chapter twelve But Wait, There’s More #2
much of a drinker so it hit me pretty hard. He asked me if I wanted to go to a bedroom upstairs, and I did. I already mentally
prepared to lose my virginity that night, even though we’d only just started dating, because I felt like . . . who else would
take it? He was the coolest guy in school, and he was so hot. I thought maybe if he was my first it would set me up for success
later in life.”
I close my eyes and take a breath. Lex says nothing, just holds on to my hand to tell me that she’s here, she’s listening,
and it’s all going to be okay.
“We went up to his friend’s room. The music was so loud I could still hear the thudding bass.
My head was spinning. He smelled like sweat and Axe body spray.
He started kissing me, and he was a sloppy kisser so I felt like my whole face was covered in slobber.
He was very handsy—but again, it was my first time, and I didn’t know what to expect.
He asked if I wanted to have sex, and I said yes.
He had a condom, apparently having expected things to take this turn.
We got on the bed and I was already naked and .
. . and then it was happening. It was uncomfortable, bordering on painful, but I knew from books that this was what was going to happen so I just gripped the sheets and waited for it to be over.
He was on top of me, panting and moving.
He didn’t really seem to care who was underneath him. ”
Bile rises in my throat. I swallow, taking a moment to let my stomach settle before continuing. Lex is quiet, holding my hand,
being patient.
I take a slow, deep breath. “Then he told me to flip over because he wanted to do it ‘doggy style.’ I didn’t want to, but
I also didn’t know how to advocate for myself, so I did it even though it made me feel weird.”
“I’m so sorry—”
“Oh wait, it gets worse.” I cut Lex off, knowing that if I don’t use this momentum to keep going I won’t be able to finish
the story. “So, we’re doing it and it’s happening and as far as first times go it’s fine. But then the door bursts open.”
Lex gasps, eyes wide.
“And a whole bunch of girls from school were there.”
“No!”
“He was so surprised that he pulled out quickly.”
“What!”
“And I . . .” My face turns red and I swallow down another wave of nausea. “I queefed. Really fucking loud.”
Lex grips my hands tighter. “Which is a totally normal body response.”
“Oh, absolutely,” I agree. “But my first time, in front of my first boyfriend, and all the popular girls?” I shudder.
“You’re right. That’s fucking awful.”
“There’s more.”
Lex’s brows shoot up.
“They all started laughing at me, and I was trying to get my clothes on, and I was so drunk and embarrassed, but for some reason my body had sucked in a shit ton of air and I just kept queefing. I couldn’t move without it happening.
When I was finally dressed I queefed all the way out of the bedroom and down the hall and down the stairs and out into the night.
And they laughed the whole fucking time. ”
Lex is silent as my story sinks in.
“I went home and I cried and . . . and then I made the mistake of looking at Facebook the next morning.”
After a moment of silence Lex asks, “What was on there?”
My eyes prickle with tears. “In all the pictures of us together at the grad party were comments . . .” I close my eyes, my
shoulders climbing to my ears. “Comments calling me . . . Queef Queen.”
Lex gasps. “No!”
I nod. “Every. Single. Picture.”
We’re silent for a long moment, the story hanging in the air as flashes of all those comments flood my memory. I close my
eyes and give my head a shake.
“That’s why you don’t have social media,” Lex states, finally understanding. I nod. “Is that why you went to university in
Alberta?” she asks.
“More so because of needing to get away from my mom, but it was an added bonus to be so far away from my new reputation. I’d
been accepted into Simon Fraser, but I went to Calgary instead. I just had to leave it all behind.”
“Didn’t you have any friends at school who could have . . . I don’t know, protected you? Said something?”
I shake my head. “I’d been so preoccupied by trying to be cool and popular that all my ‘friends’ were superficial. The second
the Queef Queen thing happened they all turned their backs on me.”
The best friend I’d had since elementary school was no longer my friend by that point. I’d fucked up our relationship long past being able to fix it. It was my fault our friendship ended, and I deserved everything that happened to me.
Lex releases my hand. I blink a few times, caught off guard by the tears slipping down my cheeks. She gets up from her seat,
comes around the table, and joins me on my side before wrapping her arms around me and pulling me in for a hug.
“That’s so fucking terrible,” Lex says, the angry note to her voice sending shivers down my spine. “You were cursed before
you even lost your virginity and you’ve been stuck dealing with the fallout ever since?”
I bite my lip, not sure what to say.
Lex pulls away so she can look me in the eye, her big blues fierce and determined. “Don’t worry, okay? We’ve gathered lots
of data. All I have to do now is run a few tests and then we should be closer to an answer about what’s going on and what
to do about it.”
I wipe at my tears, feeling a bit lighter now that I’ve shared my story with Lex—at least, part of it. She didn’t judge or
blame or try to minimize what happened. Instead, she’s being pragmatic, taking control, and finding a way to fix my fucked-up
situation.
I sit a bit straighter, wiping at the corners of my eyes. “Really?”
Lex nods. “But it will take a week or so for the results.”
“That long?” I slump.
“Good things take time,” she chides.
“So . . . no more dating, I guess.” I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through my days without a date with Lex to look forward
to.
“No more dating. Unless you want to go on a second date with one of the guys. There’s been some messages—” Lex moves to pull
her phone from her bag, but I interrupt.
“Absolutely not. At least, not until you work your pie chart magic and figure out who can break the curse.”
Lex nods. “Right.”
“But that doesn’t mean you and I can’t hang out,” I say tentatively.
A smile blossoms on Lex’s beautiful face. “True.”
I squeeze my hands together in my lap. “Do you think, maybe, if you’d be up for it, you and Gabe could come over for dinner?”
Lex’s face is blank as she considers my question. “You want us both over for dinner?”
“Well, I know it’s your week with him and you prefer hanging out with me when he’s with his dad, but he sounds really cool
and you talk about him all the time and I would love to meet your son.” It all comes out in big rush, and now I find myself holding my breath as I wait for her reply.
Lex takes her time, eyeing me uncertainly. “You would?”
“Of course! I can cook you both dinner, and we can take Winston for a walk, and then I can help him with his makeup and show
him a few tips and tricks.”
“You’d do that?”
“Definitely. Besides.” I bite my lip. “It sucks only seeing you every other week. I look forward to our hangouts so much.
And if you feel comfortable having Gabe at my place then I’d get to see you more often.”
I prepare for her to laugh at me, for her to tell me to stop being so clingy, to get some other friends so I don’t bother
her so often. But she doesn’t. Instead, she smiles and says, “I think that’s a great idea.”
My heart leaps into my chest. Bouncing in my seat, I grip Lex’s hands in mine. “I’m so excited to meet him! If Gabe is even
half as amazing as you are, then I know I’m going to adore him.”
Her eyes grow big and round, then shimmer. For a moment I’m worried she’s going to start crying, but just as quickly as the moment came it passes, and I find myself questioning if I saw it at all.
Our server approaches with the bill and Lex withdraws her hands, shifting away from me. I clear my throat and wipe the remnants
of tears away from my cheeks as our bill is placed on the table.
“I got it,” Lex says, reaching.
“No, I said I’d get it,” I argue, grabbing for it at the same time.
We knock the bill onto the ground, I dive for it, and—riiiiiiiiiiiiip.
Oh, fuck.
“Was that your pants?” Lex asks.
I shift back into my seat, then twist so we can look at my ass. Sure enough, my purple panties have made their grand reappearance
through a torn seam.
Lex reaches into her bag and pulls out the emergency pants for such occasions.
“What would I do without you?” I say with a sigh.
Lex chuckles. “You’ll never have to know.”
After paying our bill, Lex follows me to the bathroom so she can block the view of my butt from the rest of the patrons, and
the two of us giggle and chat as I change in the stall. Once fully clad I join Lex by the mirror and hug her from behind.
“You can’t take me anywhere, can you?” I say, hoisting my cell and snapping a picture of us through the mirror.
Lex laughs as she pulls me close, eyes twinkling. “Nope.”