Chapter 5
Atlas
By the time the car pulls up in front of the Titans’ hotel in DC, I’m already second-guessing why I came. I should be in Chicago, figuring shit out with Maddie, not running like a lost kid. But the truth is, I am very, very lost and I need help.
Lucky’s waiting in the lobby, baseball cap pulled low, hands shoved in his pockets. He spots me and his grin is small but warm. “Hey, man.”
We clasp hands and he pulls me into a quick hug. Solid. No questions asked, just presence. I didn’t realize how much I needed that until right now.
“How are you doing?” he asks as we step back. The whole team knows of my situation and why I left for Chicago. I know it’s a shock to him that I’m back so soon and even more so when I said it would be a brief visit just to talk.
The question slices. “Not good. I really appreciate you meeting up with me. I know there’s a lot going on with the playoffs.”
“Please,” Lucky drawls, waving me off. “Always time for a friend.” He nods toward the door. “There’s a steakhouse a few blocks down that’s supposed to have an incredible rib eye. Sound good?”
I haven’t felt like eating much the last few days, but all of a sudden, I’m famished. “Yeah. Throw in a stiff drink and I’m in heaven.”
We head out into the chilly spring night, walking through the evening crowd until we reach the restaurant tucked into the corner of the building.
The kind of place with dark wood and leather booths that makes you want to order bourbon, neat.
We slide into a booth, making small talk until we have drinks in front of us.
Lucky doesn’t waste time. “Lay it on me, brother. Must be big to have you jetting in and back out again.”
I lower my gaze, staring down at my glass. Christ, how do I even start? My throat feels clogged, like the words don’t want to come. But if I don’t say them now, I might never get them out.
“Gray left a letter,” I blurt.
Lucky lifts an eyebrow. “What kind of letter?”
“The kind that upended my entire world,” I mutter, and Lucky’s eyes flare wide. “It was for both me and Maddie and he wanted us to read it together after he was gone.”
Lucky knows a little about Maddie. Mostly that she and I butt heads all the time and aren’t all that fond of each other.
“And?” Lucky prompts when I don’t keep going.
I let out a heavy breath. “He asked me to help Maddie raise Grayce. Not just help—but be her dad.”
Lucky whistles through his teeth as he sits back hard against the booth. “Holy shit.”
“Yeah.” I huff a bitter laugh and rub my neck. “That’s about the response I had too.”
“Dude. That’s… I don’t even know what that is.” His gaze cuts away for a second. “And he wants Maddie to be her mom?”
I nod. “Apparently, they’d worked that part out before he died and she happily agreed. But she didn’t know that Gray wanted me involved until we read the letter.”
“Jesus,” he drawls in disbelief. “What are you gonna do?”
I meet his eyes, the weight of it pressing down.
“I don’t know. That’s why I’m here. Gray was always the one I went to when I needed to figure out my shit.
Now he’s gone. My parents…,” I trail off, jaw tightening.
“They’ve never been there when it mattered, so I can’t talk to them. Who the hell am I supposed to ask?”
Lucky doesn’t flinch at the bitterness in my voice. He just nods. “So you came to me.”
“Yeah.” The word’s gruff, almost embarrassed. “You sort of know what the dynamic is between me and Maddie and you’re my closest mate on the team, so I figured you were the best sounding board.”
For a minute, we sit in silence, the clink of dishes and low murmur of other diners filling the air. Then Lucky leans forward, forearms braced on the table.
“All right. Pros and cons,” he says. “Lay it out like we’re matching up against a tough opponent.”
I huff a laugh. “Like we’re game-planning.”
“Exactly. Except instead of lines and matchups, it’s diapers and daycare.”
I can’t help it. My mouth twitches but then I quickly sober. “Pro… honoring Gray. He trusted me with this, and I don’t want to let him down.”
Lucky nods. “That’s a big one.”
“Pro… Grayce. She’s his kid. A piece of him. And I…” My throat tightens. “I want her to know who he was and what he meant to me, to the world. I could give her that.”
We keep going, sipping on our bourbons as if it will fuel our creativity.
“Another pro,” I say after a long sip. “Stability. Maddie’s already been in Grayce’s life since day one. If I step in too, she’ll have two anchors. Maybe that keeps her from feeling like she’s missing something.”
Lucky nods, tapping the edge of his glass. “Kids thrive on consistency. At least that’s what Winnie says and trust me, she knows kids. Two steady hands on the wheel instead of one, that’s a big deal. I came from a single-parent home and I can’t tell you how important that can be.”
I shift in my seat, feeling the truth of it settle, glad I chose Lucky to share his perspective. “And, I could give her opportunities Gray never could have. Travel, private school, anything she dreams of. I don’t mean spoiling her, but making sure she never feels limited.”
“Financial security,” Lucky says. “That’s no small thing.”
“Right.” I pick at the edge of my napkin. “And it keeps her connected to Gray’s world. To me. She’d grow up knowing her dad wasn’t just some story. I could tell her so much.”
Lucky tilts his head. “That’s three.”
“Four,” I correct automatically. “Family. Real family. I don’t have parents I can rely on. Maddie apparently doesn’t either, but I don’t know much about her background. But Grayce would never feel that hole if we both stepped up. She’d know she’s surrounded by people who chose her.”
Lucky leans back, lips quirking. “That one’s strong, man.”
I drag a hand down my face. “And maybe… maybe it changes me. Forces me to be more than just a guy who plays hockey and lives for the game. I don’t know. Being a dad—it could make me better.”
Lucky grins faintly. “I personally think you’re fine the way you are, dude, but nothing wrong with personal growth.”
“Yeah,” I mutter, shaking my head. “Sounds so damn cliché when I say it out loud.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
I let out a breath, heavy and uneven. The list of pros is growing, and it feels harder to keep pretending I don’t see the scales tipping.
“Let’s talk about cons,” Lucky asks gently.
“Cons…” I rake a hand through my hair. “Everything else. My career. The playoffs. I’m not ready to be a dad.
I wouldn’t even know where to start. What if I screw her up?
What if Maddie resents me? Hell, she already resents me.
And on top of that, what does it even mean that we’re both raising Grayce?
Does that mean Maddie stays in Chicago and I parent from afar? Just write checks?”
“I don’t think that’s what Gray was thinking,” Lucky muses.
“Yeah, me neither. Which means, Maddie would have to relocate to Pittsburgh. I don’t even know if that’s possible or if she’d agree to it.
Hell, I really don’t want her to. We clash and we’re not nice to each other and it would just be volatile.
I almost feel like I could handle Grayce, but Maddie… that seems too complicated.”
Lucky shrugs. “Listen, I’m sure she resents the situation, same as you. Can’t blame her for being raw right now, just as you are. But surely you two can put aside your differences for Grayce’s benefit, right?”
I grunt, unconvinced. That’s a big ask.
Lucky’s eyes soften. “Look, man, there’s no easy call. But here’s what I know—you don’t quit on your team, and I’m sure that means you’d never quit on Gray.”
His words land like a check I didn’t see coming, hard and clean. It’s crystal clear. I never really had a choice at all.
I stare down at the table, Gray’s handwriting flashing in my mind. I want you to be her dad.
The waitress comes by, asks if we’re ready to order. No brainer to order steaks in a steakhouse and we both refresh our bourbons.
“Okay, I think it’s the right thing to honor Gray’s wishes, but practically… what does that mean? I bring Maddie and Grayce to Pittsburgh? Do they both move in with me?”
“I don’t know, man. You and Maddie are going to have to figure that out.”
“And what about hockey? We’re getting ready to go into the playoffs. It’s a high-stress time, we’re traveling, and all of a sudden, I’m a dad? How do I even do that?”
“Well, you’d have Maddie to help with Grayce.
It’s not like you’d be a single dad. And you know that the Titans are a family and everyone would step in to support you.
I’m guessing your wild partying days would be over, but past that…
I think this could be a good change to your life.
Like you said, you’d keep a piece of Gray close to you. ”
My chest squeezes, because no matter all the pros and cons, I have to admit, the part that appeals to me the most is exactly that: Grayce is part of Gray, and I could keep his spirit alive not just for her but for me too.
Still, I can’t help but ask for the reassurance. “What should I do?”
Lucky bursts out laughing and shakes his head. “No way, dude. I’m not going to tell you what to do.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. Tell me what you’d do if this happened to you.”
Lucky sobers, his eyes softening. “I’d do what I felt was right in my gut. I’d put aside all my fears and follow my instincts because I think I have a decent moral compass.” He leans forward and looks me directly in the eye. “And I think you have one too.”
Not a clear-cut answer, but I’m picking up what he’s putting down. More importantly, he’s narrowed in on what’s making this so difficult.
I’m fucking scared out of my wits and that’s clouding my judgment. The question is, can I put that aside to give myself the clarity to ensure I’m doing not only what’s right for me, but more importantly, what’s right for Grayce?
It’s going to require me to be the bravest version of myself.