chapter thirteen Misfired Meet-Cutes and Failed Flirtations
chapter thirteen
Misfired Meet-Cutes and Failed Flirtations
Gabriel is the best. The second he walked through the door with Lex I knew I was going to like him. He has long blond hair
that hangs in front of his face, Lex’s dimples, and hazel eyes. I could tell by the way he stood in my entryway, shoulders
drawn inwards and avoiding my gaze, that he’s generally shy and slow to warm up to people, but the moment Winston bounded
up and greeted him with a flurry of licks, tail wags, and excited piddles, all his anxiety disappeared. Within moments he
was lying on the floor with Winston lapping at his face, giggling and shrieking with glee.
Lex and I took a few minutes to watch the two of them become acquainted before leaving them to play in the living area while
we retreated to the kitchen. I pour us two glasses of iced tea and we perch at my kitchen island, watching the two of them
play, with Gabriel giggling every time Winston retrieves the little stuffed Bugs Bunny he tosses across the room.
“I think this is another sign that you need to adopt a dog,” I say, clasping my hands around my cool glass.
Lex nods. “Or I can just bring Gabe here more often. Less responsibility for me.”
My chest warms at the idea. “I’d love that.”
“Plus, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be staying with my brother. My next place might not be pet friendly.”
I tilt my head. “He kicking you out?”
She lifts a shoulder. “No. Just . . . more space would be good. I’d like Gabe to have his own room. Plus, I share a wall with
Olsen, so . . .”
My face warms. “Ah.”
“Sorry.” Lex reaches across the island to give my arm a squeeze. “I won’t bring him up again.”
“No, it’s fine. I barely knew him.” Though I still can’t help the jab of envy I feel knowing that some other woman has been
successful where I haven’t been, especially with such a perfect guy. He really was the whole package.
“Doesn’t seem fine,” Lex prods.
“It’s just . . .” She waits for me to continue as I look down at the ice tinkling in my glass. “I always saw myself with a
family. Married. Kids.” We both look over to Gabe, who’s sat himself on the couch and is stroking Winston’s belly. “I thought
by now I’d be well on my way to all of that. Now I’m not sure if it’s going to happen for me at all.”
My heart sinks, knowing that there’s a great big love out there that I’m missing out on—the love of a partner who cherishes
me, and the love of children who will carry part of me on with them when I go. It’s a big, cavernous hole in the centre of
my chest echoing throughout my life, whispering sad notions about how someday I’ll die alone and no one will care.
Lex’s soft hands slide over mine, removing my fingers from where I’ve been squeezing the cold glass, then holds them in hers. “Hey,” she says, ducking her head.
I exhale slowly and meet her gaze. Her eyes are full of warmth and understanding, holding space for me without making me feel
worse about myself. They give me hope.
“You will find your person. Okay?” Lex’s beautiful eyes dart back and forth between mine. “I promise.”
Despite all the evidence to the contrary, all my misfired meet-cutes and failed flirtations, I believe her. I manage a smile,
then give her hands a squeeze before letting go. “You must have come up with quite the solution, then,” I say, steering the
conversation toward a less painful topic.
“Just you wait.” She grins with anticipation.
“But first, dinner!” I move to the stove to finish preparing the meal I’d planned. After thinking about what to cook them
all week, I’d decided on chicken alfredo. Every kid loves chicken alfredo, and I wanted to impress Gabe. Lex has become incredibly
important to me, so having Gabe’s stamp of approval has become all-encompassing. If tonight doesn’t go well, then I have to
go back to seeing Lex every other week.
As Lex keeps me company in the kitchen, I finish cooking the pasta and warming the sauce, then we call Gabe in to eat. My
dining area, unfortunately, is just two barstools at the kitchen peninsula. I give Gabe and Lex my chairs and then stand on
the other side to eat, insisting to Lex that I always eat like this (I do not) so she’ll take the last stool. Gabe picks at
his noodles.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, twirling my pasta.
Gabe avoids me, looking up at his mom. “The noodles are too soft.”
Lex glances from me to her son. “You haven’t even tried a bite yet. How do you know?”
“I can just tell.”
“Please, try a bite?” Lex coaxes.
Gabe takes a moment to gather his courage, then forks the tiniest bite of noodle I’ve ever seen, raises it to his lips, and takes a wee bite.
His entire body cringes and he practically drops the fork, pushing his plate away.
“It’s too soft. And the sauce isn’t the same. And the chicken has flakes on it.”
Flakes? I mouth to Lex, not knowing what he means.
She sighs, then mouths, seasoning. I nod, understanding. Lex tries a bit longer to encourage Gabe to eat, without luck.
“You know,” I say, leaning toward Gabe conspiratorially. “Sometimes Winston doesn’t want to eat his food, but if he doesn’t
eat his food, then he won’t have the nutrients his body needs to be healthy, and then he’d get sick! And I love him so much,
I want to keep him around as long as possible. You know what I do when I want him to eat?”
Gabe, who has formed a soul bond with my dog at this point, stares up at me with big eyes that match his mom’s in their piercing
intensity.
“Sometimes I add cheese to his food, even though it makes him toot a lot.”
A smile breaks out on Gabe’s face. “Really?”
I nod, keeping my expression serious. “So many toots. He toots himself awake at night when he’s dreaming.”
Gabe giggles. “Can I feed him some cheese?”
I glance toward Lex. “Well, just like Winston, your mom loves you very much and wants to make sure your body has enough nutrients
so you can be healthy. So maybe when you’ve eaten as much food as your mom thinks is good for you, you can help me put some
cheese on Winston’s dinner. But!” I raise a finger, Gabe’s attention rapt. “When he’s all stinky later you still have to snuggle
him. Deal?” I reach a hand across the countertop.
Gabe’s left hand grabs mine and he gives it a loose shake. “Deal.” After that, Gabe does his best to eat his food, despite
me having cooked everything wrong.
Lex looks across from me and mouths, thank you.
I give her a wink. “So, Gabe! Your mom tells me you’re in a school play. The Sound of Music, right? What part do you have?” I remember who he’s playing from when Lex told me, but I want to give him a chance to talk
about it.
Gabe glances at me, then brings his eyes back to his plate, not answering.
“Gabriel,” Lex says sternly. “An adult asked you a question.”
With effort, he sits up taller and looks into my eyes. “Kurt.”
I nod, impressed. “That’s a big role for a kid your age! You must be really driven to get a part like that. Do you want to
be an actor when you grow up?” I’m not sure if you’re supposed to ask kids that anymore, but I have limited experience with
children.
Gabe returns his gaze to his barely touched noodles, nodding.
“He wants to be a triple threat.” Lex beams with pride. “He’s taking dance lessons, singing lessons, and is learning the piano,
too.”
“That’s awesome!” This kid has a better grasp on his life than most adults I know. “Now we just have to work on your makeup
skills. Your mom said I can help you after dinner, if you want.”
Gabe’s eyes light up. “Really?”
I nod. “I have lots of makeup. If you want, and your mom’s okay with it, you can take some home.”
Gabe grabs his mom’s arm. “Can I?”
Lex pretends to sigh as she considers the question, though she can’t hide her dimples. “Fine. But only if you work really
hard to eat dinner.”
Gabe truly does his best to eat. After Lex is satisfied that he’s got a few bites in his belly we let him go feed Winston, dutifully shredding cheese on top of his kibble even though I totally lied and that dog has never turned down a meal in his life.
Afterwards, I show Gabe how to hide Winston’s pill in yet another bit of cheese.
I hope his poor tummy doesn’t get all backed up, or worse.
After Lex and I finish our meals, we stack the dishes next to the sink and take the boys on a walk. Winston and Gabe lead
the way while Lex and I trail behind.
“Sorry about him not eating,” Lex says quietly so just the two of us can hear. “I should have warned you. He has some food
sensitivities.”
I shrug. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t take it personally.”
The line between Lex’s brows relaxes. “Thank you.”
“He’s a really cool kid.”
Lex looks at her child, then up to me. “You think so?”
“Absolutely.”
She bites her lip, looking back at him. “I worry about him.”
I tilt my head to the side. “Because he likes makeup?”
“That, plus most boys his age aren’t memorizing The Rocky Horror Picture Show, or bedazzling their Crocs with sequins, or begging their parents to paint their bedroom pink. I had such a hard time at
school and I struggled to make friends. Eventually I had to hide who I was just to stop all the bullying.”
I nod along. “That’s tough.”
“On top of all that, we just started the process for an autism diagnosis.” Lex keeps her eyes fixed ahead, as if unsure how
I’ll react.
Not completely unfamiliar with autism, I begin adding up the signs: food sensitivities, eye contact aversion, matter-of-fact
speech. I think I saw him fidgeting with his fingers, too, come to think of it. “I hear that’s a long process,” I comment,
wanting to keep her talking.
“It is. He’s fine for now. We manage on our own and I’ve been reading about it to accommodate his needs at home, but I worry if we don’t go through all the steps that someday he might need more assistance at school. I want to be ready for that, if the day comes. Plus, I . . . Never mind.”
I nudge her arm. “What?”
Lex shoves her hands in her pockets. “I’ve had some suspicions about myself for quite a while. If he gets diagnosed, it might
give me some clarity about myself. Autism presents differently in boys than girls, and it wasn’t really diagnosed in girls
back when I was a kid. But looking back, I can see the signs. I can’t help but wonder how different my life would have been
if I’d known.”
I piece everything together about Lex, adding this new bit of information to the intricate puzzle that makes her who she is.
It slots in with all of the other things I love about her—her assessing gaze, the way she carefully listens when I talk, her
matter-of-fact way of speaking, how she applies her intelligence to all aspects of her life . . . how cute she looks when
she smiles and those dimples of hers pops out, the way her new pixie cut accentuates her cheekbones, how her style has shifted
and how much more confident she is than when I met her all those weeks ago.
“I think that your brain is unique,” I say, “and it’s just one of the things that makes you so beautiful. I wouldn’t change
a single thing about you.”
Lex gazes up at me, her eyes shimmering. “I wish we’d known each other in school. Life would have been so much easier.”
“Yeah.” My smile becomes forced as I look away. “Me, too.”
But that’s not true at all. I’m thankful Lex didn’t know me when we were teenagers. If she did, I’d probably have fucked up
our friendship and turned her into an enemy, just like what happened with Courtney. It took losing her and ruining my life
with that damn curse to teach me a lesson—a lesson I’m still reaping the consequences of.
After grabbing some ice cream at the cute little store at the end of the block we walk back to my place. Winston, exhausted from his full evening of eating cheese and peeing on everything, collapses onto the couch for a well-earned nap.
“Are you ready for some makeup, kiddo?” I ask Gabe, placing my hands on my hips.
Avoiding eye contact, he fiddles with his hands and nods. “Yes, please.”
I don a British accent and ask, “Would you like some tea while I apply your makeup, my good sir?”
Gabe meets my gaze, surprised, and smiles—just the teensiest, tiniest little smile. He has his mother’s dimples; I fucking
melt. I go through the rest of tea preparation in an over-the-top accent, asking him which flavour of tea (very berry), how
many creams and sugars (lots of both), and if he would like absolutely anything else.
Tea in hand, he thinks for a moment. “Can we watch Gilmore Girls, too?”
I blink at him. “That might be the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
I’ve earned a wee smile, and my whole day is made. After setting my laptop on my dresser and navigating to Gilmore Girls, I situate Gabe on my vanity stool and begin the process of teaching him about light and shadow, contour and colour, highlighter
and bronzer. All the while, Lex lounges on my bed, watching through the mirror, beaming at the two of us together.
Thirty minutes later and Gabe is thoroughly made up and trying out a few techniques on himself while I add several items I
don’t use anymore to a bag for him to take home. When it’s time to leave, Gabe goes to Winston for one last cuddle, and I
hover at the bottom of the stairs with Lex.
“Thank you for today,” she says, reaching out and taking my hand in hers, as if she can’t properly convey the depth of her
gratitude with words alone.
“No.” I squeeze her hand. “Thank you. I always wanted kids. Always wanted a family. Having Gabe here gave me a taste of what that might be like. It makes me want to keep trying. Someday, this is what I want.”
“You will have it,” she says, smiling. “I promise.”
And I believe her.
Gabe joins us at the stairs and he looks up at me with those big eyes of his. “When can I come over next?”
I can’t help but laugh. “Whenever your mom says you can.”
Gabe looks to his mom. “Can she come to the waterslides with us?”
Lex looks from me to Gabe. “I don’t know, I—”
“I’d love to come!” I say, far too excited.
Lex eyes me, sucking air between her teeth.
“Or . . . not? I mean, not to invite myself along.” I chastise myself.
“Please, Mom? Can she? Can she?” Gabe begs, yanking on Lex’s shirt.
“Well . . .” Lex looks between her son and me, and I barely restrain myself from joining Gabe in yanking and begging. “It’s
just that your uncle will be there.”
“Oh.” I cross my arms, mulling it over.
“So?” Gabe scrunches his nose. “Uncle Olsen will like her, too.”
I choke on a laugh.
Lex bites her bottom lip. “I’m sure he would.”
“So why not?” Gabe is stubborn, just like his momma.
“If it’s okay with Aubrey, then I see no reason why not,” Lex says.
I think for a moment. “Do you think it will be okay with Olsen?”
Lex shrugs. “We’re all adults, I’m sure it will be fine. But I’ll talk to him about it, just in case.”
Good idea. I wouldn’t blame Olsen if he never wanted to see me again.