39. Logan
Logan
Iknow I’m going to have to tell Chase that I got fired. I just want to get through this wedding first.
I’ve processed a lot of thoughts and feelings about Stone since Chase came into my life, and I no longer spiral when I hear Stone’s name or see his face on Chase’s phone screen, but being back in his vicinity has me nervous for new reasons, and no way could I handle a rift between Chase and me at the same time as confronting Stone.
What if my feelings for Chase are just a Band-Aid? And what if seeing Stone rips that Band-Aid right off, taking the scab with it?
I’d kill myself if I hurt Chase.
Suddenly, my dress shirt is too tight, and my tie is even tighter. Pulling at the knot, I loosen the material at my neck as the electronic beep tells me Chase just locked the car, which means I won’t be able to climb inside and hide if needed.
“Shit. There are my parents. I forgot to tell you they were coming.” Chase’s voice breaks through the chaos spinning in my brain.
His mother lifts her hand in a wave as they approach.
I move out of the way in an attempt to fade into the background, even though I want to melt into Chase and make us both disappear right now.
“Chase, you look tired,” his mom says instead of hello as she pulls him in for a hug. “Are you eating enough?”
“Most days,” he answers, before shifting his attention to his father. “Dad.”
“Hi, son.” Chase’s father sticks his hand out. Chase is slow to take it. “Don’t forget we need to talk before this wedding is over.”
“I think I need to figure some things out on my own before that happens,” Chase says, trying to hold his ground. His parents clearly don’t like that.
“Well, that’s why we’re here, honey. We want to help,” his mom says. “Now, catch us up. Surely you don’t have to be inside just yet, do you?”
“Um, no, I guess I have a minute or two,” he says, sounding unsure of himself.
His mother grabs his arm and begins leading him toward the French doors of the venue. It’s warm out; the scent of jasmine fills the air, and the old estate where the wedding is being held is truly stunning.
I have zero doubt this was Hanlon’s choice, not Stone’s.
Chase gives me an apologetic look over his shoulder as he allows his mom to lead him along.
I follow behind them, ready to intervene if things get too intense, but stay quiet until Chase decides the moment is right for an introduction.
“How’s the hospital? And your cases? Are you answering all the questions?
Taking initiative? Speaking up, but not sounding cocky?
It’s important to let your attendings know that you’re prepared for the cases without stepping on their toes or sounding like a know-it-all,” she says, not allowing Chase a second to get a word in edgewise, clearly trying to play good cop, leaving the heavier topics for Chase’s dad to address.
“Yeah, it’s been okay,” Chase says. “There’s this one patient; she was just declared NEAD, so I actually get to watch her leave the hospital in a little over a week, and I’m really looking forward to that.”
“NEAD?” his father, whose name I still don’t know, says, wrinkling his nose. “Your patients don’t get NEAD labels, Chase. Trauma is—”
“She’s not a trauma patient. She’s a little girl who’s been fighting cancer for two years of her short life. She’s got the most beautiful smile, and she loves dolphins. For Christmas, Logan and I brought a feast to her and her mom—”
“And who paid for this feast?” his dad says, clearly gearing up for a fight. It’s disgusting how much this guy really thinks he owns Chase just because he opens his wallet and thinks being a surgeon puts him on the same level as God.
“I did,” I say, stepping forward, slapping a hand to Chase’s upper back. Bro-friendly, not intimate. I just want him to know I’m here if he needs me.
He leans into me just the slightest bit as his dad gives me a once-over.
“Logan, I presume?” he says.
I nod and hold out my hand. This man doesn’t know that he’s meeting his son’s boyfriend for the first time, but I do, and I want to make a good impression even if he is a pretentious douchebag.
“Yes, sir. Logan Kirkland.”
He gives my hand a firm shake before dropping it immediately.
“So, you’re encouraging my son’s dereliction of duties, huh?” he asks, giving Chase what can only be described as a warning glare, and it pisses me right off.
I cock my head to the side.
“No, sir. I’m just supporting Chase any way I can. He’s really great with the kids. Marcy, especially. I think he missed his calling in pediatric oncology. He’s a hero up there, and any time he makes it to the floor, he’s always in a much better mood when he comes home.”
“There’s no money in it, and I’ve been telling him for years that the fastest way to burn out is to care about your patients beyond the problem you intend to fix.”
Before I can run my mouth any more, someone turns the corner, interrupting our chat.
“Chase! There you are, you giant motherfu—uh, hi, Chase’s parents.”
And just like that, Stone Addario has walked back into my life. His verbal blunder buys me time to look at him. To really take him in.
He looks good.
He looks happy.
He’s still attractive. Still sporting facial hair, but it’s trimmed more neatly these days, definitely less bushman from the mountains. His jaw is still square, his nose is still perfect, but there’s a light in his eyes that wasn’t there the last time I saw him.
Hanlon.
I’m happy for Stone.
A smile spreads across my face as I realize that’s all I feel for him.
Swinging my eyes back to Chase, my heart picks up speed as I take in the man standing next to me.
My reaction to him is entirely different.
While full of passion, attraction, and respect, it’s missing that undercurrent of toxic dependency that I felt for Stone.
That panicked feeling I’d get, like he was my only shot at happiness.
“Yeah. I’m here,” Chase answers. “Do you need me already?”
“Nah, Han just wanted me to confirm you’ve arrived. We still have about fifteen minutes before we need to be in our places.”
Chase’s jaw tightens as he nods.
“Logan,” Stone says in a tone of surprise, moving his eyes to mine. “Hi.”
“Hey, Stone. Congratulations, man.”
Stone approaches our group, oblivious to the tension between everyone, and claps his hand to mine before pulling me in and patting me on the back.
Next to me, Chase bristles, and I immediately let go of Stone and take a step back.
“We should catch up at the reception,” Stone says, making me laugh.
“I think you’ll be a little occupied.”
A full-wattage grin spreads across Stone’s face.
“Nah, those two”—he points at Chase—“haven’t really seen each other in over a year. I’m pretty certain this wedding is just an excuse to get them back together. If Hanlon thought there was any chance Chase would’ve married him, I’d be out a spot at the altar. Anyway, we’ll have plenty of time.”
Hmm.
“Yeah, sounds good.”
“I’d better get back, but it’s good to see you. Chase, see you inside.”
As soon as Stone is gone, I move my hand to Chase’s lower back and aim a fake smile at his parents.
“Would you excuse us for just a moment?”
His dad looks like he’s actually about to say no, so I apply pressure to Chase’s lower back and quickly usher him through the door.
Finding a vacant room, I push him inside and shut the door behind me.
“Hey,” I say, cupping my hands around his neck. “How are you doing?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” Chase asks, his voice laced with concern.
“Me? No, I’m fine.”
“Stone’s a dumbass. I can’t believe he just pulled you into him like you guys are best fucking friends,” he says, practically growling.
My stomach flips.
“I’m glad he did,” I start. Chase’s eyes snap to mine, obviously misunderstanding me, and I snake my arms around his waist, pulling him against me. “I’m glad he did because I felt nothing. Nothing but happiness for him and Hanlon. Chase, I know this is probably fast, but—”
“Is it?” he laughs. “I feel like we’ve been dancing around it for months. Kind of makes sense that it would move quickly once we finally got our shit together and called it what it is.”
I chuckle, but Chase continues.
“So, you’re really over Stone?”
“I’m really over him,” I confirm. “All I can think about is getting back to our room and being with you. Now, how are you doing? Your parents are, uh…intense.”
Chase’s head drops back on his shoulders as he blows out a sigh.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about them.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I just hate how you feel like you have to change around them.”
“What do you mean?” Chase asks.
Hooking my fingertips into the waistband of his pants, I run them back and forth. His shirt is tucked in, so it’s prohibiting my access to his skin, but at least he’s close.
“It’s not an accusation, Chase,” I clarify. “And I’m not asking you to do or say anything to change your relationship with them tonight.”
Chase places two fingers under my chin to tilt my face up to his.
“But?” he prompts.
“But you lose your spark. You tamp it down because they don’t approve, and I hate seeing it go away. You’re so…alive when you talk about Marcy and the kids upstairs. Trauma dulls your passion, just like being around your parents.”
“You got all that in three minutes?” he asks.
“I got most of it long before we arrived today,” I admit.
Chase slides a hand to the back of my neck and speaks directly against my lips.
“You know what reignites my spark?”
I nod as his lips part. He wastes no time driving his tongue into my mouth. It’s amazing how I can miss him even though he’s right in front of me.
I moan, trying to get closer still when a low whistle permeates the room.
“Logan, we can’t keep meeting like this,” Hanlon’s deep voice calls from the now-open doorway.
I wince. One of the last times I saw Hanlon, I was basically forcing myself on Stone out of spite and anger, desperate to get him to see he was making a mistake. As it turns out, the mistake was mine.
I try to jump away, but Chase secures me to him with his giant arm around my lower back.
Breaking our kiss, he touches his forehead to mine and smiles.
“Hi, Hanny.”
“Dr. Matthews, I believe you have some explaining to do right after you get your apparently bisexual ass over here and hug me on my wedding day.”
Chase and I bark out a laugh as he shoots me a wink and spins toward Hanlon, engulfing him in a hug a second later.
They rock back and forth like middle-aged women who haven’t seen each other since college, despite seeing each other at the rehearsal last night.
It warms my heart.
Hanlon looks at me over Chase’s shoulder with narrowed eyes.
“Logan, I hope you’ll forgive me, but I’ve gotta ask. Is this payback for Stone? Because I’ll kick your ass even in this tux I’m wearing.”
Anger flashes through me, but it’s quickly replaced with understanding.
Hanlon is concerned for his best friend, and this all happened so recently that I don’t think Chase has even had a chance to tell him about Kendra, let alone our new relationship status.
Not to mention, Hanlon did catch me kissing Stone once, and my intentions were certainly not honorable.
“Absolutely not,” I say, my words full of confidence. “Chase can catch you up later, but don’t you have some vows to say?”
Hanlon’s eyes shine with tears of joy as he nods.
Chase comes back and gives me a quick peck on the lips.
“I’ll see you at the reception.”
Chase follows Hanlon from the room, and I make my way to my seat.
Stone and Hanlon look great together, but neither holds a candle to my boyfriend.