Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
Jack
I sit on the porch of the old farmhouse, elbows resting on my knees, hands clasped together, staring at the dimly lit windows of Brynn’s house. The night is still, too still, and every second that passes feels heavier on my chest.
Olivia’s in there. Brynn’s in there. And I’m out here, completely powerless. I want to force my way inside, to make Brynn see that she doesn’t have to push me away. That she doesn’t have to go through this alone. But I know her, and right now, that would do more harm than good.
“I’m going in for the night. You should get some sleep, too,” John says as he stands up.
“I don’t know that I can sleep.”
“I get that. There’s some whiskey in the cabinet if you need a little help. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“She’ll come around. She’s just stubborn.”
“I know. It’s just…hard to be out here and not…that shouldn’t have happened.”
“Shit happens, Jack. I wish I could have protected them, too. That bastard…” John’s practically growling as his fists clench at his side. “Maybe it makes me a horrible human being for saying this, but the best thing that could happen is that Clay dies. He’s been tormenting Brynn for too long.”
“Well, hopefully, after this, he won’t be able to come near her again.”
John shakes his head in disgust. “I hope.”
He storms inside the house, and I lean back against the rocking chair I’m sitting in.
I had called my sister immediately after everything happened, knowing that it was better she heard it from me than her husband or the town gossips.
I also asked her to come be with Brynn. I was shocked when Rachel’s car came skidding to a stop next to my sister’s.
“Small town gossip,” Rachel had said dismissively as she and Joanne raced into Brynn’s house.
I run a hand through my hair, exhaling sharply. My mind keeps replaying everything, over and over, as I try to pinpoint the moment I could’ve done something differently.
Could I have seen this coming? Should I have been more prepared? It’s my fault Lane lost his damn mind—I’m the one who fired him. If I’d handled it differently, maybe he wouldn’t have snapped. Maybe none of this would have happened.
Sometime later, the door to Brynn’s house creaks open, and Joanne steps out onto the porch. I stand immediately, my heart pounding. “Are they okay?”
She holds up a hand, stopping me before I can move toward her. Then she walks over, climbs up onto the porch, and drops into the rocking chair beside mine with a heavy sigh.
I swallow hard. “Jo?”
She nods. “They’re okay.”
I exhale, my whole body sagging in relief. “And Barney?”
“Banged up, but he’ll be fine. I checked him over myself.
” She leans back in the chair, rocking slightly.
“I took pictures, too. I’ll be taking them down to the station first thing in the morning.
If those bastards somehow slip through the cracks on the other charges, they sure as hell aren’t getting away with animal abuse. ”
I nod, my jaw tight. “Good.”
We sit in silence for a moment, the creak of the rocking chairs the only sound between us. I can’t hold it in anymore. “Can I go see her?”
Joanne sighs and shakes her head. “Rachel’s staying with her tonight.”
I grit my teeth. “I should be the one taking care of her. I should be the one protecting her.”
Joanne doesn’t say anything; she just lets me rant. I stand and start pacing the porch, running a hand down my face. “I fucked up, Jo. I let my guard down. I let her down. Olivia—” I stop, my chest tightening. “God, I thought she was dead.”
Joanne stands and steps in front of me, resting a hand on my back. “Jack.”
I shake my head. “I love her, Jo. I love her, and she’s pushing me away.”
“I know.” She squeezes my shoulder. “But you have to give her space.”
“I don’t want to give her space,” I snap, my frustration boiling over. “I want to be there for her. I want to hold her and tell her it’s going to be okay.”
“She won’t hear it right now. She’s back in that bad place, where she was when she was in the midst of that abusive relationship with Clay. The one she’s fought so hard to get out of. You can’t force her to let you in, Jack. You have to give her time.”
I shake my head, hands on my hips. “What if she doesn’t come back?”
Joanne takes a step closer. “She will. Her nervous system is a mess right now. I know that you think that’s a bunch of mumbo-jumbo woo-woo bull shit, but it’s true.
She lived for so long in fight or flight, and she’s right back there with Clay showing up.
You have to give her time to do what she needs to do to get back to her safe place. ”
“I should be her safe place.”
“Yes and…no. Something like this, she has to be able to get there on her own. You are her safe place, she just needs time to remember that, okay?”
I don’t know if I believe her. But I don’t have a choice. I have to hope. Because Brynn and Olivia are everything to me, and I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose them.
I grip the edge of the rocking chair, my knuckles aching from how hard I’m holding on. I want to be in there with her, to hold her, to tell her that everything is going to be okay, but she doesn’t want me there. She looked me right in the eye and told me to stay away. And she meant it.
I exhale hard through my nose, dragging my hands down my face. Joanne lets me stew for a minute, letting her words resonate.
“How are you doing?” she asks, her voice softer than I expected. “Do you need to go to the ER? Brynn said you tackled Lane pretty hard.”
I shake my head. “I’m fine.”
She raises a brow. “Jack, be honest. If you’re hurt, you need to get checked out.”
“There’s definitely something wrong,” I admit, rolling my shoulder to shake off the stiffness, “but it’s not bad. Just from all the movement. Tackling Lane twice, taking him down hard—it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“Then we need to take you to the ER just to make sure. I can only do so much with my animal medicine knowledge.”
“I can’t leave John here alone. His dementia is getting worse.”
She doesn’t look convinced. “Nick or one of the other guys can stay with John if you need to go get looked at. No one would blame you.”
“I said I’m fine.” My tone comes out sharper than I intend, but I don’t have the patience to argue. “I shouldn’t leave John tonight anyway.”
She studies me for a beat before sighing. “You really think it’s getting worse, don’t you?”
I nod, my jaw tightening. “Yeah. I think it’s progressing faster than Brynn wants to admit.
He forgets things in the middle of a conversation.
He got angry at me earlier because he thought I was Clay.
He gets confused about what day it is. I could see it in the middle of everything in his eyes tonight.
The way he was trying to keep up but couldn’t. ”
She exhales, shaking her head. “Damn.”
“I don’t think he’s ready to admit it,” I say quietly. “But it’s happening.”
Joanne reaches over, squeezing my arm. “We’ll figure it out.”
I don’t respond, just give a slight nod. I don’t know how to figure this out, not with everything else going on.
She studies me again. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I huff out a tired breath. “No. But I will be.”
She knows better than to push. Instead, she leans in and gives me a tight hug.
“I’m just glad you’re okay. That everyone is okay.
I’ll check at the hospital to see how Clay is doing, just so we all know.
Rick texted to let me know that there should be a seventy-two-hour no-contact order where neither Clay nor Lane can show up here.
You know, if someone posts bail or something wild like that. ”
If someone posts bail or something—it’s wild that we even have to worry about that happening.
I nod. “Thanks.”
She stands up and heads to her car, and I watch her pull away. Then, it’s just me, the porch, and the silence.
I settle back down in the rocking chair, my gaze drifting back to Brynn’s house.
My body hurts like hell, but I ignore it, too agitated to do anything but sit here and watch.
Lane is in jail and shouldn’t be getting out anytime soon.
Clay is in the hospital, and depending on what happens, his brother could be held for murder.
I know it’s irrational. I can’t shake the feeling that something else is coming. That there’s still a threat I can’t see yet. If this is the only way Brynn will let me protect her right now, then so be it.
My mind drifts back to when she told me to leave her alone.
I know that she didn’t mean just at that moment, but altogether.
My chest tightens, my stomach twisting with the weight of it.
I knew she’d be shaken up, but I didn’t expect her to shut me out completely. And now, I don’t know how to fix it.
I rub a hand over my face, exhaling hard.
I should have done something differently.
Maybe if I hadn’t fired Lane, he wouldn’t have snapped like this.
Maybe if I had kept a better eye on Clay, none of this would have happened.
Maybe if I had been faster, I could have stopped it before it even started.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
But the one thing I can’t let go of is Brynn. I can’t let this be the end. I love her, and I know she loves me, too. She’s just scared. She’s pulling away because she thinks this is her fault, because she’s convincing herself that she brought this on by loving me. But that’s bullshit.
She didn’t make Clay or Lane into monsters. They were already broken long before I ever came into the picture. Her actions didn’t put Olivia in harm’s way.
I just have to find a way to make her see that.
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and stare at the darkened windows of her house. I can’t force her to let me in. But I can be here. I can wait.
And no matter how long it takes, I will.