Chapter 48
Iawake tangled with S?las’ body, and I don’t want to move. I drink in his slow heart rate and shallow, sleepy breaths along my neck. Then there’s the delicious hard length of him against my back. The memories of waves of pleasure heat my skin.
He shifts in the flame of my body, pulling me in closer to him, wrapping his legs around mine as if he can’t settle for not touching every part of me. Celestials, I want him.
Part of me wishes it could be that simple, that it didn’t entail something more.
Yet I also can’t help but be selfishly grateful that I’ve found someone who loves me, madly, without reason.
I wonder what it would be like to just throw caution to the wind and dive into something knowing there’s no turning back.
It didn’t seem so bad when I did it the other night. It felt anything but bad.
His skin against mine is intoxicating. I crave more. I understand his need to have his body touch me everywhere because I feel it too, tattooed into my marrow. My magic crackles beneath my skin, wanting to explore every molecule of him. I don’t trust it or myself.
I reach out to find Pip, tugging him into me. His wings flutter, tickling my nose. This weekend, I’ll need to take him somewhere to practice flying.
S?las reaches out again, wrapping one arm under my neck and across my chest while the other pulls across my waist. I’m plastered to him, and I don’t mind it one bit, but I’m struggling to not to think of how hard he is behind me.
Every time I attempt to wriggle any distance between us, he draws me in even tighter. I sigh with a smile, giving up.
Still grappling for any sense of lustful control, my thoughts drift to the freezing winter nights alone in Estrella. My teeth chattering, skin as icy as the glacial palace of my heart. Shadows coil around me, wrapping me up tight, as if they could keep me warm.
Then I realize… the shadows are him.
Always with me, pulling me into them, keeping me safe in his arms. My mind sputters in the realization that I’ve felt this bond longer than I can comprehend. That S?las has always been with me, helping me survive in an impossible world, keeping me safe, blending me into his shadows. Always.
He murmurs in his sleep, “Always.”
A silver tear tumbles down my face. I’ve never been alone facing the horrors of my childhood. A part of his soul has always been with me, searching for me, waiting for us to find one another.
I shake my head, not ready to accept what my heart already knows.
The morning jays are chirping insistently as I awake with my cheek on S?las’ chest. My sleepy hands forgetting themselves, tracing the swirling shadow vortex at the center of his chest, which must be his Arcane Glyph marking.
“Good, you're awake. Breakfast’s on the table. I’ll shower while you eat,” he whispers with a kiss on my head. I find myself wishing we could sleep in and the world could wait just a little longer.
“There will be plenty of mornings for sleeping in. We need to find out if you can shield with your Chaos Magic. I have a couple ideas.” He hums with excitement, prying my sleepy body off of him.
I grumble, debating if I should stay in bed and watch him shower. He stops, turning to arch a dark eyebrow at me. I think better of it, hearing the clanging of silver on the table. Pip’s going to eat all the food if I don’t get over there.
I growl at him as he tries to steal the last piece of bacon.
Snatching a slice and tapping him on the head with it.
The scoundrel attempts to abscond with it from my hands.
I quickly shove it in my mouth before he leaps for it.
His wings look even bigger today. I guess tonight we’ll settle for practicing flying around the room.
I hear the shower turn off. I’m slightly disappointed I didn’t get to join him.
S?las tuts, walking in with nothing but a towel around his waist. “You know, you’re going to have to keep that filthy mind to yourself if I’m to continue staying in this room with you,” he purrs, drying his raven locks with another towel, piercing me with arctic eyes beneath messy, wet hair.
My breath catches on the droplets curling down his rippling form, swirling with shadows. I ache, remembering exactly what those wet hands can do. He moves like lightning, and suddenly, he’s beneath me, and I’m straddling his lap. I whimper, feeling his hard length swell beneath my core.
I want him.
I want this.
My hips grind along his cock, growing impossibly harder. His growl rumbles the pebbling skin of my neck, igniting my blood on fire. And before I can make another move, he Shadowwalks me in his arms to the bathroom, turning on a cold shower and leaving me there.
I’m fuming, but I can feel him teetering on the edge of control. So, I suppose I can forgive him for leaving me in another cold shower. After a minute, I turn the heat back on, trying to block out the thoughts of his soapy hands against my body.
Then I remember why I need a cold shower, and I quickly finish up.
I may want to wildly ravage him, but he knows I’m not fully ready to accept the bond.
That my mind hasn’t caught up to the wild nature of my thawed heart.
For someone who loves control, with him, I am constantly lost to the chaos of his aura.
S?las leans on the balcony, drinking kahvi with amusement crinkling his eyes as Pip feebly flies around him.
I quickly get dressed and meet him outside, stealing his mug.
He—surprisingly—doesn’t put up a fight, just smiles at me.
His full smile melting me on the spot. Without even thinking, I reach up to kiss him on the edge of the mouth.
His strong arm weaves around my waist, pulling me flush with him.
Swirling shadows caress my skin, blotting out the light, and then my stomach drops.
The shadows fall, revealing the Warded Hollow.
Pip screeches and scurries up my leg, flashing onto my arm.
“I couldn’t let you keep distracting me, so I took a shortcut,” he purrs.
I push him away and instantly regret it. Now my chest sears with agony while my stomach whittles my insides.
“I won’t kiss you again if it means we get to walk.” I crumple over, clenching my gut. He just laughs because he knows I’m lying.
Fucking shadow prick.
“Being a prick would have been me taking you on that chair instead of putting you in the cold shower. Because for someone who loves to be in control, you have certainly enjoyed testing mine.” He growls, closing the distance between us before continuing in a seductively threatening groan, “I have half a mind to Shadowwalk us right back to that room and tie you to the chair and show you just how controlled I can be. Keeping you on the edge of ecstasy for hours until I ruin you for anyone else. Your lips forever only knowing how to moan my name.”
Molten heat pools at my core as I wobble slightly, which he no doubt senses based on the rumble that vibrates through his chest.
If only he could indulge that fantasy, but I know better so I counter, trying to cool my blood. “You asked me not to block you out. I’m not used to having you feel all my thoughts,” I hiss, but with the lust flooding my veins, it comes out more sultry than I intended it to.
He smiles, knowing I still haven’t done what he initially feared I would. I’m not even sure I could block him out anymore, even if I wanted to. Everything just feels different between us now.
“I’m sorry. I knew it would be difficult, being so close to you. I just underestimated how arduous it would truly be.”
“Well, I like a challenge.” I throw a coy smile his way, hoping it’s enough. I don’t want to remember what it’s like to sleep without him wrapped around me.
He pulls me in, chest pressing against mine, lazily twirling a strand of hair as he gazes deeply into my eyes. “I like a challenge, too.” He leans in closer, his lips grazing my neck as I quiver, craving his kiss.
A kiss that’s like lightning in a hot summer downpour. One that is branded onto my lips like a phantom, as if they belong to him now. The throbbing between my legs begs for him to make good on his promise to ruin me as my traitorous hips rock along the hard length of him.
“I was thinking you could use your magic to literally repel other magic away,” he purrs, as if he’s whispering sweet nothings to me.
I shove him away for letting him ensnare me once again with his tricksy Ritherin-shit. Prick. How can I keep falling for this? I release the power burning beneath my skin, vibrating all the atoms around me, creating a field of chaos.
His shadows whip out from his chest, testing it, dissolving to mist when against my shield of chaos. He winces as if my magic actually hurts him.
“Well, that certainly took you no time at all.” Clearly impressed I’ve grasped this so easily.
I shrug. I’ve always been good at shielding and blocking things out. It comes naturally to me.
He definitely winces at that thought. Which he kinda deserves after luring me in with his lustful words. I can’t deny how all the chaotic feelings he brings out in me makes it easier to control my magic.
Rather than the numb flood cycle I’ve previously known, it’s now a constant stream. Easy to pull from to wield my power.
“Try keeping the shield up while you also focus your magic on attacking.” He snaps his fingers, and red dummies are lunging at me. I panic but keep the shield up, spooling sharp wind, alternating with fire.
He pauses their movement.
“Again, with your Chaos Magic.” He tsks, tapping the tip of my nose.
“Wait. I just casted elemental magic at the same time as my Chaos Magic.”
“Yes, you are a marvel, but I need you to focus. Again. Chaos Magic only.” He prowls around me, waiting for my obedience.
I’m annoyed how he can be so nonchalant about that, but whatever. I inhale deeply, channeling my focus on my power to master it.