Chapter 6
‘Sloane speaking,’ her friend’s cold voice broke through Holly’s self pitying fog.
‘Hi Sloane, it’s me,’ Holly breathed out, still reeling from the rejection from the grant team, even though she finished that call hours ago.
‘Who?’ her sharp tone bit back through the receiver.
‘Holly…’ she said tentatively, her delicate emotions not prepared for the harsh tone.
‘Oh, sorry. I forgot you were calling today.’
Her flippant disregard cut Holly sharply, but she didn’t react.
It was obviously another one of Sloane’s difficult days and Holly knew better than to respond in a way to fuel the fire.
Their friendship was a tricky game at times, but Holly was an expert in the unspoken rules - even as the game had evolved over the last three years into a stress inducing battlefield.
‘Sorry. I can call back tomorrow,’ she offered, more than happy to do so - she wasn’t sure if her fragile nerves could cope with this version of her friend tonight.
‘Well you’ve called now. What do you want?’
‘Not much. Just missed you. And as it’s getting close to my birthday, I thought we could discuss outfits?’
She rushed out her reason, lying under the pressure of Sloane’s curt question. Holly had wanted to despair about not having the money for the Open University course. But she’d changed tact as soon as she’d heard the frosty layer that ran along their phone connection.
‘I’ve got about 15 minutes before I’ve got to meet Seb, but we can have a quick chat about outfits, I guess.’
Holly swallowed away the envy that had leapt to life with her throwaway mention of Seb.
She was desperate to ask how he was, but she couldn’t cope with another mocking lecture from her best friend.
Those words from last week still clung to every fibre of her being.
He’s so out of your league. She knew Sloane was right, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less to hear it.
And just like that, it was too much to be chatting on the phone with Sloane.
She couldn’t play this game anymore. Not tonight.
Not now she knew Sloane was about to see him.
She knew, with a crushing clarity, if she showed any interest in that piece of information, Sloane would pounce on it. So she took the coward’s way out.
‘One sec, Mum!’ she called loudly, replying to an imagined summons, ‘So sorry Sloane, Mum needs me downstairs. Have fun with Seb.’ She had desperately wanted to add, Say hi from me, but with a monumental effort, she resisted.
‘Oh. OK. Bye.’ The line went dead.
‘What was all that about?’ her mum asked from the doorway catching Holly off guard. Still holding the receiver in one hand, she swallowed the slight scream that had threatened. Slapping her free hand to her chest, she worked to calm her racing heart.
‘Couldn’t face Sloane’s mood tonight,’ she explained when her nerves allowed.
‘She is so very lucky to have you as a friend, Holly.’
Holly scoffed at her mum’s words.
‘I mean it, Holly. Not many people would put up with her mood swings.’
‘You’re right - I’m Yorkshire’s version of Mother Teresa. Maybe I should consider becoming a nun?’ Holly mimicked praying solemnly.
Her mum laughed, before stepping into her room and enveloping her in a hug. ‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ she teased, and then her tone changed into one Holly knew only too well when she added, ‘Want to discuss outfits with me instead?’
‘Or me?’ her dad called from the landing.
‘She wants to look nice, Mike.’
‘Oi. I’ll have you know many a woman has asked my advice on their outfits. I always give right good feedback.’
‘You say they look nice. Every. Single. Time,’ her mum scoffed.
‘I’m no idiot. I tell them what they want to hear.’ He shrugged, before wandering off downstairs to the pub muttering something about women, that Holly couldn’t quite make out.
Holly turned to her mum, keen to reassure her that contrary to how she was actually feeling, she was OK.
‘Thanks, Mum, but Hannah has offered to take me to Scarborough tomorrow to find something. I was going to ask Sloane what the other students are wearing at Uni when she goes out with them. But I’ll get Hannah’s input instead.’
‘You’re a lucky girl I love Hannah so much.
Anyone else, and I’d have taken your rebuttal as a personal slight,’ her mum teased, before rubbing Holly’s arms, then lightly kissing her forehead.
She made to leave, but at the threshold she turned back.
‘You would tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn’t you?
’ she asked, her gaze assessing everything about Holly it could, from where she stood.
Holly had been primed to say she was fine.
But something pushed her to open up to her mum.
Maybe it was the look in her eye Holly knew would linger until she answered the question honestly, or maybe she’d just had enough of keeping her feelings to herself.
Either way, before she could stop herself, she blurted out, ‘I’m actually a bit bummed. ’
Reaching for the unassuming brown envelope on her desk, she passed it over to her mum.
Sandra opened it, quickly scanning the offer Holly had sadly tucked back inside. On receiving the envelope, her mum tensed up. But as she read, her shoulders relaxed. By the end she was beaming.
‘Oh Holly, this is wonderful. Why on earth would you be sad about this? And why is this the first I’m hearing about it?’
‘I wanted to surprise you and Dad, but I can’t - we can’t afford it.’
‘Leave it with me.’
‘But–’
‘No buts, Holly. Leave it with me.’
Before Holly could protest or explain her mum’s reaction was why she hadn’t mentioned anything, Sandra had gone.
*
‘You’re sure I should go for this?’ Holly asked for the third time as she stared at herself in the cubicle mirrors that wrapped around the walls in Topshop the following day.
The floral silk dress nipped in at her chest and then fluttered down, sitting mid-thigh.
It was shorter than dresses she’d usually wear, and the black heels Hannah had paired with it made her feel too tall, although she had to admit they did make her legs look good.
Hannah’s face appeared through the flimsy curtain.
‘Definitely. It’s from the Kate Moss range, and it’s on sale. You can’t not buy it, Holly!’
Running her hand over the smooth fabric, Holly smiled. And at half its usual price, it was an affordable option.
‘Sod it, you only turn 21 once, right?’
‘You won’t regret it, Holly. You look great,’ Hannah replied excitedly.
Their shopping trip had been far nicer than Holly had anticipated.
She’d always got on with Hannah, but she’d been in the same school year as Luke, so they’d never hung out like this - just the two of them.
Before Hannah had reached out, it had never even occurred to Holly to do things like this with her.
She needed to do it more, she decided. Taking her Nokia N73 out of her bag, she snapped a photo of her reflection in the changing room mirror and sent it to Sloane.
Outfit chosen, she texted as soon as the photo showed it had been delivered.
Holly rarely sent photos on her phone. MMS messages weren’t included in her contract, so the 40p cost, added to her already expensive contract, would make her think twice.
But today, she wanted to connect with Sloane so she ignored the niggling worry about wasting money.
As the cashier slipped the dress into a bag, her phone pinged with a message notification.
Sloane:
Cute
Where’s it from?
The relief at getting her approval was instant.
Holly:
Thanks ??
Topshop - and it’s in the sale!
Holly slipped her phone back inside her bag before pulling Hannah outside into the fresh, bright sunshine.
‘Thanks again for coming with me, Han.’
‘Happy to, me and your brother are looking forward to the party,’ Hannah said as she pulled her denim jacket tighter, fending off the March chill. The sun was lovely after the dreary skies they’d had lately, but it was still cold.
‘How are the wedding plans coming on?’ Holly asked, interested to know the answer. Hannah and Luke were getting married in a few months, but both seemed so chilled about it all. Holly was certain there was supposed to be more stress involved with planning a wedding.
‘Good,’ she replied with a dreamy look in her eyes.
Holly knew the lack of stress was in large part due to the size of their wedding - it was just for friends and immediate family, at St Stephen’s church in the Bay and then food and drinks at their parents’ pub afterwards.
Holly had hoped for a more extravagant affair, but she knew deep down that wasn’t their style.
Hannah wasn’t even having bridesmaids - something that bothered Holly greatly.
She was nearly 21, and was yet to be a bridesmaid.
At primary school, she’d been so jealous of her friends when they’d come into school with the photos of themselves in that coveted role.
One friend had even been allowed to bring the bride’s bouquet in for Show and Tell when they were all in Year 2.
Of all the memories Holly had forgotten over the years, all the things she’d been taught in school had slipped away, that memory of Sarah Mayhew proudly holding a bouquet of cream and pink roses and telling the whole class, in minute detail about her day as a bridesmaid, was locked in tight as a core memory.
The Loxley extended family was a small one, with both of her parents only children, so her younger self had never got the opportunity to play that precious role in a wedding.
And now, a cast iron chance was being taken from her.
Luke, fed up with Holly’s moaning, had barred her from talking to him about this topic, but he hadn’t specifically said she couldn’t speak to Hannah.
And it was this thought that prompted her next question.
‘Are you sure you don’t want a bridesmaid?’
‘I’m sorry, Holly, we want as simple a wedding as possible,’ Hannah winced, ‘I know you’re disappointed.’
‘It’s fine,’ she lied. ‘What about the reception then, are you sure you want to have it at our pub?
Hannah laughed, ‘Your dad would never forgive us if we changed venues now. And besides, I can’t think of anywhere more perfect than the place I fell in love with your brother.’
‘They’d get over it - especially once you’ve given them a grandchild,’ Holly ploughed on, resisting the urge to fake retch at such a soppy turn in the conversation. She wasn’t quite sure how much she could tease Hannah yet. And then she noticed it. A slight, but clear flush to Hannah’s face.
‘Hannah,’ there was a warning tone to Holly’s voice now, ‘is there something you need to tell me?’
Now Holly thought about it, they had planned this wedding very quickly.
‘No. No,’ she repeated more firmly at seeing Holly’s scepticism. ‘We thought I was pregnant, in the summer,’ she clarified, ‘but I wasn’t. It did make us realise we wouldn’t have minded though. So it seemed like a sign to make an honest man out of Luke.’
‘I still don’t get what you see in him,’ Holly teased. ‘He’s nearly always covered in grease, and he’s so grumpy.’
As if being summoned by her words, as they turned the corner, Holly spotted her brother walking towards them.
‘All done?’ he asked, before pulling Hannah in for a quick kiss.
‘Eugh, please!’ Holly groaned, ‘I’d like to keep my breakfast down, thank you very much.’
Luke shook his head, and then looking his sister squarely in the eyes, went to kiss his fiancée again. Hannah dodged him though.
‘Come on, Luke. Don’t annoy her.’
‘But it’s so easy to annoy her. It’s one of my little pleasures in life - seeing how cranky she gets.’
‘I’m only cranky, when I have to witness you two slobbering all over each other.’
‘Slobbering? If guys are slobbering on you, Holly, they aren’t doing it right.’
‘Na na na na na na, not listening,’ she trilled out with her fingers in her ears, ‘I am NOT taking kissing advice from you.’
‘Leave her be, Luke,’ Hannah laughed, as she grabbed his hand and tugged him back the way he’d come to his car parked up the street.
Holly watched them walk ahead, and for all her teasing, it made her heart swell just a little to see them both so happy.
Luke and Hannah had always felt inevitable.
Holly struggled to remember a time they weren’t together.
Her brother could be the most annoying human being in the room, but she knew at his core he was also one of the best people she knew.
The knowledge that they’d found each other, warmed her soul and gave her hope in her own happily ever after.