Chapter 50
Isuddenly remember an important question.
“How do I reject the bond? Just to make sure I don’t unknowingly mess things up,” I ask along our shared bond.
S?las flinches at my thought. Instead of letting go of my hand and pushing me away—which is what I would’ve done—he stops walking.
His shadows wrap around me, dragging me into him as he cradles my face in his palms. Two orbs of moonlight scour my soul—in search of what, I’m not sure.
A smile creeps its way onto my lips because he can literally read my thoughts.
What more information could he possibly need?
“We are in uncharted territory with the way your bond behaves, but in theory, you would have to say aloud with your hand on his heart: I reject this bond. Truly meaning it with all of your heart and mind,” Scáil responds.
“But I don’t have to mean it with my soul?” I enquire.
“Your soul can never reject a Fated mate bond. You are two halves to a whole, meant for one another in every life, every timeline, and every universe. Sometimes, events happen that can keep you separated or unable to accept the bond in one life versus the next, but the connection to each other’s soul is unbreakable,” Calais answers.
“If I have already accepted the bond with my heart, shouldn’t it be impossible to reject it now?”
“It should have been impossible for you to accept it only with your heart and not your mind, too. The Fates are playing a twisted and dangerous game with your bond. The magic is likely unstable as it’s not meant to be partially accepted; there could be unintended consequences either way.
But yes, it’s possible you couldn’t reject it now, but with this ancient magic already being disrupted by a partial acceptance, it's possible rejecting it with your mind would stop both of your hearts. For the heart of an accepted bonded mate cannot continue beating if they are rejected, for it is not a life worth living,” Scáil solemnly replies.
I place my hand on S?las’ chest. Terror and despair flash through the bond. Maybe not my smartest move after our conversation, but I’m hoping to give him a piece of what he’s looking for since I know he was too lost earlier to hear my thoughts.
“I want you. I want this. I want to try to learn how to love you and be loved by you. I may be shit at it, but you deserve a chance. I’m daring to dream with you.
Maybe one day I’ll be ready to give all of myself to you,” I vow to him with confidence and only a slight tremble to my palm.
It's not fully accepting the bond, but it’s a promise to get there.
S?las twirls a lock of my hair in his fingers as he liquefies my soul with his ice-blue eyes.
“You deserve this chance, too. You deserve to be happy. You have to be willing to do this for yourself, not just for me. You need to learn to love yourself first to truly love and be loved. And I’m happy to spend the rest of forever helping you see yourself the way I do.
Picking up your shattered pieces, and worshiping your mosaic.
You deserve a full life that’s more than just surviving.
You are worthy of love, my darling,” he vows, leaning his forehead against mine.
“The Celestials can keep their heavens, for all I want is you. I can lose myself in your eyes for eternity and be happy. When you are with me, really with me, exposed, with your walls down, not lost in your thoughts, your eyes become the night sky. The golden flecks in your obsidian shimmer, becoming twinkling starlight. I’ve never seen anything like it.
It’s the way they shine when you think about the things you’re afraid to lose, as if you’ve forgotten I’d see this whole world burn just to hold you closer.
” S?las’ eyes match the moonlight casting its glow above us.
“You are my light. My chaos. My soul. My religion.” His words give me the courage to dream of the future he promises. Hope spools in my veins, drunk on a closeness unlike any other. My power revels in the heady sensation.
The more I give in, the greedier the bond aches. I unshackle my magic. It pours out, igniting with his shadows, yet it’s different this time. Rather than the crackles of destruction of chaos and endings, there’s the hum of creation and beginnings.
The entanglement of raw power twists a moan from my throat. S?las once again captures my pleasure in his mouth. It’s all for him, devouring me with his kiss.
My eyes drift open, squinting in the glow of my markings. The light’s not only golden, but silver, blue, white, orange, and pink. The warm and cool tones mixing together, ebbing and eddying between the billowing smoke of his shadows. A billowing, vibrant, smoky aurora takes shape.
“Now who’s showing off?” He smirks, twirling me around so my back’s against his chest, tilting my chin up.
The lights of my powers are fluttering above me, painting the atmosphere with a flowing pastel-rainbow aurora. Little flickers of light cascade down from the heavens. It’s snowing shooting stars.
“You are starlight, and I will forever be the darkness of night. Fated together. Bonded from the beginning to the ending of time. Do not let the darkness steal your light. Use it to shine even brighter, my Luxsula.” Sealing his whispering words with a kiss on my cheek.
We silently treasure the blessing of the Fates, time and responsibilities lost to the magic around us. A comfortable silence cocoons us as we watch my aurora dance along the meteor shower. It’s as if the heavens are anointing our connection, showing us just how powerful we can become as one.
“You’re even more than I ever imagined.” I hear his thought along the bond, but it’s different, like it has just slipped out, rather than having direction.
A whistle whips through the air, snapping us back from the empyrean, dissolving the shooting stars and my light along with it. My mind is muddled, like a dream. I’m not completely convinced it was real.
“It was real. This is real,” S?las reminds me as he snatches the whistle message from the air. He always knows just the right thing to say to soothe my soul.
The whistle message speaks:
“You’re an ass! Sending us all a message to meet for dinner at your penthouse then you don’t show up!
And after another rider attacked you today.
And without any food, no less! If it wasn’t for the shooting stars, I might be worried about ya.
They better mean you two finally sealed the deal, or I’m gonna punch the both of ya.
Now Shadowwalk your asses over here before I start trying to eat Kivi’s mushrooms and you get to deal with me tripping balls. With love, Seraph.”
“Worth it,” he croons as his shadows consume us, receding to reveal a very aggravated bunch of Fae.
Great. This conversation is already off to a lovely start, and we haven’t even said a word.
“Still worth it.” I smile up at him, which he returns with a beautiful one of his own.
Then his shadows drape over the western balcony, leaving a banquet brimming with an extravagant amount of food, desserts, and beverages.
Parallel to this stands a long table with seating for us all.
Pip wastes no time spreading his wings to devour the feast. I yank him into my arms. He lets out a protesting squeal trying to wriggle free, but I don’t relent, or no one will have a chance to grab any food with this scoundrel gobbling about.
As soon as I let him go, he plows through the plates, nothing but crumbs left in his wake.
I don’t even want to know how all that food can fit in a pint-sized dragon.
S?las pulls out a chair for me next to Kissa.
Seraph chuckles. “He smiled, and he’s being a fucking gentleman; that must be some really good snatch. Too bad you’re not willing to share.”
S?las lets out a warning growl while I hide my amused smile behind a sip of sparkling Moonwine.
“Must taste better than June berries,” Seraph mumbles under her breath, more to herself than anyone else. It’s true, though; Elarian pussy does indeed taste like June berries. Each Fae species has their own unique taste.
“What’s snatch?” Fenwick beams with an endearing innocence. Seraph is now cackling.
Kissa pinches the bridge of her nose, brows pinched in annoyance.
“Will someone please enlighten me on why we are here before I’m tempted to claw Seraph’s tongue out…
if S?las doesn’t beat me to it.” Cleaving Seraph’s laughter to an audible swallow.
I’m sure several females would be disappointed at the loss of that body part.
I don’t miss the rumble that thought elicits from S?las’ chest.
Well… time to start facing my fears. If I can defeat monsters, I can manage my way through this. Not sure what it says about me that I’d rather be facing a maw full of fangs than my disgruntled Zenith.
S?las’ hand falls to my thigh with a squeeze that tells me I don’t have to be the one to start if I don’t want to, supporting my decision regardless.
I need to do this, committing to change, growth, and him. Pride paints his face as his shadows wrap around my chair dragging me closer to him. Celestials, he’s perfect.
I straighten my shoulders and begin. “So… our dragons are not the only ones with a mated bond.” A strangle noise tumbles from my mouth, an awkward sound that isn’t quite a laugh. Confusion scrunching most of their faces.
Emberhell, I am nervous. I’m not much for public speaking, being socially isolated most of my life. Unless, of course, I’m being reckless, then my mouth doesn’t seem to know how to stop. What if this is finally the thing that’s too much for them to handle?
S?las entwines my fidgety hand in his.
These Fae are my Zenith. I need to trust them, and we need to work together to make this work. We are one or none at all.