Chapter 18
Beyond a Shadow of Doubt
‘Crap. We’re not moving,’ Seb said as he put the gear stick into park and turned off the engine.
Sirens and flashing lights built up in the rearview mirror until two ambulances, a fire engine, and a police van sped past.
‘That’s not a good sign,’ Holly groaned, already searching through her bag for her phone; she needed to get hold of her consultant’s secretary, because all signs were pointing to her being very late for her appointment.
‘I’ve got good snacks at least,’ Seb offered as he leant over her to pop the glove compartment open. A jumbo packet of Haribo and a packet of Viennese fingers spilled out onto Holly’s lap.
Her eyes widened when she took in the haul of snacks.
‘Seb, these aren’t good snacks. They are Tier 1 snacks.’
Seb shrugged. ‘Danny loves a Viennese finger, so I always make sure there is a stash in the car. And you can’t beat Starmix.’
‘He doing OK?’ Holly asked as she tore open the packet of biscuits. A pang of guilt nestled its way in when she acknowledged, by shutting out Seb, she now had no idea how Danny was doing.
‘Fine. He gets on well with everyone at his residential place. He’ll be home again in a couple of weeks. He’d love to see you.’
‘I’ll come over. Natalie keeps asking about both of you.’
‘Can I call in and see her later?’ he asked.
‘She’d like that.’
They lapsed into a somewhat comfortable silence.
It had been a week since Holly had sent her apology text.
And this car journey was proving to be a ridiculous test for Holly’s new phase of friendship with Seb.
Rose had been due to take her to this appointment - but had cancelled on her, spectacularly, this morning.
Although Rose had known about Luke’s anniversary trip, she hadn’t told Holly about the change of plans until hours ago.
Her and Luke had pinned a lot of hope on Holly and Seb being on better speaking terms, otherwise she’d have been faced with a very expensive taxi bill.
As Rose was driving away, she’d reminded Holly she hadn’t forgotten about her challenge, much to Luke’s confusion.
During their little interaction, Holly realised that although Luke knew Rose had been trying to find a boyfriend for his sister, he must not have known about the finer details.
That understanding had come as a relief.
She wasn’t sure why it mattered to her, but she wondered whether it was knowing she had a piece of Rose that Luke didn’t.
It also signalled how dense her brother could be - there had been a beer mat pinned to the wall with a date on it for months, and he’d never noticed, or asked about it.
Until Rose had called out her reminder, Holly had hoped she was ready to admit defeat.
Without the use of dating apps, she couldn’t see how Rose was going to find her someone.
As they’d driven away, she was struck with the awful thought Rose might go old school and put an advert in the newspapers.
She’d tried to ignore the niggling worry, but now she was sat stuck on the motorway, the image of a dating advert in the Yorkshire Post wouldn’t go away.
If it wasn’t already too late, Holly needed to veto that course of action as soon as possible.
‘I’m going to take a look outside, see how long the tailback is,’ Seb said as he released his seatbelt.
‘OK. Good plan,’ Holly managed to sound calm when instead a rising panic was threatening to take hold.
As soon as he stepped out of the car, Holly messaged Rose.
Holly:
Just in case you are crazy enough to be planning something like this. I want it on record you are NOT allowed to put a wanted ad in the papers to find me a date!
Rose: I wish I had thought of that
It would have been perfect!
Holly:
You say perfect, I say nightmare
Promise me you won’t
Please?
Rose: I promise
No adverts in the papers
Holly:
OK
Have a nice weekend
Rose:
All OK there?
With Seb?
Holly:
Have a nice weekend, Rose
Rose:
Spoilsport
Holly lent across to the drivers side and spotted Seb chatting with one of the lorry drivers who had parked up ahead. Making the most of the time alone, she opened up the fortune telling app.
‘Can Rose really be trusted?’ she whispered, despite being alone in the car.
When the words Beyond a Shadow of Doubt appeared on the screen, Holly allowed herself to relax.
*
Five minutes later, the driver’s door opened and Seb clambered back in.
‘That bloke said it looks like we’ll be stuck here for a bit. Sorry.’
‘Not your fault,’ Holly offered kindly. ‘And really it should be me saying sorry, I was meant to be on this road - you could have been happily at home.’
‘I’m happy where I am,’ he said and Holly couldn’t help the flutter in her chest at his words.
‘What time is your appointment again?’ Seb asked as he looked at his watch.
‘2:15pm, but we won’t make it for then. I’ll phone ahead and let them know we’re going to be late. Hopefully, they’ll still see me.’
‘I hope whoever you speak to at the hospital is nicer than that woman at the Doctor’s Surgery.’
‘Mrs Carter?’
‘She is, without a doubt, the rudest woman I’ve ever met.’
Holly shrugged, ‘Always been pleasant enough to me.’
‘Really?’ He couldn’t keep the shock from his voice.
Holly only lasted a couple of seconds before she caved. ‘No, you’re right. She’s mean.’ She laughed, putting him out of his misery.
‘What?’ Seb asked.
‘Nothing. I’m pleased it’s not just me on the receiving end of her wrath.’
‘Is she always like that? I thought maybe she’d received bad news - you know, maybe her cat had just died?’
‘More like she’d found out someone had cooked her cat.’ Holly laughed again, and it turned into the kind of laugh that makes your breath catch.
‘Did someone do that to her cat? It doesn’t sound like something you should laugh about, Holly.’
‘Sorry,’ Holly was struggling to compose herself, ‘it’s something Natalie said the other day.’
‘Natalie was talking about Mrs Carter’s cooked cat?’
His expression made her start laughing again, and she could feel tears in her eyes.
She blew out a breath to sort herself out.
‘Mrs Carter doesn’t have a cat. But Natalie was telling me one of Eleanor’s friends had cooked their cat.
When we dug a little deeper, she’d misheard - thank God.
One of Eleanor’s friends had booked their cat into a cattery.
All very innocent. But now, I think it’s my favourite phrase. ’
‘She’s great, you know?’
‘Mrs Carter?’
Holly’s question brought on another wave of laughter from Seb, which made Holly start laughing all over again.
‘No. Natalie,’ he managed to say as his laughter subsided.
‘Oh, yeah, thanks. Obviously I think so, but it’s nice to hear other people think so too.’ She took another Viennese finger from the packet.
‘Holly,’ he said her name, suddenly serious. It was as if their easy conversation about Mrs. Carter’s imaginary cat hadn’t happened. Holly darted her gaze around the cabin of his car; looking for whatever had put Seb on edge.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked when she couldn’t see any obvious reason for his change in demeanor.
He rubbed his hand across his mouth and then gripped the steering wheel.
‘Come on, Seb. You’re scaring me a bit here.’
‘I wasn’t ever going to say anything. I thought it could all go unsaid, but when you banned me from the pub–’
‘I didn’t ban you,’ she interrupted.
‘When you banned me from the pub,’ he repeated more firmly, ‘it was so hard not seeing you every day. And I told myself if I had the opportunity, I wouldn’t screw it up.
I know you’ve never thought of me, romantically, but I have.
Thought of you, I mean. I think I’ve loved you since we were maybe fourteen? ’
His unexpected declaration made Holly’s breath catch as her brain tried to make sense of what he was saying. When she was able to form a coherent thought, she said the first thing that came to mind.
‘Fourteen?’
‘That’s the bit you focus on?’
‘But what about Sloane?’
‘Sloane?’ he repeated, as he sat back in his seat, ‘What about her?’
‘I saw you both. At my birthday party,’ Holly added for clarification.
Seb took a few seconds to get on the same wavelength.
‘When she kissed me you mean?’ he said, pinching his eyebrows together.
‘When you blew me off and met her instead - and the kissing looked pretty mutual from where I was standing.’ The words rushed out, harsh, before Holly could guard her tone.
Her pulse was racing now, she never thought she’d be having this conversation with him, and her body wasn’t ready for it.
‘Blew you off? What are you talking about?’ Seb had released his vice like grip on his steering wheel and had turned to face Holly now.
Holly trained a steady gaze on the Viennese finger that was melting in her hand. Although she hadn’t prepared herself for this conversation, she’d had it in her head too many times to count over the years.
‘Sloane passed on my message to you about how much I fancied you and if you liked me too, you’d come to the party early.’ The explanation came out quietly, as if someone else was in control of what she was saying.
Holly stole a glance at Seb now the truth was finally out between them. But the guilt she expected to see wasn’t there. In its place, all she could see was hurt.
‘That is not the message I was given,’ he said with a force she’d rarely heard from him.
‘Whatever, Seb. It was a long time ago. You chose Sloane, broke my heart, and then disappeared for years. Water under the bridge,’ she tried to sound unaffected but she knew the pain was leaching out with every word.
‘Holly, I don’t know what you think happened on that night, but I most definitely did not choose Sloane. And if anyone broke someone’s heart - you broke mine.’