Chapter Seventeen
Ash
Isat in the dark office, listening to them talking, like somehow I’d hear something that might redeem Cal, so I could still keep him.
I hadn’t considered that possibility, because the way I’d felt after what they did to me meant all I wanted was to make them hurt.
I wanted them in pain like I was. I wanted to punish them.
To avenge myself. To avenge other kids like me.
How could Cal go through this sickness, and then force it on another?
Especially the guy who’s literally in love with him, and has been for years!
A soft knock on the door came seconds before it slid open, and a mug of coffee was extended through the gap.
“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” I said gruffly, resting my chin on my stacked fists and sighing.
Things had gone quiet in there, and while it sounded like Cal might be starting to come around, wasn’t it too little too late?
Could I actually forgive him, or would I just play with him, like a cat with a mouse, then force myself to live without him?
“Don’t need to talk to drink,” Ethan said, as he slid the mug on the desk I was leaning on. He didn’t leave though, he sat down in the only other chair, and cupped his hands around his own drink. I glared at him, wondering why the fuck he didn’t just leave, so I could wallow in private.
“And you don’t need to stay for me to drink it.”
“The words you’re looking for are ‘thank you’, dipshit.
I just thought you might need a little company, but we don’t need to talk.
We’re hardly going to have shit in common, right?
” He was so different from the man who’d first arrived at my parents’ place to teach Ember.
Older, obviously, but gruff, snarky, and sometimes just downright inappropriate.
He was deeply possessive of my sister, his wife, as evidenced by that tattoo that he always made sure was visible on his neck.
“Did they tell you?”
Ethan shook his head. “Your dads wouldn’t tell me if I was on fire, although I guess I’d see Gray preparing to rub one out at the ‘beautiful flames’, and I’d be able to figure it out. Blaze just said that you needed to get revenge on someone. That was enough for me. Family, right?”
Yeah, family. A family that kept growing because my siblings were finding love, but the one person I wanted would rather let someone abuse me, than be with me.
“He was all I wanted,” I found myself saying, even though I’d insisted I wouldn’t talk. Ethan didn’t respond, leaving me to blurt everything out, or maybe he really just didn’t give a shit.
“All he had to do was give me a chance. Am I so fucking unlovable?”
Ethan cleared his throat and I turned to look at him, feeling so fucking vulnerable talking about this shit with him.
“I think you’re all bat-crap crazy, but you’re not unlovable, Ash. If he’s struggling with his sexuality, maybe he needs a little help seeing what he’s missing, and if I doubted whether I was as messed up as your dads before, I don’t anymore.”
“The real question is if I can forgive him, and let him live right now, but thanks.”
He cleared his throat again. “For not loving you?”
I looked away from him, lowering my voice.
“For helping her rape me.”
Ethan’s chair scraped back against the floor, and his mug slammed down on the desk as he turned for the door.
“What… where are you going?” Was he disgusted? Did he see what must have been in me to turn Cal off too?
“Gonna help them use that fucking knife,” Ethan hissed, as he pulled the door open. I lurched up from my seat and grabbed his arm, halting him, even though he turned to glare at me like I was suddenly the bad guy.
“No. He has to kill her first.”
He shook my hand off his arm, and faced me. “I’m hardly one to talk, because I’m now a ‘consent is a grey area’ kinda guy, but at least Em was into me. Not only were you not into her, but you don’t even fucking like women. What she did is disgusting.”
I swallowed hard, surprised to find such a strong advocate in Ethan, who I’d never really taken the time to get to know properly.
“I wonder how many times they’ve done that crap to people.”
“Ash.”
I went back to my seat, because while I could watch the feed, and listen to Cal, I wasn’t leaving this fucking room. This room was my prison as much as that cold, tiled room was his.
“Ash. You didn’t deserve what they did. They deserve whatever the hell you choose as their punishment, and I’m here for it. Whatever you need.”
I swallowed hard again, because there was a lump in my throat, and I really didn’t want to fucking cry right now. I know it’s okay if men cry, whatever, but this isn’t the time. The only tears would be Cal’s, when I forced him to murder that bitch, and then fucked him before I killed him.
Callum
Time passes so differently when you’re locked in, without any form of entertainment, and no way of escaping the silence, and the solitude. Had an hour passed? Two? Had ten fucking minutes passed?
It was sensory deprivation, and it was already fucking with my head.
That woman kept watching me, and I wasn’t sure if it was because she was plotting to kill me, or just wondered if I’d try it first. I should, I really fucking should, because Ash was right before.
It was rape, and we were both her victims. The only difference between us was that I’d made sure he went through the same hell as me, and why the fuck did I do that?
I knew it hadn’t ‘fixed’ me, not really, so why the hell would I try doing the same to him, when I knew how awful it was, and how it had completely messed me up inside.
I knew I still didn’t want women, and in fact, since her, I was kinda disgusted by them in general.
A woman thought this was an acceptable way to try and fix something that should never be seen as being broken?
What was broken in her that she felt that way?
Who the hell did she think she was, to make these decisions for young men who just wanted love?
“The way you’re glaring at me is unnerving, Callum. We’re both victims here, remember? Ash is unhinged, and I don’t think anything can fix what’s wrong with him. We couldn’t save him from himself.”
Bitch. Not that there wasn’t plenty wrong with Ash, but who the fuck did she think she was? Did she think her soul was clean? Did she think there were no blemishes? Nothing dark inside her that should be kept away from impressionable minds?
“You’re a victim? In what way are you a victim? This is a consequence of your actions, our actions, and you definitely fucking deserve whatever happens to you here.”
Her impassive mask slipped a little, and the demon inside seemed visible, as she glared at me with murderous intent, or at least, that’s how it felt, when I knew there was a locked door and a knife, and the only way to use that door was to use the knife first. If she got to it first, would she kill me?
Was she capable of that? How much of a line was there to cross after being a rapist?
Rapist to killer was a single step, right? If she could steal a child’s innocence, then why wouldn’t she be willing to take a life too?
“We tried to help him, but he’s too far gone.
That’s what this is all about. He’s fighting what’s right, and what’s acceptable, in order to choose depravity.
He’s forcing us into this situation, because he can’t cope with the darkness and sickness inside him.
He knows the Lord will smite him, and he’s-”
“Do you seriously believe this bullshit you’re spouting? He’s a young man, for fuck’s sake! Just like… just like I was. I trusted you, I trusted my uncle, and you… you don’t even care. You don’t even care that you forced yourself on me, or on him. How many kids have you done this to?”
Elizabeth smiled serenely, her mask firmly back in place. “The Lord empowers me to save lost souls, and I do so willingly, in His name. He loves his children, no matter-”
I lifted a hand and cut her off mid-stream of incomprehensible bullshit, because that’s what it was, after all.
“Spare me. I listened to this crap for fucking years, and I’m done. You want to try convincing me that our ‘Lord and Saviour’ really fucking wants people to suffer, if they don’t fit into the ‘normal’ fucking box? You’re talking out of your ass, just like the rest of them.”
The crackle of static interrupted whatever rubbish was about to come out of her mouth, and we both fell silent, waiting for Ash to speak, like he was now our goddamn Lord and Saviour.
Like he was an all-powerful being controlling our very existence, because right now, that was exactly what was happening.
“Do you both think that talking utter shite will somehow absolve you, or I dunno, bore the hell out of me, until I let you go? Nobody fucking leaves while both of you breathe, while both of your so-called hearts beat. Get that through your thick skulls, and one of you shove that knife into the other, or I’ll kill you both. ”
I saw Elizabeth’s eyes widen at his threat, and I knew mine probably did too.
“Or I will. At the very least, I’ll cut out your fucking tongues, to shut you up,” an unfamiliar voice said next, and it made me wonder just how many people were out there listening to us, witnessing this. Was it just a game to them? Were we merely entertainment for others now?
“Ethan, for fuck’s sake!” Ash hissed, and I instantly wondered who the fuck Ethan was, and why he was with him.
It wasn’t jealousy bothering me… it wasn’t, right?
Was he the dark haired guy who threw the knife in here?
He was attractive for sure, but what about me?
Wasn’t all of this happening because Ash wanted me?
“I’m just saying, they’re just giving it all that, and I wanna see some killing. That’s what I stuck around for. This is boring, man.”
Ash laughed, and I clenched my fists at the sound.
He sounded comfortable with this other man, maybe even enjoying his company.
Why was I here, if he had someone now? Why was he coming after me, if he had someone?
This wasn’t even the same guy he’d been sucking face with in the alley, was it?
It had been dark so I really couldn’t tell.
“Gotta say though, Ethan… cutting tongues out does sound like fun. Thing is, I really want Cal to be able to give me blow jobs, and I’m not sure that’ll feel so good without his tongue. Wanna just cut hers out instead?”
Elizabeth let out a panicked scream, and lurched up from the tiled floor, scrambling for the knife, and a ripple of terror shot through me, as I realised she might be about to attack me, to try and put an end to things.
I threw myself in her direction, landing on her as she grabbed the knife, and struggling with her, to try and pry it from her fingers.
“Finally. Stab her, babe, stab her, and then you can be mine.”
“I’m not staying to watch that, Ash. I do have some standards. Still, the killing will be fun, and as much as I want it to last, I also want to see her die. Fuck her up, Cal. Do it for Ash.”
I tuned out the two of them jabbering away, because Elizabeth suddenly slammed an elbow right into my chest, and my breath wheezed out of me as I rolled away from her. The knife slipped from my fingers, and she came at me with it, just as I heard Ash scream, ‘NO!’