chapter eighteen Lesbianing TM
chapter eighteen
Lesbianing TM
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” I push Olsen away and slam my thighs back together. Please, universe, can a black hole tear apart the fabric of space and time and suck me into it? Can an earthquake rip the
ground open and swallow me whole? Anything but this, shouting Olsen’s goddamn sister’s name while he finger-fucks me on his couch.
I stand quickly and pull my dress back down over my waist before tugging at the straps to cover my tits. Jesus Christ, is that mess on the couch from me? As if shouting his sister’s name while I came wasn’t bad enough, I had to go ahead and ruin his suede, too. My mind is a
swirling mess of confusing emotions. I have no idea what to do or say or think, save for the panicking voice shouting in my
head to get the fuck out of there. “I have to go.” I nab my purse and heels and book it to the door.
“Wait!” Olsen’s fast, but I make it there before him, swinging it open wildly and running through it. Olsen catches my wrist,
tugging me to a stop. “Can you just wait?”
“I’m sorry.” I wrench my arm from his grasp. “I can’t do this.”
I’m vaguely aware of Olsen calling after me, something about getting me an Uber, about not walking around alone at night, but I just need some space to breathe and think.
Why did I say that? What the hell is wrong with me?
Everything was going so well. I was so close to finding true love and breaking the curse.
Why did I say her name? Lex is my friend!
My goddamned friend! Yeah, sure, she’s the best friend I’ve ever had.
And I’ve never connected with someone so fast. And she’s been with me through more ups and downs than anyone ever has in my whole life.
And she seems entertained by my awkwardness rather than afraid of it or deterred by it. But she’s my . . . my friend.
My beautiful, amazing, intelligent, kind, thoughtful friend.
My friend with adorable dimples that pop when she’s trying not to smile, with her short-cropped hair that highlights her cheekbones,
and her intense blue-eyed gaze that peers right into my soul. My friend whose entire countenance shifts into something so
warm and magical and special and just for me when we’re alone together. My friend who makes me want to strive to be a better
person every single day just to hold a candle to her brilliance. My friend who makes me feel so safe in being myself.
A flash of realization slaps me in the face so hard it nearly knocks me on my ass—literally. I stop, stunned, clutching my
chest.
“I’m in love . . . with Lex?”
I’m struck with a moment of clarity so intense that I grasp for something, anything to hold on to. I lean against the building
next to me, the cool stone rough against my fingertips. My heart pounds in my chest and my mind swims as I forget how to breathe.
Is this a panic attack? What are you supposed to do at times like this? Smell five things, blink four times, lick three objects—
My phone vibrates from inside my purse and it startles me so bad I nearly fling it away from me. With shaking fingers, I palm
the device. Olsen. I press the red button and tuck my phone away. He wasn’t who I expected. Who I wanted.
My phone rings again. I look at the screen. Olsen, again. Red button, again.
I can’t believe this. Of all the weird shit the curse could throw at me, making me fall in love with my best friend is by
far the most awkward shit ever.
My phone rings a third time. I lift it to peek at the caller and answer it immediately.
“Hi.” My voice is little more than a breathy wheeze.
“Aubrey, you okay? Where are you?” Though Lex is brimming with concern, the sound of her voice soothes my nerves.
“I’m fine.”
“That’s only one of the questions I asked. Olsen said you left and you’re not answering your phone? Is everything okay? What
happened?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“Your question-to-response ratio is terrible. Are you in an Uber? Are you on your way home? Tell me you’re safe.” Her genuine
distress from not knowing whether or not I’m okay makes my heart squeeze even tighter around the notion that she is my person, and has been this whole time.
“I’m walking home.”
Silence. Then, “It’s almost midnight, and you live on the other side of town. Are you feeling sick? He said you ran away.
Where are you? I’ll come get you.”
“No, no, it’s fine.”
“It’s clearly not fine. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you, okay? Just drop me your pin.”
The idea of Lex being with me right now settles my anxiety, if only enough for me to take a slow, steadying breath. I do as I’m told, pressing the requisite buttons with shaky fingers to share my location.
“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?” Lex sounds like she’s on the move, probably
grabbing her keys and hopping into her car.
“No, I’ll be okay.”
“Okay. I’ll be right there.”
“Lex?” I hear her pause as I close my eyes, take another breath, and release it in a slow, shuddery exhale. “Thank you.”
“Of course,” she says, quiet and tender. “I’ll see you soon.”
I hold my phone for a long time after we’ve hung up, just staring at her profile picture and wondering what the fuck I’m going
to tell her. Hi, Lex! I cried out your name while your brother made me come all over his couch!
Want to Netflix and Chill some time? Or maybe I go in with, Hey, I know we’re best friends and you just set me up with your brother, but I’d like to try Lesbianing TM with you despite having zero experience doing so!
Or, even better, Heya! Do you want to risk ruining the best friendship either of us has ever had to try to make a go of it as a couple despite
the fact that the curse will probably rip us apart and drag us through hell for even attempting it?
Apparently spiralling speeds up time because I feel like I blink and Lex’s Subaru has pulled up beside me. Keeping my eyes
on the sidewalk and still struggling with what the hell I’m going to say, I cross behind her car and open the passenger door.
“Lex, I—oh.” I stop in my tracks, blinking up at the face of Lynn, not Lex, as she sits in the front passenger seat with her
expensive purse on her lap. She regards me with an extremely unamused expression on her delicate features.
“Shit, I’m sorry, I forgot you were on a date,” I say, glancing from Lynn to Lex. I’m the worst friend ever. “I didn’t mean
to interrupt.”
“We were just at the movies. It was almost over,” Lex explains.
Relief that I didn’t interrupt anything more salacious makes me feel a bit better, only to increase my guilt that they were probably on their way back to Lynn’s to take their evening to the next level, which I’m ruining. I step back. “I’ll call an Uber, it’s fine.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Get in.” Lex’s eyes are serious, as always, but there’s a hint of relief playing across her features,
like she half expected to show up and have me keeled over on the street. Which, to be fair, is a likely scenario given what
we’ve been through.
That being said, the last thing in the world I want is to climb in the back seat with Lex and Lynn in the front, rudely interrupted
on their date, at, what time is it, close to midnight? Nobody on a date this late is ever doing anything they want to have
interrupted. Joining them now would be so . . . so . . .
AH. Right.
Okay, here we go. Follow the awkward, just like Lex told me to. If there’s someone in this world I can trust, it’s her. I
open the back door and slide into place, choosing the most awkward seat possible, sitting right in the middle so Lex, Lynn,
and I can all make eye contact in the rear-view mirror. If this curse wants to make shit awkward, I’ll make it fucking awkward.
As expected, both Lynn and Lex give me a slightly confused, quizzical look. Lynn’s brown eyes dart from me to Lex, narrowing
before looking out the window. Lex doesn’t seem to notice Lynn’s displeasure; the only vibe I can pick up from Lex is relief
that I’m safe.
We pull into the quiet street and endure an uncomfortably silent drive back to my place. The entire time I’m still trying
to come up with a way to tell Lex how I feel, but now with Lynn here I’m not sure if I should. It’s selfish of me to think
of my own wants and throw a wrench into Lex’s exciting new relationship when my feelings for her have come to me as such a
sudden realization.
Maybe I should sleep on it. Yes, that’s the responsible thing to do.
Sleep on it, and if I’m still feeling the same way in the morning I’ll figure out a way to tell her then.
Maybe before I do, I’ll ask her how things are going with Lynn, and if she’s super excited about her relationship I’ll wait it out and see if things change.
Then I’ll tell her how I feel when she breaks up with Lynn.
If they break up. Am I hoping they break up?
Damnit, I’ve known I’m in love with Lex for less than an hour and it’s already
turning me into a shitty friend. I should just forget the whole thing and die alone like I’ve come to expect.
“Thanks for the lift,” I say, unbuckling my seat belt the moment Lex slows in front of my place. “Hope I didn’t wreck your
date.”
Before she’s come to a full and complete stop I’m hopping out of the car, stumbling onto the sidewalk and racing to the side
gate.
The brakes screech as Lex parks crookedly. “Wait!”
Ignoring Lex, I push the gate open and trip-run down the side of the house toward my door. While I fumble in the dark with
my keys she catches up to me, stepping close—too close. I can smell her honey shampoo, along with the masculine sandalwood-and-tobacco
fragrance she’s started wearing.
The wan light of the dim bulb next to my door casts her in a warm glow, drawing my eyes to the pink flush on her cheeks, how
her chest rises and falls with her breath, and how her pretty throat works as she swallows. All I want to do is close the
gap between us and kiss her and make all my problems disappear. But I can’t. Because doing that would just create a million
more problems.