Chapter 45
His hand brushes against mine as we walk next to each other down the corridor. My body smolders at the light graze; without thinking, my fingers weave into his.
A wave of relief and longing floods me from him.
I look up at him to see him smiling. My heart overflows. That beautiful smile he keeps hidden from the world. His eyes are clear of shadows, reminding me of the moonlight once more.
I step closer to him, closing the distance between us as we continue to walk side by side. The happiness that pours through him steals my breath away, leaving me heady.
I find myself thinking: maybe accepting this bond isn’t as terrible as I initially thought. The black velvet ribbons in my mind shudder, sensing that thought, loosening their hold on me, as if he’s debating trusting me not to block him out.
By accepting the bond, I’ll be able to hear all of his thoughts too, beyond just the emotions I can sense. Everything will be heightened. We will be able to share each other’s visions, memories. Wield each other’s magic, perfectly in sync.
As we enter the rotunda of the Grand Conservatory, the mass of Fae murmuring reminds me that we’re not alone in the penthouse anymore.
I gaze around the room and catch Winx glaring at me.
Her eyes flare a fiery neon violet as she witnesses who I walk in with.
Shit. My hand immediately drops from his, the black ribbons in my mind instinctively tightening.
I can see the heat radiating off Winx, who clearly saw our hands before I made a move. I’m frozen under the weight of all the times I’ve failed to talk to her about how things between us are only casual. Always making excuses because I didn’t want to deal with the mess I created.
S?las’ hand grazes along the nape of my back, gently grounding me and prompting me to keep walking. I can’t pry myself away from Winx’s gaze; violet storms fill her eyes as she watches him guide me to our Zenith.
Thankfully, she finally turns away. I’m not sure if I should be relieved or terrified. I’m a fucking coward for not having made time to talk to her.
Kissa links her arm in mine, lowering her head to meet me.
“I see you found him. That Bloodline pairing smells to be working out for you. Maybe you finally won’t be such an uptight bitch after getting laid.” Kissa winks.
“You definitely won’t be uptight once I finally have you.” His smoky voice is like a kiss along my mind, taking all my strength to will my body still so I don’t make a scene. I won’t give him the satisfaction of glaring at him.
“Keep being a tease, and I’ll make you suffer,” I snarl back along the ribbons wrapped around my wrists in my mind.
“How much pain are we talking?”
“What’s your tolerance?” I smirk.
He growls in response, and I peer up to see those feral eyes full of shadows once more.
I elbow him hard.
“You’re making a scene.”
“I don’t remember you minding a crowd before,” he purrs, stepping closer to me.
Seraphina lets out a chuckle, watching us from across the circle. I shift my gaze to see everyone staring at us.
Kivi is looking at S?las’ marking on his neck, clearly questioning if I’ve finally accepted the bond. I watch as her spores drift towards us; she’s rather determined to find out without even asking me. Rude.
S?las, sensing my thought, shakes his head tightly at Kivi, and her spores return to flitting around her.
Atlas seems to have the same curiosity about the marking’s resemblance to the one burnt on my leg by the path of his darting gaze. If anyone will have an answer, it’ll be him.
Eko and Orion eye us suspiciously, clearly on to something more between us.
I glare at Fenwick and Juniper, who return to happily bickering about whose favorite color is better. Gearin quickly goes back to fiddling with a rune on an arrow for Highin. Flint gives me a reassuring smile; emerald eyes flaring bright that I seem happy.
I am happy.
As soon as I realize I am, it fades right out of my grasp; fear sets in with how easily this happiness can be stolen from me.
S?las’ fear curls around me, tightening the ribbons binding my wrists. He knows before I do that I want to raise my shields back up. He refuses to let me. I wriggle violently in my mind.
“I am yours. No one will ever take me from you. I promise,” he whispers in my mind.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“Is someone going to explain what the fuck is going on between those two?” Eko prods in the background.
Grief swallows me whole. Maybe once upon a time, I could have been loved like S?las loves me.
But the part of me that was bright, lovely, and brimming with hope died with Sully.
I know he wouldn’t ever have wanted it so, but it’s the way things had to be.
To survive the fact that everyone I could possibly love and be loved by… dies.
For death is a jealous lover, and she has already claimed my heart. Waves of heartache ripple from S?las, the depth of his pain dragging the breath from my lungs.
Then Sully’s warning echoes: stay away from him and his bloodline. Anger and longing crash into me, storming within S?las. I thrash, trying to break free to raise my shields, to numb myself from the wrenching pain that’s his…and mine.
“You are my mate. I will always be yours. In life and in death. In this world and in every other. My soul is a part of yours now. That is why I will die if you reject this bond,” he pleads.
I still. My fight sputtering out.
I don’t even know what rejecting the bond looks like, and I surely don’t want to kill him, because I don’t fully conceptualize what all this means. He doesn’t deserve to die because I’d rather be numb than submit to all the emotions he continues to ask me to feel.
Relief trickles through the ribbons, but they don’t loosen their hold, and I don’t blame him. My breathing is uneasy, and Kissa eyes me, wondering what’s wrong. She shoos S?las a step back.
“You okay?” Orion darts in front of me.
S?las’ discomfort at having to even take a step away from me slashes at my ribs. Orion glares at him, sensing the synching of our emotions in our Auras.
“No. But I will be.” I need to be strong. I can’t let fear win. It’s not only my life that depends on it now. I straighten my shoulders as guilt trickles down the ribbons.
Seraph chuckles, smacking Eko on the back. “Lovers’ quarrel.”
“Uh, but they aren’t speaking?” Eko eyes us, confusion scrunching his face.
“They’re using their Persuasive powers to save us from the details.” Orion covers for me. I nod in thanks.
“I never wanted you to have to be strong for me,” he murmurs in defeat.
“Everyone keeps telling me I am stronger—and so much more—than I realize. When you looked at me yesterday morning, I actually believed it. I am stronger than the frightened little girl who survived monsters that were far too big for her. If you can bear all this pain for me, the least I can do is be brave enough to try.”
Before I know what has happened, I’m in his arms, his lips crashing into mine. The tension melts from my body, parting my lips for his wicked tongue. I chase each stroke of his, greedily devouring him. His fingers weave through hair and around my waist, deepening the kiss.
He sets my soul on fire.
I don’t just want him.
I need him.
I’ve never felt the need for anyone in my life… but him.
He growls into my mouth at the thought, drinking in my moaned response.
The bells are chiming, and my heart hurts knowing this moment has to end. He tugs my face into his chest, kissing me on the top of the head. He releases me as the walls of Shadowveil retreat around us.
“Aw, look; they made up!” Fenwick beams, clasping her hands to her heart with what I swear are literal golden hearts in her sunburst eyes.
Kissa immediately grabs my arm as the bells continue their melody.
“You are exceptionally good at making a scene for someone who hates everyone knowing their name,” she hisses, dragging me to class.
But I am lost to his gravity, my focus drifting over to S?las with another beautiful, genuine smile on his lips. My fingers reach up, grazing my lips while still watching him, feeling his smile on mine.
Fuck. I am totally screwed.
We sit down for class. S?las takes his place in the row behind me. His shadows swirl up beneath my chair, threading around my ankles. A nicked moan curls in the back of my mouth; I clear my throat, trying to mask the sound. My concentration skills are going to be put to the test today.
The shadows catch Kissa’s eyes, ripping a growl from her as she tries to stomp them away. She turns, baring her fangs at S?las in a hiss.
“How do you expect her to concentrate like this? You are going to get us all killed if you can’t control yourself,” she snarls at him.
My cheeks heat, biting my bottom lip to cover my ridiculous smile.
Kissa is right, though. I’m struggling to not let the little control I have left slip.
I shake my head, hoping to clear my mind as I watch Professor Polyphemus Gloomnight take the podium.
The golden, fawn Müra moth wings along her face shimmering in the dancing light.
“I have unfortunate news from the frontlines.” Her words chill the air, stiffening my spine.
“Last night, we witnessed an unprecedented attack: a coordinated strike against many of our strongholds along the edge of the Blackwood. Several of our Ellian Knights were kidnapped. It was clear they were looking for information they failed to get during their last several assaults.”
The warmth plummets from my body, lost beneath a tidal wave of fear wrapping around my throat, suffocating me. Oddly, it doesn’t come from the velvet black ribbons tightening over my wrists in my mind. I close my eyes to see iridescent ribbons sparking with lightning around me.
“Calais, are you okay?”
“Yes. Stay focused,” she clips, yet I don’t miss the slightest tremble of terror in her voice.