Chapter 24
24
Sienna
The world was a cruel place.
It took everything from you, every chance it got. It had taken the strength from my mother’s legs, erasing her ability to hold me up as I stumbled in life. Then it had twisted her vivacious smile into a macabre shadow of what happiness once looked like. It took love and made it evil and turned gentle touches into black eyes.
It took bliss and riddled it with bullet holes, turning it to a shred of what it once was.
Nothing in this basement apartment was mine. I had nothing, and life was showing me that in spades. I took the picture of my tears off the wall and opened the back pins holding the print inside. It was just another reminder of the agony rending me apart.
I tore it into pieces until there was nothing left. It was all a lie. There was no resilience. There were only reminders of pain.
There were also no texts. No calls. No sorries.
Nothing but the all-consuming misery of ending.
I couldn’t look at the photos I’d taken of Haley and Coop, or any of the images containing Asher. Just like he’d done to me, I deleted him. I couldn’t hold onto memories that just made me feel like I was dying.
Haley could have the raw images. Maybe another photographer could edit them. I hope she understood that in my email. I had to let it all go.
This life held nothing for me anymore. I’d reinvented myself once; I could do that again someplace else far from here. Start over again. New town. New lies.
Doctor Beshcroft had been unhappy with me, asking questions of why I was resigning. It was nearly impossible to look at him without crying. Two weeks would go fast. After all, one had almost passed by. It’s amazing how fast time goes when you stop paying attention to it.
The amount of things I’d accumulated in the last four years felt like another anchor around my neck. Even the stupid, black high heels in my hand just reminded me of a happier time I’d rather forget.
I shoved them into a garbage bag with the rest of the things I’d drop off at the Thrift Store bins. Return my life to the bare essentials. I wouldn’t need fancy shoes in Maine. I’d considered Florida, but the sunshine just felt too happy. I needed a place to match the misery inside me.
I should’ve never let Asher Hayes into my heart. I knew this would always be the outcome, but I was foolish, grasping for just one moment to finally feel alive. Maybe even loved.
He’d given me a precious gift and then with one, swift blow, he’d taken it all back. There wasn’t enough water on the planet to wash away the feelings of his touch on my skin. Every time I closed my eyes, the final vision of his angry glare burned me to the ground.
I heard the door at the top of the steps open, followed by a knock and hesitant footsteps. I grabbed the dress I’d worn to dinner with Asher and swiped it over my face. Some other woman could wear my tears. I shoved it in the bag with the rest.
“Sienna?”
I hid my sadness in my dark closet, trying to rally one final moment of bravery.
“What are you doing, honey?” Candace asked. Her shadow loomed over me on the floor.
“Just getting rid of stuff.” I shoved a pair of sandals in with the rest. I wouldn’t need sandals in Maine. I knew Candace was looking around, noting the small pile of things I planned to shove in my car that sat by the door.
She squatted down closer to me. “You going somewhere, honey?”
I rallied a half-assed smile, but it was all a lie. “I was thinking it was time to move on. Try someplace new.”
She sat down across from me on the carpeted floor. “Where you running to, sweetheart?”
I swiped another traitorous tear away. “Not running. Just leaving. I can’t stay here, Candace.”
She let out a big sigh. “You can’t keep doing that, Sienna. Sometimes you just have to roll up your sleeves and fight for what you want.”
I shook my head. “No amount of fighting is gonna change things. He wants nothing to do with me and I can’t say I blame him. I lied to him and no amount of sorries is going to change that.”
“So that’s it? You’re just going to let one man drive you out of town again ?”
“I can’t stay here. Everything just reminds me…” The words caught in my throat. I wiped my face again. “It’s like Karma just keeps shining a big spotlight on all my failures. Here you go, Syla. See how you’ve messed up again? I don’t know what I’ve done in this world to deserve this, but I can’t keep looking over my shoulder all the time. I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but Nashville has lost its luster.”
“You know what I think?” She started, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. I just wanted to be left alone. When nobody cares for you, there isn’t anyone close enough to hurt you.
“I think you should stay. There are a million men in this town, and if that idiot can’t see how beautiful and wonderful you are, then screw him. You deserve a man who will see you for the amazing, loving, giving woman you are. Don’t accept less.”
It all sounded good coming out of her mouth, but in reality, I’d made my bed so I had to lie in it.
“I quit my job,” I said with a shrug. “There’s nothing here for me. In another week, I won’t have a paycheck, so I have to find something else. I need to do that someplace far from here.”
Her face fell with that news. “Call Doctor Beshcroft back. Tell him you changed your mind. I’m sure he hasn’t found anyone who could replace you, Sienna. There’s still time to undo it.”
Candace had a point, but I’d already made up my mind. There wasn’t anything besides this endearing woman holding me here. It would pain me to leave her, after all she’d done for me, but staying here was just another cruel reminder.
Asher had made love to me in that bathroom.
He’d made love to me on that couch and on that bed.
Sometimes when chapters end, the best way to deal with them is to burn all the pages and start over again.