Chapter 6
CHAPTER 6
LUCIAN
T hirty minutes later, I pulled into the long driveway of my godparents’ house and realized I never even turned on the music.
Despite Aspen accusing me of having zero connection to music, I never purchased a company I didn’t have confidence in, faith, or a connection to, and I loved music. I may not understand it, but I rarely went anywhere without something playing.
Which made the silence during the twenty-minute drive more shocking.
Flashes of finding Aspen in her office in the midst of an anxiety attack consumed my thoughts. I’d followed her with more to say about her tantrum, but every argument slipped away when I walked in. She’d been so consumed that she hadn’t heard me call her name.
Every thought of a spoiled princess slipped away when I closed the distance and acted on instinct. Not that I had a plan before I reached her. I just grabbed her arm and prioritized getting all her attention on me and slowing down her breathing. The only way I thought to accomplish that was a combination of breath play and a blood choke.
She’d looked up with wide, amber eyes, and my intuition took over. I used every resource I’d learned as a dominant.
I laughed. Who used being a Dom as a way to pull someone unused to the lifestyle from an anxiety attack?
Fuck if I knew, but it made sense. I’d seen more than one member at The Berkshire push a submissive to the edge, only to pull them back. I’d just never imagined using it outside of a controlled environment. But I’d do it again. Especially if it meant I got to experience her coming down, her breaths syncing with mine, her body softening under my grip as her eyes skimmed over my lips.
That shocked me the most—her reaction. While one part of my mind went to work on calming her, the other braced for impact. She’d fought for control at every step over the past couple of weeks, and I waited for her to do the same then.
However, when I pinned her to the wall, she gave in to the dominance. She gave me the control.
As much as I hated her, I hated her suffering too. Yet, I couldn’t wish it away, because helping her come down from her panic had been one of the most exhilarating experiences that left me wanting more. It left me longing to see how far my control could go.
It left me realizing how fucked I was.
Aspen Quinn already had a million red flags warning me away. The last thing I needed was the memory of her body relaxing under my command haunting me day in and day out.
The front door opened, casting a golden light across my car, pulling me from my ruminations. Despite the fact my godmother probably hadn’t left the house today, she looked ready to attend any country club in her wide-leg, beige slacks and black sweater with her hair and makeup done to perfection.
“Grace,” I greeted, stepping around my car.
“I thought you were going to stay out here forever,” she accused with a perfectly white arched brow.
“And miss dinner with you? Never.”
“Mmmhmm.” She stepped aside and welcomed me into my home away from home—but not without a muttered reprimand. “You’re late, young man.”
“Sorry about that, Grace. Something…kept me longer than expected.”
“Mmmhmm,” she hummed again, taking my coat with a knowing look. “Hopefully that elusive girlfriend of yours.”
“I wish.” I forced a laugh, wincing at the lie as I followed her to the dining room.
I wasn’t a liar.
In fact, the last woman I slept with outside of the club called me brutally honest. Actually, she called me “a fucking brutally honest prick” if I recalled correctly. Yet, somehow, I ended up lying to the two people I loved most.
We walked past the curving staircase in the entryway and into the opulent dining room. My godfather sat in his usual seat at the head of the table, perusing his favorite section of the newspaper—the stock market, and nursing a glass of red wine.
Ever since his diagnosis, he made sure to do his part by changing his diet and lifestyle, limiting himself to only the occasional drink and never more than one. When he did indulge, he savored them like a man enjoying his last meal. Which, for him, it might be.
After he gave up on treatment a couple months ago, he took time to enjoy every moment. I’d argued that he could enjoy more moments if he continued chemotherapy. He’d smiled at my rage and explained that clinging to a life that wasn’t meant to be had no moments left to enjoy—just moments to survive in suffering.
I’d gone on a week-long drinking bender, raging at the unfairness, and pissed at the world. More than once, I’d shown up at their house ready to convince him to keep going. But Grace stood outside the door like a gargoyle, blocking my path, protecting her husband. Her resilience and commitment to him were what broke through my anger and led to the realization that if she could stand by the man she loved and accept that he chose to die sooner, then so could I.
I still hated it with every fiber of my being and dreamed of some miracle cure, but I accepted his decision to live out his time how he saw fit.
“Felix,” my godmother called. “Look who finally showed up.”
“I wasn’t that late,” I grumbled playfully.
“Lucian,” he greeted, like he hadn’t seen me in years. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks, son.”
I blew out a sigh and sat in the same chair I always did. “I’ve been busier than usual with one of my latest purchases, devoting more time than I typically do after an acquisition. Thankfully, Vic is able to cover for my absence while my attention is elsewhere,” I said of my right-hand man.
“I’ve watched you build your father’s company long enough to know that some acquisitions take more of your time than others,” Grace said. “Let Vic handle the smaller contracts while you apply your focus where it’s needed most. I’m sure it will all work out in the long run.”
“I just hope it’s worth it in the long run.” I ran my hand over my face, trying to wipe away the lingering doubts. Usually, I didn’t discuss too many details of work with Felix or Grace, but after they found me in a frustrated mood weeks ago, I caved and shared vague details. “I’ve never not bought a majority share. I like to have control over the company when I make a purchase.”
“Just like your dad,” Felix added. “He never left anything to chance.”
“Chance,” I scoffed. “I’m not a fan of it. Especially when every company has employees that are discontent with new ownership. It can be difficult to curb when I’m not completely in charge.”
“Maybe this purchase isn’t about being on top, but about being very profitable,” Felix encouraged.
I groaned, not appeased by very profitable . It would be more profitable if I was in control. However, while we earned our wealth through different avenues, I still respected his optimism in my business choice.
“Do you really want to own a company that would displease so many people?” Grace asked, ever the one to look out for everyone.
“Yes,” I answered without hesitance.
My godfather laughed. “ Also just like your dad. He was a shark, but he was also a fair one. Don’t forget that.”
“Yeah,” I muttered. Grace handed me a glass of wine, and I copied Felix’s movements.
Swirl. Sniff from the side. Sip. Hold the liquid on your tongue long enough to taste the burst of dark fruit and acidity. Swallow. Sigh in pleasure over the simple joys.
“How does your girlfriend feel about the purchase?” Grace asked.
Guilt reappeared, pricking my conscience.
Liar, liar, liar, it whispered.
I assuaged the pinch by telling myself that I did it to make Felix happy. I lied with good intentions. When he decided to stop treatment, I panicked, desperate for a solution, and told him I had a girlfriend I’d been keeping quiet about but had been dating her long enough that I considered possibly asking her to marry me. I’d hoped it would encourage him to continue with treatment, so he could be there for the celebration. Instead, it backfired and caused him to find more reasons for me to get married sooner and him prodding me for details about a girlfriend that didn’t exist. Which then led to more avoidance and lies.
“She supports me with whatever decisions I make. She’s not one to comment on how I run my business, which is how I prefer it.”
My godmother frowned, catching the bitterness in my answer.
I never pictured a specific woman as my imaginary girlfriend, but I ensured my explanations of her were what I expected her to be if she were real. One of those expectations was for her not to fuck with what was mine—especially my business. Other than that, I kept the descriptions vague. Even in my mind, she remained a faceless blur.
At least, she usually did. This time, the blur sharpened, and Aspen’s caramel eyes stared back. The undefined features shaped into dark hair, sharp cheekbones, full lips, and the most delicious ass. Heat bloomed through my chest, sank down to my balls, and surprisingly, didn’t incite the need to jerk away from a clear picture of my made-up girlfriend I pretended I wanted to marry.
“Well, maybe this elusive girlfriend of yours can come to the next dinner, and we can finally meet her.”
“Or maybe he made her up to make an old man happy before he dies, like he promised,” Felix joked.
A sharp jolt expelled the warmth in my chest.
“That’s enough talk about dying,” Grace admonished, saving me from having to respond to his accurate guess.
“I agree. No more talk of death,” I said, latching onto Grace’s direction. “And I will talk to my girlfriend later about possibly coming to the next dinner. Unfortunately, she’s just as busy with her business as I am with mine.”
The lie rolled off my tongue like it always did, leaving behind the same bitter aftertaste. However, placing Aspen within the lie added a sweet undertone that hadn’t been there before.
“Speaking of busy women,” my godmother started. “I saw Daria at the clubhouse the other day. She was coming out of a charity meeting she is heading up.”
Just hearing my ex-wife’s name pulled my lip in disgust. After all these years, her actions still pissed me off as much as they had when she first pulled her shit. “I didn’t realize there was a clubhouse in hell or that you were a member.”
“Lucian,” she gasped. “Don’t be rude.”
“It’s not like she deserves anything else from me,” I grunted. “Hell, she already took all I had when she cheated on me and filed for divorce. I have nothing but rudeness left.”
“See, this is why I made you promise to get married as repayment,” Felix gloated. “I knew that without motivation, you’d wallow in your bitterness for the rest of your life. Also, I know you’re just as stubborn as your father was.”
I couldn’t count the number of times my stubbornness had been compared to my father’s. My mother used to throw her hands up in frustration and grumble about how it wasn’t fair I got so much attitude from my father when she was the one that carried me for nine months. I used to sulk when she said it because, as a mama’s boy, I never wanted to frustrate her, but now I’d give anything to hear her angry growl one more time.
“And it’s because of that promise you’re with a wonderful woman that you surely plan to propose to and not be alone and angry,” Grace suggested with a proud smile.
“It also helps that I’ll have an airtight prenup.”
Grace shook her head with pinched brows. “It’s hard to reconcile you now with the young man who idolized his parents’ marriage and dreamed of one of his own.”
Felix laughed softly. “I remember a Christmas when you asked that instead of gifts, your parents set aside money for a down payment on a house big enough to hold the four kids you planned on having. One with a luxurious master suite for you to pamper your future wife in.”
“Oh, gosh,” Graced chuckled. “I thought your mom’s jaw would hit the floor. When she sputtered, asking if you were sure you wanted so many kids, you proclaimed you wanted a big family to love like they loved you.”
Hearing the reminder of everything I’d lost beyond the physical assets pierced a softer part of myself that remained despite all my efforts to shut it down and entomb behind a cold wall of stone.
Taking in my pinched lips, she sighed. “I hate that you feel like you have to go into a marriage with some contract protecting you. But I understand why you do.”
I nodded, appreciating her understanding. If anyone knew where my cynical doubts came from, it was Felix and Grace. They were the ones to bail me out.
I’d asked Daria to marry me when we were seniors in college. I was young and dumb and had just lost both my parents in a car accident. I’d been a little desperate to replace the family I missed, and she was the closest thing I had left. We’d been early college sweethearts. With my rose-colored glasses firmly in place, I assumed that since she stood by me through my parents’ death, she’d stand by me through anything.
I had no idea she’d only stay by my side long enough to take my inheritance and run. She’d accused me of abuse and being unfaithful, winning the favor of the courts, forcing me to liquidate money from my father’s company to get through the divorce.
She’d damn near robbed me of the only thing I had left of my parents. If it hadn’t been for Felix lending me the money to stay afloat, I would have lost it all.
Angry heat bubbled under my skin.
It was Daria’s fault I made the stupid promise to Felix in the first place.
It was her fault I needed to lie to my godparents.
It was her fault I made up some woman that was starting to look too much like Aspen Quinn.
Over ten years later and thoughts of my ex-wife still filled me with bitter rage.
Rationally, I knew the responsibility of my actions lied with me, but she’d set me off in a direction I never envisioned. I’d married her wanting a family full of babies I could pass my legacy down to. I’d imagined working just long enough to get them settled and then enjoying the future with my wife by my side, traveling the world.
What a fucking joke.
Now all I envisioned was finding someone to coach to be a better version of me for when I finally left the company. Which would be when I died—alone.
I emptied my wine in a single gulp and poured another glass.
“Well, all of that is in the past now.” Grace’s smile only looked a little forced. “How about we have some dessert and focus on the good things in life?”
“I couldn’t have said it better myself,” Felix agreed.
“It’s your favorite, Lucian,” Grace said with a wink.
“You spoil me.”
“Because we love you,” she gushed.
I reached across the space and squeezed her hand in mine. They’d stepped in as parents after mine passed, which sounded absurd for a twenty-one-year-old man, but I’d needed it and was grateful every day for their comfort.
Grace served dessert and paired it with a glass of brandy for each of us. Felix passed on the nightcap despite how much I knew he loved the drink. As much as I wanted to focus on the good things in life, I couldn’t. How could I when it existed without him in it?
After dessert, Felix headed to bed, and Grace walked me to the door. “You know, the funniest thing happened the other day when I was at the club.” Her pinched brows left me believing that whatever happened probably wasn’t that funny.
“You mean other than running into Satan herself?” I joked, attempting to ease the prick of unease.
She stared, unamused with my humor. “No, not that. I was talking to Jan about your girlfriend?—”
Oh shit.
“—and I completely forgot her name.” Her tinkle of laughter did nothing to temper the dread building. “But then I remembered that you put off telling us until it was more serious. But it’s been months since you mentioned to Felix about the possibility of proposing—which is definitely serious, and then I couldn’t remember if it came up again. Because surely, in all that time, you would have told us the name of the woman you’re considering proposing to.”
All laughter, glares, furrowed brows, and everything else vanished as Grace gave me the most direct stare she’d ever given me in all of the thirty years I’d known her. While my heart thundered against my chest, my face remained neutral.
She suspected the lie, fear warned.
But she couldn’t know, I assured. She couldn’t.
“Blame my parents and their romanticism that must be more ingrained than I originally thought,” I said, shocked my voice didn’t crack under the intense pressure. “Mom always told me the story about how she kept Dad’s name in a locket until she felt sure enough to share his existence with everyone else. And Dad kept the fact that he was dating Mom to himself as long as possible. I know it’s funny, but I liked having the connection to them, and didn’t want to jinx it.”
I’d walked a fine line with every conversation, managing to dive out and onto another topic before committing to any made-up moniker.
And now, time was up.
“Well, maybe you can reveal your secret now, since things seem to be going so well.” She smiled, but her eyes held me pinned. “That way, I don’t have another faux pas at the club.”
Panic pressed me into a corner with no escape, similar to when I first blurted the lie about even having a girlfriend. And just like then, I spoke without thinking through the ramifications of my answer. “Her name is Aspen.”
Grace’s stare softened, her smile turning more genuine. “What a beautiful name. I’ll make sure to let Jan know the next time I see her.”
With a forced laugh, I hugged her goodbye and got the hell out of there before any other stupid shit poured out.
The entire drive home, I wondered how the hell I planned on getting out of yet another lie.
Especially a lie that would set off an atomic bomb explosion if Aspen ever found out that I called her my intended fiancée.