Chapter 47 #2
“Every time I closed my eyes, I saw my parents’ mutilated faces, heard their wailing screams and the darkness calling to me, beckoning me to come to him.
I couldn’t sleep, so I would sneak outside at night.
Scáil was always waiting for me. He would take me away, teaching me how to control my magic.
My shadows could do nothing to his darkness.
I was so exhausted when he would return me, I could sleep without nightmares for the few hours before the Maidens awoke me for training.
We continued like this for years. He helped me master my powers.
Taught me how to work through my grief rather than letting it consume me.
” S?las sighs, releasing the emotions bludgeoning his soul.
“Sometimes, the dark voice that calls to me refuses to be blocked out. It gets louder and louder, summoning me to do dark and hideous things. Especially when I let fear overwhelm me. When you grasped my face and looked into my eyes, you were searching for something. You got so close to seeing the Fated mate bond, to finding it all on your own, and I could feel how close you were, but then those cursed bells rang, and you started to overthink everything. My heart sank as you failed to see it. I feared you never would. That I would always be alone in my love for you while you continued your life without me.” His hand lets go of his knee, threading with mine.
“Don’t get me wrong—I wouldn’t trade a single treasured moment I’ve had with you.
But in my fear of being so close and it being ripped away from me, the dark voice boomed in my mind.
It told me you would never accept the bond, that you would rather reject it and kill me, even if you knew about it.
That I was nothing to you, and I belong with him, not to you.
I called Scáil to come to me. When the voice gets so loud, I lose myself in it.
My powers lash out. Scáil uses his magic to quiet the voice.
I didn’t want to be near you if I lost control…
If I hurt you, too…” His voice trembles as more silver tears stream down his face.
“If I hurt you, too, I’d be lost to the darkness.
I couldn’t live with myself.” He pauses, raking his hands through his hair before turning to face me.
He cups my face in his hand, and I can’t help but lean into it.
“I’m sorry I blocked you. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth sooner. But I’m sure as Emberhell not sorry you kissed me.” A subtle smirk tugs at the corner of his full lips.
“I would live through it all again to find you. Even if you never accept this bond.” His words are soft and quiet, like a gentle breeze.
I can’t believe he’s willing to live through all that again to find me.
As happy as I feel with him in this moment, I’m not sure I’d relive the traumas of my life to be here with him.
But then again, I haven’t accepted the bond; maybe I’ll feel different if I do.
He chuckles.
“The bond won’t force you to love me. It doesn’t work like that. That’s why the choice is yours. I wouldn’t get all of you if I had tricked you into accepting the bond. Other than being stuck with your wrathful hate.” He winks.
A smile twists my lips as I nudge him with my elbow for that ridiculous wink. I look over to Calais. “What was it like for you and Scáil when you found one another?”
“I felt it the moment I saw him, and he did, too. But dragons love differently. Our emotions don’t change as quickly and wildly as yours do.
I find it exhausting to be in your head, and you don’t even feel as intensely as the Shadowmancer,” Calais answers.
I’m surprised she’s so open and honest for once.
“It’s like an inescapable force always drawing us together.
Pulling us closer. I felt it calling to me the moment I saw you.
I just didn’t fight it like you did. You have so many walls up, I’m sometimes surprised you felt anything at all.
” He arches an eyebrow, waiting for my snarky response. But I don’t have one.
He’s managed to melt all the walls away, and I don’t mind just being with him. It’s so different from anything else I’ve ever experienced.
I still need time to figure out what this all means to me, but I’m willing to try to let him in. I’m willing to stop pushing him away. And I hope that’s enough for him for right now.
He brushes the translucent strands tumbling along my face. “You are always enough for me.”
I hum in response, uncertain of how to reply to his words, other than just to accept them.
We sit in silence, watching the moon rise, its reflection dancing across the lake. Beautiful waves of liquid emeralds crash along the shore. Candles twinkle around us like stars made just for us. I could sit here with him forever and be perfectly happy.
“We should get back. We both need to rest before class tomorrow,” he whispers.
I don’t want to go to class. I want to stay here and pretend the war doesn’t exist. That the world’s a better place than I know it to be. That this is a world where I can have the happy ending I never even dared to dream.
“If you dare to dream of a happy ending for yourself, I will spend every day of eternity trying to make that dream come true.” His smokey voice is soft, like a morning kiss.
I smirk. “There you go again. Making promises you can’t keep.”
“I’m willing to try if you are.” He smiles, getting to his feet, extending his palm to help me up.
I take his hand, and it’s something more. Like an unspoken promise to dream of a better ending for ourselves.
One where the monsters in our heads don’t win.