33. Logan
Logan
Ilie in bed because if Chase is camping out in the living room, I shouldn’t be in there. In nothing but sweatpants, his broad chest on full display, I had to sing children’s songs in my head to ensure my cock stayed down while he looked at me with those sad, tormented eyes.
The freckles on his shoulders were practically begging me to put my mouth on them, and the deep red happy trail ducking beneath his waistband damn near made my knees buckle.
I would’ve happily worshiped him the second I hit the ground.
Until I remembered that his girlfriend of a thousand years is asleep down the hall.
In his eyes, I see the war he’s waging on himself. In his voice, I hear how desperate he is for me to make this choice for him.
But I can’t.
It’s not my choice to make, and if I were to sway him in any way, we’d be doomed from the start as he grew to resent me.
I want him. That much is fucking obvious.
He wants me, too.
That’s also obvious if you look beneath the bullshit.
Since my body is wired to be awake right now, I’m not tired, and I’m still scrolling on my phone an hour later when there’s a soft knock on my door.
It’s so quiet I think I imagined it, until it comes again.
“Come in,” I call to the door, keeping my voice low.
Chase’s face fills my line of sight as he steps into my room and closes the door behind him.
Sitting up, I pull the sheet higher. I’ve seen how Chase traces my ink with his eyes, and I swear to God, I’ll snap if he looks at me like that tonight.
When Chase stays silent, I arch a brow.
“You need something, Dr. Matthews?”
The corner of his mouth ticks up at the title, but the smirk disappears quickly.
“You were right,” he whispers.
“About what?” I ask, not following along.
“All of it,” he says on an exhale. “I want to taste your mouth again while my hands trace the ink on your sides. I want to know what it feels like to have you come undone because of me. I don’t want to have to explain myself or feel guilty about what I want.
And what I want is to know if the way that kiss made me feel was a fluke, or if it’s like that every time.
” Chase repeats my words almost verbatim.
“Shit. Chase, I was trying to prove a point, not push you into an identity crisis,” I lament.
“But I was already there, wasn’t I?” he huffs with a laugh.
“I tried to have sex with Kendra twice tonight,” he says, swallowing hard as jealousy tinges my skin green.
“And both times, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t get it up.
I blamed it on the stress and feeling like I had to perform since she made the trip,” he says, shoving a hand through his hair as he rambles nervously.
“I mean, I guess that could be it, but…” he pauses, biting his lip like he’s trying not to say the next part.
“But what?” I encourage.
“Oh God, this is so embarrassing,” he says, shaking his head.
I stay silent, not wanting to derail him with leading questions, and after a pregnant pause, he speaks.
“I took a shower before we left for dinner. I was desperate to get a reaction, to make it work, so I let my mind wander. The first place it went was New Year’s, and I didn’t try to stop it this time.
I just let the memory wash over me and…”
“It worked,” I finish for him, the light of hope growing brighter in my chest. “You got hard.”
“Yes. But why?” he asks, finally looking at me. “I mean, I never gave a shit that Hanny was gay, but I never thought it would happen to me.”
I can’t help the snort of laughter that escapes.
“I don’t really think it’s something that happens, you know?
I think some people are open to making that connection and others aren’t.
Sure, I mean, I’ve been gay since the day I was born, but I don’t necessarily think it’s like that for everyone.
Maybe your body just caught up to the possibility that it could be an option before your brain did. ”
Chase is still chewing on his lip, standing with his back pressed against my door, looking like someone ran over his cat. I hate seeing him so down. This man, who just wants someone to hold him while he holds the world.
Pushing my covers back, naked torso be damned, I pat the edge of my bed.
“Come here.”
Chase moves to sit next to me, shaking the whole bed as his ass hits the mattress.
“What is it that freaks you out the most?” I ask.
“Upending my whole life,” he says automatically.
“Would that really happen? Do you have the type of parents who would disown you and shit?”
Chase shrugs.
“I don’t know. I mean, they were fine with Hanlon being gay, just not with him hooking up with Stone. But it’s more than that. There’s Kendra to consider.”
“Mmm,” I hum. “Kendra.” I pause, debating whether I should say the next part, ultimately deciding that if I’m diving in, it might as well be with both feet.
“Not everyone is meant to be in our lives forever. Some have temporary roles to play, and if you assess your time with her honestly, can you really say you want things to continue?”
He sits with that for a second, and when he answers, he remains staring at the floor in front of us.
“Earlier, you said you wanted to help me figure this out. Did you mean it?”
“Yeah, of course,” I answer. “But I also said—”
“You’re not the right person for the job,” he answers, cutting me off. “Which is ironic because I think you’re the only person for this job. The only one who can help me figure this out. The only person I want helping me figure this out.”
Turning to look at me, Chase’s eyes are pleading with me, and what he’s asking hits me square in the chest.
I swallow hard, saying the words so he doesn’t have to.
“You want me to kiss you again so you can see if you feel the same way you did the last time.” I lick my lips at the prospect of tasting him again, even though I know this has the potential to kill me.
“I know it’s selfish,” he starts, “but I can’t stop thinking about it, and it makes me wonder if I built it up in my head.
Or maybe it was so good because I was a quarter of the way through a bottle of top-shelf liquor?
It’s not like I can just go out and find a random guy to hook up with because, while I know this technically counts as cheating, I also can’t help but feel—”
Chase is rambling again. The sure sign of how desperate and overwhelmed he is.
Without warning, I grip the back of his neck like last time, and devour his mouth. If this is a turning point for him, I’m not going to hold back like I did before. It’s an awkward position, seated like this, so without breaking the kiss, I stand, pulling him up with me.
Pressed against him, clad in nothing but my boxers and him in his sweatpants, I press onto my toes and ravage his mouth.
I don’t hide the groan his flavor pulls from me.
I don’t hide the fact that my cock is rapidly swelling.
I don’t shy away from licking, sucking, and nipping those full lips of his.
My hands roam because he wants the full experience, and now so do I.
My right hand dips to his ass, pulling him forward, forcing his cock to brush against mine, and he releases a throaty growl of pleasure.
Encouraged by the sound, I thread my fingers through his hair and angle my head to the other side, demanding more from him.
Realizing his hips are now moving on their own, I press my hand to the warm skin of his back before sliding it to his chest and squeezing a handful of his pec.
Chase’s kiss turns more aggressive as he finally starts to let go of his doubts, his questions, his guilt, his shame, and everyone’s expectations.
He tugs on my lower lip with his teeth before driving his tongue deep inside my mouth.
Without conscious thought, I back him up to the edge of the bed, my primal needs and attraction to Chase Matthews taking complete control of this interaction.
Adios rationality.
Chase sits and immediately slides back, pulling me on top of him until I’m straddling his thighs and his gigantic hands land on my ass. It’s subtle, but he’s spreading me open as he thrusts upward into me.
Less than a second later, the tingling starts at the base of my spine, causing me to pull back.
“If we don’t stop, I’m gonna come, and I don’t know how much you bargained for tonight,” I admit.
“Jesus fuck, please don’t stop,” Chase says, seeking my mouth again.
“You’re sure?” I ask, pulling back before he can fuse our mouths together again.
“Yes,” he pants against my skin.
“And you promise not to run from me tomorrow? I don’t want a repeat of New Year’s, Chase.”
Grunting in frustration, he bucks his hips.
“I promise.”
“Can I touch you?” I ask, growing needier by the second.
He pauses a beat, then nods.
Not wanting to totally freak him out, I push his sweatpants down just enough to reveal the head of his cock.
Just as I thought, he’s spilling precum.
Shifting my body to the side, I slide off his lap, creating space so I can wrap my hand around his shaft, and then dive back in for his mouth while rubbing myself against his powerful thigh.
“Holy shit, Logan, I’m gonna c—”
He squeezes his eyes shut, forcing me to interrupt his proclamation.
“You fucking look at me when I make you come,” I demand, needing him to know exactly who’s drawing this pleasure out of him. If he’s going to use me to experiment, no fucking way am I going to let him close his eyes and pretend I’m that bitch next door.
His eyes snap open right as the first drop of his release hits my hand.
Chase holds himself up with one hand thrown behind him on the bed while he threads the other through my hair as he fucks my fist. His fingers grip my roots, sending me into overdrive as his orgasm shakes the bed.
Once the wave of pleasure subsides, I bring my cum-covered hand to my mouth, making a show of licking it clean while his eyes are still on me and my cock continues grinding against his leg.
I’m so keyed up that the friction feels heavenly.
His hand remains firmly embedded in my hair as his immaculate flavor dances on my tongue, and I come with a loud cry he swallows down greedily.
I swear it goes on forever.
I travel through colors, sounds, an entire goddamn light show behind my eyelids. The force of my orgasm makes it so I can’t hold my eyes open, but it doesn’t matter. I know exactly who made me come.
As the last shudder wracks my body, I fall silent as Chase finally releases my mouth to whisper, “Holy shit,” in the dark. “So, I guess it’s always like that, then?”
“No,” I answer honestly, my forehead landing on Chase’s shoulder. “It’s definitely not always like that.”
Knowing this may be my only opportunity, I plant a kiss on the freckles within reach as I wait for him to process—and subsequently freak out over—what just happened.
Instead, he shyly asks, “What does it taste like?”
I don’t bother asking what.
“Everyone’s flavor is a little different. Generally, I find it ranges from bland to semisweet.”
Suddenly, I feel his fingertips at the waistband of my boxers.
“Can I?” he asks.
Jesus Christ, this is how I die.
Here lies Logan Kirkland, dead because he was too fucking stupid to guard his heart and control his dick.
“Go ahead.”
Chase swipes a finger through the mess in my boxers, making me jolt when his fingertip trails along my sensitive flesh.
Bringing his finger to his mouth, a wave of blood rushes back into my cock, making me groan because it’s fucking painful.
“Chase, just how much experimenting are you planning on doing tonight? Like, at what point are you going to accept that maybe there’s something here? Because I’m rapidly approaching a crossroads where my options are either: put your dick in my mouth or jump off the nearest bridge.”
Chase finds the ink on my side and begins running his fingers along the image.
“Don’t jump off a bridge,” he says with a chuckle, his voice low and dangerous as his fingers move farther south, trailing back and forth under my waistband again, making me shudder.
“Might be my only choice.”
“Why’s that?” he asks.
“Because if you’re going to tell me we can’t do this every night, I think I’m gonna die anyway. Why drag it out?”
Chase laughs, and it’s the sweetest sound. It’s been too long since I heard the carefree melody.
“Dramatic much?” he teases.
Taking the risk, I roll on top of him.
“Probably not dramatic enough.”
He snakes his arms around my back, holding me to him.
“I like this,” he says before clarifying.
“I like this with you. I’m in deep here, Logan.
I think I’ve known I’ve wanted you since before New Year’s, but definitely after it.
I just couldn’t wrap my head around how I could have missed this about myself.
But here with you, I care less about the label and more about being together. ”
Looking into his eyes, I finally spill my own truth.
“You were right earlier. I was lying. There was no guy named Alex. There was no drink. I just rode around on the T waiting until I thought you two would be asleep so I could come home.”