Chapter 44
Silver tears cascade down my face. This is too much. I’m not even sure if I can try to be what he wants, and now we’re bound to one another.
I hadn’t realized one night would mean the rest of my life. No, more than that—bound for eternity, in this life and every other until time unravels. Kivi’s voice lashes my mind, the words I thought I was dreaming. You have to get her to accept the bond.
S?las’ grip tightens around me as he feels my thought.
I can feel his emotions begging me not to ask my next question.
“What happens if I don’t accept the bond?” I whisper into his chest.
He draws my face up to him, lowering his head to kiss the tears from my face. His lips send my heart skittering, my magic crackling alive in my bones.
“It will kill me,” he breathes.
I’m not sure if he means literally or metaphorically, nor am I sure I want to find out either way. At this thought, he pulls me deeper into his chest, hope rushing through him.
“Why would it kill you and not me?” I ask, already knowing the answer, but part of me needs to hear it out loud.
“Because I have already accepted the bond. From the second I realized it was you.” His voice sounds as shaky as I feel.
A warm tear falls on my cheek that’s not my own. Without thinking, I free my arms from where they’re coiled protectively around myself and wrap them around him. Crumbling the suffocating boulders of fear tumbling in my chest.
I can’t bear the thought of his sadness anymore.
He leans down, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head.
We hold each other in silence for what feels like an eternity. The world dissolving away in our closeness.
All that matters is me and him.
His shadows swirl around every inch of my skin, pulling me closer to him. My magic begs to be released to explore him, but I’m afraid I will get lost in it again.
He draws me back, and my heart aches at the small chasm between us.
I look down to see I’m fully dressed in my aerial leathers, hair magically dried.
I find myself thankful I don’t have to leave him to get my sore muscles dressed.
Then his shadows beneath my breasts ache deep in my chest, drawing me back to him, but I resist the pull. The action sears agony along my ribs.
“Where’s your mark?” I ask with a curious tone, rubbing at the pain in my chest. I sigh, realizing why he was always rubbing at his chest when we first met and I pushed him away.
An amused smile pins up his lips, his head turning to the side.
My lips part as I take in his beautiful profile like it’s the first time I’ve truly seen him.
His shadows slip down his neck, revealing a golden twelve-pointed star, the same gold as my markings.
I’m curious as to why the symbol matches the glowing, silvery one that brands my inner thigh from Pip.
“I glamoured it. I wasn’t planning on showing you until you accepted the bond, but I’m at your mercy now.” He sighs; he’s still worried I won’t.
Now I grasp why Kivi is insisting I accept the bond.
As much as a relationship within the Zenith can be problematic, losing someone as powerful as S?las is worse.
I also understand that she was actually speaking of a different bond at dinner last night.
Not the one shared by our dragons. Based on her reaction, along with Atlas and Seraphina's, they must have all known before I did. So much for blind trust.
“Kivi could feel our bond when she healed you. I told Seraph as soon as I knew. Kivi told Atlas because she knew it would affect the entire Zenith and the decisions he will have to make on the battlefield.” His smoky voice answers the questions I haven’t even thought along our bond.
This level of intimacy is intense, but I appreciate his honesty without me having to pry like I do with Calais.
“We were all protecting you until you were ready.” Her voice is rough against my mind compared to S?las.
I don’t like that I’m being protected, but I can’t argue.
I would have absolutely lost my shit if they had told me sooner.
Knowing myself, I would’ve pushed him away, no matter the cost. But now, things are different.
When I lost control last night, I was the one seeking him, not the other way around.
“Where did you go yesterday?” I murmur, remembering the other question on my list.
“I promise I will tell you after class, but we need to go now, or we’ll be late. I don’t think I can trust myself having a free hour alone with you at this point.” He smirks.
I roll my eyes, recalling how much more control he mustered than I did last night.
That thought has him arching a brow at me.
I huff, prying myself from his arms to find Pip. My legs are as unsteady as Pip’s new wings. I try to ignore how the distance between S?las and me causes my chest to tighten.
“Has it been like this for you since you accepted the bond?” I ask, without thinking.
“Worse. I accepted it without you even knowing about it. Scáil says it will ease with time, if you decide to accept.” He leans against the frame to the bathroom with his hands in his pockets.
I shudder to imagine how painful this has been for him.
I now understand why he’s always around me; it must have been unbearable as I continued to push him away.
I can always sense when he is near. I suppose that’s the bond.
I even remember my neck prickling at the first trial.
I shake my head at that because I hadn’t even seen him yet, and I place my short swords along my back.
His shadows reach into the armoire next to me. His broadswords slipping against his back, dressed in pitch black.
I take in my star marking him. The gold glimmers along his umber skin as he flexes the muscles along his neck.
“Proud to finally show it off, I see,” I croon, though I can’t help the rosy hue blooming on my cheeks. I meet his arctic-blue eyes and suddenly lose interest in going to class.
“Proud doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. I am forever yours, Luxsula.”
He spins me around, his hand at my lower back. Guiding me to the door.
“Let’s go before I lose the strength to get us both to class. Kivi will have my head if I miss another day,” he rumbles as I snicker at the thought of calm and collected Kivi showing anger.
Pip skitters up my leg onto my arm, which is much more graceful than his flying.
I pause, remembering my last question as S?las opens the door for me.
“How have you known Calais longer than me?” I ask as I continue to walk forward once more. I hear him curse under his breath.
“Luxsula. Tonight. I promise,” he whispers in my ear, and it takes all of my strength not to lean into him. I know he will tell me the truth. I can trust him.
I know that I can trust him with all of me if I’m willing to take the leap.