chapter twenty-six Zero Pride Left #2
you left. It made me feel like all those years we spent together weren’t worth your time to just talk to me about it, to apologize
and make it right.”
“I have a long history of running away when things get tough,” I admit—from all the awkward dates I’ve had through the years,
from Jasleen when I stole her idea at work, from Olsen when I accidentally said his sister’s name on his couch, from Lex when
the curse made me second-guess our relationship, and so many more instances it makes my head spin. Lex was right. Of course
she was. “But that ends now,” I say with renewed determination. I’ll do anything—anything—to save what Lex and I have. She is worth every ounce of discomfort I have to face from my past. No matter how tough this
gets, I’m not going to run or hide or evade any longer. Running has only ever hurt the people I care about. Whatever happens,
I face it head-on.
Courtney looks at me a long time, my life hanging in the balance. Just when I think she’s going to laugh at me or call me
crazy or tell me to get lost, she sighs and says, “I have to admit, I’m curious about this ‘curse.’ Want to come in? I have
a bottle of wine in the fridge.”
We tuck ourselves onto Courtney’s overstuffed beige sofa in her austere white townhouse.
A vanilla candle is lit, a grey tabby cat is napping in the sunshine on her floor, and a generous pour of wine is in each of our glasses.
An hour later we’ve finished the bottle and I’ve spilled my guts to her about everything that’s happened since high school—how the curse has affected me, about Lex and the dating plan and the science and the data and how amazing everything could be if I could just undo the damn curse.
After all this time, all the distance and shit that’s piled up between us, after having got all the dirt out of the way that’s been keeping us apart, it’s like no time has passed.
Beneath her perfect hair, manicured nails, super-long eyelashes, and expertly applied makeup is the same quirky weirdo I knew and adored all those years ago.
“Anyway, all this to ask, can you please help me?” I say at the end of my spiel.
Courtney raises an eyebrow. “Help you, how?”
I pull the book from my bag and set it between us. “I think I found a way to undo the curse, but I need the person I wronged
to help me with it.”
“Am I going to need to, like, chop off a toe or something?”
I laugh. “No, just simple ingredients and an incantation we need to recite.”
“The curse isn’t going to swap over into me, is it?”
“I don’t think so . . . ?” I open the book to the page and slide it toward Courtney to read.
Courtney skims the spell, then nods. “Okay. Let’s give it a try.”
Fifteen minutes later we’ve assembled all the items necessary to make the spell. A chalk outline of a pentagram has been drawn
on her faux-hardwood floor, and trying to keep the cat out of it is a full-time job. She has just enough fake flickering candles
to touch on all the star’s points, and I hope the artificial light is enough to appease whatever spirit (demon?) has cursed
me.
After fussing over the little bowl in the middle with sage, chamomile, and a slice of bread, we settle onto the floor, sitting cross-legged.
Courtney reaches for my hands across the crudely drawn pentagram, her grip gentle and soft.
I meet her gaze, offering her the most thankful, hopeful smile I can muster, while inside my guts are twisting with nerves.
Before I can talk myself out of it, Courtney starts chanting the spell.
A shiver runs down my spine as I’m struck by an intense sense of déjà vu.
“Heed my words and take this curse—
From vessel to bread, bad luck transverse.
Speak thy truth and reap thy fate,
Embrace life with one’s clean slate.”
We chant the spell three times. Courtney opens an eye and looks at me. I peer around the room. Nothing happened. We close
our eyes once more and repeat it. Still, nothing. The only change is that her cat has sprawled herself on the pentagram, batting
at one of the candles. My palms are clammy in Courtney’s grasp. I let go and rub them on my pants.
“Do you think it worked?” she asks.
Looking about the room, everything feels the same. Nothing crazy happened this time. No gusts of wind, no flickering lights,
nada. I give her a sad shake of my head. “I don’t think so.”
Courtney twists her mouth to the side apologetically. “Sorry.”
I shrug. “We did our best.”
I stand slowly, knees clicking and back sore from sitting on the ground. After tidying up the spell I slide my shoes on, a
weight in my chest and a lump in my throat.
“Sorry for bothering you with all this,” I say as I hover at her door, still mentally preparing myself to continue through
the mess I made of my life with no possible solution for a happy ending.
“No, I’m glad you came,” she says with a small smile.
“Listen,” I say, taking a step closer. “I know I was total shit to you, and we haven’t spoken in years, but . . . do you think
we could try being friends again? I mean, if you could ever forgive me.”
Courtney rolls her eyes in the kindest way possible. “Aubrey, I forgave you for all that shit years ago. It was high school, for fuck’s sake. What’s the point of holding on to resentment? It sounds like the only person who needs to forgive you . . . is you.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “You might be right.”
“You can’t move on from your past and grow to be a better person if you’re constantly beating yourself down for past mistakes.
You have to eventually decide that you’ve learned your lesson and move on. We all fuck up.” She reaches for my hand and gives
it a squeeze. “But that’s not what defines you as a person.”
I regard Courtney like I’ve climbed a mountaintop and found her floating midair cross-legged. “Then . . . what does?”
A knowing smile graces her lips. “Fuck if I know.”
I bark a surprised laugh.
“Seriously, though. If you found someone who loves you the way you are, curse or no curse, isn’t that enough? It sounds like
it is for her. You just have to let yourself be loved by her, with all your quirks and imperfections.” Courtney steps back,
crossing her arms. “I’d give anything to have what you have.”
My skin tingles as these new thoughts settle over me. Then, before I can think any better of it, I sweep Courtney into a hug.
After a moment’s hesitation, she hugs me back, squeezing tight. I didn’t know how badly I needed a hug from her, but it’s
like something deep inside me clicks back into place and the world feels a little brighter.
“So, what now?” Courtney asks, pulling away.
I can’t undo my past with a spell, or a potion, or a tincture. There’s no easy way out of the mess I’ve made of my life. But
there is a way through. And I’m done running.
I give Courtney a determined smile as everything comes into focus. “Now I have a blinking curser to defeat.”