Chapter 55
Strange voices echo from around the corner of a crystal wall. Endless light spills through the refracting prisms of the entirely crystal facade, igniting a sea of glinting rainbows.
I step quietly, leaning closer to hear, stopping just outside the door.
“She grows more and more powerful by the day,” a bright, feminine voice says.
“But will she be enough?” a darker female voice responds, silky with the cool undertones of a winter’s night.
“She cannot take her final form until the bond is complete, to ensure she cannot be corrupted,” gleams the bright voice, melodic like spring and sunlight.
“I am glad she’s finally daring to dream. Her mother would be proud,” a third, younger voice says, an odd undulating balance ringing within it.
“She has her mother’s beauty and her father’s temper,” the darker voice responds.
“If she had killed him today, what would have happened, Endara?” the voice of life and light asks.
“She wouldn’t have. However, we are lucky that, in his moment of weakness, he was not corrupted.
Her light should keep him protected, although he almost used him to devour her,” Endara responds.
That name. I know that name from somewhere…
It’s the name of one of the twin sisters, the Fate of Endings.
“He grows restless. We cannot lose this game, sisters,” the younger voice responds. She must be Karma.
My senses prickle as a sudden silence clots the air.
“I sense her presence. The clever being has learned to Realmwalk. Shall we go meet the youngling?” The light voice has to be Baeságe, the Fate of Beginnings.
Realmwalk? What’s that? And are they talking about me, or is there someone else here, too?
Padded footsteps resonate through the crystal floor, their vibrations moving towards me.
The thundering beat of my heart drowns out the sounds around me as I lurch up, spinning into a sprint.
Even if this is just a dream, the thought of meeting the fickle Fates and Karma doesn’t sound like a good ending for me.
My darkness gnaws at my ribs, clawing at my mind, like she’s trying to tell me something is off… like this may be more than a dream.
I dart around corners of endless hallways, not daring to stop.
The crystalline architecture shifts into gold as I dash down a grand corridor.
Two steps at time, hurtling down a gilded stairway.
Right. Then left. Then right again. The gold vanishes, the walls and floors seamlessly transforming into black diamonds.
Serrating pain nipping me beneath gasping inhales, yet I press on.
A bright light pierces the walls up ahead to my left, calling to me as I force my legs to expand their strides. I slide around the corner to a balcony, and without another thought…
I jump.
I fall through fluffy pink and blue clouds, spinning to take in the building I leapt from.
A castle suspended in the air. One side: crystals of light and rainbows; the other: darkness and black diamonds.
Pinned in the center is pure gold, a waterfall of starlight cascading down the middle.
There’s nothing else in sight; I can’t even see the sun, yet everything is bright.
I tumble through endless clouds shifting colors. It would be beautiful if I could fly. I find myself wishing I was back in bed with S?las, praying to any Celestials left I don’t fall to my death.
“Wake up!” A smoky voice whisks me from my dream. No. Not a dream. From walking in another realm? Ugh. So much for things going back to normal.
“Are you okay? You were burning up again.” S?las’ voice is laced with fear. I rein in my magic instantly, terrified of potentially hurting him.
My magic scrapes along my veins, violently resisting being trapped more than ever before. Rippling waves of magic erupt along my skin. Patches of chaos, lightning, the elements, and starlight burst and disappear. Like they’re trying to find a way out.
“Well, that’s new,” S?las croons watching the various forms of magic crackle along my skin.
His fingers reach out, and I lurch back. “Don’t touch me! I could hurt you again,” I snap as the bond in my chest burns against the words that just left my lips.
“Asking me not to touch you hurts more than your magic ever could. I’ve treasured these last few weeks where you’ve let me in and dared to let me dream what it’ll be like to have all of you.
If you push me away now, I don’t think I’d survive the heartbreak.
I would bear it, though, if you decided you didn’t want me…
but I would have to leave. I cannot stomach the thought of being near you and not being able to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you, to love you with all of me.
” Longing and grief bleed through his voice, as if he truly believes I can ignore this bond after everything that’s happened between us.
I lie down beside him, peering up at the storm of shadows torrenting in his moonlight eyes. The glow of black light has receded, just barely visible now. I reach out, tussling his loose curls to the side, then cupping my hand to that perfectly handsome face.
“I don’t think I could stand the thought of you out of my sight for even one second. If you thought what I did was powerful yesterday, I would destroy entire worlds to bring you back to me. You are mine.”
“Destroy worlds for me, huh? May the universe find mercy when I have all of you. You will be a force unlike any other,” he purrs with a smug smile that I steal right from his lips in a kiss.
We tumble around the bed. Our hands greedy and wild, as if we have never touched before, each kiss feeling as if it’s the air we need to breathe. Like our lips hold the map to something ancient and trembling.
My hand drifts beneath his loose-fitting pants, and he stops me. Brows pinched with confusion, I meet his gaze, the bond telling me he desires me just as badly as I want him, if not more.
“I still feel your power coursing through my veins. It wants to come back to you; it doesn’t care at what cost. As much as I love hearing my name breathy on your lips, I don’t think I have it in me to stop when you want more.
And I know you always want more.” A sad smirk tugs at his lips as he looks up at the stars, lost in conflict.
“How can I promise you all of me if I don’t even know what I am?
” I murmur, admitting a new reason swirling around my head, since I can’t blame it on not knowing how to love anymore.
How could I after I felt like I was going to die watching the light fade from his soul when I took what was not mine to take?
“Apparently, I don’t know what I am either. You’ll need to come up with a better excuse than that, Luxsula.” He gives me a knowing look, telling me he isn’t going to let this revelation change anything between us.
“I nearly killed you.” Guilt hangs heavy on each of my words.
“You wouldn’t have if you had already accepted the bond, so don’t even try to make that an excuse with me.” Solas’ tone needles at me with an unusual bite to it.
I push off him, lying beside him, staring up through the glass ceiling to the heavens.
“For someone who is so brave, ready to leap into danger, you certainly seem to enjoy acting like a coward when it comes to emotions. I was hoping you admitting your feelings out loud meant you’d finally be willing to give me all of you. Yet you seem insistent on tempting the Fates at this point.”
“Things were so wonderful. And now, with everything that’s happened, with not knowing who or what I am, what you are… everything feels so different and strange.”
“It doesn’t appear that our hearts feel any different to me. Dare to dream how even more lovely things could be. Do not let the darkness of the unknown smother you. I will keep reminding you until my last breath. Use the darkness to shine brighter, my Luxsula.”
“That feels impossible now, knowing that I am hunted.”
“Another excuse,” he says dryly before pulling me in close to him.
With his chin on my head, he continues, “I suppose I should be grateful that I will have more years than I ever expected to convince you to give me all of you. To help you face your fears until you run out of excuses to accept what I know you already know.”
I can tell he’s trying to be patient, but there’s a loneliness in his voice that twists my heart.
He’s right. I am a coward.
Kivi’s remark about not knowing who my father is lashes my mind. This, combined with the ancient text from Emberhell that Atlas read, citing only one with demonic blood could wield Chaos Magic… suddenly, things make sense.
The blackness to my eyes, that darkness within me, why my Chaos Magic becomes empowered by destruction. I think about the odd dream I had that felt nothing like a dream. Their words about how we both are at risk of corruption. What if I accept the bond and our darkness together becomes too much?
I am a coward, paralyzed by fear.
One who isn’t ready to know what it’s like to love him as much as he’s hopelessly in love with me, for I am afraid it may make me a monster.
Or, even worse, make him the monster, like the evil voice vowing to destroy everything I hold dear when S?las tried to pull power from me tonight without my consent.
What if my starlight isn’t enough for the both of us?