Chapter 17
Edwina departed all too swiftly after that exchange.
She ran to give her sister and brother-in-law a brief farewell, then had her carriage ready to return to Castle Wallace within the hour.
When Fergus fretfully asked whether James was truly well enough to continue without Edwina’s further care, she assured him that he was.
When Darina demanded to know what had sent Edwina running home again in such a frightful hurry, Edwina insisted that it was mere homesickness and a desire to return to her books and other pursuits, nothing more.
It was clear from their reactions that both of them found her answers dubious, but there was nothing for them to do except thank her again for what she had done and send her on her way.
Privately, Darina cursed her sister’s arch nature, her unwillingness to allow anyone to get too close to her.
She had always been that way, Darina recalled, and it had made her terribly frustrating to be around.
It was not difficult for Darina to imagine what had occurred, or some version of it, at any rate: James had professed his affections to Edwina, and she had pulled away reflexively, unwilling to allow herself to become too inextricably involved with anyone.
Darina had often suspected that her sister was deeply afraid that if she became too dependent upon anyone, they might abandon her—in which case, the love (to her way of thinking) would not be worth the subsequent loss.
Darina fervently wished that she could express to Edwina how wrongheaded that way of thinking was. Darina herself had fallen in love and gotten married under the strangest of circumstances, though, and so she had grown to believe that in such a wondrous and mysterious world, anything was possible.
Edwina, though, had always been a cynic—or pretended to be, at any rate—which amounted to much the same thing in terms of how she faced the world.
And once she set her mind to something, it was impossible to persuade her otherwise.
Indeed, the more one tried, the more she would generally dig her heels in and become all the more insufferable for it.
It was chief among the reasons why her siblings had so often avoided her company, and Darina was all the more bitter for remembering that about her now.
Even so, Darina was still relieved that Edwina had been able to help James.
As she stood on the ramparts of the keep and watched Edwina’s carriage retreat into the distance, she wondered whether her relationship with her sister would be changed after this experience—whether they might find some way to become closer than they had been before, now that Edwina had been such a significant part of her life over the course of the past week.
Darina doubted it, though. Edwina was stubborn, and she did as she pleased with no concern for how it impacted others. A true connection with her would likely always be just out of reach, Darina supposed.
It was a pity indeed that Edwina’s aloof and careful nature would, apparently, always distance her from others who might come to care deeply for her.
When Darina expressed this to Fergus that night, her husband agreed wholeheartedly. He confirmed her suspicions about what had transpired between Edwina and James, having heard it from his younger brother earlier himself.
“She is an amazing lass,” he remarked as they readied for bed.
“The way she was able to heal James… Not merely his leg, which would have been remarkable enough, but his wounded soul as well! Who would have believed such a thing possible, being so acquainted with her? With either of them, for that matter?”
“Truly, Fergus, what we witnessed here this week was nothing short of a miracle.” Darina brushed her hair in front of the mirror.
“I only wish there could have been some way to persuade her to remain longer and, perhaps, to reconsider her response to his overtures.” She sighed. “But I suppose that is impossible.”
“More’s the pity,” he replied. “The look that was in James’s eyes when he told me of what she said to him…when he learned how quickly she had run off afterward…” He shook his head. “I only hope his disappointment and despair will not send him back to the bottle.”
“We shall keep a close eye on him, Fergus,” she promised, going to him and kissing him. “We will not allow him to succumb to that noxious venom again.”
However, as it turned out, they needn’t have concerned themselves.
In the days and weeks that followed, James remained clear-eyed and steady-handed.
He exercised his leg tentatively at first, then with increasing gusto, until he was able to stride around the keep with only a slight limp.
James was impressed and remarked on it frequently.
Still, there remained a gloomy and distracted air about him, and it was not difficult for Fergus to imagine why.
At one point, Fergus ventured into the courtyard and saw that James was holding his old sword again for the first time since his injury. He thrust, parried, slashed, and sliced, the blade whirling and singing through the air.
“Your form is impeccable as ever,” Fergus commented with a grin. “Well done.”
“I have work ahead of me yet,” James replied, lowering the sword and turning to face his brother. “I must learn how to compensate for the diminished leg, rather than relying on it on instinct as I did in the past. However, it is a beginning, at least.”
“A fine beginning. But you know, James…” Fergus paused, internally debating the best way to continue.
“It is wonderful to see that you’ve made such a recovery, and naturally, we are all happy for you.
I only mean to say, if you would perhaps prefer to take a more advisory role here at the keep…
perhaps you might choose a successor to lead our warriors into battle. ”
“You do not believe I will ever be up to such things again?” James interjected stonily.
“If you believe you will, James, then so do I. However, just because you can do so does not necessarily mean you might wish to, if you take my meaning. That is, no one would think any less of you if you felt that in terms of physical sacrifice, you owe nothing further to our clan. If you would prefer to put your keen intellect to good use instead, that could be arranged.”
James regarded him for a long moment. Then he said, “I have lost none of my courage, Brother. If anything, I have found new strength of heart after what I have endured and the dependency I have conquered against all odds. I am not wholly recovered yet. I am slower than I ought to be, clumsier perhaps, and not as able on horseback. But with time, effort, and determination, I shall be all that I was and more. And when that day comes, I expect—and demand—to be reinstated as the commander of your soldiers.”
“And so you shall,” Fergus told him. “First, though, you must make a display of this newfound courage of yours to prove to me that you will be up to the task.”
James frowned. “All right. What would you have me do, then, to demonstrate my bravery?”
“Go to Edwina and make another go of it.”
His younger brother’s eyebrows nearly leaped off his head. “You cannot be serious.”
“I most certainly am. The suddenness of your proposal may have scared her off. Initially, she may have been unprepared for the intensity of it. However, now that she has had time to more carefully consider what she refused, perhaps she will be more receptive to it. You owe it to yourself to try, James. You owe her another chance, even if it turns out to merely be a chance for her to elocute her concerns with greater care and circumspection.”
“I cannot ride as I used to,” James reminded him. “And the distance is so great…”
“Then you will stop and take rest as you need to, and once you have, you shall keep going until you make your way to her. I saw the look in your eyes when she was here, James. I know she is worth it to you. You will not allow your diminished skills as a rider to keep you from your one chance at true happiness.”
James’s shoulders slumped. “But if she refuses me again, I shall be devastated. I worry that the pain of it will weaken me again.”
Fergus put his hands on his brother’s shoulders. “That is where the courage comes in. For I know full well how frightening this prospect is to you. If you can overcome your fear of it and ride to her anyway, then I will know that you are truly capable of facing anything.”