34. Chase
Chase
Ishould’ve been wracked with guilt when I slipped from Logan’s room to crawl into bed next to Kendra.
But I wasn’t.
I’d never felt so much peace in my life, and I knew it was more than just the earth-shattering, mind-numbing orgasm Logan had just given me.
It was him.
It is him.
I can admit that now.
I’d wanted to curl up in Logan’s arms and spend the rest of the night with my head against his chest, fully relaxing in his embrace, but I know there are hard conversations that have to take place before that can happen.
As soon as I slipped between the sheets, I fell asleep almost instantly, still tasting Logan on my lips and feeling his skin beneath my fingers. The last thought I had was that I’m desperate for more.
Now, as I’m quietly getting ready for work, I write two sticky notes. One each for the people still asleep. I ask Kendra to make dinner reservations at a place of her choosing tonight. I need to end things before she leaves tomorrow.
And on Logan’s, I scribble three words: I’m not running.
When I crack his bedroom door to affix the note to his mirror, I’m tempted beyond belief to climb back into bed next to him. The sheets have fallen down to his waist, baring all that gorgeous, tattooed skin to me. Even in his sleep, Logan looks like the utter badass that he is.
Pulling my eyes from him, I step out of his room and quietly close the door behind me, but I’m startled when I bump into someone in the dark hallway.
“What were you doing in there?” Kendra asks, rubbing her eyes.
“I needed to leave him a note,” I tell her honestly.
“Like mine?” she asks, holding hers up. “You give everyone a to-do list before you leave the house?”
Knowing the end is coming means I’m seeing things a little more clearly now, and I’m not in the mood to accept her attitude.
“Let me get this straight,” I say, pulling her down the hall so our argument doesn’t wake Logan.
“You’ve been pissed because I haven’t spent enough time with you recently.
So, when I ask you to make dinner reservations to spend time with you, you’re pissed about that too?
” She doesn’t know a breakup speech is coming, so I’m unsure why she’s so mad about the request.
“It’s just like, the first thing I wake up to isn’t you; it’s an order telling me what I can do for you.”
“Ken, it’s not an order. It was a request because as soon as I hit the hospital doors, I won’t be able to stop long enough to make the reservation,” I say, tired of the fact that my requests, my behavior, and my comments always seem to need an explanation with her.
“We need to talk about some things before you go.”
Her eyes bore into mine, and I realize she knows what’s coming.
“It’s over, isn’t it?” she asks.
Fuck, I do not have time for this.
“I really have to go, Kendra. Can we just talk tonight? Please?”
“I’m not going to sit around here all day just so you can end our relationship by candlelight when it’s convenient for you!” she yells.
“Can you please keep your voice down?” I plead. “Logan has to work tonight, and he needs to sleep.”
“Are you serious, Chase? Our whole future is swirling down the drain, and you’re concerned about your roommate’s sleep schedule?”
“At least I have the capacity to be concerned about someone other than myself!” I fire back, getting angrier by the second before scrubbing a hand down my face and finding some control. “Shit, this is not how I wanted to have this conversation.”
Keeping her voice eerily calm, Kendra says, “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I’m so selfish because you’re so busy being concerned for everyone else that there’s no concern left for me?
” Blowing out a breath, I pinch the bridge of my nose, but before I can say anything, she huffs and says, “This is total bullshit, Chase. I’ll be gone by the time you get home. I hope you’re happy.”
Then she turns on her heel and slams the door to my room.
I need to get my ass in gear, but I’m too shocked to move.
Had I expected it to be a totally peaceful breakup?
Not really. But I had hoped it would be a civil conversation.
I’d wanted to do it after work, where I could explain myself over a glass of something other than coffee as my nervous system returned to normal.
I had planned to out myself to her because I feel like I owe her that much, but now?
Now, my already frayed nerve endings are even more frazzled than I thought possible; my heart hurts, the pain in my head is starting to match, and I’m fucked because I’m late… again.
I want to go to her and try to make this better, but I still can’t move. My head is being pulled in so many different directions.
Suddenly, Logan’s bedroom door opens.
He’s squinting against the light, and his hair is a mess, but his body is gorgeous.
His lack of self-consciousness as he stands here in nothing but his boxers has my dick remembering last night, and before I fully process what I’m doing, I reach for him.
We can hear Kendra banging around my room as she packs her things.
Despite her exit being a shitshow, I’m sad.
Things weren’t always this tumultuous between us.
We had a lot of good years and made a lot of good memories together.
We’ve just grown apart, and the people we’re becoming don’t fit together as well as the people we used to be.
Logan’s arms wrap around my back, squeezing me as he whispers into the space over my shoulder.
“Hey, it’s all going to be fine. You need to get to work. Lunch is in the fridge. I’ll make sure she gets to the airport safely, and I’ll text you when I get to the hospital. Just make it through today.”
I hate that Logan is working nights and won’t be here when I get back home tonight.
Reading my mind, he says, “This is my last week of nights for three months, and then I’ll cuddle the hell out of you in bed as we fall asleep every night next quarter.”
“That’s not enough,” I whine. “I’m going to want you in my bed every night, not just half the year.” I reach down to cup him through his boxers, and his groan travels straight to my dick.
He pushes his hips into my hand as he says the word ‘go’ on another groan, with his lips pressed against mine.
“What the hell?”
Kendra’s shrill voice makes me jump, but instead of releasing Logan, I tighten my hold on him, afraid I’ll fall if I let him go.
When I stay silent, he speaks up, trying to do damage control.
“This isn’t what it looks like. I’m having…um, trouble with something, and I needed medical advice.”
“How fucking stupid do you think I am?” Kendra fires at Logan. I know she’s hurting and I know I’ve fucked up, but she can’t talk to him like that.
“Ken, it’s my f—”
“Oh, don’t you ‘Ken’ me. How long has this been going on, Chase?” Narrowing her eyes at Logan, she adds, “No fucking wonder you’ve been such an asshole to me.”
Logan’s eyes practically bug out of his head. I can see all the things he wants to say, but he bites his tongue—for my benefit, no doubt—before returning his attention to me.
“Chase, you have to leave. It sucks, but there’s not enough time to work this out right now.” Looking at Kendra, he says, “You’re welcome to stay here and wait for him to get home so you guys can talk. I’m going back to bed so you won’t see me until I leave, either.”
“I think I’ll pass,” Kendra says, hiking her laptop case up on her shoulder as she moves toward the front door, stopping only to add, “Does your dad know you’re playing house with your new boyfriend?”
Her parting shot makes my blood run cold because I never considered any of this as an outcome.
I certainly didn’t expect this to be how our relationship came to an end, and I definitely wasn’t aware that Kendra’s vindictive side was so strong.
Would she really out me like that? Could I blame her if she did?
Beside me, Logan says, “It’s time for you to go,” in a tone simmering with rage.
When I finally make it to the hospital, my team is already in the operating room. It’s not like I can just barge in there, so I pace at the nurse’s station, knowing a verbal lashing is coming my way.
Breaking up with my girlfriend isn’t an acceptable excuse for tardiness because my absence means the rest of my co-residents had to pick up my slack, and as they come out of the OR two hours later, half of them look at me with concern while the other half are clearly annoyed with me.
When Dr. Porter finally addresses me, I wither beneath his gaze.
“Does this program mean so little to you that tardiness is acceptable, Dr. Matthews?” Dr. Porter asks, drilling me in front of everyone.
“No, sir.”
“And do you think so highly of yourself that your time is more valuable than that of your colleagues or me?”
“No, sir.”
“And if you were due in the OR at seven a.m., where should you be at seven a.m.?”
“The OR,” I reply dutifully.
Pulling me aside with a nod of his head, I follow him away from the others, my heart racing.
When we turn the corner, Dr. Porter keeps a respectable distance and says, “When you showed up to this residency, Dr. Matthews, you were bright-eyed and ready to kiss as much proverbial ass as was needed to come out on top. I don’t know what’s changed since then, nor do I particularly care, but I suggest you reevaluate some things because I’m not convinced you want to be here.
If you don’t get it together, you’re going to need to find a different program because there is no room for error, arrogance, or excuses in this one. ”
Apparently, there’s no room to be human, either.
“Yes, sir,” I say, knowing my role here is to keep my goddamn mouth shut.
I think my verbal lashing is over when he starts to walk away, but he stops and looks back at me.
“Did I see on the schedule that you’re off next week?”
“Yes, sir,” I say again, not bothering to tell him why.
“If you want to keep your spot in this residency program, I’d cancel those plans and offer to take call this weekend instead.”
“Sir, I would but—”
“It wasn’t a suggestion, Dr. Matthews.”
Great.
So now, I have to decide if I want to be kicked out of my residency program or miss the biggest day of my best friend’s life, all while figuring out how to keep my ex-girlfriend from running her stupid mouth to my father.
Maybe I have completely lost my mind. Maybe it’s more than an identity crisis.
Maybe this program finally broke me. Fucking around behind my girlfriend’s back—with a guy—being late to the hospital, missing my OR time, trying to buy a house in the middle of all of this?
What the fuck am I thinking? This is everything I’ve been working for, and I’m about to throw it all away.
Pulling out my phone, I send Logan a text message.
Chase
Trip’s off. I can’t believe I’m going to miss Hanny’s wedding and Aruba, but I have to stay here.
Immediately, I slide the phone into my pocket, convincing myself I made the right call, and when I get home, I’ll explain that I’ve totally fucked this all up and then I’ll throw myself at Logan’s mercy and beg that he let me stay until I can find a new place to rent.
Bzzzzzz.
I will not check my phone.
Bzzzzz.
I will not check my phone.
Bzz. Bzz. Bzzzzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzzz—
“Hello?”
I cave faster than a house of fucking cards when I see Logan’s name on the screen.
“You’re really gonna drop a bomb like that and then not answer your phone? What’s going on, Chase?”
Answering was a mistake. Logan’s voice pulls me back under his spell immediately, and I find myself wanting to tell him everything that just happened.
“Chase?” Logan says again when I stay silent.
He doesn’t know I’m holding back tears. I struggle to speak through them.
“We’ll talk later. I’ve got to go.”