Chapter 11
Aurora
“What do you want to do, Aurora?” my psychiatrist asked me.
“Ignore the noise and all of the opinions being thrown at you and just answer what you want.” She waved her hand in front of her before I could even answer.
“Scratch that. It wasn’t fair for me to ask that.
I apologize. That put it all on you, and that puts you on the defensive like this is your responsibility. ”
I relaxed a bit hearing that. “Thank you.”
She gave me a kind smile. “None of this is on you. This is Creed’s problem.
It’s his to find a solution to. I know others are finding female lion shifters and working on other options.
” She nodded when I bristled. “Yes, it’s complicated, and to hear that is upsetting too, but you need to so the pressure is off you. ”
“Yes, this is far from easy.”
She was quiet a moment. “It’s also complicated for me to address.
I can’t ask you what the result is you want.
You want Creed to live and be okay. Of course you do.
You’re a good person.” She sighed when I snorted.
“Aurora, good people make horrible decisions and choices. What you did was horrible, but you protected both Ellie and her mother as best as you could.”
“I know, I know,” I whispered, not wanting to bring up the past when the focus needed to be about Creed.
I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.
“Yes, I want him to live and thrive. I don’t want him to do it with another woman.
” I blinked back tears. “I want to be whole and see some world where we could be happy together and cute like Ellie and Ha-joon. It’s not… ”
“You’re not jealous of her in a bad way, Aurora,” she said gently.
“It’s not toxic. I’ve seen them be attentive and loving towards each other and find myself jealous and I am mated.
I’ve spoken to my mate about it. And we’ve agreed we’ve drifted.
We’re going to see a counselor.” She nodded when I blinked at her.
“Relationships take work, not just getting to them.”
“I’m willing to put in the work if he is,” I heard myself say, shocked but also feeling like a weight was taken off of me that I’d finally said it.
“Good, that’s huge progress for you that you’re saying what you want,” she praised.
“Now, unfortunately, there’s a clock on this because he gets worse as the days go by, and the stress of knowing what’s going on makes things worse as well.
So as much as I hate pushing people down paths, this time I’m going to have to a bit, and then we can go back and reaffirm the path. ”
“That sounds good, even having a plan,” I said. “I just want…”
“You want an exit strategy because it’s so fast and given your past.”
“Is that horrible of me?” I worried.
“No, and I don’t think Creed will feel that it is either,” she told me firmly. “I’m also going to insist I be there when you lay this all out with the others in your life because there are—”
We both jumped as the door burst open, Xavier standing there looking different in a way I’d never seen him.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, pushing to my feet and thinking there was danger.
“Don’t do this, Aurora. Don’t be with him. Don’t give yourself to that nothing feline who hurt people like you and so many more,” he begged. “You deserve so much better and someone—”
“This is highly inappropriate given your place in her life,” my doctor cut in.
“You’ve had months to be honest about your feelings for her and yet you were quiet and too scared to act.
But now that she’s made the decision herself, you have something to say?
No, you don’t care for her in a healthy way if you’re about to undermine all she’s worked on—”
“You only know part of it, Doc,” he argued.
“Well, I’m saying that I’m uncomfortable with whatever is going on here, and I think you need to stop being the one to protect me,” I said firmly. “Thank you for what you’ve done, especially stopping me that day, but…” I shook my head. I didn’t even know how to handle this.
He bobbed his head and shot me a hurt look. “I agree with the doc that this isn’t the time nor place and I’m undermining your hard work, but I also think I deserve something better than you being so dismissive. So I’ll wait until you’re done in here and we can talk.”
And be alone.
Something in the way he said it set off all of the warning bells even if I didn’t think that was fair to Xavier. I wanted to always feel safe, and everyone in my life had repeatedly told me that it should be a priority to me even if it was overkill or false alarms.
Which was why I pulled out my phone and texted Ellie, Theresa, Alexis, and Creed the moment Xavier stepped outside.
“You should warn people and ask for help,” my doctor said firmly.
“However?” I hedged.
“No ‘however,’” she assured me. “Always pull the emergency brake. It’s better to do that and apologize for being wrong than being wrong and not listening to yourself. Always.”
“Thank you.” I thought of how to phrase what I wanted to ask then. “How would you handle it differently?”
She nodded, accepting what I was getting at.
“He’s seeing your relationship as more personal and you’re just cutting the cord without a conversation.
It wasn’t a threat or to get you alone. He wants to at least say goodbye and have you hear him out.
He doesn’t deserve to just be ghosted is where his mind is. ”
I opened my mouth but then closed it. “I understand him thwarting my attempted suicide was more personal for him, but he counted those minutes on his timesheet to be paid. That’s not a friend.”
“You are completely valid in your feelings, so I would tell him that and it’s a valid line for you,” she told me. “Now, let’s start on this roadmap of your future because I don’t want any man to derail your progress.”
I smiled at her, thinking that was exactly what I needed to hear.
We worked on it the rest of our session and I felt confident in the outline to start. I focused on that and decided I wanted to go over it with Creed before talking to the others… Only to find him outside in a heated argument with Xavier.
I didn’t hear what was said, but Creed threw the first punch.
“This is who he is, Aurora,” Xavier said after blocking it. “This is why—”
“Meaning you egged him into it,” I interrupted.
“He didn’t know I was here, but you did, ready to tattle and put this display on show.
” I focused on Creed. “What did he say that made you go over the line? Because you were very firm that you don’t throw the punch first unless you knew it was going to come to blows. ”
“No, this time it was me and I was—everything is too much a mess in my head and I was—my temper’s too short,” he admitted, taking a step back from Xavier and moving his hands to his hips.
“He said I was only open to the idea of mating you since you were awarded the money. That this is about money, not my feelings for you.”
I took in a slow breath and let it out. “I would have hit him for that too if I could do any damage.” That seemed to surprise them both, but I gave Xavier the look he deserved.
“Do you truly think Ellie, Ha-joon, or Theresa would let him anywhere near me if it was about money? You knew that wasn’t true and said that to hurt him so he took a swing. ”
“Yes—maybe—I’m not sure I don’t know it’s a lie,” he argued. “I knew it would make him take a swing. But he’s that easy to poke, and that’s too volatile to be around you—”
“He is dying, Xavier,” I snapped. “He gets to be volatile. What is your fucking excuse?”
Creed chuckled darkly. “Couldn’t have said it better myself, beauty.” He moved over by me and hesitated in greeting me. Once I moved my hand to his chest, he leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I’m still sorry I blew my temper. He’s not wrong that you deserve better.”
I kept his gaze. “If I had said it, you wouldn’t have hit me. It’s him, and apparently his feelings for me that are unprofessional. You knew, yes?”
“Yeah, we all knew,” he drawled.
“I wish someone had told me. I wouldn’t have wanted someone conflicted guarding me,” I grumbled.
“I said the same, but Ellie said it wasn’t fair to hold that against him when all men responded to you like that.” He nodded when I pressed my lips together. That was horribly dismissive, and I was certain there were female bodyguards.
I was a survivor of abuse. The waters should never be murky.
“I think we should call one of those Burbers,” I told him.
“Ubers, and I think it’s adorable you never get it correct,” he said with a chuckle as he took out his phone.
“I get most of it all correct,” I countered. “There’s just a lot, and seeing it all in the news or on TV is different than interacting with them or keeping them straight.”
“Yeah, I feel that,” he drawled, having been in prison when a lot of them came about.
Xavier backed down but made it obvious that he didn’t think any of it was fair and that he deserved to be treated better than what I was doing.
He made it clear that he was still in charge of guarding me, so he wasn’t stalking me or being too much, but doing his job.
He would follow the Uber to my condo and then drive to Ellie to discuss what was next with her.
It better be the termination of his position or… I wasn’t sure what, but I was at my limit with too much.
Even if I believe Ellie’s heart was truly in the right place after she’d learned more about the past. Theresa too. Or that was more a thawing regarding anything concerning me.
But they both treated me too much like a child or an invalid at times and it was upsetting, not healthy for my recovery even according to my psychiatrist. I agreed.
“We should talk about the money,” Creed muttered once we were at my condo.
“What about work? Did you rush right over?” I worried.