39 Lindsey
Lindsey
BY THE TIME I’VE finished giving Morgan all the juicy details, we’ve both finished half of our spiked lime seltzers.
Morgan’s cheeks are pink as she says, “I’ll admit, when I asked you to tell me everything, I didn’t think you would.”
I press my lips together, looking down at the table. Morgan reaches across the table and places her hand on mine.
“No, please. Don’t be embarrassed. I’m glad you did. You just keep so much to yourself, I didn’t think you would.”
She’s right. While I consider Morgan one of my closest friends—if not my only real friend in Starlight Haven—I normally don’t share like this.
But I guess that’s something else that’s changed in me since I’ve been with Dane.
He’s showing me how much I’ve been missing by not being honest, by keeping my life locked up and not asking for help.
Things are much easier when I don’t act like everything is fine.
“I’ll admit, it’s nice to have someone who knows.”
Morgan smiles and squeezes my hand again. “Feels good to get things off your chest sometimes.”
“It does,” I say honestly.
“I’ll admit, when I emailed Dane to let him know you may contact him, I was ninety-nine percent sure you would, but there was the one percent that thought you wouldn’t.”
My eyes go wide. “You emailed him?”
She nods. “Drunk emailed. I’m lucky Dane likes me, because it was super obnoxious.”
“What did you say?”
“Just that a friend of mine might be emailing for his services. I didn’t give him any information or say you lived in Starlight Haven.” She winces. “I hope you’re not mad.”
Dane offering a month of his services for free makes more sense now. I bet he and Morgan worked it out in that email chain.
I shake my head. “No, I’m not mad. Thanks for letting me use up the favor he owed you so I could work with him.”
She smiles and waves me off. “Don’t mention it.”
I smile back, flushing a little.
“What is it?”
“Honestly, I’m a little embarrassed that you saw this part of me before I did, that you knew someone like Dane was exactly what I needed. I wouldn’t have even known to look for it if you hadn’t shown me his videos.”
“I know I’m with your brother so it’s kind of awkward to talk about this kind of thing, but you’re my friend, too. I have a lot of experience as a submissive; I’ve been in the lifestyle since I was a young adult. I also have experience as a Domme.”
“You’re a switch?” I ask.
She nods. “Yes. You’ve done your research.”
I chuckle and take a drink of my seltzer. “I’ve become a bit obsessed in the last month. I like to learn.”
“You and Nathan have that in common. Among other things.”
“Okay, ew. Stop there.”
Morgan laughs. “Sorry. Sometimes I’m a bit too open.”
“I know.” I chuckle with her.
When our laughter subsides, Morgan reaches across the table and takes my hand. “I’m happy for you, Lindsey. You’ve been through a lot, and both you and Kas deserve a good man like Dane in your lives who loves you like he does.”
My eyes widen, and I nearly choke on my own saliva. “Whoa, that’s getting way ahead of ourselves. Dane is just my Dom.” I say the last part quietly, even if nobody is around to hear us.
She cocks a brow. “If you think that, you’re blind.”
I pull my hand from hers and sit back. “He doesn’t love me.”
“Tell that to the man outside who keeps looking this way, trying to see you through the tiny kitchen window.”
I turn in my chair and notice that I can see Dane with Kas from here. They probably can’t see me at this distance, but I can tell that his head is looking toward the cabin as if he’s attempting to see in. I turn back to Morgan and ignore her smug smile.
“Our relationship…it’s not like that. Like I said, he’s my Dom.”
“Are you sure that’s all he is?”
“We’ve never said otherwise.”
“Well, I know this is not how Dane treats clients or hookups. He also doesn’t give their kids nicknames. He doesn’t even interact with their kids if they have them, since he doesn’t know who his clients are. He definitely doesn’t kiss his submissives on the forehead or send them sex toys.”
I blush a deep red, but Morgan continues.
“He also doesn’t help his online clients clean their homes or invite them to his cabin. I haven’t been to his cabin, and we’ve been friends for five years.”
I almost bite the inside of my cheek for the first time in a week but stop myself because I can hear Dane scolding me before I do it.
“I think you know, too, that Dane didn’t walk here today simply because he found himself meandering to our cabin. He came here because he knew you and Kas would be here.”
I blow out a long breath because she’s right. I know she’s right. “Still, love is a stretch. We’ve known each other for only a month. I’m his submissive, not his girlfriend.”
“Lindsey.”
I look up from my hands to meet Morgan’s eyes.
“Has Dane told you much about his past?”
“Some,” I say, thinking of what he told me about his parents and why nobody in Starlight Haven besides Fox and Morgan seems to know him. That he prefers the peace and quiet of being alone and the anonymity of his work online.
“Then you know that Dane isn’t like most men around here. He doesn’t go out and pick up women at Moose’s or flirt with the locals. He keeps to himself; he always has. Fox and I have asked him to hang out with us on multiple occasions, and he’s always busy. But you know what I’ve heard recently?”
I shake my head. “No, but I know you’ll tell me.”
Morgan laughs, muttering something about how Nathan and I are so alike before she continues.
“That he goes in and picks up his food inside the diner instead of having Cheryl bring it to his car. That he talks to the parents at the obstacle course. That he was even seen at the hardware store picking out paint. Two weeks ago, he called Fox and asked about working for us again this fall and winter.”
My interest piques at that. As far as I know, his Pro Dom business is going well. There’d be no reason for him to pick up work as a logger. I have no idea what the paint is about, unless it’s paint for his paintings.
“And how do you know most of this? I thought you hated town gossip.”
“I do. Nathan, however, loves it and tells me everything he hears.”
“That tracks.” Nathan has really taken to small-town life, and he loves talking to anyone about anything. Something we don’t have in common.
“He also heard that you and Dane had an intense little run-in before the first day of the obstacle course and that Dane was seen coming out of the bathroom after you at the General Store.”
My skin burns. “God, this town is way more nosy than I thought.”
“The nosiest,” Morgan confirms.
“So Nathan knows about Dane and me?”
“I don’t know if he knows more than the gossip, but he asked me if I knew anything, and I said no, because I didn’t know the details. Fox stayed silent, but Dane was at our house a few weeks back, and they talked. Not sure what about; Fox wouldn’t say.”
I nod, wondering when and what they talked about, but it’s none of my business.
I’m just glad to hear Dane talks to someone other than me and his clients.
It’s clear he and Fox are similar, too. Not only in the dominant quality they share but also how they move about in the world and keep to themselves.
“You should tell Nathan when you’re ready. He’ll be happy you found someone. I know he’s been worried about you, though less so recently.”
I skip over the part where she mentioned I’ve found someone and think of my interactions with Nathan. “Why less now?” I ask.
“He said you’re confident, that over the last couple of weeks, you’ve been more rested and happy.
That Kas seems happier, too. And I have to agree.
You’ve also been letting us help you more with watching Kas, and I love that.
We enjoy having her here with us, and I know Fox will be sad now that she’s going back to school. ”
I smile. “Kas will be, too.”
“Back to what I said before.” Her tone turns a bit more serious. “You may think love is a stretch, but I know love.”
“It’s too soon,” I interject. “It wouldn’t make sense, since our relationship isn’t like that.”
“Lindsey,” Morgan says gently. “Love rarely ever makes sense, but it doesn’t need to. And take it from me, love happens when love happens.”
“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself,” I counter. “Dane doesn’t love me. I don’t even know if he wants to be in a real relationship with me. And don’t forget, I come with a daughter and enough baggage to fill an airplane. Not to mention, he hasn’t even collared me yet.”
Morgan’s eyes bug out of her head. “You’ve spoken about collaring?”
I swallow. “I think he’s going to give me a training collar tonight.”
“Lindsey! What the hell?”
“What?”
“I know that collaring isn’t the same for everyone in the lifestyle, but in all the research you’ve done, you probably know that, for some, it’s a big step in a D/s dynamic. Have you talked to Dane about what that means for you both?”
“Yes. It’s a commitment. To him, to our dynamic. To structure and growth.”
“Yes to all those things, but have you discussed what it means to both of you on a deeper level? What it could mean for your future?”
My stomach flips. I think about the times Dane and I have talked about it.
“He said it was a commitment, but I thought he meant to him and our dynamic we were building. Not a commitment to dating him or marriage or him becoming a stepdad one day,” I tell her honestly. “That’s real relationship stuff.”
“A Dom/sub relationship is very real. Realer than most.”
“I’m not the only one he has,” I argue.
“Maybe not, but yours isn’t virtual. I don’t think I need to reiterate what else is different between you two. Is there a reason you’re hesitant to believe he wants to be more than just your Dom?”
The insecurities I’ve felt before come back to the surface. “I think because he does this for a living, and he hasn’t expressed wanting to change his life for me. Not that I would expect him to. We’re still fairly new, and like I said, it’s not only me in the equation here.”
“Mom!”
Morgan and I both sit up as Kas comes barreling into the house as if she knew I was speaking of her. She has dirt on her cheek, and her hair is wild.
“Look what Logger Dane made me out of some leaves!” She holds up her wrist, and I see he’s woven a bracelet for her and tied it around her wrist.
“Wow, that’s cool.”
“He made you one, too.” She holds out her hand, and the bridge of my nose stings. I take it from her, running my fingers over the woven bracelet.
I feel Morgan’s eyes on me, and I know what she’s thinking without looking at her, because I’m thinking the same thing. Not only did he make Kas a bracelet, but he made me one, too. Maybe to some it wouldn’t mean anything, but like I’ve said before, Dane always does things with intention.
I blink to keep any tears from forming. “Will you tie it on my wrist for me?”
Kas nods and ties it in a knot that Dane showed her how to do, too. Once it’s secured around my wrist, Kas bounces on her feet. “Now we match!”
“We do.”
“Logger Dane is sooo freaking cool, Mom. He also chopped a big log. Even Uncle Nate said he’s cool. Well, he tried to say he’s rizz, but that’s so embarrassing.”
“Did he now?” Morgan asks playfully.
I want to gag at the tone she used but smile instead. “Dane is pretty cool, huh?”
Kas nods. “He said he’d teach me how to fish, too! Can I go?”
“You want to fish?” I ask, my eyes wide in shock.
“Yeah!” she cheers. “He said we could eat what we catch.”
My heart thumps in my chest at the image of Kas standing next to Dane, fishing, of all things.
Then cooking a meal out of what they caught.
It reminds me of something my dad used to do with Nathan, but on the ocean instead of a lake or river.
It makes my heart yearn for something I haven’t let myself think about or at least tried not to think about: a family. With Dane.
“Right now?” I ask.
“Yeah! Why not?”
I look at my watch and see it’s after four. “You have the end-of-summer party at Moira’s, so not tonight. But another day.”
Kas’s face goes from disappointed to happy. “Really?”
“Yeah, if that’s what you want.”
Kas pumps her fist and then runs out of the cabin back to the men outside.
I turn to watch through the kitchen window.
I can’t see everything well, but I see the moment Dane’s eyes fall on Kas.
He gives her a high five and smiles at her before looking toward the cabin again.
My chest aches to go to him, to put my arms around him and kiss him.
I glance down at my new bracelet before I look over at Morgan, who’s watching me quietly. A moment later, she stands and walks over to my side of the table, placing her hand on my shoulder.
“Take it from someone who’s not only in the lifestyle but in a relationship with two men, one who has a hard time sharing his feelings.
It’s important that you speak with Dane and make sure you’re on the same page.
Don’t assume anything about what he does or doesn’t want.
From my perspective, the man is ready to marry you tomorrow, and he’s been saying and doing things you haven’t taken to heart because you’ve been afraid to let him in fully.
Which is understandable, considering what you’ve gone through with your ex. ”
Her words sink into me, and I know she’s right.
“Talk to Dane. Discuss your future before you accept his collar. It may be a little scary, but things will work out. I know it.”
I exhale a breath, and rub my thumb over the woven leaves, the texture soft yet firm. I don’t know why, but it gives me strength. Just knowing that the item around my wrist was made by him for me is like he’s here without being next to me or touching me. “I’ll talk to him.”
Morgan squeezes my shoulder. “Good. Now let’s get back outside; our men are waiting for us.”
I stand and hug Morgan. “Thanks for being here for me. And for Kas.”
She hugs me back tightly. “Always. We’re family.”