Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
ASPEN
“W e’re skipping the chairs and going straight for the couch today?” Shiloh joked when she entered my office.
“I’m trying to find my calm and brace for impact.”
She stood over my body stretched across the white chenille couch. She was the picture of zero empathy and all judgment with her hands on her hips, a bored stare, and pursed lips.
“Ugggghhh,” I groaned, going for full dramatics.
“Jesus,” she muttered. She nudged my hip with her knee. “Make room, drama queen.”
Like a sloth, I peeled myself up and kicked my shoes aside before pulling my legs to crisscross. “How am I supposed to spend the entire afternoon with Mr. D constricting my ability to inhale.
I should have panicked—swatted his hands away to defend myself.
Except…he wasn’t choking me…because I could still breathe. A little.
But my head swayed. The hand pressed across my chest forced me to exhale and slowed my sharp inhales.
“Breathe with me,” he said again, never looking away.
My breaths continued to hiccup quick and sporadic, but they slowed down.
“Ready?” he asked.
I didn’t know for what, but it had to be better than this. I nodded.
“Good. One, two, three. Inhale,” he commanded, relaxing his grip around my neck and easing the pressure on my chest.
I followed his move and sucked in hard, stretching the muscles constricting my lungs. My head swam as blood rushed back to my head.
But everything slowed.
He repeated the process. More pressure against my chest. More firm grips around my neck.
And then release.
After the third round, he didn’t press in again, but his hands stayed steady like a warm presence. His gaze never left mine. His chest never faltered from its even rise and fall.
My breaths grew longer and my attention wavered from his intense stare, dipping to the bow of his lips. As if sensing the shift, they parted for his tongue to slick across the full bottom curve.
Maybe it was gratitude or the crash from the adrenaline flooding my body, but all I could think about was letting go into his control. Falling forward and sinking into his mouth. Stealing the breath that came so easily to him.
I glanced up to find him watching my mouth in return, and my heart rate picked back up. Not in panic…but anticipation.
He leaned forward, and I wondered what he’d taste like. I wondered if we’d lose ourselves. I wondered how long it would go on—how far—before we stopped. How long it would be before he stopped. Because now that he’d wrested control, I didn’t want it back.
I wanted to float a little longer in this light, mind-buzzing moment. I wanted to stay in this moment where I could breathe.
Faint vibrations against my hip jerked me back, away from the alluring daze.
“Shit.”
He was so close, the word grazed my lips.
Another vibration, and he pulled back. Slowly, he eased his hand from around my neck and dug out his phone. His brows furrowed at whatever showed on the screen before he put it back in his pocket.
The moment broken, my hand abandoned the steady beat of his heart and slid back to my side, already missing the strong warmth. He hesitated, his eyes bouncing between mine before he did the same and stepped back.
“I have to go,” he said softly. “A family dinner.”
I didn’t know what to say or even if I could form words, so I stuck with a nod.
“Are you okay?” The intensity of his stare pinned me to the wall, and I floundered for a response.
Was I okay?
Not really. But at the same time, I was better than when he found me. However, admitting that left me more exposed than I already was. “Why do you care?”
He huffed a breath through his nose. “I may be an asshole, but I’m not a monster, Aspen. I wanted to make sure you were okay before I left.”
Again, I struggled with a response, trying to meld the man I battled with every day and the man standing before me, who helped calm me down. I swallowed. “I’m okay,” I forced out.
“Good.” He studied me a bit longer before stepping back.
The closer he moved toward the door, the more reality flooded back. I blinked against the lights shining past his shadows and nodded again instead of trying to find a way to say farewell amongst all my confusion.
He hesitated again, possibly giving me a moment to ask him not to go. Or maybe something else entirely. I had no idea. My mind was so muddled, I wasn’t sure I could speak my own name.
After a second, he offered a single nod and left.
I leaned against the wall, replaying the steps that got me there, staring after a man I hated. When I had enough confidence in my legs to hold me up, I stumbled to my chair and collapsed.
“What the hell was that?” I whispered.
I thought back to him, moving me like a rag doll and commanding me. I stroked along my neck and chest, remembering his hands controlling my breathing.
“Why did I let him do that?”
Not that I had much of a choice in the middle of a panic attack, but I hadn’t even tried to stop him.
The most confusing part of it all was that I was more calm now than I’d ever been after a panic attack. I’d had many over the years, especially after my mom died, but they usually left me exhausted and worn down.
The fatigue lingered now, but so did a different kind of energy—one I’d never experienced before.
“What the fuck?” I muttered.
Not sure what to do with the experience, I fell back on what I knew. I dug my phone out of my purse and sent a message.
Me: Are you free tonight?
Ash: Dammit. I’m out of town.
“Shit.”
I tossed my phone back in my purse and checked the time. Seven-twenty-two.
I looked around, trying to decide my next move. The only thing I knew was that I didn’t want to be in the office anymore. I didn’t want to be confronted by my loss of control or anything after it.
With that decided, I grabbed my things and headed home, leaving behind the entire afternoon and blocking out the almost kiss between me and Lucian Daire.