in an instant.”
“Jillian used to babysit you, for fuck’s sake.” I wanted to punch something. This was all too much. Too fucking much.
“Talk to me. Please. I didn’t want us to go on?—”
“Get out.” I glared over at her—at the door that was holding all this fucked up shit so close to me, my heart feeling like it was getting the shit squeezed out of it. “I need you to get out of my truck. Right now.”
Her face coated with shock as her tears registered my words, but I didn’t fucking care. She just napalmed my fucking soul.
She swiped her face and then unbuckled her seat belt, tossing it off her shoulder. I couldn’t even look at her as she grabbed her bag and camera off the back seat, or as she just stood there, waiting on me to change my mind. As soon as the door closed, I turned the engine on and hit the gas, leaving my fucking heart bleeding on the curb.
I got onto the Interstate; my eyes blurring with the glare of the headlights. My chest felt like it was going to combust.
Every time I blinked, the roadway disappeared into the darkness while more rage burned hot inside me. A tractor trailer blasted its horn, pulling my attention back to being behind the wheel. I couldn’t see anymore.
I pulled off on the side of the road, my tires sliding in the loose stones and gravel while my past and present violently collided.
Old wounds tore open, taking my sanity with it.
I rested my head on the steering wheel and let the heartache consume me.