40. Chase
Chase
Watching Logan face Stone without flinching, stand up to my dad, and own his shit in front of Hanlon has been the hottest, most inspiring thing I’ve ever witnessed… well, besides every time I get to watch him land the helicopter.
As I stand behind Hanlon on the platform, in full support of his love for Stone, and hear them commit themselves to each other, something unlocks in my chest.
The realization that, come what may, I’m doing it. I’m making my own way. My parents, their rules, their opinions, and their money be damned.
I don’t want to be a trauma surgeon, and if it means I have to start residency over next year, so be it. Better than trying to make the switch four years in, or worse, suffering through thirty-five years of practice in a field I don’t even enjoy.
Logan was right.
Trauma makes me dead inside.
Surgery takes more out of me than I have to offer. My heart is with those kids. The kids who need physicians who have hope for them and are passionate about not only their survival but their ability to enjoy childhood. I want to focus on making them better so they can focus on being a kid.
It’s time I make my own decisions. Including who I want to be with and what that looks like. I want to share my life with Logan. I want to fall asleep next to him every night. I want him to distract me from my bad days and celebrate with me on the good ones.
I don’t want my life to revolve around being a surgeon.
I want to have fun again; I want to love; I want passion and excitement in all areas of my life, and I can’t believe it took me until now to realize all of that has been missing.
As soon as we’re done with pictures following the ceremony, I race toward the main ballroom. It’s not extremely large, but it suits the venue perfectly.
Logan is seated at a table with a couple guys I recognize from that terrifying night in Ricochet, and my heart leaps into my throat, thinking about how close I came to losing him before I even had him.
Reaching the table, I realize I have no idea what I’m doing, but I can’t stop.
Grabbing his hand, I pull him to stand.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I need to talk to you. Now.”
“Yeah, sure. What’s wrong?” Logan says, following me from the table.
I don’t even take him somewhere private. We’re just standing along the back wall as people fill plates, grab drinks from the bar, and eagerly await the arrival of the newlyweds.
“Chase? What’s going on?” Logan asks again, concern flaring in his voice.
Crowding him with my body, as my right shoulder and his left are braced against the wall, I let the truth fly freely.
“I think I’m in love with you. And I want to switch to pediatrics. And I want to move in together, into a place that we buy on our own as soon as the time is right. I want to come home to you every day, and I don’t want to lose my spark.”
A gorgeous smile splits Logan’s face as he discreetly grabs hold of my shirt at my waist.
“I love you, too. And I’m totally on board with all those things… but don’t you think you should maybe tell your parents you’re dating a man before we get too far ahead of ourselves? I remember your dad has some pretty strict rules.”
Over Logan’s head, I find my parents, both of whom are watching Logan and me.
Now’s as good a time as any, I think to myself.
“Fuck my dad and his rules.”
Leaning forward, I bring my mouth to Logan’s and thread my fingers through the back of his hair. Logan melts into me, and the hum of contentment that bubbles up his throat into my mouth has my cock hardening.
I want to taste him forever.
I want to feel the lines of his body under my hands and feel his strength seep into my bones for eternity.
When he finally pulls back for air, I give him a lopsided grin.
“What’s that look for?” he asks, his eyes still a little dazed from the kiss.
“I just told them.”
“WHAT?”
Logan whips his head around until his eyes land on my parents. My mom is standing with her mouth agape. My father’s face is as red as a cherry, and I’m sure he’s cracked a molar or two. Before he can storm over here and make a scene, though, applause breaks out, and Stone and Hanlon enter the room.
“Chase, you didn’t have to—”
“I know. I’m done doing what I have to and focusing on doing what I want to. And what I want is to spend all night celebrating my best friend’s wedding with my boyfriend.”
Fuck, it feels good to move out from under the burden of expectation.
I feel lighter and happier already, like the whole world is full of possibilities I’d never even stopped to consider before.
“Will you come with me to tell my parents about the changes I’m making?” I ask, wanting everything out in the open tonight.
“If you’re sure, then I’ll absolutely come with you.”
Full of giddiness from the reclamation of my life, I place my lips at Logan’s ear.
“And maybe later, you can come in me.”
Logan’s eyes bug out of his head.
“Chase, there is zero pressure on my end to—”
“I know, but I’m finally doing what I want, remember?” I remind him.
“If that’s what you want, nothing would make me happier,” Logan says, grabbing my hand and pulling it between our bodies.
I feel his erection immediately, and it makes my skin warm, knowing it’s for me.
Knowing it’s because of me. Bringing Logan pleasure is so much fucking fun.
Seeing the physical signs of his arousal turn me on way more than I thought they would.
It’s also a unique experience because I know exactly what he’s feeling when this happens.
It’s not like when I had to guess what Kendra was in the mood for or if she was enjoying it or faking it to appease me.
With Logan, I can feel him hard and heavy in my hand, and I know how horny he is because my own dick feels the same.
When his tip starts leaking, I know he’s locked in, because mine responds in kind.
I don’t feel self-conscious with Logan. I never worry about being good enough or making enough money.
I never worry about whether I have enough muscle definition or if my dick is all wrong.
Logan is so fucking sexy and confident that I can’t help but feel some of that trickle down to me when we’re together.
While Stone and Hanlon are enjoying their first dance, I manage to pull my hand from between our bodies and lead Logan to my parents, who are thankfully catching up with Stone and Hanlon’s parents.
An audience might be nice for this particular conversation.
Especially this audience.
“Chase! Honey, come here! Oh, it’s so good to see you, baby!” Lana Addario cries as she stretches up on her tiptoes to hug me. “Our boy’s all grown up, can you believe it?” she asks as her voice wobbles.
“It’s about time, if you ask me,” I tease, giving her a one-armed hug in return. I don’t want to let go of Logan’s hand, so I don’t.
She playfully bats me on the shoulder once our embrace is over. Her eyes land on Logan and I’s clasped hands, and she smiles.
“Well, what do we have—wait a minute…you look awfully familiar,” she says to Logan.
“Hi, Mrs. Addario. I’m Logan Kirkland. I, um,” Logan uses his free hand to loosen his tie, “flew the helicopter the night—”
Lana holds up her hand.
“Say no more. I’m sorry I didn’t place you right away. I owe you a lifetime of gratitude. I’m glad you were able to make it out for this.”
Logan waves her off.
“You don’t owe me anything. I’m glad it all worked out.”
Lana waggles her eyebrows with a pointed look at our hands, and suddenly, I want Logan closer. I tug him in front of me, wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder.
“When did this happen?” she asks.
“Yes,” my mother chimes in. “When did this happen?”
When Lana asks the question, her eyes are full of joy and love, and her voice is sincere.
My mother’s tone, on the other hand, is full of clipped anger and disappointment, and hurt radiates from her eyes.
“Extremely recently, but it’s been building for a while,” I answer.
My dad narrows his eyes and shifts them between Logan and me, and says, “Lana, could you excuse us for a moment?”
Lana nods, but places her hand on my mother’s forearm before she walks away.
“Speaking mother to mother, I know how shocking this news can be, but you’ll save yourself and your family a lot of heartache if you remember that he’s your son above all else and nothing will ever change that.
We often say we just want our kids to be happy, and if Logan makes him happy, then consider yourselves lucky.
This is one of the kindest, bravest, most selfless men I’ve ever met.
Hanlon and Stone are alive today because of him.
” Turning to Logan and me, she adds, “No matter what, you two always have a seat at our table.”
And then the woman with the biggest heart—and balls—I’ve ever seen walks away without another glance in my parents’ direction.
“Hanlon makes a lot more sense after that encounter,” Logan says before my father pulls our focus back to him.
“Just because he’s a man doesn’t mean the rules aren’t still in place, Chase. If you’re romantically involved, then he’s a distraction you can’t afford, and I’m not paying for you and your boyfriend to—”
“Let me stop you right there,” I snarl. “This shit ends tonight, Dad. My whole life I’ve been trying to appease you and Mom, make you proud, be the perfect, brilliant machine everyone expects from the two of you.
But I’m miserable. I’m changing specialties.
I’m doing pediatric oncology, and I don’t care if you like it.
Medicine isn’t about the paycheck for me.
I’ve been spending all these years investing myself, and for what?
A padded bank account? I don’t expect you to understand what it’s like to hold the hand of a six-year-old boy while an IV is being placed for the fourth time because his veins are so blown out, they keep collapsing.
I don’t expect you to enjoy small talk about his Marvel pajamas or know how rewarding the sound of his laugh is.
I’m not asking you to. I’m simply telling you that I do.
And those moments are what make medicine great for me.
Those moments are what make the rest of the circus worth it.
So, from here on out, I don’t want a dime of your money.
There is nothing left for you to hold over my head.
My choices are my own. I fell in love with Logan; we’re living together, and for the first time since starting medical school, I’m excited about my future. ”
When I finish, my dad engages me in the most intense two minutes of eye contact I’ve ever experienced.
It’s obviously not enough time to process everything I just said to him, but he shocks the hell out of me when he finally says, “If you need me to put in a call to ease the transition, let me know.”
That’s the closest thing to ‘I support you’ that I’ve ever gotten from him, and I know enough to accept it as the apology he doesn’t know how to give.
And yet…
“That’s it?” I ask in total bewilderment.
“That’s it,” he confirms before explaining.
“Your whole life you’ve worn your heart on your sleeve, Chase, and medicine can be cutthroat.
We put the living restrictions on your relationships as a safeguard so you didn’t end up with someone who wanted you for the money you would one day make and inherit.
I fear we may have assumed that your kind nature also meant you could be easily manipulated. ”
“Ironic,” Chase snorts, “since that’s essentially what you were doing to me to get me to stay in line.”
“It wasn’t about controlling you, son. It was about encouraging the best choices that would help you through these hard years.
But your speech just now tells me you’re stronger and more stubborn than we’d thought.
That backbone makes me proud. It’s what I’ve wanted to see from you since you were little. ”
I stare at him in disbelief.
“Are you saying that if I had stood up to you earlier, all this could have been avoided?”
“Perhaps. But you didn’t stand up to me earlier, proving this was the right call.”
I can’t even argue with him. If he hadn’t had his stupid rules in place, I probably would’ve married Kendra by now. If I had, maybe she wouldn’t be the selfish, bitter woman she turned into, but I guess we’ll never know.
What I do know is that I’m insanely grateful I’m with Logan because, in all my time with Kendra, I’ve never felt like I do when I’m with him.
“So, you’ve made it clear these are your choices and the path you want to take despite knowing the consequences.
You’ve never pushed back before, which tells me this young man is worth it to you.
You never did that for Kendra. Perhaps once the dust settles a bit, we can all have a conversation about the best ways for your mother and me to help you moving forward.
Now, I’m going to the bar. You boys want to come along?
Heidi?” he asks, making eye contact with my mom, who can read him better than anyone.
She smiles and says, “Why don’t we let them mingle with their friends, and I’ll come get a drink with you? ”
My dad nods and heads for the bar, clearly ready to move on.
My mom leans in to hug me.
“We are proud of you, honey.” To Logan, she squeezes his shoulder and adds, “It will take us a minute or two to adjust, but we look forward to getting to know you.”
And then she’s off, and I can’t decide whether I want to dance the jig or puke my guts up.
Thankfully, Stone and Hanlon appear a second later, holding a shot glass in each hand. Hanlon passes one to me and Stone hands his extra to Logan.
“That looked intense,” Hanlon says, already in on Logan and I’s not-so-secret secret. “Drink up, bastards. This is a party.”
No sooner do I tip my head back than Hanlon is pulling me onto the dance floor as the song changes from slow and sappy to something with a beat.
“I’m out,” Stone says, pressing a kiss to Hanlon’s cheek. “You boys have fun.” Suddenly, his pointer finger is less than an inch from my face. “And keep your hands to yourself,” Stone warns.
Little does he know, I’m having the best night of my life, and fucking with him will only make it better.
I snap my teeth, causing him to pull his hand back as I smile.
“Not a snowball’s chance in hell, Addario. Come on, Hanny Bananny, we have some catching up to do.”
I smack Hanlon on the ass and then drag him to the middle of the dance floor.